Shooting Stars

Chapter 1Collecting his clothes from the floor and the bed, Jasper shakes off the rose petals and gets dressed, turning to the mirror to tidy his hair. He’s surprised by how nothing looks or feels different. He’s not sure what he expected really, but he’d had it in his mind this milestone would change him somehow. After a lifetime of hearing how sacred s*x is, the act of doing it out of wedlock, with a man no less, has left him buzzing. “Do you think the guys will know?” he asks, knowing it’s a dumb question. There’s little to no chance his absence won’t have been noticed by Blake, at least. He’d known that the moment he lied to his friends that he was walking Ryan out. He hadn’t cared when he took Ryan’s hand and left the band room. All of his focus had been on the step he was about to take with his boyfriend. Work was the last thing on his mind when the man he’d been missing so much was finally back in front of him. “Depends if they notice you’re freshly showered, wearing an intoxicating amount of cologne, and turning up back to work more than an hour after leaving. Don’t forget to do your pants up, though. That might give it away.” Jasper glances down at himself and does up his jeans, then catches Ryan’s tempting grin in the mirror. Ryan looks so comfortable and relaxed. They’d showered together, which had been blissfully counter-productive before either of them got clean, then Ryan had gone back to lying on the mess of sheets in nothing but his underwear, rose petals surrounding him like the enticing gift he is. Jasper hadn’t thought a post-s*x glow was a real thing, and maybe it’s only his imagination, but damn Ryan’s glowing. Everything about him is calling Jasper to get right back in bed. All of his nerves tingle with the memory of sensations he can re-create. Whether it’s the thought of what he’s walking away from, or the intensity of Ryan’s gorgeous brown eyes captivating Jasper, he can’t seem to pull himself towards the door. “Don’t look at me like that, or I won’t ever leave the apartment.” Jasper doesn’t want to leave, regardless. He wants to stay right here in this bedroom with this man for the rest of his life, basking in the warmth of his skin and the devotion in each kiss. He’d not thought this through at all. He should’ve taken an entire week off to indulge in Ryan’s return. One day for every week he’d had to be without him during Dancers and Dreamers. “I wouldn’t mind. I’ve missed you.” Ryan’s sweet admission is enough to have Jasper crawling back onto the bed and cuddling up to his boyfriend. He rests his head on Ryan’s chest, listening to his calm heartbeat. Though Ryan smells of citrus body wash, Jasper can swear there’s still a lingering scent of something more. Jasper hopes he’s not accidentally lying in anything incriminating on the sheets. If he goes back to work in different clothes all together, it’ll be way too telling of what they’d been doing. As tempting as it is to stay here like this, Jasper is buzzing with energy, and he knows Ryan must be jetlagged from his flight, and Jasper should let him sleep. The longer they rest together in silence, the harder it is for Jasper to convince himself to leave, though. He enjoys the way his boyfriend’s fingers drag in ever slowing patterns across his back, putting himself to sleep with the soothing action. Despite his reluctance, Jasper shifts from Ryan’s side, taking another moment to consider if the band is important enough to drag himself away. At the risk of spending the rest of his day watching Ryan sleep, something he’d never thought of as anything but creepy, he sneaks out. Catching an Uber back to work makes Jasper feel a little like he’s just had the most long awaited one-night-stand. He never imagined their first time to be in the middle of a workday. His impulsivity has a lot to answer for. Still, Jasper wants Ryan to have space to settle back home in peace. Despite Ryan suggesting he didn’t have to go back to work, after such a busy rehearsing and filming schedule on Dancers and Dreamers, Ryan’s social energy is probably drained, and a few hours of solitude will be much appreciated. Besides, despite how much Jasper hated the loneliness, he’d enjoyed his independence while Ryan was away. They are going to have to find balance now and adjust to always being in each other’s space again. Their time together is important, but so is spending time apart. Jasper didn’t expect to be eager to leave after finally having Ryan home. The moment he’s in the back of the Uber, though, all he wants is to be sitting at his piano pouring his every feeling out before he drowns in the sheer depth of them. The best place for Jasper right now is at work. He’s filled with an invigorating drive to work on his music. He only has the one song written, but his mind bristles with ideas he wants to get down as fast as he can. His fingers are itching to find chords to accompany the emotions within him. They’ll have plenty of time—forever, in fact—to immerse each other in attention. Today has already been massive between performing his regretful, almost-cheated-on-my-boyfriend song to his bandmates and Ryan, to promise rings and sealing their certainty. He’d done it. The “it” he’d been raised to believe was the pinnacle of love and commitment. He’d made love. The phrase sounds redundant to Jasper. The love had been made with words, comforting caresses, silent hugs, gentle kisses, aching distance, and tearful admissions of thoughts, fears, and regrets. They’d been making it for a long time now, and s*x had been, in his mind, what they were building towards. But s*x wasn’t the pinnacle, it was the reward. The reward they get to indulge in during the good times, and claim again after every challenge they fight through together. Ryan had given Jasper the comfort to shed the last of his walls, and released Jasper from the anchors of guilt, doubt, and insecurity he didn’t even know he’d been held down by until he’d caught his breath. * * * * Jasper’s nervous when he arrives at the studio. He assumes his bandmates will all know why he was gone so long. And Ryan’s right, he’s wearing way too much cologne. It’s a very suspicious amount. But—too late now. All he can do is hold his head high and hope nobody brings it up. He takes an extra moment to appreciate the soft warmth of the sun, and the gentle wash of breeze, expecting this will be the last bit of peace he gets between now and being back in Ryan’s arms tonight. His hope to go unnoticed is burst the moment he walks through the large glass entrance doors and sees a certain man with sandy blond hair and a stunning tan smiling at him in the hall. “Jasper, you’re a bit late, aren’t you?” Leo looks him up and down like he knows. More likely, Jasper is a little paranoid and self-conscious, but he crosses his arms as though protecting himself from being too easy to read. “No, there was something I had to do at home,” he answers with confidence. Leo smiles and gives a nod. “That’s right. Ryan’s home, isn’t he? I’m surprised you’re here at all.” Jasper opens his mouth to clarify that Ryan wasn’t the “something” he had to do at home. But considering that would be a lie, he shuts his mouth, leaving them standing in an uncomfortable silence. “Nice cologne,” Leo comments and Jasper’s cheeks burn, betraying his composure. A smirk crosses Leo’s lips. “Anyway, boss. I better let you get back to work.” He winks and turns, strolling up the hallway towards Mark’s office door. “Boss?” Jasper frowns. Leo turns back and slips his hands into his pockets, giving a casual shrug. “As of this morning, I’ve been assigned to the band as your permanent personal assistant. If there’s ever anything you want or need, I’m your guy.” “Sweet, I’ve got a personal slave,” Jasper jokes, not allowing himself to overthink how that sounded, or how the way Leo is standing with his hands in his pockets like that is making his burgundy suit pants taut, the matching tie sitting against his crisp-white dress shirt like an arrow pointing at his crotch. “It’s like a dream come true to me.” Leo’s dark and tempting eyes lock on Jasper’s. “You’re cute when you blush. See you later, boss.” Jasper covers his cheeks, embarrassed, as Leo disappears into Mark’s office with a pleased strut. That had not gone smoothly. Jasper gulps and tilts his head back, cursing himself for being so flustered. Though Jasper can admit Leo is very attractive, he’s never been one to blush when flirted with. He once again wonders if coming back to work is a mistake. He’s clearly too horny to be away from Ryan. For a moment, he considers going straight home again, but as he glances down the hall to his practice room, he’s drawn again to pour his energy into songs. By the time he reaches the band room door, he’s deep in thought about what direction he wants to take his music and how he does feel different now, actually. It’s not how he expected. He’d thought the act of having s*x would change his life somehow, and it hadn’t. No dagger of lightning has erupted from the clouds to smite him for all the very un-godly things he’d done while shouting praises in the Lord’s name, so that’s one reassuring lack of difference in his life. He’s not sure he can credit Ryan for the surge of energy and motivation. The incredible moment of serenity they’d reached together had some effect on his mood, but the music in his head has been raging louder within him ever since the silence had settled over them as they rested naked in each other’s arms. Jasper walks into the practice room, tapping his fingers against his thighs to the beat in his head, forgetting he’d walked out two hours ago, and is now returning like he’d never even left the building. There are a few beautiful seconds where he wonders if he’d gotten away with sneaking home to f**k his boyfriend. Then it’s spoiled. “So, Jasper, when you said you’d walk Ryan out, I didn’t realize you meant you’d walk him all the way home, too,” Simon says. “Yeah, sorry,” Jasper sighs, trying to play it cool, hoping he’s not going to turn red in front of Simon. He’s only a little embarrassed that Leo knows, or at least suspects he’d been at home getting laid. But Simon knowing is somehow worse, though Jasper’s not sure why. Simon stares at him for a moment before nodding. “You know you didn’t have to come back. We get it. He was away for months, and you struggled with that. You could’ve spent the afternoon at home.” It clicks. Simon knowing is worse in an understanding parent type way. Jasper is about to reply to Simon’s kind and sincere statement when Blake calls out to him from across the room, “Oi Jas. Is there something wrong with your phone?” Confused, Jasper fishes his phone out of his pocket and checks it. “No, why?” He frowns back over at Blake. “Oh, well, I tried calling you, but the contact I’d saved under Virgin Sacrifice keeps sending me to a dial tone. Strange, huh?” Blake smirks at him. Jasper, trying to will some kind of telepathic bond, holds Blake’s gaze, pleading with him to shut up. The longer the eye contact goes, the wider Blake’s smug grin spreads. Without breaking their stare off, Blake pulls his phone from his pocket. “Maybe you should try calling me.” Jasper knows the insidious smirk on his best friend’s face way too well. He knows this is a trap, but that doesn’t stop him from falling for it. He unlocks his phone, opens speed dial and calls Blake. Blake’s ringtone blares through the room. “Oh, my bad, your name’s been changed to Slutballs. Weird, huh?” Blake shrugs, showing Jasper his phone before turning away and whispering into the phone for Jasper to hear. “About time, Slutballs.” All Jasper can think is he should’ve stayed home. “You’re dead to me,” he says before hanging up like that’ll stop whatever teasing he’s about to suffer. Blake laughs and shoots him a wink, which Jasper returns with throwing his middle fingers up. A few strides later, Blake has his arm around Jasper’s shoulder so he can’t escape the interrogation. “So, when were you gonna tell me you finally got laid? I thought I was your best friend?” Jasper chews his lip, trying to keep himself from smirking. “Well, I was waiting until it finally happened.” “You seriously went all the way across the country—” “It wasn’t that far.” “—and didn’t get laid?” “I told you it wasn’t a booty call. Besides, it’s not like telling him I nearly cheated on him after ghosting him for seven weeks was exactly a turn on.” “Tell that to the souvenir hickey you came home with.” “We made up, but it was definitely not the right time.” Jasper shrugs off Blake’s arm and steps away. “Good point.” Blake nods. “Today?” There’s no way Jasper can contain the smile, even if he tried. He wants to talk about it with Blake, but not here. “I don’t kiss and tell.” “Ooh, so there was kissing?” Blake taunts. “Among other things.” Jasper tries to cover his grin with his hand. “Is that…Dude, is that a f*****g purity ring?” Blake gawks, grabbing Jasper’s hand and inspecting the ring. “It’s a promise ring. I gave Ryan one too.” “You gave Ryan one? Tell me you gave your boyfriend a God honoring purity ring, then f****d him. Tell me that’s what happened just now.” Blake’s expression is laughable, and with Jasper not about to confirm that it’s indeed what happened, Blake continues. “You little deviant. I’m so proud.” Jasper pulls his hand away, a little defensive, trying to ignore Blake’s snickering. “It’s a promise ring. Not a purity ring.” “Well, I guess you’ve gotta call it that since there’s nothing pure about it now, is there?” “I hate you.” Jasper turns around, almost bumping into Simon. “When you guys are done with whatever this is, I’d really like to talk to you about your new song, Jasper,” Simon says, rubbing his temples. Behind him, Blake is snickering, but Jasper is more mortified than amused. “Did you hear all of that?” he asks, wishing he had some control over the flush of heat that is betraying his cheeks today. Simon flips back a few pages in his notebook. “Honestly, when you guys get started, I’ve learned to tune you both out. Was it about your new song?” “No.” “Then I don’t care. Look, I appreciate what you were going for with that song. It was raw and emotional, and I respect that. I have some notes, but the main one is, I’m a little nervous that it isn’t easy enough to identify who you wake up beside at the end of the song and I think that might cause an unnecessary scandal for you guys. Is there some way you can make it clearer in the lyrics that you were not cheating on Ryan? Because we all talked about it and that was something none of us picked until Ryan spoke. The second concern I have is the implication that you have been drinking excessively.” “You want me to sing something meaningful and heartfelt and when I do you want me to tame it down and dumb it down? No. I wrote this song on the flight home from visiting Ryan after almost f*****g up the entire relationship, and I’ve not changed a single lyric since I got off the plane. It’s meant to be flawed, because I am flawed. I was drinking excessively. I struggled with the distance, and I became desperate for affection from anyone. My song tells a truth I’m not proud of, but I’m proud of the honesty in it, even if it makes people see me differently.” Simon takes a deep breath. “Okay then. I’ll trust that you can handle whatever backlash you might get.” Blake pats Jasper’s shoulder. “Pretty sure this badass can handle the backlash. Don’t be fooled by the fact he’s sparkling right now, and smells like someone spilled a citrus cocktail on a pile of freshly cut firewood.” Jasper would take handling a lot of backlash from his fans and haters, over having Blake make a single other comment right now. “I’ll see if Ryan will do a music video with me for this song. That should help people realize we’re fine.” Simon nods. “I think that would be best. Considering he’s been absent from the band for the last few months, that’d be a good way to ease him back into band activity, too. It’ll be an interesting dynamic with him back. We need someone to separate you and Blake before you merge fully into one person.” Jasper and Blake share a look at each other. It’s hard to deny Jasper has been evolving into Blake for a while now. Especially with his hair that, despite his meticulous tidying of his appearance before returning to work, has a messy and carefree style about it, much like Blake’s. Even their dress style is similar. He’d never worn skinny jeans until he met Blake, and now that’s a staple of his wardrobe. Really, he’s only band-shirts, eyeliner, and lip piercings away from looking like Blake’s protégé at this point. Jasper has been forever molding himself into the person those around him will like and approve of. His parents, his fans. Even Blake, though he knows Blake’s approval has never been conditional. Even so, he’s feeling ready to break the mold.