The Third Person (English)

Part 4

A week after the ‘slapping’ incident, Adi and I get even more distant. Maybe I was indeed guilty for slapping him, just because Adi wanted to remove the mukena I was wearing. But I feltel reluctant to apologize first. Let him be with his coldness and me with my stubbornness. Just let this be. After all, before that incident, Adi’s attitude to me was not friendly.

I am still staying at Adi’s house. My intention to leave here has not yet come true because until now I have not found a comfortable shared housesharehouse that is close enough to my workplace.

This morning, as usual, the three of us have breakfast together. And again, I have to hold what clenches so tight inside me, seeing the scene in front of me. Melati seems to be used to serving Adi, taking the rice and side dishes. Just like that every single day. However, Adi is somewhat different this morning, a bit too much. I think he is putting me up on purpose.

The man feeds Melati with a too overly romantic gesture. I am sick of seeing it. If it were not to appreciate Melati’s cooking, I would have left this table a long time ago.

Melati herself seems uncomfortable with Adi’s treatment. Several times she smiles awkwardly at me and tries      to end Adi’s antics.

“I can eat by myself, Di,” pleads Melati.

“I want to feed you, honey.” Adi brings the spoon back to Melati’s mouth. He glances at me, the corners of his lips slightly raise.

Really. I really am disgusted by seeing it. Luckily, I have finished the food on my plate. I immediately drink and get ready to go.

“Mel, I’m leaving. Thanks for the delicious breakfast.” I immediately stand up leaving the earlier scene on the table which makes my chest ache.

****

“Ta, after work, please accompany me, would you?” I ask Marta. We are having lunch together in the office canteen.

Marta stops her chewing, looking at me curiously. “To where?”

“You forgot it, don’t you. To find me a sharehouse, Ta.”

“Ah yeah, I forgot.” Marta taps her forehead softly. “Are you serious about living alone in a sharehouse?” she asks worriedly. This slant-eyed girl knows that I am, in fact, a fainthearted person.

“Yes. I don’t think I can stand being there any longer. I’m also thinking about ending this. It hurts so much, Ta... to be constantly ignored.” I feel my eyes heat up. I feel the puddles ready to slide out of my eyes.

Marta tightly grasps my right hand, trying her best to be supportive.

“Think carefully, Nye. Don’t be reckless. I know, I understand how you feel. But think again carefully.”

I smile at that, feeling grateful to have a friend as caring as Marta. The difference in beliefs does not make us feel different. We support each other and help as best as we can when one of us is having a hard time.

“Thanks, Ta.”

“Hi, Anye, Marta.” We turn to the source of the voice. The man with dimples on his face smiles at us.

“Ferdinand! When did you come?” Marta looks surprised by the arrival of the man who is now sitting beside me.

“Last night,” he replies, smiling widely.

The guy then looks at me with a gaze that I cannot understand. “Nye, how are you?” His voice softens.

And that prompts Marta to clear her throat while holding back her laughter. I feel uncomfortable.

I try to adjust the rhythm of my heart, which I do not know why beats faster. Ferdi, a Padangnese man, is our colleague, but we are in different divisions.

Marta and I are appointed as the warehouse staff. We keep an eye on the entry and exit of goods. Meanwhile, Ferdinand is an important person in the factory. The brown-skinned man works as a design staff. He designs the logos of our clients, which will be embroidered on the sheets later.

“I’m doing fine, alhamdulillah. How about you?”

“I’m fine. Just miss... “

“You miss who?” Marta holds back her smile while cutting Ferdinand’s sentence.

Ferdi rubs his nape, smiling awkwardly. “Of course, this factory.”

Yes, Ferdi was transferred to the branch factory in Subang for one year. And according to the news I heard, Ferdinand returns to work at our place starting from today.

“Are you sure? Not because you miss someone?” Marta aggressively teases Ferdinand, who is now utterly embarrassed.

“But unfortunately, your dream woman already belongs to someone else. You’re late. You     lost her for thinking too long.”

The shy smile Ferdi showed earlier fades upon hearing Marta’s words. I feel bad for Ferdinand because I know the woman Marta talked about is me.

Yes, me. Several months ago, before Adi’s and my wedding took place, on a sunny afternoon, Ferdi met me at my sharehouse.

The 175 cm tall man shyly expressed his intention to have a serious relationship with me. At that time, I could not give any certainty. All I told him back then was that I would not want to have any kind of relationship with a man before an official marriage proposal.

Not that I acted like I am pure, I was just taking care of myself. Living far from home made me learn a lot. Many of my friends took advantage of the opportunity of being away from their parents to hook up with the opposite s*x as they liked. I often heard that many fetuses had grown in their wombs before the marriage took place. I only attempted to take care of myself by keeping my guard up.

To keep my heart from falling for a man whom I do not know if he will be my husband.

Ferdinand understood me, he promised that after saving enough money, he would immediately propose to me. However, destiny has its own way. Before he could fulfill his commitment, God sent Adi first to become my husband through matchmaking.

Ferdinand turns to look at me closely, demanding an explanation. I see it, there is a wound on the pair of black eyes.

“Nye, sorry.” Marta realizes a change in Ferdinand’s expression. She now looks sorry for going too far with her mouth.

“Nye, what does she mean?” Ferdinand asks in a quiet, faint voice. And it makes my heart wrench. I feel it. The pain that is pricking him. Because I am feeling what Ferdinand is feeling, too, rejected and ignored.

Time does not let Ferdinand know the truth yet. The bells are ringing all over the building, cutting off our conversation.

****

I'm waiting for Marta who is in the toilet near the parking lot. I’m sitting on the motorbike playing on my phone. Not wanting to waste more time, this afternoon I will look for a share house around the factory area with Marta.

Until a voice makes my heart race uncontrollably again.

“Nye.” Ferdinand’s body towers in front of me. I can still see the look of disappointment in his eyes.

“Yes.”

“So... you’re married?” Finally, the question slips from his lips.

I cannot stand to look at the man in front of me. With my face down, I answer softly. “Yes, I’m married.”

“Why? I asked you to wait for me. How could you do this to me!” His voice trembles. Ah, it hurts so much to hear that.

I now look at him, the man who used to smile friendly now looks painfully vulnerable, which makes me even more guilt-ridden.

“It was all arranged.”

Ferdinand clenches his hands, maybe trying to calm the turmoil of disappointment in his heart.

"Why does it have to hurt like this, Nye? Why is it so painful to love someone.”

“I’m so sorry, Fer. Sorry.”

Ferdi pulls at his hair. His eyes begin to cloud and make me feel more and more guilty for him. Without a word, Ferdinand finally leaves me.

Why does it have to be like this? Why did God even match me with a man who doesn’t even consider my presence? Why isn't Ferdinand the one God matched me with? Looking at his eyes, I was touched by his sincerity.

Hope remains hope because the soulmate has found its own way.

“Nye.” Marta pats my shoulder lightly. As usual, smiling and showing his teeth.

“Eh, you’re done?” I come out of my reverie, smiling at her a little.

Marta nods. “Better get going now, shall we? Before it gets dark.”

“Right, let’s go.”

 ****

After sunset, I finally arrive home, after taking Marta to her sharehouse and dropping by to pray. I have found a suitable sharehouse. It's about two kilometers from where I work and one kilometer from where Marta lives. I’m planning to move in tomorrow afternoon. I don’t care what Adi and Melati will say. My decision is final.

Adi’s car and Melati’s motorbike are neatly parked in the yard. I walk casually into the house since I bring my own key.

The house seems quiet. Passing the living room to the dining room, I still don’t see the other two inhabitants of this house.

I enter my room, planning to take a shower and then rest, after a day of activities that leave pain all over my body. After showering, I go down to the dining room, wanting to fill my stomach that is already growling.

“Where the hell have you been? Just got home at this hour?” I turn to the source of the voice.

Not far from my place, Adi is standing with his arms crossed, staring at me in displeasure.

“Work.” I turn away to pour the boiled noodles into the bowl.

“I saw you wandering the streets,” So, Adi saw me earlier? “Just because Melati takes care of the house, you can go home at night as you want. Know your place, can’t you!”

I close my eyes, trying to cool down the heat that has crept into my chest. Mad? Of course, my husband has just called me a human being who doesn’t know my place.

It is true that Melati has taken care of the house most of the time. Washing, sweeping, mopping, cooking, and ironing. But of course, I wash and iron myself.

I turn around, staring irritably at the man who is glaring at me. His aura radiates anger. But it doesn’t scare me at all. And with all my strength, I hold back the tears that have pooled in my eyes. Adi’s words again scratch the wound which is still gaping.

“Yes, I really don’t know my place.” I can hear my shaking voice. “But one thing you need to remember, Adi. You never appreciate my efforts when I clean the house. Everything I do in your eyes is always wrong. You....” I cannot continue my sentence. The clear droplets that I have been holding back finally fall.

Adi is silent, frozen in place with an expression I can’t read.

I roughly wipe my tears and walk hastily into my room. I cry. This hurts too much. It really hurts. The hunger that had approached me disappears, replaced by heart-wrenching pain.

Hurriedly and with still teary eyes, I put my things into the suitcase. I do not need to wait for tomorrow to move out. Tonight, I will break free from this damned house. It is enough for Adi to trample my pride.

With one large suitcase and one medium-sized bag, I take turns to the porch. Adi and Melati are nowhere to be seen, maybe both of them have gone to sleep. I do not care. It is even better because I don’t need to answer Melati’s question if she shows up.

I order an online taxi to help carry my luggage and I will ride my motorbike.

After putting my suitcase and bag outside the gate, I then take out my motorbike. I lock the two-meter-tall gate in front of me.

Shortly after, my order arrives. Thus, I leave the house that for a couple of months has witnessed Adi’s injustice towards me as a husband.

I leave

Scrape all hopes

Incinerate all feelings

Let me be the one to bear this pain

Forever, she will be the only one you adore

I go

With this heart, you hurt countless times

 Continued.