In Between The Lines

Kabanata II

Cake

"I hate seeing you like this, mommy..."

I broke apart... with Mama. We're both sobbing while feeling the silence between us. Is this really our fate? To be broken? The silence in the night brings us comfort.

"I'm so sorry, hija. I'm... I don't want to be like this. I don't want you to think that I can't get through this." Her voice broke at the last sentence.

I sniffed. Kumalas ako sa yakap ko sa kanya at hinila ang katabi nitong upuan. I sat while holding both of her hands.

"Mama, I never thought... not a single bit that you're not strong. Because you are."

Her tears kept on falling while her eyes tried to fix on me.

"You are my light, Lauren. You are so intelligent. You already understand our situation and you're always trying to understand me."

Because I have to, Mama.

"I want you to be a kid. Without all of this burden. I'm sorry that you have to experience this-"

"Why do you always say that you're sorry? You're not the one who left. You're not the one who betrayed and broken the promise for this family! You're not the one who lied!" Hindi ko na napigilan na tumaas ang aking boses.

Mama sighed and wiped her tears. Kinalas niya sa aking hawak ang kanyang mga kamay. Malungkot naman niyang binalik sa akin ang kanyang tingin. Mapupungay ang mga mata at halatang pagod.

"Siguro may pagkukulang ako. Siguro may kasalanan din ako. Siguro... siguro nagkulang ako... sa pagbibigay ng pagmamahal."

I refused to believe that!

I leaned closer to hug her... Tight... So she can feel my love. So she can feel that I'm here.

"Tama na po, Mama. I don't want you to cry anymore. We don't need him. It's just us from now on. Together..." I said.

I promise to myself that I will be strong for her. I will never leave her. I will not let her feel that she's alone.

I have to grow faster...

I have to take care of her.

Dalawang linggo ang lumipas. Dalawang linggo at sa wakas ay matatapos ko na ang mural na ginagawa ko.

It features a Roman-inspired arch reminiscent of an ancient temple, though only half-completed. Lush greenery and vibrant flowers cascade along both sides, softening the stone structure with life. To bring even more charm, I painted a peacock proudly perched near the center, a colorful parrot resting on the arch, and a gray British Shorthair cat sitting elegantly at the edge of the balustrade. The background wall is washed in a soft bluish-white hue, evoking the gentle clarity of clouds after a rainstorm. Framing the entryway are terracotta pots overflowing with pink roses and peonies, adding a romantic, fragrant welcome.

I took five steps backward to look at the entirety of my creation. Konti na lang, matatapos na talaga ako. My heart is jumping from my chest because of excitement.

"Wow!" A girl's voice pitched behind me.

"It looks so real!"

Napabaling ang aking tingin sa kanya. She is the youngest child of Tita Isadora. She's here looking at my painting in awe with an O shaped mouth. She's still in her school uniform.

I wrinkled my nose and smiled. "Thank you..."

She walked towards my direction at nilagpasan ako. Lumapit siya sa garden wall at pinagmasdan ng maigi ang painting.

"You paint this all by yourself?" She asked without leaving her eyes to the wall.

"Yeah, I've been painting it for two weeks."

Binitawan ko ang aking paintbrush sa lamesa at lumapit sa maliit na lamesa para inumin ang orange juice.

"Two weeks?" She repeated.

She trailed her head to every detail of my paintings.

"You are good. This is so beautiful." She commented, but in a whisper. Enough for me to hear.

She stood straight and faced my direction. Her smile resembles so much of Tita Isadora. Sweet... and pretty. Her eyes look foreign, with a narrow nose and wavy long hair. She's also fair like her mother.

"I'm Adelina, by the way..." she said while walking to me.

My eyes widened a bit but returned to normal for just a second. We have the same name.

Binaba ko ang baso at pinunasan ang aking mga kamay sa suot kong denim overall pants. I saw that she extended her hands to meet mine. Hindi na ako nakaapila nang siya na rin ang nagyugyog ng aming mga kamay.

"My second name is Adelina-" I said. "Lauren Adelina."

"Oh! That is a pretty name. Mine is Adelina Ivanya." She's friendly.

"That's also a nice name..."

She asked me how I learned to paint. I told her my Mom helped me. I started painting when I was five. That was our family bonding back then. Me, Mama and my father used to paint with each small canvas. We would paint whatever we want and exchange those to each other.

It was a good memory. But a bittersweet feeling.

I can actually say that I am good at coping. I accepted what happened. I have grown a grudge for him but I cannot blame myself for doing that. He has broken his promises. He betrayed my mom.

"Marco is here. He told me that he's your classmate. Nandun sila sa taas kasama ang mga kuya ko. They were watching you from up there." Tinuro ni Adelina ang bintanang katapat lang ng garden sa taas. Napatingin naman ako nakita ang tatlong lalaking nakasilip sa transparent glass window. Marco waved his hand when he saw me. The other two seem busy with my painting.

Well, that's great.

Nasabi nga pala ni Marco sa akin noon na minsan siyang tumatambay dito kapag narito yung Gus. Hindi ko maaninaw ng maayos ang kanilang pagmumukha.

Sino nga ba sa kanila yung tinatawag nilang Gus?

"I see that you're fond of cakes," Adelina drawled.

I turned to her.

"Huh?" That did not register well to me.

"I said that you seem to like cakes so much,"

Oh, cakes!

Tuwing dadalhan kasi ako ng meryenda ng kasambahay nila, palaging cake ang dala. Hindi naman ako nagreklamo dahil gusto ko rin naman iyon. I always prefer it when they bring a chocolate one.

"Ahh! Yes, cakes. I like cakes." I stammer at my last word.

"Kuya Gus baked all the cakes," she said.

I know. Tita Isadora already told me.

"The cakes were delicious..." I declared.

She then smiled so widely that her eyes became chinky. Her cheeks had a distinct color of pink. She shrugged her shoulders multiple times and looked up. She turned to look at me again with a smile still on her lips. Almost giggling for nothing.

My visit from the Navarro mansion will come to an end. Bukas ay matatapos ko na talaga ang painting at bukas na rin ako mababayaran ni Tita Isadorang buo sa trabahong ginawa ko. She monitors my work everyday and she always compliments me about the painting.

Paguwi ko sa bahay ay nadatnan ko si Mama na nagluluto na. Kaya naman naglinis na rin ako ng aking katawan para masabayan siya sa pagkain. I have homeworks that I need to finish and will start doing them after dinner.

"Yes, I am paying them monthly. I just couldn't attain it when they keep on calling me everyday like I'm gonna go away and hide! This is so stressful, Ate Lecia."

"Kahit nasa trabaho ako ay maingay ang cellphone ko. Mukhang hindi pa nagbabayad si Abel ng parte niya kaya ako ang hinahabol! Lintik naman!"

"No, ate... please. Hayaan niyo na ito. I can do this. Kaya nga ako nagtatrabaho."

Mama was talking to Tita Lecia when I reached the dining table. Hininaan niya pa ang kanyang boses nang mapansin ang pagdating ko.

"I have to go now, ate. I'll call you soon." She said then hung up.

Binalewala namin ni Mama ang tawag ni Tita at nagsimula na lamang kumain. I counted the money I saved in my head while eating. If I get paid tomorrow, I will be able to give that to her. It will not be a big amount but I will continue to sell my paintings.

The last day of school before the weekend. Pagkatapos ng raket ko kina Tita Isadora, I will ask my Tita Lyra or Tita Lecia for any of her friends who wants paintings. I can accept larger paintings na rin kasi nasanay na rin ako sa mural.

Sinabay akong muli ni Marco sa kanyang sasakyan papunta sa mga Navarro. This time, he did not leave. Pumasok siya sa loob ng bahay dahil ang magkakapatid ay kakauwi lamang din. Nagdiretso naman ako sa garden para suriin ang mural.

I still cannot believe that I am almost finished with this artwork. Konting touch up na lang at mabubuo na ito. Hindi na ako nag aksaya pa ng oras at sinumulan na ang pagpinta nang makapagpalit ako ng damit. Nakalimutan ko pa ang aking hair clip kaya pinusod ko ang aking mahabang buhok gamit ang isang pinaka manipis na paintbrush.

Another hour passed and I kept myself busy with this painting. I added whites and shadows to create dimensions. It looks alive from where I'm standing. Binitawan ko ang paintbrush at kinuha ang aking towel. Binasa ko ito ng paint thinner at sinimulang punasan ang aking braso na nagkaroon ng pintura.

Makakauwi ako ng mas maaga.

An idea slipped my mind so I took my phone from my pocket and turned on the camera. I'm finding a good angle to take the picture of the mural. Few shots and I give up. Nakakuha ako ng apat na litrato na magkakaiba ang angulo. Malinaw naman at maganda ang pagkakakuha. I am planning to use this and show this to any potential client as reference.

"You've finished it, hija!" I heard Tita Isadora's voice behind me so I turned.

Her eyes were fixated to her garden wall that became colorful. In awe and half smiling.

I finished it.

I only smiled at her as a return and continued wiping my arms.

Heavy and fast footsteps are nearing the garden, mimicking a run. And then, Adelina appeared and passed by her mother to come nearer the mural.

"Lauren, this is so beautiful. It looks like another world from my garden!" Tita keeps her compliments.

"I feel like I am in Rome, Mama. When we went to see the Colosseum!" Adelina pitched.

My smiles didn't leave my face as I kept on hearing their compliments. Lumapit ako sa maliit na lamesa para inumin ang orange juice. The cake remains untouched, though. Ang magina ay hindi na magkamayaw sa pagsusuri ng aking gawa at nakakatuwa silang pagmasdan. They wanted to touch it but it's still wet.

People who appreciate art melt my heart.

"You did great," a man's physique appeared beside me.

I turned to him and suddenly felt shy. I discreetly distanced myself.

"T-thank you..." Words are suddenly escaping my mouth.

He turned to me completely. "No, really. Ang ganda ng gawa mo. Mama and Adelina couldn't take their eyes off it."

Suminghap ako at kumurap. Naibaba ko ang baso ng juice sa lamesa dahil tila nanginginig ang aking mga kamay sa kabang nararamdaman. He smells like he just got out of the shower. This must be the first born of the Navarro's. He looked mature and had this warm aura.

"I'm Archie, by the way. I noticed that you're nervous. I'm sorry." He extended his arm for a handshake.

Shit!

Ang bilis naman niyang napansin.

He has nerdy eyeglasses that suit his face shape. Thick eyebrows and his nose were pointy and narrow. His lips have a heart shaped cupid's bow like Adelina's.

"No! I'm not!" I snapped. "I'm just... not used to compliments..." from a man.

He chuckled. "Alright, then. Can you accept my hand now? Nangangalay na kasi ako."

Napatingin ako sa kanyang kamay na nanatili sa aking harapan. Sa hiya ko ay agad ko iyong tinanggap at inalog ng isang beses. Kinalas ko rin agad at bahagyang tinago ang kamay sa aking likod.

I have met Adelina and their fits born, Archie. But Gus remained a mystery to me.

Lumabas na rin si Marco at nagdiretso sa garden kung nasaan kami. I need to excuse myself para makapagpalit na ako ng gamit since tapos na naman ako sa aking trabaho.

"Ipapahatid ko na lamang ikaw ulit sa aking driver, Lauren. Don't worry." Marco said.

"Kahit dun na lang sa labas ng village. Sa terminal ng mall na lang ako sasakay." Katapat lang kasi ng village na ito ang mall.

"No, Lauren. Gabi na. Mabuti nang sa tapat na mismo ng bahay mo ikaw maihatid ng driver ni Marco." Pagtugon naman ni Kuya Archie.

"Yeah, he's right. Delikado at gabi na rin." Marco.

I sighed. Two men over myself. Hindi rin naman ako mananalo.

Nagpaubaya ako sa kagustuhan nila. Nang nakapagbihis ako ay pinaghintay muna ako ni Tita Isadora sa kanyang malaking sala at naupo sa sofa. Fidgeting my fingers while sitting primly.

Lumabas siya ng kusina na may dalang isang box at may ribbon pa. Pinatong niya iyon sa coffee table sa aking harap at nasulyapan kong isang buong round cake ang laman.

"Here," she gave me a white envelope full of cold cash.

Nanlaki ang aking mga mata nang mabilang ang perang laman ng puting envelope. Labis ito sa presyong napag usapan namin!

"Tita-"

"Don't worry about it! You deserve that bonus. I really like your artwork, hija. Tanggapin mo na, sige na." She's folding my fingers with the envelope.

But this is too much. I feel like it's doubled the amount we discussed.

"And you can take this cake at home. Share it with your Mama."

Sa ilang beses pang pagpupumilit ay pumayag na rin ako. Hindi naman siguro masamang tumanggap ng sobra. I worked for it. And I think I deserve it. Mama would understand, I guess.

"Maraming salamat po talaga, Tita Isa. Sobra po itong bigay niyo pati nagabala pa po kayo sa cake."

"That's okay, Lauren. I bet that if I have another project, ikaw ulit ang kukunin ko. I just hope that you will not block your calendar even though you're busy with school."

Naririnig ko na ang itim na Subaru ni Marco. Nasa tapat na kami ng pintuan ng bahay at hinihintay ko na lamang si Tita na paalisin ako.

"Sabihan nyo lang po si Tita Lyra. At titingnan ko po kung ano ang magagawa ko." Pangungumbinsi ko.

Sinulypan ko ang umilaw na sasakyan.

"Oh siya, sige na! Ginabi ka na. Maraming salamat, hija. I can't wait for my amigas to see my garden."

Tinatanaw ko ang pagkaway ni Tita Isadora sa papaalis na sasakyan. She's really sweet and I like her. Nakakahiya lang talaga na nagbigay siya sa akin ng sobra ngunit hindi naman ako makakalaban sa kagustuhan niya. Malaki ang maitutulong nito sa akin at kay Mama.

Pagbukas ko ng pintuan ng bahay ay naabutan ko si Mama na nakahiga sa sofa habang nakapikit ang mga mata. Bumaling naman ako sa kusina upang ilagay sa fridge ang cake. Nakapagluto na siya ng aming hapunan ngunit hindi pa siya nakakapagbihis.

Nilapitan ko siya, payapang natutulog. Pinagmasdan ko ang kanyang maamong mukha. We are alike. Most of her soft features are like mine. I planted a soft kiss on her forehead and caressed her hair. She moved and shifted a bit as a sign that she felt my presence and kiss.

"Mama... I'm home." I whispered.

Unti-unting nagmulat ang kanyang mga mata at ngumiti.

Her eyes are bloodshot but slowly softening as she recognizes me.

"Maglilinis lang po ako ng katawan para sabay na po tayong maghapunan," I said. She just nodded.

Nakatayo na siya sa gilid ng sofa nang makaakyat ako sa aking kwarto. Pagkahilamos ay nilabas ko lahat ng pera ko para mabilang. Isinilid ko silang lahat sa puting sobre kasama ng kinita ko kanina. Umumbok ang sobre.

Hindi man ito makakaabot ng milyon pero alam kong makakatulong ito kahit paano kay Mama. This can buy her time para hindi na rin siya kulitin pa ng mga tumatawag sa kanya para makaipon din kami para sa susunod pang mga buwan.

Isinipit ko sa garter ng aking shorts ang sobre. Nakaupo na si Mama sa hapag at naghihintay sa pagdating ko. Tahimik kaming kumain habang iniisip ko kung paano ko mabibigay sa kanya ang pera. And then, I remembered the cake. Patapos na kaming kumain nang tumayo ako para kuhanin ang cake sa fridge.

Napansin agad ni Mama ang puting box na dala ko. "I didn't remember buying a cake, hija."

I placed the cake in the middle of the table. "It was from Tita Lyra's friend. Binigay niya po para daw sa atin."

"Oh, I don't recall any occasion today. May nakalimutan ba ako?" Mama is full of curiosity as she stares at the cake na inaalis ko na sa box.

"Wala naman po, Ma. Binigay lang po talaga ni Tita Isadora."

"Isadora? Sounds familiar. Is she a Navarro?"

"Opo..."

Kinakabahan na ako.

"Hmm, How did you meet Isadora?" This time, she looked at me.

I swallowed the air from my mouth and looked at the cake. Hindi ko matagalan ang tingin niya sa akin.

"Nagpunta po ako sa bahay nila... We had an agreement po."

"With Isadora? What is that agreement?"

Nanginginig ang aking mga kamay nang abutin ko ang sobre sa aking gilid. I pushed it on the table to her front and the seal flap opened revealing the cash. Her eyes widened and glued to the cash. I felt that her body stiffened, completely shocked.

"I did some service to her garden. I painted a mural. And she paid me with the painting I did for her garden wall." I feel like my sentences are not right. Kumakabog ng sobra ang aking dibdib at gustong kumawala ng aking puso.

"Tita Lyra showed my painting to her friends because I told her that I am selling them. Inipon ko po yung mga pinagbentahan ko at nakalikom nang ganyang halaga. I wanted to give the money so it will help you pay the loan-"

I was cut off by her deadly and dangerous stare. Her spoon and fork dropped to her plate that created a loud sound. She fisted her hands and clenched her jaw.

"You did what?" She drawled.

Tinago ko ang aking mga kamay sa ilalim ng lamesa at pinirmi sa aking hita. Niyuko ko ang aking ulo upang maiwasan ang mainit at may galit na titig ni Mama.

"Nagtrabaho ka? Kaya ka nagkapera? At binibigay mo pa sa akin ang perang pinagtrabahuhan mo!"

"And what was your reason, Lauren? You want to give this money to me to pay the loan na paulit ulit kong sinasabi na hindi mo dapat problemahin!" Her tone slowly rose as she spoke every word to me.

"Gusto po kitang tulungan-"

"Which I don't need!" Her voice echoed across the dining room.

My tears are slowly forming from my eyes.

"Paano ka nagtatrabaho kung pumapasok ka sa school, huh?" She calmly asked.

Hindi ko pa rin tinutunghay ang aking ulo.

"Pagkatapos ko po sa eskwela. Dumidiretso po ako sa bahay ni Tita Isadora para gawin ang mural sa garden wall niya." Pag amin ko.

"Which explains na ginagabi kang umuwi palagi," she scoffed.

Naamin ko na sa kanya. Nabigay ko na ang pera.

"At anong sinasabi ng mga iyon? Pinaguusapan ba nila ako? Na ano? Hinahayaan ko ang anak ko ba magtarabaho sa murang edad! Dose anyos! Sinasabi ba nila na wala aking awa? Na wala akong kwenta?" Sunod sunod na tanong ni Mama.

"Mama, hindi po. Wala po silang sinasabing ganoon. Ginusto ko pong magtrabaho. Tinulungan lang po ako ni Tita Lyra." Tinunghay ko na ang aking ulo para mapantayan ang kanyang mata. Nagpupuyos siya sa galit at handang magbato ng mga pinggan kung hindi maging maganda ang takbo ng usapan.

Her eyebrows went up. "Si Lyra? Pumayag siya na magtrabaho ka?"

"Mama... Wala naman pong masama sa ginawa ko. I offered my service at nabayaran naman po ako ng tama. Tita Lyra and Tita Isadora supervise me to make sure na wala rin pong maging problema. They liked my work po. At gusto ko lang po talaga kitang matulungan."

Pumikit siya nang mariin upang mapigilan ang pagbagsak ng kanyang luha, which she failed. The moment her eyes closed, her tears rapidly went down from her cheeks.

"I saw you. I can hear you. Alam ko po na nahihirapan ka dahil sa utang. So I did what I know I can do to help you." Kumalma ang aking pakiramdam ngunit naninimbang pa rin ako kay Mama. She might burst from anger again and I don't know what to do.

"Ang bata mo, Lauren. I don't want you-" suminghap si Mama "-to think of any of my problems. Dapat pumapasok ka lang sa school, enjoying your youth, worrying about your exams or homeworks or school projects. Iyon lang. Mahirap bang unawain iyon, anak?"

She met my eyes. We were both tearing up and my blurry vision tells me that my mother is hurting right now. I told myself that I will never hurt her like what my father did. I don't want her to cry like my father did to her. But I was wrong. I thought she would be happy by my gesture.

"Do you know what I felt when you told me this? When you were giving this envelope to me? Hmm?" She wiped her tears drastically.

"You made me feel that what I'm doing for you and this family is not enough. You made me think that I am not a good mother that I let you work somewhere just to earn cash! You made me feel that I failed to exclude you from my problems that you shouldn't even think about!"

"I am trying to help you-"

"You are twelve! A kid, Lauren!" She exclaimed.

What's wrong with that? There are a lot of kids who are also working to help their mothers or to survive. What made me different from those kids?

"I will not accept this." She pushed the envelope to my front. "You can take that and do whatever you want with that money, I don't care. But I will not accept your reasons on why you want me to take that money."

"Go to your room, now."

I sighed as a sign of defeat. Dinala kong muli sa aking kwarto ang puting envelope na puno na perang papel. I sold my paintings. I give my service. I earned this money. I want Mama to have this. But she doesn't want it.

What should I do with this?

Nagaway na naman kami. Nagaway sa harap ng pagkain. I just don't understand her this time.