The Third Person (English)

Part 17

Anyelir

The night that should have been the happiest night for me, ended in severely gaping wounds. Adi managed to incinerate my hope to survive in this polygamous household. Now all the prayers and hopes for continuing to walk the steep path of staying by Adi’s side are shattered.

Everything is more than enough for me to make up my mind to end it all. In any way, Adi will apologize. Whether intentional or not, Adi mentioned her name at that time. It will not change whatever path I will take.

With all my strength, I held back my sad tears from spilling.

It is enough.

That night honestly, I really wanted to leave the villa, leaving Adi, who fell asleep immediately after his lust was completely sated. However, I couldn’t even walk into the bathroom just to wash up. My whole body was aching, especially my heart and pride.

After making sure Adi was asleep, I cried myself in silence.

Only God, the owner of the universe, witnessed my sorrow that night.

*****

“Hey.” Marta rubs my cheek gently, breaking my reverie.

I turn to her, trying to keep smiling even though my face feels too stiff to do so.

“Why don’t you eat your food?” Marta sighs, seeing that my food is still untouched, even though it has been there for a while.

We are having dinner together at a street food stall. After work, I stopped by Marta’s place. A few moments ago, Marta excused herself to pick up a call and returned a couple of minutes later when she washas done.

“I’m not hungry, Ta,” I admit. I don’t feel hungry at all since that night. I ate mechanically only when my stomach felt twisted because of my gastritis relapse.

The burden in my mind and chest simultaneously attacks me, making me feel numb.

I got scolded several times by other riders because, at the green light, I didn’t run my motorbike.

Marta moves her eyes, perhaps bored at my answer when she remindsreminded me to eat.

“You can have mine.” I push towards her my plate of rice and fried duck with fresh vegetables and sambal dadak.

Marta puffs up her chest. I see her hands clenched over her thighs. She is angry but also worried about my attitude. I know it, but I’m not hungry at all. So no matter how angry Marta gets with me, I still don’t want to eat.

“So you don’t want to eat?”

I nod once again and it turns out to make Marta irritated. She, with an unexpected move, takes out the money from her wallet and puts it a little rough on the table.

“You pay. I’m leaving,” she says with a sullen face then walks away leaving me.

I rush after her, but the loud voice of the shop owner telling us to pay our orders first makes me turn around.

When I finish paying, I rush after Marta, who is already quite distant leaving me behind. With a little sprinting, I finally catch up with her.

I grab her hand so that Marta’s steps stop. “Please don’t get mad, Ta,” I plead meekly. I only have Marta to share my problems with. If she’s upset, then I don’t have someone else to vent all my emotions to.

Marta looks at me coldly, as if I am not her friend but an enemy she is ready to swallow whole.

“I don’t understand what you take me for, Anyelir.” Marta pulls her hand to release my grip and I can only let her. “You told me everything, crying because that bastard hurt you. But when I gave you support, reminded you to eat... you wouldn’t even listen to me.” Marta speaks without a pause, causing me to hold my breath in horror at her anger. “You seem happy to torture yourself, don’t you? You need to know, even if you fall sick, Adi will never consider you exist. So stop torturing yourself with a hunger strike.”

I shake my head weakly. That’s absolutely not why I refuse to eat and I don’t think I want pain at all to get Adi’s attention. I have said before that my appetite ran aground with my pride that night.

When I want to refute her words, Marta says, “You have to be strong cause you have to take care of your divorce as soon as possible. It’s your choice, right?”

I nod again, “I’m sorry, Ta.”

Marta lets out a deep breath and then hugs me tightly. I can’t help but cry in my best friend’s embrace.

“You have to be strong, Anyelir. If you’re weak, Adi will have the upper hand.”

*****

I gotget home by an online taxi because Marta told me not to ride a motorbike. So, I left the motorbike in her sharedshare house.

I stand for a moment in front of the house where I’ve been living for almost six months, scanning every curve of the tosca color building with my eyes. The color I just knew recently is Melati’s favorite. Everything in Adi’s life is all about Melati.

I keep telling my heart to be tough. No more being weak, no more shedding tears. Slowly I step into the gate which is tightly closed but not locked. I open it slowly, pausing for a moment to scoop up as much air as possible to loosen up the tightness in my chest, also get ready to face them both, cause there is a high possibility for that. Adi’s car, parked gallantly in the garage, confirms my suspicions that he had returned from out of town to catch up with Melati after we went back from Bogor.

I close my eyes because – again – the image of us doing the deeds that night flashes in my mind. It hurts so much.

“Anyelir.” Melati’s soft voice forces me to open my eyes and find her looking at me in amazement, even with a smile. The graceful woman — my co-wife apparently has also returned from her trip.

I try my best to smile at her, although my facial muscles feel stiff when I do it.

”Mel, you’re home?” I walk to the terrace.

“Yes.” Melati pulls me into her arms, only for a moment. Then we stand face to face with her scanning my body with a look I cannot describe. “You look thinner,”

“Ah, not at all,” I argue.

Melati cups my face with both hands. She looks deeply into my face. I can only hope that she doesn’t get suspicious with my swollen eyes and dark circles under them.

“You look too pale and ... this.” Melati rubs my eyes slowly, “Are you crying?” she gets suspicious.

I shake my head quickly, “No, Mel,” I say. “This may be... because I fell asleep at Marta’s place,” my alibi, and I hope Melati will believe it.

“Is that so?” Melati narrows her eyes, suspiciously to which I only nod.

We then enter the house. The sound of the TV from the living room echoes in my ears. Then I find Adi who is enjoying watching a football match while finishing a plate of cut fruit on his lap.

“You’re home, Nye?” Adi asks with a glance and then returnsreturn to focus on the spectacle.

To be honest, I want to cry when I see how Adi looks so relaxed, enjoying his days while I have to fight with pain consuming me. But, I have to be as calm as possible, because I don’t want to embarrass myself. I’m not ready for other people to know about that tragic night.

I’m mortified.

So, like it or not I have to answer Adi’s questions as calmly as possible so that Melati doesn’t get suspicious, “Y – yes.”

“You seem so tired, Nye. Take a shower, then come down and sit with me, I bought a souvenir for you.”

Half an hour passed, and I have complied with Melati’s request to join her in the living room. But once I reached the middle of the stairs, I only foundfind Adi who is still engrossed in his TV program.

Where’s Melati?

When I am about to turn around to return to my room, Adi calls my name, forcing me to look at him. “Yes?”

“Are you looking for Melati?” he asks, and I nod. “She went to sleep already,”

“Okay, then I'll go back to my room.”

“Wait!” Adi shouts as he stands up. Then he grabs a cloth bag and walks towards me. “This is a gift from Melati for you.” Adi holds out the cloth bag to me.

I look at Adi for a moment. I want to hear him say sorry for his mistake that night. Even though with him apologizing, I still won’t change my decision. But at least, Adi has a little respect for me as a woman who has given up my chastity.

And hope is the only hope. A week has passed since the incident and there has been no talk from Adi about that night. He only answers YES when I thank him and leaves me who is still standing dumbfounded in the middle of the stairs with these gaping wounds.

Continued.