Martyr Wife

Prologue

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are etheir the product of the author's imagination or used in fictitious manner.

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"Baby..." Napaungol ako nang maramdaman ko ang halik ni Colton sa aking batok. He even bit my skin on my neck, so I immediately pushed him to go back to sleep.

"Baby, tanghali na. You need to eat," saad niya. I ignored him and buried my face on my pillow. Naramdaman ko ang paggalaw niya sa kama at ang mabigat niyang braso sa aking tiyan. He pulled me towards his body and hugged me. Mas lalo akong naging komportable nang magsimula siyang suklayin ang buhok ko at halikan ang tuktok ng aking ulo.

"Hindi ka naman ganiyan kaantukin, ah?" rinig kong saad niya na para bang nagtatampo na rin. Gustuhin ko man na sagutin siya ay masyado akong inaantok para magsalita. My eyelids felt heavy, and I fell into oblivion again.

Nagising ako na para bang hinahalukay ang tiyan ko. Mabilis akong bumangon sa kama at tumakbo papunta sa banyo. Pakiramdam ko ay nailabas ko ang kinain ko simula kahapon. I put my head on my knees while sitting on the floor. Narinig ko ang pagbukas ng pintuan kasabay ng nang-aalalang boses ni Colton.

"f**k! Baby, what happened?" he said as he panicked. Binuhat niya ako paalis sa banyo at dinala sa kama. I laid on the bed while still catching my breath. May luha ring tumulo sa pisngi ko.

"Baby..." nag-aalalang tawag sa akin ni Colton. Tinulangan niya akong sumandal sa headboard ng kama at pinakatitigan ng mukha ko. I know my face looks pale, and he probably saw that kaya mabilis niyang kinuha ang susi sa table at dinala ako sa hospital. I didn't complain until we arrived at the hospital. Kinausap niya lang ako ng paulit-ulit ngunit hindi ako makasagot nang maayos dahil naramdaman ko ang pagkahilo.

He carried me in bridal style and laid me on the strecher. Kaagad akong inasikaso ng mga doctor nang makita nila si Colton. Nakahawak lang sa kamay ko si Colton habang kinakausap niya ang doctor. I just kept my eyes closed when I felt his hand caressing my forehead.

Nagkaroon pa ako ng pagkakataon na kausapin ang doctor bago muling nakatulog dahil sa pagod. I just woke up when I felt the sun directly on my skin. I saw Colton sitting on my bed while sleeping. Napangiti ako nang mapansin na binantayan niya talaga ako kagabi. Nakapatong ang ulo niya sa kama at marahang nakabukas ang bibig at mahimbing na natutulog. I caressed his cheek, and he moved a bit but remained asleep.

"I love you," I whispered and kissed his cheek. Unti-unti siyang nagmulat ng mata, and I felt my heart take a sudden leap as soon as I met his eyes. He wrinkled his forehead and massaged the bridge of his nose before pulling me for a hug. Napabuntong hininga ako at humilig sa dibdib niya nang maramdaman kong hinalikan niya ang noo ko.

"Do you want to eat something? May masakit ba sa 'yo? Nasusuka ka ba ulit?" I moved my head and smiled at him. "Wala na... makakauwi na ba tayo mamaya?"

He tucked some strands of my hair behind my ear and kissed my forehead. Namula ang pisngi ko nang ma-realise na halos wala pa akong hilamos at toothbrush, pero kung maka-akto siya ay para bang ako na ang pinakamagandang babae sa buong mundo. Kahit na mag-asawa na kaming dalawa ay pakiramdam ko ay bago pa lang kami.

"Let's wait for the result of your test first; my friend already had the result, but I told him to wait for you to wake up first; I want both of us to hear it." Napangiti ako bago bumangon sa kama. Honestly, I already have an idea about what's going on with me. I'm not dumb; I noticed a lot of changes in my body, even my routines. Palagi na rin akong nahihilo at tinatamad na pumasok sa trabaho tuwing umaga.

I entered the bathroom and brushed my teeth. Naghilamos na lang ako dahil hindi ko nadala ang pamalit kong damit. When I walked out of the bathroom, I saw Colton talking with someone; he was probably the doctor and Colton's friend.

"Come here, baby," tawag sa akin ni Colton. Naglakad ako palapit sa kanila at nakita ko kung paano ako pakatitigan ng kaibigan niya. I just gulped and encircled my arms around Colton's body. He smiled at me and caressed my cheeks.

"So how's she? What's the result of her test?" I felt my heart beat faster when his friend looked at us seriously. I gulped when my hands started sweating. I felt like I was ready to vomit at any time because of the nervousness I am feeling right now.

"What do you want to hear first? Good news or bad news?" the doctor asked, and I felt Colton's grip on my waist tighten.

"Just please, tell it all now. Ikaw na bahala kung anong mauna," kinakabahang sagot ko. Naramdaman ko ang mata ni Colton na pinapanood ako. "Congratulations, Ms. Amaia; you'll have your first baby."

I felt Colton freeze at his place. Umawang ang labi ko at hindi makapaniwalang tumingin sa lalaking doktor, unlike other times, doctors who congratulate their patients always smile, but not him. His face was serious, and he seemed to be thinking deeply. Napabuntong hininga ako at umupo sa kama. Colton looked at me, and I saw his eyes form tears.

"Baby," he whispered, caressing my cheeks. My tears finally slid down my cheeks. Napahikbi ako nang yakapin ako ni Colton. "Thank you, thank you so much," he told me, hugging me tightly. Mas lalo akong napahikbi nang mabakas ang saya sa boses niya. He had been dreaming of this for a long time; he wants us to have a child in the future, and now we'll have one.

The doctor cleared its throat, and that's when I realised something. He just told us that there's also bad news. Could it be about my pregnancy too? Nanigas ako at humiwalay kay Colton, maga ang mata na hinarap namin ang kaibigan niya na seryosong nakatingin sa amin.

"I'm happy for the both of you, but I will already tell this directly. Mahina ang kapit ng baby at anytime ay puwede siyang mawala. Kung hindi tayo mag-iingat, maaring kuhanin din siya kaagad sa atin."

"What the f**k are you saying?" galit na sigaw ni Colton. The gleam in his eyes vanished, and I almost shivered when happiness in his eyes suddenly replaced anger. Napakapit ako sa damit ni Colton at sinubukan siyang pigilan nang akmang susugurin niya ang lalaki.

"Why the f**k are you telling us this, Ares?" galit muling tanong ni Colton.

"Calm down, baby. Please, kumalma ka muna."

"How can I f*****g calm down if he's already telling us that we won't be able to see our baby come out of your womb?" sigaw ni Colton sa akin. Nanghihina akong napaupo sa kama at mahigpit na napakapit sa bedsheet. I felt my chest tighten, and I sobbed when I realised what he just said. Natahimik si Colton at mabilis aking dinaluhan. Natataranta niyang sinuyod ang panigin sa katawan ko.

"Are you okay? Do you feel anything, hm? I'm sorry if I shouted at you; I was just concerned. I'm sorry, baby," nanginginig ang boses na saad ni Colton at niyakap ako. Pinigilan kong muling maiyak dahil bakas talaga ang matinding pag-aalala sa boses ni Colton. I wrapped my arms around his body and rested my head on his chest. Ngumiti sa akin ang doctor bago lumabas ng kwarto upang hayaan muna kaming dalawa.

"I promised, hindi mawawala sa atin ang anak natin," bulong ni Colton at hinalikan ang noo ko. Hindi na ako nakapagsalita at nanatiling tahimik na lang hanggang sa makauwi kami sa bahay. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. I already knew that there was only a little chance for me to get pregnant; I discovered that when I was a teen. Kaya gano'n na lang ako kasaya nang malaman na kahit papaano, nabigyan kami ng anghel ni Colton. I didn't tell him about it; umpisa pa lang kasi ay sinabi na ni Colton na gusto niyang bumuo ng pamilya kasama ako, and I was really ashamed of myself.

"Bakit ang tahimik mo?" nag-aalalang tanong ni Colton matapos lumabas ng banyo, sumandal ako sa headboard at hinaplos ang tiyan ko. Hindi pa halata ang umbok dahil limang linggo pa lang ang batang nasa tiyan ko, pero pakiramdam ko ay hele-hele ko na siya.

"You've been quiet since we arrived."

Ngumiti ako bago umiling. Tumabi sa akin si Colton at pinahinga ang ulo ko sa kanyang dibdib. I felt his hand on my stomach, and my eyes immediately welled up. Sana ay kayanin ng anak namin; sana ay hindi ko siya magawang biguin.

"I'm sorry, I was just thinking about many things."

"Like what?" mabilis na tanong niya at tinitigan ang mukha ko, naghihintay ng sagot. Umiling ako at mas binaon ang mukha sa kanyang dibdib. "Wala, h'wag mo nang masyadong isipin. Maayos lang ako."

"Amaia," tawag niya sa pangalan ko. Alam kong hindi siya titigil hanggang sa mapaamin ako, kaya bago pa man siya magsalita ay hinalikan ko na siya. I cupped his soft and delicate cheeks and depeen the kiss; napadaing ako nang hawakan niya ang batok ko at mas lalong palalimin ang halik. I just moaned until we were both panting heavily, and he was pounding inside.

"I love you so much," he muttered, kissing my forehead. He removed his shaft from me and got up from bed. I watched his naked back walk towards the bathroom. It was unusual because he became too careful with me tonight; he made sure that we weren't in an uncomfortable position while making love, and he kept on asking me if I was fine with it. Napangiti na lang ako at nakagat ang daliri, lumabas siya sa banyo na may dala nang maliit na basang towel. He wipes my sensitive area, and he's doing it as if one wrong touch may break me.

"Sleep; I'll dress you later," he said when he saw my eyes slowly closing. "Good night, Daddy Colton," I muttered. I felt him stare at me darkly before kissing my cheeks. "Good night. I love you so much, Amaia."

When I woke up the next day, he was no longer beside me. I just sighed and did my usual routine. I was about to leave the room when I saw Colton entering the room with food on his tray. Napangiti ako nang makitang puro gulay at prutas ang lama n'on. Mayroon ding gatas at vitamins na nakalagay sa gilid.

"Don't leave the bed; you'll have your breakfast here," seryosong saad niya at pinatong ang tray sa bedside table. He held my hand and helped me sit; napanguso ako nang mapagtanto na sobrang seryoso ng mukha niya, kahit maaga pa lang.

"What happened? Why are you too serious?" I asked when he put the spoon full of food in front of my mouth. He sighed and then forced a smile: Hindi ko na lang pinuna pa 'yon at nagsimula nang ubusin ang pagkain na hinanda niya pa sa akin. He didn't allow me to move and left the room, and instead, he served me as if I couldn't do everything by myself.

"Stay here; I'll just get something downstairs. If you have anything you want, you can call me. Your phone is on the bedside table."

"Hindi mo ba ako hahayaang lumabas? Kanina pa akong tanghali rito, Colton. Nabo-boring na rin ako," reklamo ko at saka tumayo. Inayos ko ang comforter sa ibabaw ng kama at akmang hahawak sa kanya para sumama sa labas ngunit tinanggal niya lang ang kamay ko at seryoso akong tinignan. "Do you know your condition, right?"

I bit my lower lip and looked at him seriously. His stares were enough to melt my shaking knees. "Yeah, kaya ba ayaw mo akong mapagod at palabasin ng kwarto?"

Mabilis siyang tumango at saka walang pasabing binuhat ako at dahan-dahang nilapag sa kama. I formed my hand into a fist and watched him as he covered half of my body with the comforter. "You'll stay here until we make sure that our baby is safe and secure. We can't sacrifice your health, Amaia. Please understand."

"Pero Colton, may trabaho rin ako..." nag-aalalang saad ko at napahawak sa kamay niya.

He shook his head and licked his lower lip. I bit my tongue when he caressed my hair. "I already contacted your manager; you're leaving that job."

Napasinghap ako sa gulat. "Colton!"

His brows met when he heard my voice laced with anger. "What's wrong? Ares told me that we should be more careful this time; anytime puwedeng mapahamak ang baby natin."

"I know, pero puwede bang h'wag mo muna akong pangunahan sa gusto ko? For Pete's sake, Colton! Hindi mo manlang ako hinayaang magdesisyon tungkol diyaan! Kung umasta ka, parang pagmamay-ari mo na ako kaagad! I was just carrying your child and you're my husband, but that doesn't mean you have the right to decide for me!"

Natahimik siya at napailing. I was startled when he moved away from me and stared at me coldly. Nangilid ang luha ko at sinubukang hawakan ang kamay niya ngunit mabilis niyang tinaboy 'yon. "Yeah, you're right. Who am I to decide for you?"

Kaagad akong nanghina nang makitang nangilid ang luha sa mata niya. Nakagat ko ang labi nang tumango-tango pa siya na tila ba kinukumbinsi ang sarili na tama ako. "I'll just go to Azrael's house, beside us. If you need something, just call me. I would go here and do whatever you say; I love you," were his last words before he left me in our room.

Napasabunot ako ng buhok at umiiyak na pinagmasdan ang pinto kung saan siya lumabas. Without thinking properly, I changed my clothes and left the house. Kaagad akong pumara ng taxi at sinabi ang address ng kaibigan ko. I needed to talk to her; she was the only one I could talk to when Colton and I had a fight.

The car stopped in front of a huge building. The unit of my friend was on the third floor, and I was able to get there after I rode an elevator. I knocked three times on her door, and I immediately broke down as soon as I met her face.

"What the... bakit, Amaia?" gulat na sigaw niya at mabilis akong niyakap. Inanalalayan niya ako papasok ng unit at pinaupo sa sofa, natigilan lang ako nang makitang may bisita pala siya.

"What happened?" seryosong tanong nito at bakas ang matinding pag-aalala. Napayuko ako tinubuan bigla ng hiya. Yosemite was my past fling; hindi ko in-expect na nandito siya ngayon sa unit ni Zylla. Kahit na napuno ng pagtataka ay hindi ko na nagawang magtanong pa dahil sa kondisyon ko ngayon.

"Okay ka lang, Bes? Inaway ka ba ni Colton? Sabihin mo at susugurin ko ang lalaking 'yon, napakawalanghiya talaga!" Hinatak si Zylla paupo nang akmang aalis na siya. Umiling ako at kaagad niya akong niyakap at dinaluhan.

"I guess I have to take my leave now," bigang saad ni Yosemite at saka tumayo. Pareho kaming napatingin sa kanya ni Zylla at umawang ang labi ko nang lumapit ito sa akin at dinampian ng kanyang panyo ang pisngi ko.

"Stop crying; I don't want to see your beautiful face damped with tears," bulong niya. I bit my lower lip and slowly nodded. Zylla cleared her throat and was about to speak, but her phone rang. Natataranta niyang kinuha ang cell phone niya sa mini table at mabilis na sinagot ang tawag ng ina, I saw it on the ID of the caller.

"Ano, Ma?! Wait lang, dahan-dahan nga! Hindi ko po maintindihan—What?! Paano nangyari 'yon?! Hindi ba sinabi ko bawal siyang pakainin ng seafoods?! Mama! Nasaan kayo ngayon?" Napuno ng pag-aalala ang mata ko nang makitang halos mapahagulgol na si Zylla at tila ba hindi alam ang gagawin. Nagmamadali siyang pumasok sa kwarto at paglabas niya ay may dala na siyang bag.

"I'm sorry, Amaia! Kailangan kong umuwi sa Baguio. Please, Yosemite! H'wag mo munang iwan dito ang kaibigan ko. Please lang!"

"Zy—" Hindi ko na siya natawag nang tuluyan na siyang makaalis. Pareho kaming nag-aalala ni Yosemite at hindi na rin siya mapakali. He stood up, and I watched him text someone on his phone.

"Hindi mo na kailangang samahan ako rito, Yosemite. Kaya ko ang sarili ko," mahinang saad ko. Gustuhin ko mang itanong kay Zylla ang nangyari ngunit hindi ako makagalaw ng maayos sa paligid ni Yosemite. I don't know why, but I just felt uneasy around him.

"No. Pinagkatiwalaan ako ng kaibigan mo para bantayan ka. I'll stay here until she comes back," seryosong sabi niya at iniwan ako sa sala. Pinagmasdan ko siyang pumasok sa kusina, napasabunot na lang ako sa buhok, at mabilis na kinuha ang phone ko para i-text si Zylla. I saw Colton's text, but I ignored it and put my phone inside my sling bag. Pumasok na lang ako sa kwarto ni Zylla upang doon magpahinga. After a few minutes, Yosemite knocked on the door, and he was already holding a tray with food.

"I'm not a good cook, but I hope you'll eat these," tila nahihiyang sabi niya at pumasok sa loob matapos ko siyang senyasan. I sat on the edge of bed and watched him as he prepared the soup. Kumalam bigla ang sikmura ko at kaagad na natakam sa amoy pa lang.

"Can I eat now?" I asked when he handed me the spoon. He smiled at me and nodded. Napangiti rin ako bago sumubo. I admit that the food somehow gives me comfort. Naubos ko kaagad 'yon at mabilis na inubos ang tubig para makapagpahinga na. Iniwan na kaagad ako ni Yosemite sa kwarto at mabilis akong hinatak ng antok. Hindi ko na halos nasundan pa ang sumunod na nangyari nang maramdaman kong may umupo sa gilid ng kama.

I woke up when I heard someone shouting. Kumunot ang noo ko ngunit nanatiling nakapikit. Hindi ko masyadong maproseso ang boses ng mga taong nasa paligid ko dahil biglang gumuhit ang sakit sa sintido ko. Sinubukan kong idilat ang mata at mabilis na kinabahan nang makita ang nanlilisik sa galit na mata ni Colton.

"f**k off! f**k you, two! f**k you!" he roared, and I gasped when I saw him punch Yosemite in the face. Mabilis akong bumangon kahit na maging ang katawan ko ay sobrang nananakit. Mas lalo akong natigilan nang may mapagtanto. I held the hem of the comforter, and with my shaking hands, I lifted it and saw my naked body. Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig nang may mapagtanto. Patuloy na sinusuntok ni Colton si Yosemite sa sahig at wala namang nagawa ang lalaki kung hindi ang hindi makalaban dahil sa tindi ng galit ni Colton.

Mabilis na nangilid ang luha ko. Gusto kong sumigaw ngunit tila ba hindi ko mahanap ang boses ko. When Colton was already done with unconcious Yosemite, he raised his head at me and stared at me darkly. Napaatras ako sa kama nang makita ang galit na mata niya. I was ready to shake in fear, but the pace of my heart beat doubled when I felt his hand grip my jaw tightly.

"C-Colton..." natatakot na tawag ko sa pangalan niya.

"Why? Tell me, Amaia. What did I do for you to f*****g do this to me?" puno ng galit ang boses na tanong niya. Napatili ako nang gamit ang isang kamay ay hinatak niya ang buhok ko, hindi ko na nagawang takpan ang hubad kong katawan nang kaladkarin niya ako palabas ng kwarto. Wala nang malay si Yosemite at halos manginig ang tuhod ko nang makitang may dugong dumadalos sa noo niya.

"C-Colton, please! Let me explain, mali ang iniisip mo. H-Hindi! H-Hindi nangyari ang nasa isip mo. Pakiusap, pakinggan mo 'ko..."

He smirked and pushed me onto the sofa. Kinuha niya ang pakete ng sigarilyo sa pocket niya at kumuha ng isa roon at sinindihan. I was crying while begging at him, but he seems to be deaf to my explanations. Madilim ang mata niya at nanginginig ang mga kamay sa sobrang galit. "You two were naked in the bed; you were hugging him and kissing his chest. What the f**k are you thinking of me?! Tanga? 'Tangina, Amaia! Isang araw pa lang tayong magkaaway pero putangina, nagawa mo na akong ipagpalit kaagad sa lalaking 'yon?!"

Umiiyak na umiling ako at sinubukang hawakan ang kamay niya. Puno ng pandidiri ang mga mata niya sa akin. "Go back to that room and help him; h'wag ka na ring magpapakita sa 'kin. Nakakadiri ka."

"No! N-No, no. Please, Colton! H-Hindi ko alam kung pa'no, nangyari 'yon. Pakiusap, pakinggan mo naman 'ko... Colton, please! I was raped! I didn't do that... please, h-hindi ko ginusto 'yon!" Nakita ko kung paano natigilan si Colton sa sinabi ko. I hugged my naked body and cried harder as I realised that my whole body ached like hell. Hindi ko maalala ang lahat ng nangyari kagabi, but I'm sure that I never give Yosemite permission to touch me. Si Colton lang, si Colton lang ang tanging lalaki na pagbibigyan ko ng sarili ko.

He looked at me, and his eyes were now filled with unreadable emotion. I couldn't decipher his thoughts; he was just looking at me plainly.

"Y-You were raped?" mahinang tanong niya. Umiiyak na tumango ako at napahikbi. "Believe me, hindi ko magagawa sa 'yo 'yon, Colton..."

He laughed bitterly. I bit my lower lip to restrain myself from sobbing more. "But I saw you hugging him tightly! 'Tangina, Amaia. Hanggang dito ba naman aabot ang pagsisinungaling mo?! I saw you kissing his chest while smiling. I saw you let him kiss your neck and you were moaning na para bang sarap na sarap ka! Tell me, Amaia. Ni-rape ka niya? Pinagsamantalahan ka niya pero nagugustuhan mo?! f**k you!" Tulala ako habang pinoproseso ang lahat ng sinabi niya. Did he just say that I did all those things?

Nangunot ang noo ko at pilit inaalala ang lahat ng sinabi niya. My head aches upon thinking about all of those. Iniisip ko pa lang na ginawa ko nga ang lahat ng 'yon ay nasusuka na ako. Naipon ang luha sa mata ko at nanghihinang pinanood siya ma umiiyak na. "You can tell me na sawa ka na sa 'kin, pagod ka nang pagtiisan ang ugali ko, but please... Amaia, don't go this far. You clearly liked his touch. Halata namang sarap na sarap ka sa ginawa sa 'yo ng lalaking 'yon. Don't f*****g make me fool, alam ko lahat ng nakita ko."

"Pero..." Hindi ko na matuloy ang sasabihin ko at pinilit na lang alalahanin ang lahat ng sinabi niya. I seriously want to bang my head against the wall to force myself to remember everything, but I still can't. Parang binibiyak ang ulo ko at napahawak na lang ako sa sintido. Nang tignan ko si Colton ay blangko na ang mukha niya at tila ba wala nang pagmamahal para sa akin sa paraan ng kanyang pagtingin.

"If you want to be with him, I don't want to force myself on you anymore. Go with him, let him f**k you, but our child will have my custody. Don't f*****g dare to disapprove of it, or else you know what I can do to you." With that, he left me cold and dumbfounded. I forced myself to stand and walked back to the room. I still saw Yosemite there, coated with his blood. I could not show any remorse. I got my clothes and wore them. Malamig ang matang pinagmasdan kong dumilat siya at doon pumatak ang luha ko.

I swear to God, I never slept with him. I would never allow any man to touch me the way Colton does. I'm sure he did something to me last night; he manipulated our situation, and now Colton no longer trusts me. With the remaining strength, I got the pillow and put it on his face. He couldn't speak or move a muscle; I put a force on the pillow, causing him not to breathe. Patuloy ang pag-agos ng luha sa mata ko, habang pinapanood siyang mawalan ng buhay.

I was wearing no emotion while walking to Colton's house. I saw his car parked outside, so I knew that he was here. Maga ang mata ko at halos hindi ko na alam kung paano siya haharapin ngayon na talagang galit na galit siya sa akin. I want to convince him that I don't want all of these; hindi ko ginusto ang nangyari at kahut na gusto kong panagutin si Yosemite ay wala na. I already killed him, and anytime, cops will arrive here to arrest me.

Napangiti ako ng mapait habang lumuluha nang makita ko si Colton na tulala sa kusina habang may hawak na bote ng alak. I silently walked in his direction, and when he felt my presence, his piercing eyes darted at me.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, looking at me darkly. Hindi pa man ako nakakalapit ay halos bumigay na ang tuhod ko sa sobrang takot, he can hurt me if that's his way of telling me that he's mad. He can do whatever he wants if that's the only way he can forgive me.

"C-Colton, mag-usap muna tayo, please... hayaan mo muna akong magpaliwanag. P-Pangako, kapag ayaw mo na talaga hindi na kita pipilitin. Just let me explain first," naiiyak na saad ko. Natahimik siya at nag-iwas ng tigin. Inubos niya ang laman ng bote ng alak at saka hinagis 'yon sa pader. Napasinghap ako sa gulat nang makita rin na marami pang basag na bote sa sahig. Marahil ay siya rin ang may gawa.

"I'll give you 2 minutes; make it fast." Lumiwanag ang mata ko at mabilis na lumapit sa kanya. I held his arm, and I was shaking in fear while looking at him. "P-Pumunta ako roon kasi n-nagtampo ako sa 'yo, Colton. Si Zylla lang ang pakay ko t-tapos nagulat ako kasi nandoon siya kasama ang kaibigan ko... nagka-emergency kaya umalis si Zylla tapos naiwan kaming dalawa ni Yosemite sa bahay pero hindi ko magagawa 'yong nakita mo... maniwala ka sa 'kin, Colton. H-Hinding-hindi ko kayang gawin lahat ng 'yon. I-Ikaw ang mahal ko, mahal na mahal kita... mahal na mahal kita na hindi ko na makita ang sarili ko na hindi ka kasama kaya please, paniwalaan mo 'ko. W-Wala na siya, Colton... wala na si Yosemite... kakalimutan ko ang lahat ng pambababoy niya sa akin, h'wag lang ganito. H'wag lang ganito na galit ka sa akin..."

"Are you done?" I sniffed and raised my head at him. I sobbed when he slowly removed my hand from his arm and pushed me. Naramdaman kong may bubog na tumusok sa paa ko ngunit mas masakit ang nararamdaman ko sa dibdib ngayon. Nothing has changed in his emotions; he was looking at me as if I were nothing to him.

"If you're already done, you can leave now."

"C-Colton..."

"You're time is up. Leave before I f*****g hurt you," madiin na saad niya. Napahikbi ako at umatras nang makitang may nilabas siyang baril sa likod niya. My knees were shaking, and I don't even know where to find strength. Napaatras na lang ako ulit sa counter ngunit natigilan nang makaramdam ng matinding sakit sa tiyan. Umawang ang labi ko at napapikit nang parang pinipilipit ang tiyan ko sa sobrang sakit. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin, napahawak na lang ako sa tiyan ko at natumba sa kinatatayuan nang maramdaman ang pagdilim ng mata.

I heard Colton's voice calling my name, but my head was too dizzy to process everything. Napahawak ako sa binti ko nang maramdamang may likido roon at gano'n na lang ang pagguho ng mundo ko nang makitang may dugong umaagos mula sa akin.

"C-Colton, ang baby natin! 'Yong baby natin, iligtas mo ang baby natin!" umiiyak na sigaw ko. Naramdaman ko ang paglutang ko sa hangin, buhat ako ni Colton palabas ng bahay. Hindi ko na halos mabilang kung ilang beses akong nagmakaawa kay Colton na i-save ang anak namin ngunit nang dumating kami sa hospital ay huli na ang lahat.

"I'm sorry, but we lost the baby," the doctor said, leaving us in the room, dumbfounded. My mind went blank. Colton was quiet, but I knew that he was dying inside. He was surely a wreck, and I'm sure he was beyond mad at me right now. Napakapit ako sa kumot ko at tahimik na umiyak. Kung naging mas maingat lang sa ako, nasa amin pa sana ngayon ang baby namin. Kung hindi ako umalis sa bahay, hindi sama kami ganito kagulo ni Colton ngayon.

I felt him move towards me, but I was too drowned in emotion to even give care. He sat beside me, and I felt his hand touch my shoulder. Tuluyan na akong napaiyak nang malakas at mabilis na yumakap sa kanya.

"'Yong baby ko, Colton... 'yong baby natin, wala na..." umiiyak na sumbong ko at binaon ang mukha sa dibdib niya.

"Shhh, calm down. I'm here." I just cried on his chest. I couldn't describe how painful it was for me to lose my child, but I knew that I would never be healed. This was a lifetime wound, and that wound would either leave scars or remain fresh. I looked up at Colton, and he was crying.

"Please don't leave me after this. Malaki ang kasalanan ko, Colton, pero sana h'wag mo 'kong iwan. Please, hindi ko na kakayanin kapag pati ikaw iiwan ako."

I would do everything to just keep my husband with me, even if it meant being a martyr wife.