Vicious Circle

When I entered the final turn, I felt so close to winning. But suddenly, a car appeared beside me and fueled my determination. I wanted to win, and if I wanted something, I would get it. As the car next to me approached, its goal was to push me off the track. I wasn’t going to give it what it wanted. Even though I slightly hit the brakes, it was right on my tail. His attempt to force me off the track would lead us to disaster. I had made up my mind—I wasn't going to stop. I would go all the way. When I opened my eyes, I couldn’t see anything in the dark. As I tried to get up, I pulled out the cables from my head one by one. While I was dangling my feet off the bed, I squinted toward the nurse who had just entered the room. “Are you okay?” she asked, but instead of answering, I rubbed my eyes. She came over and turned off the IV attached to my arm. “I’m going to remove the IV,” she said. When I looked at the light filtering into the room, I saw someone standing at the door. “Dude, you only slept for two hours,” he said, and I sighed. As the nurse left the room with the IV, I tried to get up, but I was too weak. Mateo rushed to my side and held my arm. “You haven’t been able to sleep for almost a month, Wayne. Whether you admit it or not, you’re getting worse,” he said as he guided me toward the window. When we pulled back the curtain, I could see outside. It was pitch black, but the lights from the apartments illuminated the night. When I looked up at the sky, I could see the stars. As I opened the window and took a breath of fresh air, my friend beside me let out a quiet sigh. “Wayne, it’s time to make a move.” I stuck my head out of the window and took a deep breath. “Mateo, I want to be alone,” I said. He hesitated for a moment, but must have seen the determination in my eyes because he didn’t say another word and left. After he left the room and closed the door behind him, the fresh air wasn't enough to calm me down. I slammed the window shut and kicked over the chair behind me. I threw the so-called sleep aid machines beside my bed to the floor and shattered them. As my anger intensified, I swept everything off the bed. When I collapsed to the floor by the wall with my head in my hands, the darkness of the night seemed to fall even heavier on me. When morning came, I got up and went to the wardrobe. I put on a t-shirt and sweatpants and left the room. After getting a coffee from the housekeeper in the kitchen, I sat down on the couch. “Rough night?” My assistant had been living with me for seven years. Just as he knew everything about me, I knew everything about him. He was trustworthy—and more importantly, he understood me. He had long been aware of the issue I had been dealing with for about a year now, but he never said anything unless I brought it up. He respected boundaries. That’s why I liked him. “Yes, Roger.” As I sipped my coffee, I headed to the door. I went to my usual running spot and started jogging slowly. I tried to gather myself by watching people and animals. But it wasn’t going well. The exhaustion in my mind was starting to affect my body. The races were about to begin. I had to find a way to heal myself—one way or another. When I entered the house, the first thing I noticed was raised voices. I dropped my keys and headed to the living room. I saw my father and Mateo. When they noticed me, they both stopped and stepped aside. “What’s going on here?” My father turned to me. “You tell me, Wayne. What’s going on?” I ran my hand through my hair and looked at my dad, then at Mateo… That’s when I realized—he knew everything. “Whatever you heard, that’s what it is,” I said and dropped myself into the nearby armchair. I spread my legs and leaned my head back. I could feel his anger. It used to scare me—but not anymore. “Insomnia, Wayne? How long has this been going on?” “I don’t think it’s any of your business,” I replied. He then threw the vase on the coffee table at the TV. Mateo and I just watched. “Your career could be ruined. I built your career, and I won’t let it fall apart, Wayne. Pull yourself together,” he shouted as he stormed out of the house—slamming the door behind him. I took a deep breath. “I know someone who can help,” I heard Mateo say. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back. “No, Mateo.” He stood up and came over to me. When he was right beside me, he said, “Whether you accept it or not, it won’t change anything, Wayne. She’s coming.” I slowly opened my eyes and looked at him. “Never,” I said, glaring. “I will never put myself in his hands.” I left the room and went to mine, heart racing. My friend’s words echoed in my head. She’s coming. She’s coming. She’s coming. Climbing into her room was, as always, child’s play for me. I gently pushed the window open and stepped inside. Her room was unlike the typical “girl’s room.” It was messy and chaotic. I dropped myself onto the armchair in the corner. As I expected, about ten minutes later, she walked in. She immediately realized I was there. She slammed the door shut and turned to me. With the key behind the door, she locked it. “What the hell are you doing here, Wayne?” Arms crossed, she was tapping her foot against the floor rhythmically. “I came to talk, Brie.” She sighed and sat on the edge of her bed. “Then talk.” “Not with that attitude, Brie. Fix it first.” “Screw you, Wayne. Fix your own attitude if you want me to fix mine.” I shook my head in frustration. When I stood up, her tension visibly grew. Narrowing her eyes, she said, “Sit down.” I smirked and walked toward her. As I advanced, she got up and stepped onto her bed. “Wrong move,” I muttered, pulling the blanket toward me, which caused Brie to fall right beneath me. I gently pinned her arms above her head and leaned in slightly. Her scent was intoxicating… But what thrilled me more was the fact that she was completely under my control. I leaned closer to her ear and whispered with my lips brushing her skin, “What’s your plan now, Brie?” “Stop it,” she said, squirming beneath me. “Why should I? We both know what this is.” As my lips brushed from her ear to her neck, I almost lost control. Her scent pulled me deeper into the thought of having her. I needed to snap out of it. With effort, I pulled away and looked at her seriously. “What happened today?” “What about today?” she asked, her brown hair spread across the bed catching my attention. Brie kept talking, but I wasn't hearing her anymore. My eyes were studying her. Her hair, her eyes, her expressions when she spoke… “Did you even hear me, you jerk?! You can’t treat my friend like that!” I chuckled lightly. “Brie, darling. I don’t care about your friend.” Tired of trying to escape my grip, she lay still. “Wayne, please. What do you want?” Her voice stirred the rage, the hatred, and the obsession inside me. Unintentionally, I tightened my grip on her wrists. Brie’s eyes began to well up—but she didn’t back down. “Do it, Wayne. Whatever this thing is between us, end it.” “To end it, you have to pay the price, Brie. Don’t forget—we still have a deal.” When I let go of her, she immediately sat up. Without rubbing her wrists, she looked straight into my eyes and fixed her hair. “If the deal still stands, stay away from my friends. For God’s sake, you broke my friend’s nose!” “Your friend wants to sleep with you, sweetheart.” I walked toward the window. She stood up and watched me. Her eyes stayed locked on mine. “Wayne, you need to sleep.” Without replying, I left the way I came.