The broken she-wolf - Healed by innocence

His future

*Blaise*

Holding my hat in a tight fist, I lean against the beam of Chase's veranda and watch as dawn brings the majestic colors to the day. I remember a time when I had celebrated dawn with my violin. Now, more often than not, I welcome it with a curse.

The front door opens. Chase steps beneath the archway and stumbles to a stop when his gaze rams into mine. I shove myself away from the beam. "I'm here to grovel. I have got a mate, a baby on the way, and no way to support them. Riley is probably the only one in town who would hire me, but I can't see me stacking cans and sweeping floors." I swallow hard. "But I will do it if I have to."

"Good morning to you, too," Chase says, a corner of his mouth lifting up slightly.

I slump against the beam. "Needed to spit out what I came to say before I lost the nerve to do it."

Chase gives a slow nod as he walks to the edge of the veranda. The morning sun hits his bruised face.

"How's your jaw?" I ask.

"Sore. You knocked a damn tooth loose." He huffs.

I flinch. "Sorry."

"I deserved it, and it was less painful than the dressing down my Luna gave me last night." Chase settles his black broad-brimmed Stetson on his head and steps off the veranda. "I was just coming to look for you. Since you saved me the trouble of finding you, why don't you take a ride with me?"

I know my brother well enough to know he never asks. Even words that sound like a question are an order. I swing up into the saddle as Chase mounts the horse his foreman brought him. Then as I have for most of my life, I follow the trail my brother blazes.

We ride in silence for long moments, the plains opening up before us. I have never appreciated the wide expanse of land as my brother does. Until recently, towns had appealed to me, the constant movement of people going places, the rumble of wagon wheels, the clop of horses' hooves.

"I never knew what your dreams were," Chase says, his deep voice rumbling over the prairie, "but I figured they would take you beyond this place. You always looked toward the horizon like maybe you'd inherited Pa's wandering streak."

"I thought about leaving more than once, but when I finally did, I sure as hell didn't go where I wanted to go." I admit.

"So you are figuring to make this place your home?" Chase asks.

I nod, "I would like to, but it depends on Lillian. Her family was murdered a few years back and she has been living alone ever since. I thought she would find it easier living here where she could get used to having people around, and I wanted to get her away from the memories."

"Sounds like I stepped knee-deep into a fool's pasture yesterday. I owe you an apology for that." He says.

I have always known my brother was a big man, but he has never seemed bigger than he does at this moment. My throat tightens. "I realize now that I should have sent a telegram."

"Might have made things a little easier on Lillian. A mate and baby tie a man down whether he wants to be tied down or not." Chase says.

"I accepted that before I ever asked Lillian to marry me. She deserves better than the life I can give her." I tell him.

Chase looks off into the distance. "Callie taught me the only thing that matters is what you give her from your heart."

"My heart's not entirely free." I admit.

Chase pierces me with a darkening gaze. "Then I would say you wronged her pretty damn bad."

"You will get no argument from me on that, but I aim to make it up to her." I say.

Chase gives me a long slow nod. "Well, this spread is getting too big for one man to handle. Reckon I could use some help."

"Same pay as before?" I ask.

A corner of Chase's mouth lifts up. "Those were a boy's wages." He rubs the bruise on his jaw. "As you so tactfully pointed out to me yesterday, it's time I realized you were a man. Let's head back to the house, and we'll settle the particulars."

*Lillian*

I stand on the boardwalk outside the hotel. The town has grown. I would never have recognized it if it weren't for the hotel. As we rode in last night, the massive silhouette of the building loomed before us, throwing me back in time to a night five years ago.

"Why this town?" I whisper beneath my breath. As vast as West Texas is, why couldn't Blaise have settled somewhere else?

Fate has a cruel streak running through her. No doubt about that.

The town didn't possess a sign when I was here before. I didn't know its name. I didn't care. But it proudly bears a sign on the outskirts now: Moonshadowville.

Named for my husband's family. Why has Fate chosen to bring a man to my door who lives in the one place I had never again wanted to see?

But more, I wonder if Fate will be kind enough to bring the man back to me?

He didn't return to the hotel room last night, and I wonder where he is, if he's abandoned me. I wish I had kept my insecurities to myself. What does it matter if he thinks of someone else as long as he holds me?

Stupid, stupid girl! I chastise myself. I knew by the pain reflected in his gaze that I had hurt him to the core. I want to trust him, but life has taught me to value caution. And because of life’s lessons, I know I need a gun.

I stroll along the boardwalk, my stomach quivering as people skirt past me. The men touch their fingers to the brim of their hats, some even smile at me, but I refuse to look any of them in the eye.

I am grateful when I see the sign for Littlebeck’s General Store. I slip inside, cringing when the cowbell above the door announces my arrival.

A she-wolf standing behind the counter looks up and smiles warmly. "Hello. Can I help you?"

I wipe my damp palms on my skirt. "I would just like to look around."

"Let me know if I can help you with anything."

I nod my appreciation of the offer and stroll down the nearest aisle. Toys of all shapes and sizes greet me. I haven't seen many children in the town, but I noticed the red schoolhouse near the hotel. I suppose my child would attend school there. Blaise and I might purchase toys here. Or would he carve the toys himself?

I pick up a wooden rattle. Does my mate whittle? What hidden talents does he possess? The sparse knowledge I possess grows frustrating with each passing day. I suppose it should be enough that I don’t fear him and that he is for the most part considerate of me.

Yet I can't help but feel that he holds a part of himself back. I wonder if he’s always been distant with people or if prison has reshaped him.

How could it have not reshaped him?

My heart picks up its tempo, beating unsteadily with the thought of iron bars and brick walls and guards. How did he survive five years without freedom? It would likely have killed me.

Carefully, I place the rattle back onto the shelf. I will have to find out if he plans to make one before I purchase it. And I will have to find out if we have the means for me to purchase it. I need the little money I possess for something more important.

I walk to the counter. The she-wolf stops dusting the shelves behind the counter and turns. Her burnished hair is pulled back into a stylish bun. The color reminds me of the locks I discovered in Blaise’s saddlebags. Her eyes are the blue of a summer sky.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” she asks in a soft voice.

I tighten my fingers around my reticule. “I was looking for a small gun, something like a derringer.”

The she-wolf’s delicate brow furrows. “We don’t carry guns anymore, not since the gunsmith came to town. You will find his shop…”

“Olivia!”

My heart feels as though an iron fist has just clamped around it. How many Olivias could reside in this town? How many with hair the shade of autumn leaves?

A tall man storms through the curtain behind the counter. With his hand, he combs his blond hair off his brow. “I just saw Blaise.”

“He’s back?” She asks.

“Yep, and it’s the dangdest thing. He got married.” The man says.

I watch the blood drain from Olivia’s face, and I hope my own feelings aren’t as visible.

“Married? Who in the world did he marry?” she whispers, her voice achingly low. Then, as though just remembering she has a customer, she blinks several times and returns her attention to me. “I’m sorry. You wanted the gunsmith. You will find him at the end of Main Street, near the saloon. I know Mr. Wesson will be able to help you.” She turns back to the man. “Riley, did he tell you about his mate?”

I don’t want to hear the answer. I hurry out of the general store. Once outside, I slump against the front of the building. The she-wolf inside the store is beautiful. How in the world can I expect Blaise not to think of that she-wolf when his mate is incredibly plain?

Then I remember what the man said. He had just seen Blaise. I hurry along the boardwalk, back to the hotel. I rush inside and up the stairs, bursting through the door to our room.

Blaise stands near the bed, stuffing my clothes into my suitcase on the bed. He jerks back, his brow deeply furrowed. “Where have you been?”

I close the door more quietly than I’d opened it and ease into the room. “I needed something. I went to the general store.”

He reaches across the bed, grabs my nightgown, and shoves it into the bag. “We’re going back to Chase’s.”

“I met a she-wolf at the general store. An Olivia.” He stiffens. My heart pounds so hard that I’m sure he hears it. “Is she your Olivia?”

“No, she is not my Olivia,” he replies through a clenched jaw. He grabs my hairbrush from the bedside table and throws it into the bag.

“Was she your Olivia?” I ask, my curiosity refusing to be tamed for reasons I can't quite grasp.

In a swift movement, he sends my bag and everything in it crashing to the floor. I stumble back. I have never seen him truly angry before, and I wonder if I have pushed him too far.

He drops onto the bed, plants his elbows on his thighs, leans forward, and buries his face in his hands. I hear his harsh breathing, see the tenseness in his shoulders. He holds out a hand. “Come here.”

But my feet remain rooted to the spot. I know nothing about how he acts in anger. If he gives as much of himself to anger as he does to passion...

He looks up, the torment in his eyes deepening as he meets my gaze. “Come here, Lillian. Please.”

The anguish in his voice has me walking toward him, seeking to comfort him for the painful memories my constant badgering has brought him. As I near, he reaches out, clamps his hand on my waist, and brings me to stand between his thighs.

He takes a deep shuddering breath, staring at a button on my bodice. “Yes, she was my Olivia.” He tilts his head back, his deep blue gaze capturing mine. “But she is not anymore, and she never will be again.”

He presses a kiss to my slightly rounded stomach, to the place where our child grows. “I need you, Lillian,” he rasps.

I wrap my arms around him, pressing his head against my belly. How could she have not waited for Blaise? With demons haunting me and no family, the past five years have been an eternity, but at least I have had the stars at night, the sunrise at dawn, and the freedom to walk wherever I wanted. “I hate her because she hurt you,” I say, my voice seething.

“She doesn’t deserve your hate.” He mumbles.

“She doesn’t deserve your loyalty or your love.” I counter.

He tips his head back, meeting my gaze. “Five years is a long time.”

“I would have waited,” I say, surprised by the conviction in my voice, more surprised to realize the words are true. If I were fortunate enough to possess his love, I would wait forever.

A corner of his mouth quirks up and he brushes the stray strands of my hair behind my ear. “You know, I do believe you would have.”

“I hate that she hurt you.” I mumble.

“And I hate that I have hurt you.” He says.

I give him a small smile, “You didn’t hurt me on purpose. I know that.”

“But I don’t imagine it lessened the pain.” He says softly.

No, the pain has been sharp, agonizing, but I am tired of letting the wound fester. I need to lance it, clean it, and let it heal.

“She’s very pretty,” I admit reluctantly.

He smiles broadly. “She is that.”

He tugs me down until I sit on his lap. He cradles my cheek. “But then so are you.”

I shove his hand away and avert my gaze, the heat flaming my face. “No, I’m not. I’m uglier than the back end of a mule.”

When he doesn’t jump to my defense, I dare to peer at him. Narrowing his eyes, he scrutinizes my features. “Don’t go staring at me.”

“How else am I gonna find the ugly?” He says.

“It’s there for the whole world to see.” I mumble.

He tips his head slightly to the side, “Where?”

I purse my lips. “My nose for one thing. The end tips up like a broken twig.”

“And here I thought it looked like a petal unfurling.” He says.

His eyes grow warm, a touch of humor twinkling in the centers.

“And my lips. I don’t hardly have a top lip and my bottom lip looks swollen like a bee stung it.” I mumble.

“It reminds me of a plump, ripe strawberry just waiting to be tasted.” He says softly.

I feel the heat suffuse my face as his eyes darken.

“My hair,” I say in a rush, desperate to convince him of my flaws. “It’s got no color.”

He takes my braid and carries the end to his lips. “I always thought it looked like it had been woven from moonbeams. Reckon that is why I stole some of it.”

I furrow my brow. "What?"

He leans back slightly, digs his hand into his pocket, and brings out several locks of my hair, tied together with a dainty ribbon.

"When did you do that?" I ask.

"That first night I slept with you, after you had fallen asleep." He admits.

Tears sting my eyes as I press my hand to my mouth. "Oh, Blaise. You must like me some to carry my hair around."

"I like you more than some, Lillian. I wouldn’t have married you otherwise." He says softly.

I know I shouldn’t ask, know I risk angering him again, but I have to know. "What about the locks of Olivia’s hair that you carried around?"

"I know words can’t undo actions, but I’m hoping actions can undo the harm caused by a careless word." I watch his Adam's apple slowly slide up and down as he swallows. "I burned them... the day we burned the barn."

I study him, trying to understand the significance of his actions. "Why? You didn’t have to punish yourself."

"I wasn’t punishing myself. Burning the barn was a way for you to put the past behind you. Thought it was time for me to put the past to rest, too." He says.

"But you still love her." I mumble.

His thumb strokes my cheek. "I love the memory of her."

The difference sounds slight to me, if it exists at all. I'm no longer competing against a she-wolf, only a memory. Perhaps if I had loved someone before Blaise came into my life, I could better understand how difficult it was to let go. As it is, all I know is that I wish there’d been no one before me.

"Last night, I was afraid you weren’t going to come back," I confess quietly.

His lips spread into a smile that sends warmth swirling through me, from my head to my toes.

"Missed me, did you?" he asks, and I hear the slight teasing in his voice.

"Where did you go?" I ask, not ready to admit how very much I had missed him.

"Riding." He sighs deeply. "I just needed to ride."

I blink, "All night?"

"All night." He says.

I realize then how tired he looks. Shadows rest beneath his eyes. His face remains unshaven. "I will finish packing if you want to get a little sleep before we leave," I offer.

"What I want is a little kiss." He brings my face closer to his. "I know it’s hard, but trust me, Lillian."

I nod hesitantly. "I’m trying."

He joins his lips to mine and rolls back onto the bed, holding me close, bringing me down with him, his mouth never leaving mine. He cradles my head, holding me in place as he plunges his tongue into my mouth.

Awkwardly, I straddle his thighs as his lips work their magic. The warmth grows through me, and I hope he will kiss me forever.

He moans low in his throat and shifts his mouth from mine. "So sweet," he murmurs.

He presses my face into the crook of his shoulder. I hear his soft even breathing. I lift my head slightly to gaze at him. He’s fallen asleep.

I ease off him. He tightens his hold, turning onto his side and bringing his legs onto the bed, forming a cocoon around me. "Don’t leave yet," he mumbles.

"I won’t," I whisper, snuggling against him. I'm determined to stop feeling jealousy over the beautiful she-wolf who works in the general store. She is part of Blaise’s past. I am his future.