Desired

Chapter 1

ZAVANA KALSEY SANDOVAL

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"What? Tell me."

Helix said nang makalapit ako sa kanya nang nakabusangot.

Kinuha niya ang luggage ko mula sa akin dahil katatapos lang ng trabaho ko.

"I'm tired."

He chuckled. "Gusto mo 'yan eh."

Tahimik lang din ako habang nasa byahe sa loob ng sasakyan nito.

"Gusto mong kumain muna?" he asked.

Nanatili naman akong nakatingin sa labas ng bintana.

"Just wanna go home," matamlay na sambit ko.

"You sure you okay?"

"Don't worry."

Hinatid niya ako sa bahay. I hugged him and kissed his cheek nang maibaba niya ang luggage ko.

"Thank you so much. Drive safe."

"Okay," he said and kissed the top of my head. "Good night."

Hinayaan kong bitbitin ng security ang gamit ko. Sinalubong naman agad ako ng kasambahay pagpasok sa loob ng bahay.

"Magandang gabi, Ma'am. Ihahanda ko na po ang hapunan niyo."

"I'm fine. I'm not hungry. How about you? Have you eaten na po?"

"Naku, ma'am, tapos na po."

I tried to smile at her. "That's great. I'll go upstairs now."

"Sige ho, ma'am. Magpahinga na po kayo."

Dumapa ako sa ibabaw ng kama ko nang makarating ako sa silid. I didn't bother to remove my heels or my uniform.

There were so many things running in my head na hindi ko namalayang matagal na akong nakadapa roon.

I heard knocks on the door. I didn't say anything and didn't even move.

I knew it was mom sa haplos pa lang nito sa braso ko. Bumaling ako sa kanya when I felt that she sat beside me.

"How's my Kal?" she asked, putting some strands of my hair behind my ear. "Looks like you had a bad day. I thought you'd join us for dinner."

"Mom, it's already nine. Bakit hindi ka pa nag-eat?"

"We waited for you."

Nakaramdam naman ako agad ng guilt.

"Sorry..."

"Are you okay? What's wrong?"

Lalo pa akong napabusangot. "I feel bad... mom."

"Hmm-hmm..." Nagpatuloy ito sa paghaplos sa buhok ko.

"I messed up at work earlier. Natapunan ko ng food 'yung isang passenger. I'm willing to own up for my mistake, pero 'yung co-worker ko ang pinagalitan instead of me. I feel bad because it was not her fault. I feel like they are giving me special treatment because they know I'm a Sandoval."

"What can we do... to make you feel better?"

"I wanna... I want to go somewhere far, mom. Where no one knows me."

She let out a deep sigh. "That's dangerous."

I frowned. "I know, but... maybe I could find a place where really no one knows me. A place na... equal 'yung tao, no special treatment, a place where you can really work hard and prove yourself."

"Aren't you happy with your life now?"

"It's not that, mom. I just think... fancy life is sometimes too much. I want to meet... real people, well, except Helix and everyone we have been close with since I was younger. I want to meet new people with pure intentions. I want to meet people who like me because I am me, not because of what they can get from me."

Mom again heaved a deep sigh. "I understand... I totally understand you. Since you were younger, I know you like to meet different people and go to different places. I know you wanted to try almost everything in the world, and it's fine with me no matter what decision you make because I trust you enough. It's just that... it's hard to let you go somewhere na ikaw lang. Your dad and I would die every day in worry about you."

"Mom, trust me, please?"

"Don't make me decided yet, please?"

I chuckled. She leaned closer to me and hugged me.

"We love you, our baby bunso. It's just a bad day, hmm? Tomorrow is a new beginning."

"Thank you so much, mom."

"Come on, eat dinner even a little and take a bath now."

"Hmm... I want hug pa. I'll miss you and dad when I leave."

"You'll have to convince him. He'll freak out. Prepare his meds, okay?"

Parehas kaming tumawa nang mahina still hugging each other.

"I love you, mom."

"Love you too."

I told her not to tell dad muna about my plans hanggang sa hindi ko pa nahahanap ang lugar na pupuntahan ko. Dad was very protective sa aming tatlo nina Ate at Ate Klaire kaya alam kong matagal bago ko ito mapilit.

Kinabukasan, naghanap agad ako ng lugar sa internet na pwede kong puntahan.

Matagal akong nakaupo sa harap ng mesa ko writing every detail that would be helpful.

I listed some places, but I don't think those were what I was looking for.

I just thought that... If it's searchable, then it isn't a secret place at all.

I bit my lower lip and thought of better ideas. I could go to other countries... but it was my last option.

I thought of creating a question on a website asking for a place na malayo sa city.

Muli kong sinulat sa papel ang mga sagot ng mga ito and searched the places one by one on the internet.

May ilan na akong nakikitang pwedeng punthan but one answer caught my attention.

'I've been to Barrio Mesa. It's far from cities. Maganda ang barrio nila, refreshing, and you'll feel the nature talaga. Kaya lang, I doubt that it's the place you are looking for. Medyo techy na ang mga tao doon. But--'

Pinindot ko ang reply sa sarili nitong comment para mabasa pa ang suggestion nito.

"May isa pang barrio doon almost 3 hours away from Barrio Mesa. Barrio La Mera if I can still remember, that's the name of their place. Mahirap makarating sa lugar because they don't have proper public transpo and you can't use private cars kasi the daan there is very rough and super daming malalaking stones that will block your way. There are different ways to go there kaya lang kailangan mong maglakad nang malayo. And aside from that, hindi raw basta-basta nakakapasok sa barrio na 'yon and no one wants to live there naman aside from the original settlers kasi wala silang kuryente, even signal."

I suddenly got so interested. I immediately replied to ask her contact details so we could talk.

Sinubukan kong hanapin ang sinasabi nitong barrio sa internet but I didn't see it there.

Agad nabuo ang ngiti sa mga labi ko because I felt like I finally found the place I was looking for.

Kinuha ko agad ang mga importanteng detalye sa lugar na sinabi nito pagkatapos ay gumawa na ako ng resignation letter.

Of course I told dad na magre-resign na ako. He was worried na nahihirapan ako sa trabaho ko not until he heard from me na gusto kong pumunta sa malayong lugar na ako lang.

Just like what mom said, ang sabi niya delikado iyon and I understand.

Dad's very protective talaga sa aming lahat dahil marani siyang kaaway sa negosyo and he always thought na may ki-kidnap sa amin for money.

I expected na hindi niya ako papayagan and every day I became very persistent na lambingin ito.

"Daddy, I made cookies for you," I told him at umupo sa silya sa gilid nito.

"Hmm, alam ko na kung bakit."

I chuckled. "No... mom and I always make cookies for you naman talaga, 'di ba?"

Bumaling ito sa akin and caressed the back of my head.

"Thanks, sweetheart." Inakbayan naman niya si mom sa tabi niya and kissed her lips. "Thanks, love."

I let dad have his merienda bago ko ulit isingit nag pakay ko.

"Dad, I promise I will always try to call."

Dad heaved a deep sigh at marahang kinuha ang kamay ko.

"I wouldn't be able to forgive myself kapag may nangyaring masama sa'yo at wala akong nagawa para sa'yo."

"Can you trust me, please?"

"I trust you, but not the people around you.

"Can you please give me a month or two? Please?" Umusog ako sa tabi nito at malambing na yumakap sa kanya. "Please, daddy..."

"I've been thinking of it, and I can't really say yes."

"It's fine with mom," I said, pouting.

"It's fine with you?" dad asked her.

"If it will give her peace, if she'll feel better after going somewhere far... I'll give it to her."

Napangiti ako nang malawak.

Marahas n naman ang naging pagbuntong hininga ni dad at hinaplos ang braso ko.

"Please..."

"Promise me, and you will call me and your mom seven times a week."

Agad akong napangiti nang malawak. Pakiramdam ko ay nagtatalon ang puso ko sa saya.

"Don't you think that's clingy, dad?"

Hinaplos nito ang pisngi ko. "I don't care."

Masaya akong yumakap sa kanya nang mahigpit.

"Thank you so much, daddy. I promise I'll be fine."

Inabot ko ang kamay ko kay mom na kinuha niya at yumakap din sa amin.

"Thank you, mom. I love you always."

She kissed the top of my head. "Have fun, okay?"

I knew mapapayag ko rin si dad even though it would take time. Kahit kailan ay hindi naman ako nito nagawang tiisin. Sa ilang taon, I guess alam na namin kung ano ang technique. Mom has to say yes first dahil siya naman talaga ang boss. Dad would never say no to her.

"Daddy?"

"Hmm?"

Bahagya akong humiwalay sa kanya to look him in the eyes.

"Promise hindi mo ako papasundan?"

"Psh, 'wag ka na kayang tumuloy?"

"I haven't fixed my things. I know you'll say that again before I leave."

I stayed in the house for a week to prepare everything. Mom and dad helped me with my things and bought me stuff na kailangan ko in case of emergency.

Sinadya kong hindu sabihin sa mga kuya ko na aalis ako to go somewhere unknown dahil alam ko na ang magiging reaksyon ng mga ito, especially kuya Zice.

Humiga ako sa ibabaw ng kama ko nang maayos ko na lahat ng gamit ko.

Diretso akong tumingin sa ceiling at ngumiti nang bahagya.

I was excited...

Excited to me new people...