Nights Like This

CHAPTER 36

The day thay I have been fearing to come is today.

Ngayon ang lunch that my family prepared to officially inform me about their plan. The supposed dinner last weekend was canceled due to Dad's busy schedule. Ganun rin ka haba ko hinanda ang sarili ko sa lahat ng isasagot ko at sasabihin ko sa kanila. I know that I will be paying a price to my 'No' and I am ready for it.

Up until the last minute, Mommy's still convincing me. She's done being angry to me at siguro, na realize nya na hindi nya ako mapapa- payag if galit ang uunahin nya so she sent me a lot of bags and shoes probably thinking na with that way, she'll get what she wants but no.

I came here with a steady decision at uuwi akong iyon ang pinaninindigan.

Pag pasok ko ng gate namin, agad kong nakita si Ate Emilia, anxiously waiting for me to come sa main door. Sinalubong nya naman agad ako ng isang mahigpit at comforting na yakap.

"Ate," I called her. She reached my hands and I didn't hesitate to hold her.

"They're all inside. Dad's in a good mood today so I think you'll still be fine. Hindi pa nya alam na alam mo na. Nag usap kami ng kuya mo kagabi and he said na kung hindi mo talaga gusto, he won't force you. He just wants you to consider but Mom---"

Huminga ako ng malalim. "I know, ate. She's still on it pero..." Umiling ako para ipakita na hindi pa rin nagbabago ang desisyon ko.

Ate Emilia knowingly nods. "It's fine, Cami. You'll be fine."

Sabay kaming pumasok ni Ate. I am glad that I am with her as I enter our old family house because instantly felt the change of atmosphere at the room. They're all in the living room. Si Daddy may kung anong binabasa on his tablet, Fritz is playing a mobile game, Kuya's talking to somebody on the phone. Hindi nakaligtas sa akin ang mga tingin ni Mommy kahit na nakangiti nya akong sinalubong.

"Cami my dear!" natutuwang salubong ni Mommy sa akin. "I am so glad na nandito ka na, my beautiful daughter!"

Isa isa ko silang bineso at binati. Si Mom lang ang hyper na binati ako while the rest of the family members remained passive. Well, sanay naman na ako.

"Let's all wait here until the chefs are done with the food," anunsyo ni Kuya pagka baba nya ng phone.

"I instructed Chef Gerald to cook your favorites, Cami. I assure you that this time, there are no clams on the food." Mom's caressing my hair at kulang na lang ay isiksik nya ang sarili nya sa akin. "Did you like the bags and the shoes that I sent you? Of course you should like it! I took time to handpick everything that I like to see you wearing it."

All I could give her is a faint smile. "They're pretty po."

Those are indeed pretty but the're just not my style. If she'll be the one to wear those bags and shoes that she bought for me, baka mas okay pa because it suits her style more.

Tinawag na kami nina Chef Gerard sa dining room. The lunch is prepared at exactly twelve so we moved there. Panay ang palitan ng tingin namin ni Ate Emilia habang pa- upo kami, hindi nawawala ang pag aalala sa expression nya.

"Before we eat, let's take a picture first. This will be uploaded to my page para makita ng mga tao na magandang bagay na nagsa- salo salo sa hapag kainan ang pamilya," sabi ni Daddy.

The photographer came and I did my best too smile at the photos.

Even the supposed family lunch will be adverstised to the peole. Ewan ko na lang talaga.

The lunch is served and si Mom, Dad, at Kuya about sa work nila until it dawned to the supposed main topic of the day. The candidacy. Binabalewala ko lang but they're stories are very intentional for me to hear because they were all telling na nahihiraapan sila to find someone na mapagkakatiwalaan nila to manage the incoming campaign. It's exactly like what they warned me about.

"Right hon?" ani Mommy sa kwento ni Daddy. "Life is full of traitors. You wouldn't know who'll stab you at the back. But family? A family won't do that."

I continued to cut the meat that I am eating habang nagkatinginan kami ni Mommy at binigyan ko sya ng isang ngiti ng pag sang- ayon.

Mali ka, Mom. Even a family could betray you.

The longer that our topic is staying that way, the more it gets harder to swallow the food that I am chewing. Akala ko makakaligtas na ako sa kanila but I know that it already started nang tanungin ako ni Daddy.

"How's work Camila? Everything's good between you and Gabriel?" tanong nya.

Ibinaba ko ang hawak kong fork and knife and clasped my hands together and looked at him. "Yes po Dad. I am doing really well at work. Our department recieved a really high performance rate last month and we are second over all so I assume it's fine to say that I am doing my work really well."

"Really? Gabriel told me that you're not responding really well to his invites?"

There it is. Hindi naman pala trabaho ko talaga ang gusto nya kumustahin but instead, my futile relationship with Gabriel. The work that he's referring to is the effort to make me the wife of the company's vice president. Until the very last moment, kumakapit pa rin pala sila sa possibility na hinding hindi talaga mangyayari.

"Because I am not interested with him po," I bravely confessed. I have never mentioned to them na hindi ko gusto si Gabriel but I have always shown them na ayaw ko. Refusing him all the time is my way of showing my lack of interest at alam kong alam na nila yun.

"I don't want to have a relationship to him other than being the vice president of the company that I work in," pag amin ko.

Natahimik at natigil ang buong pamilya sa sinabi ko. My heart's like falling out of it's cage at tuluyan ng gumapang ang nerbyos sa buong katawan ko. Para akong mababaliw sa takot at sa kaba pero nanditoo na ako. I already started to say them my thoughs and if not today, I don't know when else the opportunity would come para masabi ko sa kanila ang nasa loob ko.

This is really hapenning right now and there's no backing out.

"Then quit! People cannot say anything if you marry because you're not working with the company anymore," sagot ni Daddy.

Unti- unti ng lumalabas sa mukha nya na hindi nya nagugustuhan ang pag sagot ko sa kanya. Matalim at matigas na ang pag tingin nya sa akin. That's the signal na tumigil ako at umayos ako. Maayos naman ako pero hindi ako titigil.

"Dad, Gabriel and I won't really work well as a couple. There are a lot of things that we are not compatible and it will forever stay that way. I don't even think that he's the type that I will marry. Hindi ko po puweng ipilit ang mga bagay with him because I know that it won't really last. I know you don't want your daughter to be a divorcee," kalmadong paliwanag ko kahit naman kahit na para na akong bibigay anytime.

I have all of my attention and focus to Daddy dahil sa lahat ng taong nandito sa lamesa, his decision is the only thing that I have to change bacause it matters to the whole family. Kung ano ang sinabi nya, the whole family will just have to agree.

Dad's rage are getting a little bit too strong pero hindi pa rin ako magpapa tinag.

"Camila!" suway ni Kuya pero hindi ko sya pinansin.

Dad and I remained calm like we are just discussing something naturally while our family at the table is already making a fuss. Nakaka ilang impit na saway na sila sa akin but I am ignoriing everything.

"I already figured that out by now. You know, I have been advising the young man for years to wait until you'll be ready for everything and it's clear to me now that you will never be. You disappointed me again, Camila Amaris."

Daddy constantly nods his head and infuriatedly eyed me. "Fine. You don't want to marry Gabriel then stop working at KSW. You don't have the excuse to work there anymore and work for me instead," ani Daddy.

"Right, Camila. Do that instead, anak. Hindi ka naman pababayaan ni Daddy. He'll make sure that you will be the best in the field that he chose for you," singit ni Mommy sa usapan.

"Be our Campaign Director. I am sure that you already heard what we were talking about earlier. Quit the comany that you are working for because that will be no use to us anymore. Do that job for me and your brother instead. Use your expertise and knowledge to help our family to win the election. And if you do that, you will be doing something great for the country."

Matapang kong tiningnan si Daddy, mata sa mata. "And what if I refuse to do that?"

Hindi ko alam kung magugulat aako dahil mukhang hindi naman nagulat si Daddy. It's like he already anticipated that I will be saying that.

Mahigpit kong niyukom ang kaamao ko. Hindi puwedeng mag fail ako rito. I have already come this far. Kaunti na llang.

"I am not offerring you a job, Camila. I am asking you to listen and do as I say. Who else do you think would know what's best for you? Ako lang. I know because I am your father!"

"Camila please, just listen to Dad. He wouldn't think about this kung ikaka- sama mo o wala kang mapapala rito. Just look at the greater side of it," naririnig kong pakiusap ni Kuya.

Hindi rin naka takas sa pandinig ko ang pag sang ayon ni Mommy at ni Fritz kay kuya samantalang inaawat naman ni Ate ang asawa nya.

"I am sorry but you are wrong po, Dad. There's nobody in this table that knows me better than myself. I know what I want and what I can't. Alam ko rin po kung ano yung mga gusto kong gawin and I know how to live my own life. I am not sorry po to say na the only person who get to decide for myself is me. I am responsible for myself and my choices. And I choose to live my life the way it is now," sagot ko. "I refuse to do as you want, Dad."

"Camila Amaris!" dumagundong ang sigaw ni Mommy sa akin sa hapag kainan. She's already wiping her tears but she managed to shout at me like she's so ready to kick me out of the table for refusing.

I blankly stared at the meat that I was just cutting kaniina. It tastes so good pero mukhang tapos na ang mapayapang lunch sana na hinanda nila for the family. They prepared an almost feast for a simple lunch, hoping that this meal would turn intpp a celabration dahil sa pag payag ko but it turned otherwise. Halos hindi nakalahati ang mga putahe at hindi man lang namin naubos ang nasa plato namin. Well, except for Fritz na wala naman talagang pake about the drama.

"I am sorry, Mom. I really can't do it. I hate to do it. Just involve me with anything but not with this. Not with politics," sabi ko sa kanila.

The thick walls that I built para maging matapang ako are slowly breaking down. Kaunti na lang. I can get through this.

"What is this? Do you still hate me for what happened before, Camila?" gulat at hindi inaasahan na sabi ni Daddy.

"No, Dad. I don't hate you for being accused of bagging people's money fifteen years ago becasue you were proven not guilty. Hindi po ba? Biktima ka lang din naman po eh. Napag bintangan ka lang din po."

My father was arrested during our dinner mismo dito sa lugar kung nasaan kami ngayon and to the very exact place where he is sitting right now. Umabot ang kaso sa supreme court and he pleaded not guilty with the help of Ate Emi's dad. After months of trial, he was eventually released for the lack of evidence while the others were found guilty.

That was hell for the family. sirang sira ang reputasyon at ang pangalan namin. As a kid, I faced a really hard time to the point that I was bullied because of that. Sobrang nalugmok ang pamilya namin. Dahil bata ako, hindi ko naiintindihan lahat and it left a scar on me. Just after that incident, Dad was eager to bring back the reputation that the issue brought us so he tried so hard to appeal to the public.

And here we are now. Imposing the idea of the perfect, classy, and traditional family the public.

"Then why are you doing this? Why are you refusing to do things that I am aking you to do? Why are you like this. This is not you, Camila!"

Tumayos si kuya Conrad saka hinawakan ang balikat ni Daddy at bahagyang kinalma sya. "Dad, hayaan mo po muna si Cami. Maybe she's just shocked. Give her a few days to think."

Tumingin sa akin si Kuya at sinesensyasan ako na tumayo at umalis na muna dahil galit na galit na si Daddy sa akin. Tahimik pero alam kong hinding hindi nya nagugustuhan ang pag suway ko ngayon.

Tumayo ako. "I don't have to think through because my answer will still be no. I am sorry, Dad."

Sumunod na tumayo ang umiiyak na si Mommy saka hinawakan ako sa balikat at inalog alog ako. "Camila ano ba! Come to your senses naman anak! Ano bang nangyayari sa'yo?"

Umiling ako saka hinawakan ang kamay ni Mommy para kalasin sa pagkakahawak sa braso ko.

"Thank you po for the food but I can no longer stay here." Tumalikod ako at humakbang pa labas pero nahawakan na naman ako ni Mommy.

"Anak please!" pakiusap nya.

"Let her, Calista. Hayaan mong lumayas sa paningin ko 'yang suwail mong anak. Napakalaki mong disappointment, Camila Amaris. You want to do things your way? Bakit? Tingin mo na ba kaya mo na and now that you have the guts para suwayin ako? Hintayin mo. Kung ayaw mong sundin ang gusto ko, hintayin mong ako mismo ang gagawa ng paraan"

I looked back at my Dad and gave him the last look before I stormed off from that dining area. Nag sukatan kami ng tingin hanggang sa ako na lang ang naunang bumawi.

Mabigat ang loob akong lumabas sa bahay namin and as soon as I stepped out of the gate. Napa tigil ako sa pag lalakad nang halos bumigay ang tuhod ko pero may dalawang kamay ang sumalo sa akin sa muntikan ko ng pagkakatumba.

"You did well, Camila." I helplessly looked at Vance saka niyakap sya't hinayaan na tumulo ang mga luha na kanina ko pa pinipigilang bumagsak.