MY HOCKEY STEPBROTHER'S GAME

VIVIAN'S POV “Rule number one: Get an orgasm. Rule number two: Watch porn…” Clara lowers my diary book and pins me with a look that could strip the hardest of paint. “You have never watched porn?” She sounds genuinely surprised, and partially horrified. I yank another gown from my closet and hurl it onto the bed. Too blue. Too bright. Too much like the girl I used to be before everything fell apart. I adjusted my glasses up the bridge of my nose in frustration. “Focus, Clara. You promised to help me find something to wear when you forced me to go to this…birthday with you.” She mutters something under her breath before the sound of pages flipping fill the air. “Clara!” I clench my teeth. “Okay, okay, Virgin Vivian.” She tosses the book aside and makes her way towards me in few strides. “Jeez. This is probably the reason why no one will touch you.” “That's a lie!” She crosses her arms over her chest. “Hmm hmm. Remind me what happened with Brian. Didn't he run off in the middle of kissing you?” That was years ago and every time she still brings it up. “Cloth, Clara or I will stay back.” That ends whatever she plans to say. She picks up a dress then another, then make a weird face. A few minutes later, every outfit I own is on the floor and I still have nothing to wear. “How did you ever survive high school? These clothes are terrible.” I throw my hands in the air and collapse on the couch. “That's it. I'm not going.” “Hell no. My boyfriend is coming, and today is our last day in this small town…” She makes a quote with her fingers. “...before we are off to college!” Her excitement is almost contagious. Almost. A small smile thins my lips. “Fine.” An hour later, I am dressed in a black outfit that barely covers my ass. Doesn't belong to me, and makes me feel too seen. We are walking into the tall white building, the bass from inside already vibrating through the soles of my heels. I'm walking in heels that she made me wear, and my lips and hair are done like I'm auditioning for a new life. I pull at the dress. The air caresses my chest where the tiny straps won't cover. “This party.. it's huge, Vivian.” She turns to me. “You know I love you but tonight please be anyone but yourself. It's just for one night. Have fun. Don't be a fun bomper.” That stings. It feels like a quick jab under my ribs, but I hum. I don't remind her of the last time I went out with her, the night I called her parents because she was about to climb into a stranger's car. She called me a traitor for a week. I did it to keep her alive. But we don't talk about it anymore. The bouncer pushes the door open and we step in after she throws him a smile that could melt the sun itself. The room is almost dark except for the little colored lights coming from the bulbs positioned in the corners. Loud music blares so loud it leaves a sting in my teeth. The air reeks of alcohol and whatever the other smell is. Clara dances as she navigates through the crowd, her hips moving like she has been dancing since forever, and I follow closely behind. “Baby…” She slams her lips against her boyfriend's own, his hands rest on her waist so easily. The kiss stretches and his friends make a loud ‘Wooh!’ sound. “This is my friend, Viv.” She points to me after she breaks the kiss, breathless. Boyfriend nods and returns his eyes to her. They are smiling at each other like we all don't exist. The song changes and she's rocking him, her body presses against his. Whatever is in the song makes everyone crazy. Lips clashes. There are moans in the air, rising. It's like a madhouse. A porn house. My insides crawl with something that isn't disgust. It's raw and unfamiliar. Heat pools between my thighs and my heart slams hard against my chest like a caged bird. One of his friends walk up to me, smiling. “May I have this dance?” Don't be you tonight. I nod and take his hand. The dance starts slow. His hand rests on my waist and I almost flinch. Vivian would flinch but Viv would enjoy the moment. His lips rest on my neck and it's hot. The way his breath fans the spot. My stomach clenches. Adrenaline rushes through me like a fire. I let him place kisses that trails down my chest while lowering my guard. Every voice in me screams at me to run off but I'm done running. I will be gone in twelve hours and we will never see each other again. His hold on my waist tightens. “Do you want us to go somewhere private?” Say no. Say no. “Yes.” He grabs my hand and we make our way through the building, past grinding bodies and moans. Clara and her boyfriend are missing too. We eventually make it to the rooftop, the dark stars lining the sky. His lips slam against mine the second the door closes behind us. His hands slide my dress up before he places me on a discarded spool. The air brushes my skin. As he kisses me, his fingers fumble with his belt, my head is thrown back and my fingers dig into the surface below me. Be Viv. Be Viv. Suddenly his phone rings. Twice before he pulls it out on the third ring and his eyes widens. Muttering a cuss, he dips it back in his pocket and flees without a word, down the stairs. Gone like I’m not here. My lips part. Disappointment seeps in alongside bitterness. I can't go back inside. How do I explain to Clara that I got dumped…again? My body crawls with need. Need so intense and wanted that I hate myself for it. What would Viv do in this situation? I pull out my phone and finally click on the link I have been avoiding for days. The porn site that had been sitting in my notepad like a looming curse. The moan of the woman and the man's grunting slip through the speaker. He slams into her, and grabs her neck. Somehow, I want that. My fingers make their way between my parted legs, pressing gently at first, then harder, circling the c**t gently in a way my fingers had grown used to. I release a moan, arching my back, and throwing my head back. Electricity courses through me like live wire. This is how far I ever go when I'm alone “You make the sexiest moan.” A rough masculine voice says from nowhere, low and dark like it's wrapped in silk. I flinch so hard I nearly bite my tongue. A tall muscular figure makes it out of the dark. He's dressed in a white shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, black trousers. His tie is loosened. Something shines in his hand before he brings it closer to his lips and puffs a cigratte. Its tip glowing like the orange sun. In a bid to get my hand out from between my legs, I tumble down the weak table spool. Pain shoots through my butt, sharp and so humiliating. “Jesus Christ.” My heart pounds so loudly that I fear if he hears it. How much did he see? He steps into close range and his green eyes rest on me, not blinking. He reeks of sandalwood and cigarettes, a combination that I suddenly find intoxicating. He leans forward, his lips curling up into what looks farther from a smile. “Let me hear that again….but this time, I want you to look at me.” My heart slams against my chest. There's something about his voice or his words, they make my skin crawl with something powerful. The way his eyes trails over me. So green, and…clear. Demanding. Dangerous. He straightens and steps aside. He didn't bother to help. I force myself up ignoring my shaking legs and the throbbing between them that has refused to subside. “I didn't want to ruin the fun. You looked like you really wanted it so…” His head tilts my way, and his eyes lingers on my lips. My heart skips. He takes another drag, exhaled towards the sky and continues to pretend like he didn't just witness me half undressed. “Little boyfriend must have got the news that his crush was here.” “Firstly, he isn't my boyfriend,” I dust the dirt off me with trembling hands. “And secondly, how do you know?” He shrugs. “Man’s instinct.” I scoff. Why am I doing listening to this nonsense? I make my way towards the door, my heels clicking. “You really want to go in there like that?” My steps flatten. “The moan.” My heart is racing fast. What's he talking about? My moan? “I will turn off my phone if I were you.” Fuck!!! The video is still playing. The woman's cries echoing in the air. I scroll it away in a flash and dash through the door. Embarrassment seeping in, drowning me to the core. I don't look back but I can feel his eyes following me out of the door.