Clerical

Chapter Nine

The number 368 bus, full to the brim, drops off a tired looking Barry in the town centre of the picturesque borough of Greenwich.

The historic district of South-East London lies slap bang next to the Thames river. Green, clean, and full of tourists; Greenwich is nothing like where Barry spent his younger years, and by comparison this place is a paradise.

As grumpy as Barry can be, he still holds a special place in his heart for Greenwich. Why? Well, it's where he met his first, and indeed his last girlfriend, Mandy Bridgford.

Barry finds himself thinking about Mandy as he walks the streets of town. His mind wandering slightly to that fateful day on the year 9 trip to the observatory. He, a skinny little wretch with a huge crush, and her a pretty, yet shy swat that absolutely detested him. If he recalls it was Bradley Biggins who was picking on her that day, and my god he was a beast of a teenager. Fat, rude, and probably with massive mental issues undiagnosed or simply ignored at the time; he was a massive prick to keep it short.

It only took Barry a few good thumps in his mouth to keep Fatty Bradley away from his love, and from that day her opinion on our hero changed forever. No longer would he be left in a lonely world by his lonesome, from this day (at least for a year) he would be a man.

Ah, how times used to be, Barry thinks to himself as he crosses the road to come into view of the magnificent Cutty Sark Ship. He can't dwell on that element of his past any longer, however, as he's here for a very specific reason. That and he's going to be dead in a few days' time.

Barry makes the journey down the river path. He scratches and fidgets with his hands, nervous that he's having to confront something that he knows was wrong, but never had reason to care about.

The man he's going to see is an old schoolmate of his. One who he's hoping still lives with his mother, and frankly, he's got no other option than to assume he's correct.

Barry walks to a group of low income terrace houses just off the main Thames pathway. He pauses outside number 45 to consider his options and rehearses his lines quietly to himself. He looks like man about to make the speech of a lifetime. The cold sweat is wiped away from his brow with a delicate brush of his sleeve, but he can't wipe away his nerves.

Eventually he plucks up the courage to walk to the door, noticing the handicap accessible stairs placed by the front door. Now, with a long deep breath he pushes the doorbell. The irritating 1980's musical doorbell sends shivers down his spine, as it reminds him quite forcefully of what he's here to apologise for.

The tension is killing him as he waits for someone, anyone, to answer the door. For all he knows the entire family have long since moved to somewhere else, however he can't fathom that anybody who moved in here would be able to refrain themselves from destroying that doorbell. Will he remember Barry? It has been a very long time since the incident, and he knows full well that he was never suspected in what happened.

Barry jitters while he waits. He can barely stand it so rings the bell once more, again the sound of that horrific doorbell cuts through his very soul. This time he hears the faint sound of an electric stairlift buzzing down the stairs behind the door – very slowly. He looks at his feet and takes another big breath. He really wants a drink now.

The stairlift stops, and the sound of multiple locks being unfastened brings the reality home that he's going to actually have to go through with this nonsense.

The door opens with the chain attached, and a tiny old woman in what must be her mid 70's peaks her head through the small opening that the chain allows. The smell of stale cigarette smoke and cat s**t hits Barry's nose hard and fast. It's so strong he winces from it.

"What?!" The lovely old woman barks.

Barry raises his voice and speaks a little slower. "Hello Agnes. It's Barry. I'm a friend of Steven's?" He nods his head.

Agnes is a mean looking woman. In Barry's mind she's always looked somewhat menacing. Wrinkled face, tobacco stained fingers, shitty attitude. Her hairs gotten even more scraggly over the years, giving Barry's theory that she's a witch from hell even more grounds to be investigated.

"Who are ya? Gary?" She shouts with a shrill South London accent.

"BA-RRY. Barry. Is Steven home?"

Agnes pulls a lit cigarette to her mouth and takes a big drag, blowing the resulting smoke plume directly in Barry's face. He wafts it out of his eyes.

"He don't live here no more. Bloody arsehole thinks he's too good for his old mum's gaff. Lives with that bloody bird he's getting fleeced by." She laments.

"s**t. Do you know where I can find him?"

Agnes cuts him off. "He works daan that posh coffee shop by the station. He'll be there by my mark. You kids aint go no respect for youse mams no more. Always looking for something better. Well, he can fack off back to her if I'm not good enough for him."

"Yeah, well, if my mums house smelt like catshite and cabbage I'd probably move out and all."

Agnes snarls at Barry.

"Tell Steve I found his jazz rags." She smiles shrewdly as he slams the door in Barry's face.

*****

The Greenwich Coffee Time Café is a delightful little hipster paradise just off the main road to the train station. It's very shabby chic, and given its pretentious looking clientele, it's not somewhere Barry would normally frequent. In fact, it's somewhere he would avoid like the black death.

The fact that he's not a fan cannot deter Barry this time. He knows he must embrace this place if he's to give Gabriel what he needs. With that in mind, he takes a brave step inside the shop, and worms his way past the cultured patrons to the serving counter.

A young woman with short red hair and clothes straight out of a PJ & Duncan music video steps up to serve him.

"Can I help you?" She asks somewhat impolitely.

"Yeah, is there a guy called Steven here?"

The woman, chewing gum, looks him up and down with a scowl.

"He might be."

"I need to speak to him."

She takes a breath and rolls her eyes. "Steve! One of your fellas is here." She shouts into the back.

"Wait, what?" Barry says confused and concerned.

Quickly, a swinging door behind the counter of the coffee shop flaps open, and a tall, thin, attractive man steps out. The only thing detracting from his conventional pretty face and shaped physique is the eyepatch over his left eye.

Barry recognises him immediately as Steven. Aside from the eyepatch, the only thing that's changed in how he looks is that he's ever so slightly taller.

As Steven reaches the counter he spots Barry, and his face fills with anger.

"You!" Steven growls.

Barry raises his arms in a passive don't shoot manoeuvre.

"Hey, hey, look, I just came to talk." Barry tries to say calmly. "I think that I owe you a-"

"Bastard! You came here to what?" Steven tries to calm himself but fails. "YOU took my EYE!"

The crowd inside the coffee shop have now all turned to see the irate barista as he takes a run up to the serving counter, spring boards onto it, and leaps at Barry in a move that any top professional wrestler would be proud of.

Barry and Steven tussle on the floor. Rolling around, Barry is profusely trying to speak but has his words drowned out by the fury of Steven, who is screaming over and over again that Barry took his eye.

After a few moments of playground fighting which the crowd are loving, a different woman, with long blonde and expensive vintage glasses comes over to the squabble. She drags the hysterical Steven, who is almost foaming at the mouth, off Barry. He screams about his eye loudly as he's dragged away.

"What the hell, Steve! I came to apologise you f*****g nutjob!" Barry shouts after him.

Barry gets to his feet and brushes himself off. He's starting to get sick and tired of being attacked but this attack feels a little more deserved this time.

Steven is consoled by the lady he is with, and it appears to calm him down. The girl behind the counter continues to do her work nonchalantly with a "Just another day" look on her face.

With Barry all up and brushed off, he turns to Steven again. Who is reinforcing his message to his friend that he's completely calm again.

The woman turns to Barry, and both of their expressions change to shock. Barry squints as he stares.

"Holy s**t. Mandy Bridgford?" Barry says, surprised.

She replies with a similar tone. "Barry?"

Steven intercedes "You two know each other?"

"Yeah we used to date." Barry blurts out unwisely.

His poor choice of words and timing of said words cause an immediate shift in Steven, who loses his cool once again and lunges at Barry, this time, rendering him unconscious.

*****

Barry comes back round to consciousness lying on the floor of the coffee shop kitchen. He's groggy but finds the strength to sit back up. Perched to the side of him is Mandy, who raises an eyebrow at him with a slight smile when he gets to a sitting position.

"Sorry about Steven." She says matter-of-factly. "I think he's still a little sore about the whole eye thing. You know, seeing as you denied any responsibility for it for all these years."

"Yeah. I mean, to be fair…" He looks up at his lost love, and a face not looked at since he was 18 and shakes his head. "I guess it was pretty much all my fault."

"And what exactly brought this on? It's pretty weird you just showing up like this I have to say."

Barry considers his options, he thinks he may have a concussion with the number of blows to head he's taken this past few days. Thinking of a reason why is a little bit out of Barry's bluffing range: He's always been a bad liar, as Mandy would attest too.

He decides to just tell her the truth. What's the worst that could happen? He's going to be given a pauper's funeral shortly anyway, and with all the crazy stuff he's seen lately, having to think up some grand story is not something he can be bothered with.

"Well, Mandy, in heaven they have this thing called the aptitude test."

Mandy tilts her head as he listens.

"So, when I died a few days ago and went up to heaven I discovered I had a pretty shitty mediocre score. However, they tossed up the computer records and couldn't permit me to stay. So when I came back to Earth, I meet this angel. He tells me that it's all a big conspiracy and that I have to do some good deeds to improve my score and make sure that heaven itself doesn't fall into the hands of these two pricks who want to challenge god or something."

Mandy pauses for a second.

"OK. That's very interesting." She touches Barry's shoulder and speaks very calmly. "Barry. Would you like me to call you an ambulance? Are you feeling ok?"

Barry grunts and jumps to his feet. The pain in his head causes him to moan as he does so.

"Forget it. No point going over it any further. Point is, I just wanted to right a wrong, and it turns out all it gets you is a banging f*****g headache. It was good to see you again, Mandy Bridgford, see you later."

Before Mandy can return a response, Barry rushes to the exit of the Café.