Feelings and Failures.
1026 Words
Conrad POV
I paced the office all night, I barely sat to rest, I never went in search of Natalie or to my room to sleep, I was still reeling over Garratt's unannounced visit, what he'd seen but most concerning my slip up.
"In the mountains.." What had I been thinking?! I'd almost told him she was alive too?
I ran a hand through my hair again, the too long fringe falling in my eyes, I shook it away.
I stood 5 inch's over Garrett in height, was twice the build and yet in his gaze tonight I'd felt like a naughty child with no power.
I had to get my s**t together, With Ivy away I needed to stop acting like a lost child and more like the feared Alpha everyone spoke of.
I clenched my jaw, striding behind my desk, I sat down, time to act like an Alpha.
Like I hadn't lost my balls with Ivy's death, instead like it didn't affect me at all, I would be heartless again.
I would shut down the questions about the brand on my hand and change in my attitude to the hopeless, destructive wolf that struck fear into those around him.
"Beta!" I barked, my voice sharp and clipped, the old me.
The door opened a second later, with Jace looking in, his brows furrowed.
"Come in and shut the door." I hissed, Jace blinked straightening.
"Yes Alpha." I smirked, at least he was wise upon seeing my mood.
"Collect the patrol, grieving over, we have work to do." I ordered, I narrowed my eyes, as Jace nodded mind-linking the Patrol.
Unlike the pack I'd knew, they trailed in lazily, 1 or 2 at a time. I timed it, 15 mins, that was 12 minutes too slow for my liking, they stood disleveled and causally, Jace tried to warn them but it was too late.
"Starighten up! 15 mins! 15 mins to assembly! thats 12 mins too long?! What the f**k were you all doing for 12 f*****g minutes!" I screamed, My eyes narrowed, I knew they'd be swirling with fury.
The Patrol blinked, flinching at my words, they straighten their stance to attention, eyes forward, saying nothing.
The wolf closest, looked to Jace for assurance, this disgusted me, I struck out right across the back of his head, he slammed into the floor with an echo.
"He can't help you, He's not your savior. It seems I've given everyone too much time off for grieving, our luna to be is dead, I killed her, move on." They words pierced my heart to say them, but I had to suck it up.
Everyone gave a single nods, some shaking, I screwed my nose.
"You've all earned a 24hr shift, congrats, if a single one of you are late again and you'll earn everyone in the patrol a beating. Got it?" I growled, most swallowed, but only nodded.
"Good. You have 15 mins to get to the boundary for Patrol, then your 24 hr shifts starts." I say this knowing that it was at least a 25 mins sprint to some of the positions on the boundary.
One of the partol frowned slightly, opening his mouth to say something, I looked to him, he seemed to rethink his actions and closed his mouth again.
"Everyone done? Good. GO!." I snap, the patrol sprinted from the room with a salute.
Soon only Jace and I remained.
"Want to talk about it Alpha?" He asked hesitantly.
"No. I do not." I growled, waving for him to leave, Jace nodded reluctantly and did so.
I moved back to my chair, closing my eyes, I finally slept, dreaming of a broken hearted Ivy crying over my actions again.
Ivy's POV
I'd shifted once outside, I'd ran for what felt like hours, through the pine filled mountains, I'd crossed a creek, through a field of wildflowers and finally come to a worn looking bitchumen road, the black tar spanned 2 lanes, looking wrong amongst the forest surroundings.
I sighed, shifting back into my human form, I changed into the jeans and hoodie I carried with me, in my mouth when I left.
I sat down on the roads edge, closing my eyes I listened for the sounds around me, I heard a vehicle approaching and moved to stand, I watched as it came down the road, it slowed upon seeing me, then pulled off into the gravel.
I blinked, an old man sat in the driver's seat, he was wrinkled and tanned, his blue eyes faded with age.
"Hello miss, are you alright? Do you need a lift anywhere?" His voice was unsure but kind.
I looked back at the forest, yes, I did need to clear my head, I could use a distraction.
"Are you coming back this way?" I ask, he blinks but nods.
"I will be back through in a few hours, though I have appointments to attend first." The man replies, I nod.
"I don't mind, I need some greasy food and a decent coffee." He chuckles at my words and gestures for me to get in.
I open the old utes door and slide in, I click my seatbelt on and he puts the vehicle back into gear and we're off, my heart beats faster as I think of what Broc would be doing at this moment.
Then my heart clenches again, as I think about the emotions and arousal I'd felt through the bond last night, the idea Conrad had learnt nothing from my death's, yes plural, hurt, my healing wound, now re-opened.
I leaned back closing my eyes as the old man drove, humming along to the radio.
Garrett POV
I'd booked Ivy's old room at the motel, the old man Max had been ecstatic to see me again, he assured me, he'd redorated the last 2 rooms since I'd last been there, his enthusiasm made me smile, only for a moment.
Now placing my bag on the empty couch, I closed my eyes, sniffing deeply, I pinpointed the faintest scent of Ivy.
A lone tear rolled down my cheek, this made me furious, I wanted to break something, instead I stripped and headed for an ice cold shower.
I could hear Mitch doing the same in the room next door, whilst he sung lightheartedly, I sobbed violently.
"Goddamn it Ivy, I failed you..." I whispered into the falling water.
- Writer
