Not Needed
1004 Words
That night Ida dreamt of her past.
“How do you see anything sitting behind that fatty?”
“It’s not that hard. I can see over her head.”
“Shh!! The midget is coming!”
Tears streamed down her face as she walked down the distorted school hall. The jeering whispers, the shrill laughter, the sneaky sneers, and that endless wall of eyes— they all taunted her viciously.
The scene morphed and she was in third person, walking in on a familiar scene when her young seven-year-old self cried in front of her brother Jason.
“Someone called me fat and short,” the young girl sobbed.
Jason, eyes still glued to his game console, said, “That’s because you are! Now go away!”
The young Ida gaped at her brother, unable to say another word. What use was it to be rich? Everyone in the family was too busy to care for the young Ida. Since the incident where she lost part of her memory, her personality also shifted slightly. At first, the family thought it was just a social phase young girls go through and with time Ida, like a proper heiress, managed to hide it well. She always seemed so strong but deep down, she was like any young girl that dreamed of being pretty. She wasn’t greedy, she didn’t want to be beautiful, just pretty enough so others wouldn’t bully her.
Ida, who was watching the scene, clutched her chest; her heart still ached as she recalled this memory. Her younger self closed down that day and never mentioned the bullying to the rest of her family. What if everyone else thought the same? Her self-esteem began eroding and it took many years before she learned to love herself as Sophia.
Ida snapped awake, her face wet with tears. She turned to the side and found Kensley fast asleep, his soft snores breaking the silence.
Ida sniffed and buried her head into the pillow. It had already been a week but she couldn’t forget everyone’s laughter over the phone when they found out her corset was so tight that she passed out. She had asked the maids to tighten her corset a little more so she wouldn’t appear too chubby. It was a fake wedding but she still wanted to look pretty.
Her efforts always seemed to be in vain. Ida bit her lower lip and blinked back the tears. She had learned to embrace her body but being married to someone like Kensley, she inadvertently became self-conscious once again. How could she stand next to him? She could already imagine the tabloids: a twist on the beauty and the beast.
Thankfully, their marriage was a private affair but how long could they hide it before the public finds out? Ida closed her eyes and thought three years of marriage was too long.
***
Kensley woke up the next morning to find the bed empty. He glanced at the clock on the nightstand and frowned at the time. The bathroom door was ajar so Ida wasn’t there. Since their marriage, he was always the first to wake up and enjoy his morning routine of staring at his sleeping wife.
He slipped out of bed into a pair of slippers, put on a thick bathrobe, grabbed his cell phone, and went out in search of his wife.
As expected, the hallway was empty and dark, the first rays of the morning sun barely making itself known across the black sky.
Kensley looked around until he came upon the only room with the lights on. The whirring sound of gears, gentle rhythmic plodding, and Ida’s gasping breath could be heard through the closed doors.
Standing in the dark hall, Kensley leaned against the wall and tapped an app on his phone to access the surveillance cameras. Ida had slipped out of the bedroom at 4 am and had been working out for the last hour and a half. Kensley frowned.
He didn’t know what happened between yesterday and today, perhaps he hadn’t paid enough attention to his wife, a mistake he won’t repeat.
***
After an intense workout, Ida’s legs felt like jelly. A thousand needles pricked her sides and her vision swam. She didn’t exercise normally and didn’t know her limits. By the end, she had to crawl to the mini fridge to grab a bottle of water. Gulping down the liquid that almost tasted sweet she spluttered and coughed when it went down the wrong pipe. Her chest burned intensely as she bent over and pounded her chest in an attempt to help her exhausted lungs expel the contents.
“Haa haa haaa…” she gasped, tears pooled in the corner of her eyes.
Pathetic.
Ida never felt so out of sorts as she did now.
She looked into the mirror and hissed, “I’m bloody Sophia! The world loves me! I’m not plain! I’m not fat! Who cares if I’m short!?”
But her beet-red face and sweat-matted hair looked anything but lovely. Ida sniffed. The gutsy upbeat shell of a persona she painstakingly crafted all these years was crumbling. She didn’t have the confidence to stand next to God’s masterpiece.
If only Kensley were plain like her, maybe she would have been happy. Ida paused at the thought then sighed.
Who was she kidding? She would have ditched before the wedding if that were the case. In a loveless marriage at least she gets to enjoy some eye candy.
Perhaps the spot next to Kensley wasn’t her place. If so, her place is somewhere in the shadows; a wife that could never be brought to light. She is the toad, deep in a well, looking up at the brilliant sun.
Ida heaved a heavy sigh and struggled to her feet. Instead of swimming against the tide, it would be better to bow out gracefully and maintain the status quo.
She glanced back at her sorry reflection before turning resolutely away.
No one needs Ida.
- Writer
