Look Back

The Role Of Community And Counsel In Raising A Child

There is a saying: “A man and a woman do not train a child alone—others also assist in the training.” While parents carry the main responsibility of raising their children, in the past the wider community also played a vital role. Training a child has never been easy. Children then were not as stubborn as many are today, and distractions were fewer. Obedience was instilled in us from an early age—we were taught that obedience to parents and elders would bring blessings, long life, and peace, while disobedience could bring curses.

But not every child was obedient. Some were stubborn and rebellious, and sometimes even their parents could not handle them. That was when the community stepped in. In many villages, groups of young men formed vigilante associations to discipline children who refused correction. If parents reported a child for insulting or fighting them, the vigilante boys would intervene, punishing the offender publicly.

I recall one boy named Uche who was notoriously rebellious. He insulted his parents and even beat his mother one day before running away. The vigilante boys heard about it, caught him at the river, tied him to a tree in the village square, and flogged him severely. He was left there for days, until his mother pleaded for his release. It was a hard lesson, but it changed his life. He eventually pursued higher education and became a medical doctor, never again taking his mother for granted.

Community involvement extended beyond discipline. Elders were watchful of children and quick to correct them. Sometimes they reported misbehavior directly to parents. For example, once I was sent by my uncle to buy palm wine. On the way, I greeted some boys considered “bad company.” My father’s friend happened to see me and later reported it to my parents. Though I had done nothing wrong, I was questioned. Thankfully, my friends explained the situation and cleared my name. This showed us that the community cared deeply about our conduct and reputation.

Sometimes, correction came in private. I remember going to swim in a nearby village river, something my parents would not have approved of. On my way home, an elder who was close to my family gave me a ride on his motorcycle. During our conversation, I admitted where I had been. He stopped, looked me in the eye, and said, “Chinedu, why swim in another village’s river when your own village has safe rivers? There are dangers you do not know about.” His words struck me, and I never swam there again. He never reported me to my parents, but his counsel stayed with me. Sometimes, elders chose to advise quietly, but if advice was ignored, they reported it to parents for stricter action.

Unfortunately, in today’s world, many children resist correction from anyone outside their immediate family. They see every attempt at advice as an intrusion. As a result, many behave as they please, often to their own harm. This is why we now see high rates of youthful recklessness, accidents, and even premature deaths. A 12–23-year-old may think they know life, but in reality, they are inexperienced. Wisdom comes with age, and advice from elders is born of experience.

I learned this firsthand in my early twenties, when I worked as an electrician. I often rode in taxis and buses, glued to my phone—texting, browsing, or playing games. One day, a man sitting beside me observed my distraction. After a while, he turned and said: “Young man, let me advise you. I know you love your phone, but when you are in a taxi, pay attention. You might be the one to save the driver and the passengers.” I took his words seriously.

Years later, that advice saved my life. I was in a taxi when the driver took a call and looked away from the road. I noticed a vehicle ahead and shouted, “Look at the car! Look at the car!” The driver swerved just in time to avoid an accident. That day, I remembered the wise man’s counsel and thanked God for sparing our lives. Had I been on my phone, things could have ended tragically.

The truth is, advice and correction are gifts. They do not benefit the one who gives them—they benefit the one who receives them. Whether it is advice to avoid dangerous friendships, warnings against immoral behavior, or guidance to focus on studies, these words are meant to save us from pain.

Sadly, many young people today reject such counsel. Some girls think relationships are only about romance or s*x at a young age, not understanding the responsibilities involved. Some boys ignore warnings to avoid corrupt friends until it is too late. But wisdom says: “Listen, and your soul will live.”

We are human, and we will make mistakes. But when corrected, we must accept it, learn, and move on. In the past, the community’s shared responsibility helped shape children into responsible adults. Today, if we learn to value advice—whether from parents, elders, or even strangers—we will live longer, wiser, and better lives.