My Heartless Mate

Light filters through the blinds of my room. The first chills of Autumn have just set in. My chest aches, no thrums with some sort of energy I can’t quite place. It reverberates through my veins and the central ventricle of my heart. I can feel it in my joints, in my bones, in my teeth. What is it? Nervousness? No, not quite. As I sit up, I think about what awaits me today. A meeting with the Dark Moon Pack. My father told me about him, how careful we have to be, how important the meeting is. The alpha is known for his cold eyes and cruel streak. I’ve never met him before, but looking at pictures of him online, I can’t help but be entranced by those eyes. They are empty and vast. The control he exerts sort of feels like a spider threading its web, paralyzing its prey before the final strike. I climb out of bed and head towards the bathroom, hoping a hot bath will ward off this chill and apprehension. All the while wondering if his eyes will look the same in person.  I dress conservatively for the day rather than my usual athleisure clothing. My mother reminded me last night how important this meeting is not only for the pack but dad. His role at the Delta is more vulnerable than ever as he ages. The crow’s lines and wrinkles invite aggression rather than respect in some of the younger pack members. They could challenge him. Unlike the Alpha or Beta born into the role, he has earned his. By the same token, it can so easily be taken away.  "Hey dad” “Hey, Caroline. Be ready to leave in the next half an hour.” My father scarcely looks up from his newspaper in hand. He’s finishing up his cup of coffee. My mother is standing by the kitchen counter, brewing another pot of coffee. “Thank god, mom. I need some caffeine.”  “Want any toast?”  “Yes, please.” “Eggs?” “Yes.”  My dad scoffs, “Ava, you’re babying the girl. She’s twenty years old.” My mom defends herself, “She’ll always be my baby!” Dad grumbles to himself and mom walks over to him. She starts rubbing his shoulders, “You’re just grumpy because of this meeting. Let’s have a nice dinner when we get back and a movie night!” He smiles at her.  She laughs, “And don’t forget, you’ll always be my baby too!”  He shakes her off and continues with his grumbling. But anyone can tell that he doesn’t really mind, he’s absolutely smitten. It’s almost sickening how in love my parents still are even after all these years. That’s fated mates for you.  Maybe my mom notices that I’m staring. She’s so observant and can read me like a book, it’s embarrassing. “Ooh, and maybe you’ll finally meet your mate today Caroline!” I roll my eyes at her, but she continues, “You never know. I’m always telling you to get out more but you just stay holed up in that room of yours painting.” My dad puts down the newspaper, “God forbid she mates with someone from the Dark Moon Pack.” He’s glaring at his empty coffee cup now. “Yeah mom,” I say, “I’ll pass on that.” My mom walks over to the kitchen counter, turning on the burner.  “Scrambled or dippy eggs?” “Scrambled.” My father stares intently at the eggs sizzling in the pan. My mom doesn’t even turn around to look at him and without a beat, she asks, “What about you, honey?” “Dippy eggs.” She laughs, “Okay, but you’re making dinner tonight.” She takes his silence as a sign of agreement.  And soon enough we’re piling into the car. My dad turns his head towards me as he starts the ignition, “The Alpha and Beta’s families will be meeting us there.” “Seth’s coming, right?” “Yeah, his old man was telling me how he was grumbling about not being able to bring Nina. Ahh, young love.” Of course, I’ve known Seth and Nina since birth. Growing up they’ve been attached at the hip. Ever since they found out they were a fated pair, they’ve been inseparable.” I’m still an old maid at twenty, mateless, jobless, and living with my parents still.  My mom chimes in, “We were like that too dear, remember? You cried when I went away that weekend to visit my sister. It wasn’t long after we mated. You ended up driving four hours just to have dinner with me on the second day.” My dad is blushing, “You seriously have to bring that up now?” “What? It was cute. Caroline should know what a romantic her father is.” I wanna gag but I simply ignore their antics. They bicker back and forth (without any heat) for the next two hours. Instead, I just lay my head against the window, listening to the slight rumbles of the car. Tapping my fingers along with the beat of the music playing in the background. The scenery changes, the trees get taller and the forest thicker. I don’t even really recognize where we are at this point.  My mom soon breaks the silence, "We’re almost there. Caroline, honey, remember at the meeting to address him as Alpha and to never look at him in the eye. He could take that as a sign of disrespect, I heard he’s a fairly traditional Alpha.” My mom looks a bit nervous but my dad’s face is as relaxed as ever.  "Mom, don’t worry, it’ll be okay.” My mom goes on, "I know, I know, it’s just sometimes you're a little outspoken."  My dad has the audacity to laugh. An ornate gate comes into view, soon enough. I guess we are here. We drive up a long, winding road until the packhouse comes into view. I am amazed at how big the packhouse is, it's practically a mansion. Honestly, it makes our packhouse look like a shack, not that I would ever admit that to another pack.  We pull into the driveway, the Alpha and Beta’s cars pull in behind us soon after.  We are greeted by a young man as we step out of the car, "Hello my name is Paul, I am the Beta of the Dark moon pack." Our Alpha Derrick steps up first introducing his mate and their son - Tyler. His cockiness and swagger are even nauseating now. Seth walks over to me as introductions are being made. He whispers in my ear, “Ready for this s**t show?” I deadpan, “At least it’ll be entertaining.” “Sure, if we make it out alive.” I hit him on the shoulder for the caustic comment but he laughs anyway.  Paul looks over at us. He smirks. Oh, god, he probably heard everything. At least he looks amused too. Staring at him, I realize how tall he is, clearly over six-foot. He is classically handsome. He seems friendly too. Just my type, actually. Yet, I don’t feel particularly attracted to him. Instead, my eyes keep returning to the house door that is wide open. I can feel the heartbeat in my chest pick up too. How odd?  Paul invites us in. We follow him down a confusing maze of hallways, I know my face must be red, my breathing is a bit heavy too. What the hell is wrong with me?   Tyler walks past me and whispers in my ear, "You look horny. Are men with power a turn on for you?” I glare at the asshole. My friend Seth must have heard too as he inserts himself between Tyler and me. He then turns to me and gives me an uneasy smile, "Just ignore him, Caroline."  We walk into what must be the Alpha’s office. A large mahogany desk is at the center with leather seating surrounding a small coffee table. There are huge bay windows that have an impeccable view of the surrounding woods. It would be a breathtaking view if not for the nervous energy and distinct tension filling the room. Even the adults seem on edge.  But I can’t even focus on that. My heart is beating rapidly and my palms are sweaty. The smell of whiskey and wood polish lingers in my nose. My sense of smell must be off. Maybe I’m coming down with a cold? Tyler, Seth, and I are directed to sit towards the back. I force my eyes to stare at my hands folded up in my lap. I don’t dare look up, not even when someone walks into the room. It must be the Alpha as the room suddenly grows quiet. Soon enough, everyone slowly eases into a conversation about peace treaties and contracts.  My mind feels hazy and my skin itchy. I can’t wait to get out of here.  Suddenly I am snapped out of this reverie when I hear a deep growl. It pierces the room and makes every hair on my body stand up. The voice barks out, "Why should I even consider a peace treaty if I don't even get the attention of all of your pack members?" I know he is talking about me. I know why he’s acting like this too now. My inner wolf is chanting a mantra of “Mate. Mate. Mate.” But I ignore the compulsion to look at him. He knows too. He can feel the electricity between us, the red string of fate pulling us towards one another like a gravitational force.  He must not like me ignoring him, he quietly demands, “Look at me"  I wince and try very hard not to look up but I couldn't fight it. He used his alpha tone this time. As my head tilts up, our eyes lock. These blues of his are colder than I imagined, fiercer. He walks towards my chair, barking out “Mate.”  I hear a few gasps and murmurs from the room. I don’t even look for the faces of my parents though. I stare at him. He’s not very tall, only a few inches taller than me in fact. His cheekbones are sharp and his nose crooked. There is something distinctly pleasing about his features, though. He’s not the most handsome man in a classical sense but I want to keep looking at him. You look at him like you look at your favorite painting. It’s not supposed to be breathtakingly beautiful. It’s supposed to make you feel something.  And I realize that I’m staring at my fated mate. The Alpha of the Dark Moon Pack. Before I even realize what I'm doing, I jump out of my seat, past the door, through the confusing set of hallways and into the woods. My chest feels achy, my wolf is pleading with me to return. I ignore it.  I run pretty far into the forest before I decide to stop. I find a place to sit next to the small pond that comes to view.  I try breathing in and out like my high school gym teacher taught me. Soon enough my breathing evens out. But s**t. I just ignored an alpha, my mate, no less, and probably disrupted one of the most important meetings my pack has ever had. My wolf is begging me to go back to our mate, she whines, Why is he angry? What if he rejects us?  I feel bad but I just can't go back there just yet. I have to clear my mind. So I stare at the trees for a while. I close my eyes and listen for the sounds of the leaves rustling in the wind, of birds, the sounds of the woods.  But then he appears. I can sense his presence before I even see him. I don’t want to face him but we need to talk. Bracing myself for our conversation, I begin to rehearse apologies in my head. Instead of introducing himself, he marches right over and throws me over his shoulder like a rag doll. I shiver at the sparks sent flying up my spine.  "Hey! Let me down,” I demand. He ignored me even as I beat my fist on his back. He’s smirking like this is hilarious. The asshole!  “Fine, I guess I’m not an autonomous adult. What are we going to do when we get back?"  “I thought you weren’t an adult? Children should be seen and not heard.” I scoff but he continues, “We’ll talk, when we get back.” But my god, just the sound of his voice sends shivers through my body.  “You didn’t have to just march over like a caveman and grab me if you just wanted to talk.” Ignoring my statement, he asks in a more serious tone, “Why did you run away from me.” He looks almost hurt for a fleeting second. But maybe I’m just seeing things, looking at him now, his cold, hard, emotionless exterior remains. After about a minute of silence, I answered honestly, "I didn't know what else to do."  He replies with a hint of anger in his voice, "So you run away from me."  “Running away is one way to put it, I see it more as a meditation moment, a chance to gather my thoughts. He grumbles.  When we reach the packhouse, he sets me down. His eyes are still on me though, as if daring me to try and run away again. My pack mates and the Beta Paul are waiting for us.  My parents look both nervous and excited, Alpha Derrick looks apprehensive, while everyone else just looks amused. I’m glad my suffering can entertain, at least.  After about a minute of awkward silence, my apparent mate, whom I still don’t know their name, speaks "I came to my decision regarding the peace treaty, I will accept, obviously. It wouldn’t be good to be feuding with my mate’s former pack. It’ll go into effect as soon as she moves in with me, tomorrow.” “What?” I stare at him with confusion and surprise written all over my face most likely.  Luckily my Alpha speaks, “I’m sure you can understand that this is a big adjustment, how about you give Caroline some time -” “Are you questioning my authority here? Over my mate?” Alpha Derrick stares at my mate’s hardened features. My mom stares worriedly and looks at me for reassurance.  Alpha Derrick speaks again, “I will not force one of my pack members into doing something they do not wish to do. It’s up to Caroline, she is her own person, but I do ask that you will still consider the peace treaty.” Everyone turns to me awaiting an answer, I clear my throat, “Can I have a few days to decide?” My so-called mate replies sharply, “No, I want you to decide now.” He looks away from me.  I want to say no. But I think about my pack, my dad, his position at Delta, of my friends, and even the little cubs I babysit. How could I ever think of putting them in danger? Plus, he is my fated mate…  “I will come to live with you,” I pause for a minute, “but make no mistake this is for my pack.” He replies in his steely voice, “I will pick you up at noon tomorrow. At noon. Make sure to be ready, I do not like to be kept waiting.” He turns around abruptly and walks into his house without as much as a goodbye.  Seth looks angry. He tries to talk to me but I send him a look that screams later. The entire ride back home is silent. My parents say nothing. I can smell the anxiety and dread rolling off them in waves. We soon enough pulled into my driveway. And as we walk inside my house my mother breaks into tears, “I know he’s your mate but you don’t have to do this Caroline.” I squint and try to brush off the tears, I’m afraid that if I start crying, I won’t stop.  I hug my mom, “It’s okay, he’s my mate, I should give this a chance.” My mom hugs me back and tells me everything will be alright. My father watches us and slowly walks over to me. He pulls me into a tight hug, his voice sounds thick with emotion, “You can always come home, I will go to the ends of the earth for you. For anyone reason, if you ever want to come home, let me know.” I try to smile for him. It must look painful. My dad lifts his hand up and pets my hair like he did when I was a kid.  After having an emotional dinner with my parents, I go upstairs and take a long shower letting the hot water run over my back. I check my phone and realize I have over thirty missed texts and a few dozen calls. Seth must have told Nina who in turn told Layla. The whole pack probably knows.  I text them to come over whenever they want. They reply back almost instantly: “B there in ten.” Once they got here I explained everything that happened in great detail. Seth fills in the parts I miss, the apparently awkward search for me after I ran away. He says that the Alpha, my mate, was furious.  Nina asks, “Are you okay with this Caroline?” Seth is holding her hand, I watch as he rubs circles on her knuckles.  “Yeah, I mean, it was fated by the moon goddess. And I need to move out of my parents’ house at some point, right?” My joke isn’t very funny, I guess. Layla starts crying. She whines, “But I’m going to miss you.” Nina scoffs, “You would drop us in a hot second for your mate, shut up.” “No, I wouldn’t!” Nina laughs, “What about the time you faked having mono to get out of going shopping with us to go on a date with Zack instead.” “I thought it could be true love!” Layla retorts.  Soon enough they start bickering and everything feels like a return to normalcy (sort of).  Nina turns to me, “Well give us the details, is he hot?” Seth groans and Layla looks up with interest. “No, not really. More scary-looking than attractive, I would say.” “That can be hot,” she supplies.  I started blushing like crazy, “Well I guess.” Layla pipes in, “What's his name?” I just shrug. Come to think of it, I never asked. The trio looks at me like I’m crazy. “It didn’t come up,” I defended. They all promise to come back and help me pack in the morning.  I soon head to bed. I try to keep my tired eyes from closing but I drift off to sleep within minutes. I fall asleep thinking of him.