The Changes

Having to give up in love was one of the best thing I had ever done in my life as my last relationship taught me nothing but pain, being toxic and how not to trust myself in every thing I do even when I am being told I do low-key believe the person is lying to my face because my then partner made me to lose everything that made me a whole. (In my room listening to music someone knocking) Thandeka: (Lowers the volume) get inside (door opens and it reveals my big sister) Thandisile: hey baby sis are you good, you have been locked up in your room and you no longer the Thandeka we know what is really going on with you? Thandeka: nothing sis it’s just me going through some life phases that will eventually pass very soon Thandisile: (giving me that pity look that I really hate because I will just break down) are you sure you are good? Thandeka: yeah (but my tears decided we will sell her out) Thandisile: oh my god babe what’s wrong why would you cry if you are good? Thandeka: it’s just that sometimes I just asked myself wasn’t I good enough for this person I thought he loved me as much as I loved him, I thought I completed him as much as he completed me was I wrong to give someone all of me even though I was told he wasn’t really a good guy did I really have to fall for her this much like sis I loved this guy but I wasn’t good for her am I not that beautiful like look at me am I not that beautiful huh? ( I was now crying so hard that I felt my heart being ripped apart) love does not have to hurt like this Thandisile: aow baby you are good enough just because one guy couldn’t see that doesn’t mean that everyone won’t see that you are beautiful and a blessing to others it’s not your fault that your heart couldn’t help but love the guy okay don’t blame yourself don’t even think you aren’t worth anyone’s love, affection and loyalty okay you are beautiful I wouldn’t change how you look for anyone else Thandeka: ( when heartbroken everything just feels like waste of words because now you doubt everything another person is telling you hence I couldn’t even believe my own sister even though what she was saying was the honest truth but because I lost someone I really gave my all I doubted everything.. in between my cries) thank you sis this means a lot now can I sleep I am feeling a little bit sleepy Thandisile: (she stood up when she reached the door she turned) you are beautiful and just so you know we love you I love you just the way you are sleep well my angel. (Woke up around midnight because I ran out of sleep and ofcourse no break up will make me sleep without eating never it could never be me, I went to get my food in the oven since they always place our food there Everytime we sleep without eating because they know very well we will wake up and eat in the middle of the night)  Thandeka: ( I checked time it was 12:00am I decided to take my plate and go to my room and I took my phone to check any notification and I got a lot of those mostly from my friends checking up on me since they knew what happened what caught my eyes was the message my best friend sent me) Karabo: hey are you okay I hope you didn’tlog in on f*******: today I saw Sihle posted his new girlfriend and he even posted him claiming they meant for each other I am so ready to kill him friend so ready to kill him oh also I am so sorry that you going through all of this alone tomorrow I will be taking you on an ice cream date and I am not taking no as an answer. Thandeka: hey Fran I am good what can I say I got played I mean brick and lace warned us on love is wicked and we never listened instead we danced to it hahaha and I haven’t been on f*******: so I know nothing but I am okay glad he found someone who matches his standards (I typed all that with tears in my eyes) Karabo: sorry Fran why are you awake at this time what’s popping? Thandeka: just woke up and I decided let me eat I mean yeah I am hurt but I still need to eat dude is eating over there having it nice so yeah Karabo: argh mahn #manaretrash for real I mean you too beautiful for this babes you know but don’t worry we will get through this and get you some cute guy that won’t play you like that hunnie Thandeka: trust me I am done shame like you said #menaretrash so I won’t be risking again Anyway goodnight babe I love you Karabo: I love you too hunnie do not forget to pray Thandeka: yeah yeah I, sleep also and do not forget to pray ( I prayed and slept and then boom it was the morning argh so quick I wasn’t even looking forward to the day ) (I woke up and prayed you know moss prayer heals so pray for everything you going through because God listens at all times, went to the kitchen to wash dishes bumped into mom) Thandeka: hey mom hope you are well ( with the hugest fake smile) Mom: you don’t have to smile like a retard you know, we are worried about you what’s happening with you? Thandeka: I am fine mom you all should stop worrying about me okay I am good Mom: then your behavior wouldn’t have been like this you know Thandeka: (I just smiled and said) everything is perfectly fine I am just growing mom I love you ( then I left suddenly I felt my heart becoming heavy because now this was also affecting people around me) (karabo called saying she was outside waiting for me mind you I haven’t even fixed myself for this ice cream date I forgot about it like I felt so bad but hey the girl will be strong) Thandeka: so early though why? Karabo: argh girl I have other things to do so I didn’t want to disappoint you my Lovings Thandeka: ( I just looked at her with a tired smile like she was really trying to cheer me up so I did not want to be rude by saying I don’t want to go to the ice cream date no more) okay let’s go get your girl ready because I need to look good like yourself Miss (Fixed myself looked so beautiful Karabo disturbing my thoughts)