BLUEPRINT FOR DESIRE

Chapter 2 Off to a Bad Start

“Any form of physical interference, obstruction, or unapproved interaction with the Chief Executive Officer of the company without authorised permission is considered a serious breach of company protocol and may result in immediate termination, regardless of intent.” The third rule stared back at me. My stomach twisted as I read it.

“Lena, I'm screwed! I'm so f*****g screwed!” The tears were already dropping at this point.

“Why didn’t you tell me this company was this strict? This was the last place hiring, Lena. I messed up again.” I looked up to Lena who stared into nothing.

We drove to our favourite coffee shop to figure out the next plan. My hands wouldn’t stop shaking on the steering wheel.

“Coffee?” The barista asks.

“Sure.” Lena replied pulling out her phone from her purse.

“Ava… why does this keep happening to you?”

This was the first time Lena spoke to me. I mouth ‘Irish coffee’ to the barista. I needed something to quiet the spinning thoughts in my head.

Lena gave me a side eye.

“What? I'm an adult.” I said my eyes tearing up. An adult that couldn't figure her life out.

“Ben HR can't even help. I even suggested a date with him but he said his hands are tied.” Lena looked at me.

“Come here.”

I fell into her arms and unloaded every single tear left in my eyes.

The barista droped off the coffee giving a confused look. Lena just mouthed ‘She's fine’.

“Lena, my student loans are due in two weeks. I don’t know how I’m going to manage.” I couldn’t even imagine how I’d scrape the money together.

Lena offered me a tissue. My words are inaudible at this point. I downed the Irish coffee, the warmth hitting my chest, and ordered another.

“It's okay Ava. You're not sure about anything at this point. I'm not sure either. We're only stating what is likely to happen or not.”

“It’s in the rules and regulations, Lena. Even in bold. How could I have messed up?” I fixed my makeup quickly, aware of the people streaming into the coffee shop.

Lena is speechless which carried more words. Her face carried pity.

“How about I apologise? You'll help me book an appointment. A personal appointment. Then I apologise from my heart. I'll make sure I'm dramatic enough.” Another round of tears started to build up but I immediately put a tissue under my eyelids.

Lena gave me a small smile. “I will. I just don't know how possible it'll be to get a personal appointment but I'll try okay? Cheer up girl. Everything will be fine.”

I almost fell asleep in Lena’s arms when I felt a small tapping. She pushed my hair out of my swollen face.

“I have to get back to work Ava. I'll come straight home after.”

I nodded and we got to the car and drove off.

The first thing I saw when I opened the door to my dorm was the perfume I used this morning. I kicked it out of my way and went to wipe my makeup off.

A notification flashed through my phone.

“How was the interview?” I looked to see who it was for the ‘second time’ and it read ‘Jason’.

I paused my facial routine and dialed Lena immediately, anger cutting through the numbness.

“Hey Ava, I'm kinda busy with a new employee but…”

“Why'd you keep updating Jason about my f*****g life?” I screamed into her phone.

“Oh—”

She cut the call and all efforts to call her back failed.

‘My life's a freaking mess’ I said looking into the mirror with my half cleaned makeup.

I picked up my phone again. Jason doesn't deserve this ill treatment anyway. He doesn't understand it's possible to fall out of love.

He was once a best friend and someone I could tell anything to. I was even more close to him than Lena. Then he asked me to be his girlfriend. That was when everything changed. I realised I only liked him as a friend. Some friendships should rather be kept that way.

“Bad.” I kept the phone back and continued my face routine.

Another notification.

“How bad was it? Should I come over?”

I thought about it.

“No.”

Well not sure I did because the shot I took earlier was doing the talking. I picked my phone almost immediately.

“Yes.”

Jason was here in 20 minutes.

I had freshened up and slipped into comfy clothes. I was selecting a movie to watch when Jason came in.

“Seems like you still got the key to my dorm. Gonna have to take that.”

“Hi Ava.”

I gave him a small smile after selecting ‘Temptation of Eve’ to watch.

“Okay… you said you hated this movie. That it was too explicit.”

I didn’t want to talk anymore. I didn’t want to think.

“I didn't say that.” I gave a weird flirtatious laugh to which I noticed he was uncomfortable to.

I laid on the bed and patted the spot next to me. He took the cue and sat down on the spot.

“So what happened exactly?”

“I knocked into my boss,” I said, pressing my hand gently against his chest. He took my hand carefully.

I knew it was reckless… but I didn’t care. I just wanted to feel something other than panic. He got up, went straight to my tiny kitchen.

“I think you need this.” He said, my water bottle in his hands.

‘He still remember little details about me.’ I took a gulp and gave it back to him.

“Okay? So what's wrong with that?” He said plopping himself on the bed, eyes focused on the movie playing.

“Apparently it’s against the rule,” I paused, my hand hovering. Jason flinched, but didn’t pull away.

I shouldn’t, but I couldn’t stop myself.

“Ava what are you doing?”

“Relax, Jason,” I whispered, trying to mask my panic. He hesitated, but slowly nodded.

I felt him tense a bit before he let my hands go.

I smirked, trying to act playful, and started unbuttoning his shirt. My hand lingered as I waited for him to react.

This wasn’t about him. It was about me feeling something again. I told myself it was temporary, just a way to escape the fear.

I was about to pull my hand away when the door flung open.

“What’s going on here?” a voice snapped.

I froze, heart hammering.