Just Rose

Chapter 37

‘Sadly, this morning, the behaviour is a sign she’s back to not taking her medications.’ Alice sighed, genuine sadness on her face. ‘Poor Rob is the only one she ever listens too, ever leans on. He really is the only one who has any time for her anymore; she put’s so much stress on him, the poor sod, and all he can do is try and be there for her. He has always been a decent sort of boy, looking out for everyone else instead of his own needs and she has no idea how much pressure she puts on him day after day. It’s no wonder he sometimes takes a break from her.’ Rose felt the pride and pain hit equally. Torn badly.

‘Has she no one else? Family?’ Rose was beginning to see for the first time why Rob felt he needed to be delicate. Understood his personality enough to know he was the eternal caregiver and protector with people he felt responsible for, and if Morag was as fragile as she seemed to be then it was no wonder he was treating her with kid gloves in this way. He had never told her any of this, not that she had asked, but still. This was far worse than anything Rose could have figured out. ‘Not anymore. Those that didn’t walk away, she pushed away. Been a long time coming to that breakdown she had. Pushed every single soul away and just clung to him like he was a raft, her only lifeline. I could see he was struggling but he never let her down, just pushed on and tried to help her find her feet again.’ Alice looked pensive. Abby was now restlessly moving in her chair and slid her mug across the table, cutting in.

‘No one can deal with her erratic behaviour. So, no one wants to know anymore. She’s reckless. Swings from purrs to scratches without warning. Drinks a lot of alcohol a lot of the time, despite it making her act like an arse, likes to smash things and lash out but then cries for days. Makes him feel shitty for everything she does; blames him. She holds it over him. Threatens suicide and breaks her heart in front of him, knowing he has no resistance to girls crying. She knows how to play him like a f*****g violin.’ Abby was starting to look irritated, the subject beginning to piss her off. ’He’s the reason she even has a bloody job; our money is what keeps that museum open and her position permanent. She couldn’t run a mile let alone a museum alone; he does more for that place than she’s capable of. Do you know that it was him that started off the exhibitions every month to bring newcomers in? The new displays, switching it up. He has enough to deal with, yet he also has to find the time to run over there and deal with stuff she should be doing for that place’ Abby pushed back in her chair angrily, hiding none of the contempt she had for the red head.

‘And they’re not still... You know...Romantic?’ She knew she shouldn’t be prying like this, acting like she didn’t trust or believe him. She knew he had told her so many times and doubting him was stupid, but she had to understand if there were any other motives, such as deep-rooted feelings that he would never admit to her. She had been afraid of that for weeks now when trying to figure this out.

‘No. Not on his part. Not since she told him she was having his baby a few years back. They got engaged. He really was going to make a go of it and do the right thing, typical Rob. They had been on and off for years and we all knew that he didn’t really want to marry her. More off than on but he always still tried to help her. Turned out to be nothing but a lie to make him marry her and it all blew up in her face.’ Abby sighed, twisting her cup around in agitation.

Alice got up to clear the table and the worktops, knowing this part of the conversation was a little too personal for her liking. Abby lost in thought was still talking without hindrance.

‘Totally destroyed him you know. Not just that the baby wasn’t real, but the lying, the pretense. The way, that no matter what he had done for her over the years, she still could do that to him.’ She shrugged. ‘I don’t think he ever looked at her the same again and she’s been trying ever since to make him love her; to get him back. Always hanging over him and pretending she’s still his girlfriend. I don’t think he even notices it anymore, he’s that used to it.’ She pushed her cup away, obviously irritating herself with fidgeting. ‘He told me he really believes she would kill herself if he found someone else. She really is that obsessed with him... He would never forgive himself if she did. He feels responsible all the time for how she’s as it is.’

Rose had no words, her head swirling with all of it. The complicated mess that it was. The way her heart felt like piercing hot needles were being pushed in all over its surface at the thought he had once felt something for that woman.

Had he ever really loved her? The way he told Rose he felt for her?

The thought that she had deeply hurt him and still he had this crazy duty to look after her, to be the rock in her life no matter what she did to him, made her heart ache.

Did he still have feelings for her?

The heaviness of the situation started the small tear in her heart, but the flood of information had ripped it wide open. This was why he could never open up and tell her the true extent of the issue. It was vast! This was not a situation that would just get better anytime soon. This was not something he could softly get her used too. Morag was really ill. Seriously properly long term and medicated ill and had a past that would destroy most people! She was far more dependent on him than even Rose thought possible and this thing they had...This always, never ending, waiting for the impossible thing...It was not going to get better any time soon. Morag was never going to get better. She was so in love with Rob that it clouded everything she did and felt, she was delusional and lost in make believe that he was still hers.

How could that ever change in their situation? How could it when it was hanging on a thread dependent of this sick woman’s mental state?

Real mental health issues, a real diagnosed, something wrong, sickness. Someone who was properly not capable of being held accountable for her actions. The irrational mind and erratic behaviour. The agony she must go through every day. It made Rose feel sick to her stomach for the woman and she barely knew her.

What must Rob, her friend, her ex-lover feel when he looked at her?

He knew she was barely hanging on and he was all that was keeping her afloat. This was not short term, this was forever.

She couldn’t do this!

And the sudden heart stopping realisation that she could not go on another second, knowing this was the reality, caused her to break inside like a shattered mirror. This was not the path to happy ever after. If he tore out Morag’s heart to be with her it would forever, follow them. If he delayed telling Morag the truth and they carried on this way it would destroy them, it already was. There was no getting around this undeniable truth. There was no solution that involved Rob and Rose being together.