In Blood

III. Shattered Illusions

It's been a while since I came here, we didn't do much but that was the thing we didn't have to be doing something significant just being together was enough. We had fallen into a comfortable habit, and he was getting use to having me around, for one he was no longer tiptoeing around the house anymore, not that I minded anyways, but there was small changes. I even had my own collection of clothing here now, we had gone on a drive and ended up at an all night grocery store where we did a little grocery shop and I picked up some clothes. I had even gotten use to living here after the short period of time being here.

"Hey," Theo greeted entering the house.

"Hi," I said looking up from the chopping board.

He quickly crossed the distance between us and captured my lips giving me a short sweet kiss and pulled away. He leaned back watching my expression, a grin spread across his face loving the effect he had on me.

"What are you doing?"

"Um, err-" I stuttered as I struggled to regain my composure. The kiss was short but he left me breathless and rendered me speechless. "I'm chopping strawberries for a snack." I told him continuing to chop the rest of the strawberries.

"I got you some clothes and some food."

"I don't need more clothes," I told him.

"I know, but I wanted to buy it for you." He said pressing a kiss to my cheek.

"That's sweet. Can you put them away?"

"Done," he whispered into my ear and wrapped his arm around my waist.

"That was fast."

"Hmm," he agreed burring his face into the crook of my neck, placing a feather touch kiss. My entire body began to freeze up against him, just one touch and I was a goner. I was all of a sudden aware of my body, aware of his pressing against mine.

"I love how you react to me," he said placing another kiss on the same spot, I relaxed leaning into his body. His arms wrapped around my waist enjoying the moment.

"Of course you do," I muttered darkly. "I made pancakes I know how you like them and all." I got out of his hold and put the chopped strawberries into a bowl with raspberries and added crumbled meringues with double cream and took to the sofa sitting in front of the TV.

Theo joined me having his pancake which he topping it with chocolate spread and sprinkles.

We sat in front of the TV watching old reruns of a show I loved when my phone buzzed reminding me of unread messages, it did that often. My mind began to wonder, here I was living life like nothing's wrong when really I had people worrying about me, people who cared and loved me, people I loved very much yet I was putting them through this torture. Oh Luke, how can I forget about him? In this temporary bliss I forgot what truly matters, the man I am going to marry.

I felt Theo shift against me bringing me back to the present, reminding me where I was, what I was doing and most importantly who I was with.

"What's wrong?" He asked, I could hear it in him, his tone carefully controlled, I could feel his gaze on me burning a hole into the back of my head.

"Nothing," I said luckily without a stutter. He didn't respond straightaway, thinking he had dropped it, I resumed focusing on the TV.

"Your heart skipped a beat."

"What?" I asked, my voice went up an octave or two. I could feel blood rising to my face, heating up my body spreading across my face. Luke could make my heart skip a beat any day but that was sweet just the thought of him had my heart skipping beats.

He shifted again, and there it was. It wasn't visible or physical but there was a shift in the air, a change in the weather and that was the moment when everything had changed. There was a change in his demeanour and he was shutting down on me.

The temporary bliss we had created for ourselves and divulged and deluded ourselves with had broken.

The illusion was shattered.

I wiped the steam off the mirror and wrapped my hair in the towel, leaving it to dry. Theo didn't own a hair dryer sadly. I picked up my ring and slipped it back in its rightful place.

A shower was taken to clean and purify oneself, and for others it was a place to think and make decisions yet I am now more conflicted than I was when I got in. My heart yearned to go back, back to my husband to be and yet the other part of me subconsciously drove here in a drunken haze. What was I suppose to do, leave or stay? I had so much to go back to, a home, my family, my husband to be, my friends, my whole life, past, future and present. Here, with Theo what really lay here for me? Is there anything at all, other than Theo? We didn't have a healthy relationship, it was sick on so many different levels, one being bad for my health and the other his. If I stay here, he'd only drink from me and if I were to die so would he. Maybe I should-

"Gen, are you okay?" Theo call interrupting my train of thoughts.

Clearing my thoughts with a deep breath I left the bathroom. "Yeah, I'm fine." I assured him but the look he sent my way said he didn't believe me.

"I ordered us food, it should be here in a few minutes."

I sat some distance away from Theo as we ate, he was on the sofa while I was using the dining table. I was distracted and my internal thoughts a mess and I didn't need him so close by. I was conflicted my wedding was in less than three weeks and there was a truck load of stuff to do, the most important things that I needed to do remained undone. The calendar reminder had thrown everything upside down, I almost forgot all about the wedding, key word here almost. The rock on my finger didn't let me completely forget and I refused to take it off completely. I was just simply spending time with a friend away from the shenanigans a wedding brought on.

The notification, reminded me of the cake sampling we were supposed to be doing, we were going to go eat a bunch of cake samples so we could pick out the flavour, I honestly did not care to what flavour it was. I wasn't fussed, I didn't even want a tier cake I could do with the supermarket tray bake, I was happy with that yet somehow I had booked a bakery to bake my cake.

What was I going to do? I could call and cancel my appointment and reappoint another date, but that would mean I was actively avoiding their calls and messages, which was exactly what I was doing but I didn't need them to know that. Maybe I could just leave it be and that Luke would attend the appointment with his best man. I could trust their judgement I didn't doubt them.

I needed to step up to my commitments, I had plenty to do and I wasn't going to get anything done if I didn't leave this place anytime soon.

"Gen," Theo said placing his hand on my shoulders and began massaging them. "Why don't we go out, you could use a distraction."

I stood up, getting out of his hold. I gave him a half hearted smile, "Maybe next time," I declined. "I'm going to call it a night." I headed towards the bedroom where I brushed up and went to sleep.

Sleep came and went, I was in a half sleep like state. A part of me was aware I was asleep and not awake and the other didn't care wanting to indulge further into the world of dreams.

Time here, in a sense flew. We did nothing extravagant or significant. We weren't even going out, we simply stayed in the house and yet somehow I was still enjoying myself. Our days consisted of eating and sleeping and the occasional drinking of blood. Occasion for me that is. He was spending more time outside than inside as the days past.

I woke early in the morning to the pressure building in my bladder, making it uncomfortable with the passing second forcing me out of bed to hurry to the bathroom. Having relieved myself, I was wide awake, his side of the bed was empty which was unlike himself. He often left after I woke up.

I was on the laptop sitting on the bed doing some wedding prep, I was yet to talk to Theo, this time it would be the final goodbye because after this there was no way we were going to remain friends. We are each other's poisons and we needed to make our peace and move on. I was currently researching some bridesmaid dresses, with less and less time left for the wedding I was beginning to feel the pressure. I didn't have anything planned really, I was really hoping on winging it and praying it'd work.

I was putting the last of the plates away when he returned home. I didn't see him, I more so heard him enter and when he hadn't returned to the living room was when I got up and tracked him down. He sat on the edge of the unmade bed body tense as he starred down burning a whole into the ground. He heard me when his head shot up as he look head on at me with his award winning poker face. He gave nothing away.

"Where did you go?" I cringed at how that sounded.

"I had-

"-errands to run," I finished his sentence. That's what he'd been telling me for that past few days. Errands. Just errands nothing else.

His eyes were now in focus looking at me, he called me forward with a gesture. I slowly walked to him, my eyes trained on his, he was hungry I could see it in his eyes. He was taking small dosages throughout the day and I could tell it wasn't doing him any good. It definitely wasn't doing me any good, by the time the pain from the last bite faded he was back for his next snack. He was beginning to get creative with where he took the blood from, sensing that my neck, his favourite spot had become too sensitive and wasn't healing as fast he decided to dot the bites around, you could, if wanted, play dot-to-dot on my body.

I brushed my hair to the side readying him to take a sip. He brushed my hair aside trailing his hands down my exposed back, running his finger tip over my spine barely touching me causing Goosebumps to rise. He pressed him lips against my skin, pressing in a gentle kiss. We sat like this for a while, he didn't sink his fangs in just placing feather touch kisses across my exposed skin.

"I got your dress dry clean." He said breaking the silence.

"Oh, thanks." I had completely forgotten about the dress I turned up on his door in.

"That night," he spoke slow, his thoughts and words calculated. "Where did you come from?"

"I came from an all girls night birthday outing." I told him slowly, I didn't know what was going through his mind.

"Hmm."

"It was a celebration of my birthday, last one before I'm a married woman, so the girls and I we went all out and had this boozy celebration."

"You're going to get married."

"Even you couldn't have missed the rock on my finger," I laughed as I played with my ring.

He didn't seem to share my humour as he became silent. "All sorts of scenarios went through my head," He finally admitted after a long stretch of silence. "I never forgot it was your birthday."

"I know," I smiled sadly. "I got them every year a bouquet of helium balloons and every year I'd sit there inhale the helium and talk all weird."

"You always loved them."

"I still do."

"I'm glad you do."

"Come," I said pulling him up, if he didn't want to there'd be no way to budge him but he was being compliant. I pulled him into the middle of the room, switching the radio on I said, "Let's dance." As I began to sway to the music, his hands came around me, wrapping me securely to him, we slow danced for a bit, before he twirled me around.

Laughter erupted the music as I giggled like a girl as I was being twirled and then pulled right against him, my hands landed on his chest. With a heavy sigh, I looked up at him, he had been gazing down at me a small smile played on his lips.

My hands wondered around his chest up to his lips, my thumb parting his lower lip, his tongue darted out licking my thumb. A shock ran trough me, my mouth gaps open, my reaction only seems to please Theo as he's wearing a full blown smile. My eyes narrow before I put my hands around his neck playing with the hair at his nape.

"You know," I say quietly not wanting to disturb the silence. " I still get tulips every year like clockwork."

"They're still your favourite right?" He asked with a faraway look in his eye.

"Yes, they are."

We continued dancing as the music continued to play, a warmth had settled over us.

"I thought you ran away from your wedding." He said after a long stretch of silence his voice quiet like a whisper. "I hoped it was true, even though you walked around with that unmissable rock on your finger."

"But that's not the case," I sighed getting up. I made sure there was a good amount of distance between us, mainly for my sake. "This," I gestured between us. "Has to come to an end, it was fun but who am I kidding? Who am I trying to fool, no one but myself in the end there is no us there is just you and me and I will be left in the dust damaged far more than I already am by the hands of you when this high finally comes crumbling down and in the end even as I try to fool myself now, I know, you're never going to love me and this is as good as it gets. This wreckage we have created is at a standstill just about balancing as it is giving us a glimmer of a deluded happiness we've put together. It's best if we leave it at this."

I waited for his reaction, watching him closely but he remained silent his eyes trained on me.

"My weddings in less than three weeks I need to go home, I will be leaving tonight." I told him firmly seeing as he wasn't responding.

In a blink of an eye he was standing in front of me, invading any space that I called personal. He cupped my face as he put his forehead to mine.

"You-you can't change my mind this is my final decision."

"Fine, I won't." I could hear the promise in his words. "I'm not going to change your mind but for one last time humour me. For just once let yourself go, let yourself enjoy it." His voice barely audible.

"You know I can't do that." I said shaking my head.

"Why?" He asked, he was applying enough pressure to feel his teeth scraping against my neck.

"You know exactly why I can't," I said in my own whisper.

"Why don't you just enjoy it?" He asked, he sounded in pain. He had asked this question over and over during my stay here and I had avoided answering it.

"Because I'm in love with you and if I do this there is no going back," I told him dead serious. If I did this that would be it, there will be no return from this for me, to save myself I had to cling onto the pain but the more time I spent here, the more tempted I have been to just give in, to experience this feeling once again, even though the last time I did this to myself I lost who I was. A shell of who I use to be once. Now, I have someone who loves me for everything that I am, everything that I am not, the broken wreckage, the left over piece holding tied together by a fine delicate silk threat and it's a healthy relationship and he is waiting for me to get back to him.

He let out a low growl, he knew I was in love with him since I was fifteen and he had nothing to say then. It was years later we finally spoke about it, acknowledging the elephant in the room at seventeen and he told me to move on and that was the last time I ever did anything like this. I did what he had asked me to do. I moved on. I met the man of my dreams, I fell in love all over again and in a few week's time I was to marry him; the man who held the key to my heart.

So how can I go and do this?

The thought of him and me and this I had put aside locked away all but forgotten in the darkest corners of my mind, the thoughts hadn't crossed my mind in years and this was the first time I saw him since I was eighteen and it was the first time I was toying with the idea.

Maybe, just maybe for one night?

I could let it all go.

Free myself of a burden I held dearly close.

Just once...

His teeth scraped up and down my neck before settling in his spot where he nipped at the skin teasingly, maybe I might just let myself enjoy this. I felt his fangs come out as they pressed against my skin before piercing the flesh. I winced at the intrusion as my body tensed up preparing itself for the worse to soon be over. Just let go it was faint, like the moving winds hardly there but you could feel its presence. All I had to do was relax just once and never again. Okay I finally agreed and began to relax letting the wonderful feeling take over slowly but surely. I could sense the presence of the soft buzzing letting it come closer, letting it take control a little by little. It felt secure and sure as if it was the right thing to do any concern or worry ceased away with each passing second as I let the hum seduce and consume me.

This was the first time in a long time I was letting myself into the temptation. I couldn't feel him as he drank from me but I took comfort in the presence of the hum-it's been so long since I had but it just felt right, like this is how it was supposed to be. I had given completely in and I couldn't tell the difference from what was truly happening to what I think was happening. I began to feel myself float, disconnected with everything else in the world, something in me screamed raising panic and disorder and mayhem but I didn't care, simply because I was far too gone to bring myself out of this haze without any help and because a bigger part of me couldn't let go of this wonderfulness I had been depriving myself of.

The panic remained bubbling away in my chest growing yet I could do nothing about it and as long as I could be in this blissful state, wonderfully freeing. I couldn't do anything about it.

The bubbling panic exploded and I felt it, the goodness was there but I was slipping away, slipping away from it all, the good, the bad and everything in between. It was too late, too late to do anything, to scream, to yell, to shout, to get away it was too late. I could, wouldn't be going home to my fiancé if I slipped away like this, I wouldn't be going home, I would be going to the unknown, even in this drug induced haze I knew this was bad.

Panic didn't have a chance, neither did fear nor any other emotion. Nothing was able to come over me because I was gone before there was a chance to even exist.

Gone before my mind could process and digests its thoughts, gone before the receptors could comprehend the situation, gone before I could sense panic.

Just simply gone.