The weight of Silk and Salt

Life can be quite unpredictable, right? It can turn a complete three hundred and sixty degrees in just one night! Take for example how I even managed to get where I am right now? I could only dream of the life that I am living three years back sitting on my bed in my cramped little bedroom that I had to share with my s**t-faced, irritable younger brother. To that on to all that, I lived in a big joint family! All the more irritation! Ah, life feels so calm and peaceful now. "If you are done with your boring daily self-talk, can we move now?" My lovely homie speaks while dabbing a pack of ice onto my swollen arm with a little force. "Ouch! Easy there. Do you like seeing me in pain?" I ask her lightheartedly. Although I know what her counter answer would be, I still have to say something. "Oh, so it is me who loves seeing you in pain, huh? Have some shame, Aevaa. How many times have I already told you to quit all of these? But you never listen. You won't even listen to yourself! What do you get by doing these things?" She passes me the hand mirror and I can see the little blue bruise forming just under my left eye clearly now. "Money. Duh!" I give her a sheepish smile because what else can I do? I know she is right but she has to understand that this is my coping mechanism now. I can't stand a day of my life without doing those 'things'. "Just shut up. Do not ever give me that cliche excuse again. You make enough from your job as a cashier at the bookstore." She says, her tone slipping into a bored one. This is not the first time we are going through this conversation anyways. "And do you like getting your body all bruised and broken every time? It must be so painful." She quiets down while applying the cool pain relief gel under my eye. I flinch involuntarily. "It just happened this one time. I promise I will use all the protective gears the next time. Won't leave anything at all." She just shakes her head in dismay before walking out of the room. The carefree smile slips from my face with her departure. I do not expect anyone to understand why I have to do whatever I am doing. But Lilee is someone who I have grown so close to that I think my own family members could never have come even close to. So, naturally I want to tell her every detail of my mind but I think it would be best, for her, to never know what my life actually is from the inside. Shaking all these thoughts from my head, I quickly get up to arrange my things into my tote bag. I am not a woman with many needs. I just pack my small notepad, a fountain pen, my chapstick - I am still a girl, who wants her lips to look luscious all the time (wink) - and a mini steel waterbottle. Coming out of my room, I pick up my keypad cellphone from the dining table and blow a kiss to my betta. I see Lilee stirring something in a pot on the kitchen counter. "I am out! Please bring my lunchbox along with yours." I do not even wait for her response. This is an everyday thing now. She does not have to guess. If I will somehow carry my own tiffin box one day, that would be new to her. We work at a bookstore, actually run it, which is just two lanes down our apartment. We had opened the store two years ago after renting the place from our landlord and employer. When I first moved here, I had very little resources. I mean, I had money on me, given by my parents but I decided to not use it and earn my own. That way I could save some money for emergency. And I started working as a waitress at a diner in the locality - quite surprising for a clumsy girl like me. And much to my favour, the owner of the diner turned out to be a landlord too and he very kindly offered me this apartment. For the first few months I lived there barely managing the rent because all my salary would go into that. No camplaints because the apartment is quite big and comfortable with all necessary resources. Then I met my very friendly and lovely homie, Lilee. She was a student in the local college in her freshman year. Wanting to earn her tuition fees, she had joined the diner and we became very good friends. Now she has finished her college and sits at the bookstore full time. Wow! Have I developed forgetfulness now? I left the keys to the store back at the apartment. Ahh! Now, walk back there. f**k my life! My leg muscles - my whole body, actually - are already screaming at me like 'b***h, give us some rest!', but I am helpless. I move back to the apartment as sluggishly as humay possible. As I reach there, I see Lilee already out of the house. "Hey, babe..." She is not alone though. I stop shouting when I see a expensive looking car stop in front of her. The windows are tinted. The driver winds down the window glass and speaks something to her. I am quite far to listen to what they are talking. She briefly looks up in my way and nods her head to the driver and then points her finger at me. Furrowing my brows, I increase my pace to reach him. Just as I do, the driver in question opens the door and comes out. "No..." That is the only word I could utter. In complete shock, I can feel my nerves going haywire. How could he...how could he be here? Out of everyone? No one, not even my family knows about where exactly I am living. Then, how?