Immortality (English)

Half-hearted Smile

            It had been a few days since my father had brought me to London. He wanted the Emperor to meet me. We were there for a very special occation, the High Emperor's engagement with Noelle Marquez. Noelle Marquez had been a constant companion for the High Emperor for three years. She had been a symbol that a human can exist with a vampire without harm. The High Emperor nd his consort are entizing humans to accept vampie mates. He is setting up traps for people to lower their guards that they might accept the future of the New World as they have called it now.

            Seeing images of them in banners and Billboards all around town, made me feel different. I felt like crying. My chest felt like being ripped apart. Why is it that part of me feels like it is about to die. ' You love him. You love him still. Even if your memories had drown in the abys of blackness, it would not stop you from loving him.' I was looking at my reflection as my tears wouldn't stop coming. A sob escaped me as I caved into the feeling of loneliness and utter dispair. 'This feeling is real. This heart break hurts like hell. The feeling of being being betrayed by people you trusted. Both of them has their part in my life. So both of them are hurting me in ways that I can not understand because of my lost memories. Just one drop of blood would give me the memories I needed to be back to my old self.' I was sobbing ang holding a fist at the right side of my chest as my heart ached. I struggled to breath even if I know that I don't need air anymore. I felt so helpless as my emotions are warring inside me.

            "Fran?" I heard my father's worried voice entering the room we were to occupy. He hurriedly came to my side holding my shoulders. "What's wrong?"

            I looked at him with my blood shot eyes stili crying, "I want my memories back." I sobbed. "I want to now why it hurts so much." I saw the look of sadness in my faher's eyes as he nodded. He knows what to do. 

            "I had retrived a vial of blood taken from you when you were reborn as a vampire. Although it is tainted by the High Emperor' venom, I think you'll gain the memories that you wanted." he said showing me a vial elegantly encapsulated into a glass cylinder. "The venom would give you a little headache but It would be safe enough fo you to consume without hurting." He then sighed. " The only question I have now is, are you ready?"

            "Ready for what?"

            He stood up and looked at the busy road outside the window. It was night time and everyone is up and about the city of London. "When I heard about the plan of your capture three years ago, I knew in my heart hat I will do anything to protect you. I knew of the fact that you were bitten already, you were bonded to him. But I know you, you will not be captured without a fight. So I though to myself if I could retrieve your body and inject it with his venum to heal you, you'd live and I would hide you long enough for you to be strong and use your leverage as his mate to protect our human bloodline. Your mother and Jim will be safe." 

             "Why are you telling me this father?" I asked him. He was trying to look calm but I know he was troubled inside. It was part of my ability as a vampire to know the physical state of a being. I could see and sense their struggles.

            "Your memories will bring back all your feelings," He explained harshly, " It will rebuild your connection to him. You can open your mind and you'll b able to communicate with him telepathically. Right now you ar sheilded by your own venom. But when you take that, he will sense you. Are you ready for that? The possiblity of him pursuing you?"

            I smiled bitterly and looked at him tears still welling up in my eyes, "Isn't that the plan?"

            He nodded in understanding. "I guess, I'll leave you to yourself now." he walked towards the door, but before he could walk out the door he looked back and said, "I am actually looking forward on having you back Fran. I'll see you soon." He closed the door behind him leaving me alone with the vial of blood I may or may not consume. 

            I looked at the vial intensely, as if at any given moment it will grow a head and devour me. I sighed and stared opening the cylinder. The vial slid out easily to my hand. The blood inside looked thick and dark. opening the seal mede the strong scent of old blood flood the room. The hair at the back of my neck stood as I tried controlling myself from consuming my blood. I sat down on the bed trying to compose myself. I inhaled sharply then drunk the blood like a shot. 

            Immediately I felt burning sensation as I swallowed my blood. It was as if I drunk a shot of vodka with 88% alcohol. My body started heating up, perhaps it was his venom invading my blood streams, my being...my memories. I couldn't help but pant from the heat and the up coming headache. I tried resting my head on both my hands, but i felt my cheeks burning up. So I focused on my breathing. Inhale and exhale, breathing in and breathing out. 

            Soon I could see shadows enveloping my vision. Then I was in total darkness. The overwhelming pain and heat stopped. I was left standing as I looked at myself walking down a make shift isle in a seashore I loved. We would usually go there to surf. It was the vision he made up to convince me that we were maried on our very first mind fuse. His attention to details was impeccable. Even now I am fooled to think that this happened. He knew that I loved him so deeply that I would marry him anywhere. I love him and I miss him so much.

            Then I heard myself moaning and gasping as I saw us doing things I know we both loved. It was never physical, but mind fusing can make you feel things you'd think you felt in a physical state. "I love you, Fran." I heard him say over and over again in our love making. I know in my heart that he loves me. But then again, he wanted a queen.

            Emotions flooded me as my memories of us fighting came. Confusion, anger, hopelessness and loneliness. "You'll be mine." he whispered in one of our fights as he unlink from one of our mind fuse. I never thought of it as anything back then. But now as I was an observer of my own memories, I saw how crest fallen he was. i never wold have thought that he would use Noelle to get me.

            I tried wondering why I never noticed how Noelle changed. Or was she really a friend from the beginning? As kids she always had a crush on Xedgedy. She was one of his greatest supporter. But I was clear to anyone that Xed had his eyes on me, and me alone. Looking back I would sometimes see the look of distaste on her face as she would converse with me. She would often brag how our shelter is more favored than others. Was she scheming with Xed even before we went to the shelter? Or was she just a pawn in this big game that the High Emperor is playing?

            I found myself standing in a white room before a flood of emptiness and longing hit me like a tidal wave. I tried hugging myself making me feel at least the warmth of my breath. Tears started falling. I felt the emptiness of lossing the very being that caused me to live.

            "She's gone. I lost her. Why can't I have her. I miss her. I love her." His voice echoed in my head over and over again, screaming  and whispering these words of loss. I tried covering my ears to shut everything out but it never stopped.

            "You betrayed me...you are marrying one of my best friends." I finally said.

            The noise suddenly stopped. The white room suddenly became an eligant study filled with book shelves. The floor carpeted in geometic pattern gray in color. Modern furnitures decorated the area.Floor to ceiling windows let the night breeze in. It's a bit cold for my liking but it was comfortable. I turned admiring the architecture of the room. It was magnificent. He was sitting on his study desk reading some documents. His hair was shorter now, just above his shoulder. It was tied in a half ponytail. I felt butterflies in my stomach just by watching him. He still has his effect on me. I insides quiver in anticipation. I feel that raw desire wanting to be near him. He is mine.  

            Then our eyes met, his translucent blue and my ruby red. "Fran?"

            I gave him a half hearted smile. "Hello Xed."