Second Chance at Love

Chapter 15

Sitting in a booth in the furthest corner of the restaurant, I feel so nervous. My palms are sweating, and my heart is racing. I don’t know what to say to him. I still have those weird thoughts about feeling unfaithful toward Michael. Sneaking a peek at him, he looks just as nervous as I am.

“Good, evening, my name is Lauren and I’ll be your server tonight. Can I start you two with something to drink?” Our waitress asks, looking from me to him, waiting for a response.

“I’ll have a Gin/ 7up please,” I tell her. I need liquid courage to get through this night.

“I’ll have a beer, Thank you,” Mathieu says.

After the waitress leaves, we fall back into this awkward silence again. This is getting ridiculous.

“So, when did you move back here from out west?” I ask him, trying to get out of this awkwardness.

“I’ve been back a little over a month ago. My mom was really happy I was moving back. She hated that I was so far away.” He says with a melancholic smile, talking about his mom.

His mom was like a second mother to me growing up. I’ve missed her so much after I left. Just as much as I did my parents. I didn’t want to talk to anyone for a while, including my own parents. I just felt so lost and I closed myself off from everyone in the world for some time. My mother was so happy when I finally reconnected with her. I wonder how his mother took my disappearing from home? I left without saying goodbye to anyone. I hope she doesn’t resent me for not going to see her before I left town.

“How has she been, your mom?” I ask him., genuinely curious.

“She’s doing much better now.” He says.

“What do you mean, she’s doing better now, is she ok?” I ask him, frowning.

“Yeah, She… She had breast cancer.” He says, making me gasp from the chock of this new.

“We found out about 2 years ago. She had the removal operation and re-construction. She did the chemo and all. She was declared cancer-free 3 months ago.

“Oh, my god! I’m so sorry! I didn’t know!” I say, grabbing his hand across the table without thinking about it.

Seeing him look down at the table, I realize what I just did and pull my hand back to me, not able to look him in the eyes.

 I see our waitress heading our way with our drink. She couldn’t have timed her arrival better.

“Here are your drinks, and are you guys ready to order?” She asks us, with a bright smile.

“I don’t know yet what I want,” I say carelessly. Barely looking up, I see Mathieu looking down with a dejected look on his face.

Shit, I guess my choice of words could sound like it has a double meaning in this situation.

“Alrighty, I’ll give you a few moments to decide, let me know whenever you're ready to order.” She says, leaving us alone again.

Taking my glass and drinking a big gulp of it, I open my menu and try to decide what I want to eat.

“I’m sorry I’m making this diner awkward.” He says to me. “I’m so scared to mess sit up, I think it is messing it up.” He says laughing dryly.

He’s not the only one making this awkward. I’m also to blame.

“It’s ok, I’m no better,” I say, exhaling deeply.

“Should we order our food now?” He asks after a few minutes looking at the menus.

“I think I picked what I want to eat, sure.”

Signaling our server, we place our order.

“I see you still like your extra cheesy fettuccine.” He says a small smile creeping on the corner of his lips.

“Yeah, pasta is still my favorite.”

 Michael used to make great pasta too… Why is my mind full of Michael tonight?!

Shaking my head slightly, trying to keep my mind from wondering. I take another gulp of my drink.

“Are you ok? You seemed flustered all of a sudden?” Mathieu asks me, looking concerned.

“I’m fine.” I lie.

“Are you sure? I know we haven’t talked in a really long time, but you can if you want to.” He says, trying to take my hand in his, making me pull away.

The hurt appearing in his eyes was not my intention, but I’m not ready to be touched by him yet. My mind is so scrambled tonight. Maybe I should have just canceled.

Our food arriving, we keep silent while we eat. After a little while, Mathieu speaks up.

“So, you have a daughter. She looks like you, she’s beautiful. How is she doing after everything that happened last weekend?” He says, looking genuinely concerned for her.

“She’s much better, thank you for asking. She’s actually going on her first date tonight. I have a feeling that I’ll have a late-night chat with when she gets home.” I say, not able to keep the smile forming on my face.

“So, I guess your talk at lunchtime was successful?” He asks.

“Yeah, I guess it was. We have a great relationship. We’ve been each other’s rock in the past year, with everything that happened, we needed each other more than ever.” I say, feeling saddened for a moment. 

“What do you mean? What happened in the past year?” He asks anxiously.

Should I tell him about what happened to Michael?

“I…It’s … complicated.” I say, feeling the sadness pulling at my heart.

“Tasha, look at me. I know I’m a major jackass for what I did, or more didn’t do back then, but you are still the most important person I’ve ever known. If somethings weighing on your mind, please talk to me. You can tell me anything. I will not judge you.” He says, looking sincere.

Exhaling a deep breath, I decided to tell him.

“Last year, I married the man I love. We were together since my second year in college. He pursued me for months, trying to get my guard down around him.” I say, a faint smile forming on my lips.

 “It took so long for me to trust him. But I eventually did. He was an amazing man. When I got pregnant with Kaylee, we were so happy. We were a complete family. We even tried for a second child, but I had 2 miscarriages, and I couldn’t take the heartbreak that came with losing a child. Not for a third time. We were fortunate enough to have Kaylee, so we stopped trying. Finally, last year, he proposed to me. I was over the moon to marry him. Kaylee was 14, almost 15 when we got married. 5 months after our wedding, one morning, a normal morning, he left for work as usual. Gave me a kiss goodbye, kiss a sleepy Kaylee, and left. But he never came back home.” I say, feeling a tear fall down my face.

 “About 45 minutes after he left, I got the visit from the police. His car was hit by a drunk driver. How can someone be that drunk at 8 o’clock in the morning? It still boggles my mind. He and Kaylee were like two peas in a pod. He was her best friend. It turned our life upside down. It’s been a year last week since he passed away. The party at Lanie’s place was made to distract me and get me out of my miserable state of mind.” I say, not realizing that Mathieu’s looking at me with a stunt expression.

“Tasha, I’m sorry for your loss. I didn’t know about this, Benji never mentioned.” He says in a small voice. “It must have really been hard for both you and Kaylee.”

“It was, still is some days. But we manage to get through it anyway. We kind of have no choice. We can’t make him come back to life.” I say, smiling a sad smile.

“And me showing back up in your life must have upset you so much. I’m sorry that I showed up when you were having such a hard time in your life. Losing someone you loved like that, must have been really hard.” He says, trying so hard not to sound jealous, but I can still a tiny bit of it in his voice.

 “Yeah, it was,” I say, silence falling back between us.

“I guess this is a mood killer, isn’t it?” I say, face-palming myself for my choice of word.

Seeing his shocked face at what I just said, makes me burst out laughing. And not the pretty, ha-ha ladylike kind of laugh. But a snorting kind of laugh that funnier to hear than a joke.

It takes me a few minutes to compose myself back. Wiping tears from my eyes, my laughter finally subsided.

“I’m sorry, but the look on your face was priceless,” I say, still trying not to chuckle.

“Glad I amuse you.” He says, smiling at me.

“I’m glad you decided to come tonight, even if I put my foot in my mouth asking that question earlier. I was scared you’d stand me up. I wouldn’t have blamed you though.”

“Hearing you laugh like this, brought so many good memories. I’ve missed you so much all these years. Now that I found you again, I’m terrified of losing you again.” He says, looking at me straight in the eyes.

“I haven’t laughed like a wale in a really long time. That was some weird sounds coming out of my mouth.” I say cringing a little.

“You used to laugh like that all the time.” He says, giving me a mischievous smile.

“I did not!” I say, faying outraged.

“Yeah, you did, but it was cute.”

“That laugh is far from cute!” I say defensively.

“Yes, it is cute. To me anyways: He says, giving me a cheeky grin.

Acting like a child, I pull out my tongue at him, grabbing my glass and downing the rest of it in one gulp.

“Do you want another one?” He asks, pointing at my now empty glass.

“NO, thank you. I still need to drive. I don’t want to get home too late. I gave Kaylee a curfew and I want to be home before she gets there. I know she’ll want to have girls talk before she goes to bed. I usually have something ready for girl talk. Like, make your own flurry station, many pedis’s, or something like that. I have to get to the store and pick up toppings.” I tell him, smiling at what I plan on doing.

“You sound like an amazing mom. Not that I doubted you’d ever be. Just the fact she called you last weekend when she was in trouble, means she trust you very much. It’s a great thing.” He says, giving me his panty-dropper smile.

Please don’t smile at me like this right now…  

“I think I should head back. Thank you for diner, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it might be.”

“Well, I’m glad you came.” He says, looking like he wants to say something else, but stopped himself.

Knowing him, he won’t say it if he stopped himself.

“What is it, Mathieu? I know you want to say something else, spit it out.” I tell him.

Shaking his head, he looks back at me smiling.

“You still know me so well, yeah, there’s something else I wanted to say. Do… Do you think you might want to do this again soon?” He asks, his cheeks turning slightly red.

Cute!

Faking thinking about it, I make a ‘Humm’ sound. He looks so panicked. I sort of feel bad for torturing him like this. But not at the same time. I kind of want to let him stew a bit in his seat.

“Maybe,” I say after a while. “That’ll depend on you,” I say, getting up and giving him a wink, leaving him surprised and smiling at the table.