In Blood

IV. Just Let Go

I found myself somewhere I once had been before. I was back at the field where I first came across discovering what Theo truly was. The knowledge of knowing that would soon haunt me for the rest of my life. I watched like an outsider, as the scene unfolded before me my memory coming alive I now was a teenager once again.

I ran through the crowd, swerving the masses of people as I hurried to get to the other side of the field, by the hotdog stand where I knew Theo would be there waiting for me. I was already running late, as it was-thanks mum-and no doubt he was getting impatient.

I stopped to wave my mum bye who stood exactly where I had left her, she was going to meet up with dad soon. Returning my wave she blew me a kiss which had me cringing. Quickly glancing around I made sure no one I knew was around and caught the kiss and brought it to my heart and quickly fled the scene like a criminal.

I spotted him he was sitting on the patch of grass a few feet away from the hotdog stand his head in his hands as he starred into the earth. Something was wrong, I don't know, I didn't know what but I could sense it. A sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach settled, alerting me something was off. The way Theo sat settled on his own away from the rest of the world was the first warning sign. He's an open book, so easily readable and yet today he was closed off.

My stomach turned at the thought of him, unsure whether it was a good or bad sign, I had been anticipating tonight for some time, maybe it could just be that. Nerves.

"Hey," I greeted him pushing all thoughts aside as I took the spot next to him. "What are you doing?" I asked when he didn't acknowledge my presence.

"You should go." He muttered, refusing to look up.

"What, why?" I asked, what the heck is going on? I watched him get up and leave pulling his hoodie up covering his face and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Theo, seriously?" I called after him, quickly jogging to catch up with his fast pace. I pulled him to a halt by wrapping my hand around his arm. He shrugged me off and carried on walking on. I wasn't going to give up, determination was my middle name and I broke into a run catching up with him and blocked the path in the process. "What's wrong with you?" I demanded hands on my hip.

"Just go home Gen," He said trying to side step me but I was able to intercept that blocking his path once again.

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's wrong with you." I told him stubbornly. "You can start with taking that hoodie off," I said pulling it down. The white light from the lanterns lit up his face, he looked different causing me to jump back, I was slow in hiding my reaction but it was too late, he had seen my face morph into a mixture of shock and horror and he was ready to bolt. "Wait! Don't go," I quickly rushed out. I stepped closer into him, holding his hoodie at his chest and the other hand cupping his face.

To say he looked scary was an understatement, just at fourteen he had me petrified yet everything in me screamed to remain, to not run away as scared as I was, I was far more fascinated by the boy in front of me than to do what any normal person do.

That was to run.

The whites of his eyes were a glowing red, surrounding skin around his eyes were dark almost black and covered in spidery veins clustered together the closer they were to the eye and spreading further along his face.

"I'm hungry." His voice raspy and hoarse.

He was hungry.

"W-we can get something from the food concession." My voice faltered.

He shook his head 'no' taking my hand form his cheek he pressed a kiss onto my wrist briefly before it felt as if my wrist was being slashed open. I tugged at my arm trying to pull away from him only for him tighten his hold on me. "Theo," I called unsure. "Theo? Theo!"

He spared me a glance, his eyes unseeing, glazed over as he watched me. It took him a while before there was a change in him but it was there, the change it was small but significant. He looked between me and my still bleeding wrist. "Let me help," he said softly taking my wrist to his mouth, he licked the wound clean and the pain came to a stop. "I'm sorry," he whispered cupping my face, and in that moment it was just us. Everything else faded us away and we stood so close I could feel his breath across my face. He leaned in gently capturing my lips between his and everything froze. It was just us and the fireworks going off in the distance.

The kiss was quick and short. As fast as they were there, they were gone, his lips pressed onto my neck where he placed a feather touch kiss. "Relax, enjoy it." He whispered.

Relax, enjoy it. I repeated to myself and the pain came, rippling from my shoulder thought-out my entire being, I could feel it travelling down my arm spreading through my chest. My fingers dug into his shoulders holding onto him for support. I clung to him for dear life.

Relax.

I heard it in the back of my head. Relax, and that's exactly what I did.

The euphoria that came as soon as I relaxed was unbelievable, the world around me faded away it was just me and the blissful state I was in. My eyes rolled back, my body relaxed and slummed. I could hear the fireworks in the background become distant the lights dimming out as my eyes lost focus, it was a battle between keeping my eyes open and letting go and that's exactly what I did.

I let go.

I gave up and let myself completely go, drifting through the dark abyss of nothingness.

~

I felt my eyes open.

I felt my eyes open.

I felt my lashes flutter against my skin as I began to regain conscious. My skin was being tickled by the sunlight.

I felt my eyes flutter open, my lashes brushing against my cheek. How did I never feel them before?

I felt my arm move.

I picked up my arm moving it around, waving it around.

I sat up.

I sat up straight, swinging me feet over the edge.

I moved freely gliding through the room.

My eyes open, I sat up straight swinging my feet over the edge.

Everything was dark, I wasn't seeing, my eyes were not open. I was again on my back lying down. I starred up at the ceiling, I wish I was starring up towards the ceiling, I imagined myself starring up at the ceiling, moving, feeling my lashes against my cheek. I repeated the actions over and over again in my head and every time I was back where I started lying on my back.

The frustration grew and the irritation intensified, the anger bubbled and boiled as the scream sizzled in my chest waiting to be released.

I wanted to move my hand and feet but I couldn't no matter how much I wanted myself to move and do the action I couldn't. It was too hard. It took too much focus, too much energy and concentration and I remained still, lifeless, and helpless as I lay here unable to move. Waiting for this dream, this nightmare to be over any time soon.

I felt it coming back, the feeling¸ a soft tingle then all at once rushing at me penetrating into my skin and right through my bones. I was heavy like dead weight, keeping me pinned down but this time there was something different about it all, about this feeling, it was like I had been returned, me. I could feel the softness beneath me and the anger and rage in me multiplied by tenfold.

My eyes shot open, the brightness was blinding but there was no time for that as the bubbling rage exploded erupting from within as the scream tore from my throat ripping the peaceful silence to shreds like a savage beast causing destruction and mayhem.

I was on my feet faster than I ever moved, swift and agile almost graceful but yet I could feel the dead weight that I was as I shifted through the room. I could hear the commotion below me and the footfalls of the panicked runners. I was quiet high up, I could hear all the way down to the kitchen where the steel pots and pans clanged against the tiled floor.

I could hear the pitter-patter of footfalls coming my way, getting louder the closer they came.

The door burst open, I didn't register who it was but I had managed to somehow escape the confinements of the room without getting caught just when I thought I was getting out I was brought back to reality by being body slammed into the ground. My head ricochet off the floor, the crash echoed off the walls in the mould my head made I lay, unable to move, my anger rose swiftly and the piercing pain came from my gums cutting through my lower lip, the metallic taste of blood tasting not so metallic with the passing second almost delicious.

Then it came, out of nowhere with a powerful force, the burning sensation within me devoured everything in my being my focus had shifted drastically, I no longer cared about anything in this world but to quench the burning thirst I now felt.

I knew exactly what I needed and there would be nothing to stop me from getting exactly that.

I was up on my feet somewhere in the distance whatever had slammed into me crashed against something behind me. I was on my way, trusting my instincts I moved blindly until I came to a stop my hand pinning down my prey that I had captured. I knew what I was, but I hadn't entirely come to terms with it as I was too focus in feeding the furnace inside. My teeth elongated, my senses heightened, I could smell it, it was intoxicating, enticing, it had me in a trance, I could hear it everywhere coming from every direction the rushing of blood pumping around just moving in the never ending circuit. I focused my attention honing in on just one, everything faded away except the moving through my preys body, the way his heart in the panic state pumped harder and faster, rushing through his body, gushing into his arteries, his scent had changed significantly, even with the enticing, captivating scent that lured me to him, there was something else, something that almost made me turn away.

Key word here, almost.

My teeth sunk into his flesh cutting open his vein, ripping his flesh apart I basked in the moment, the warm blood gushed into my mouth. Playing a tantalizing dance with my taste buds. Then it was gone. The moment was short lived when my teeth rip apart at his flesh, as I was dragged away, leaving him whimpering in pain as he clutched to his neck trying to apply pressure to his open wound. The blood gushed out, spilling over his hands, he was going to die, bleeding out.

Die.

He was going to die.

It would be all my fault. It was as if something registered in my head, almost clicking into place but in a different state that still put him and myself in danger I felt the strong hold on me pulling me back, keeping me away from him, from reaching him. There was something else, not just the physical hold, but another I couldn't exactly put my finger on, it was something.

Something different, almost out of this world, like nothing before yet I had the sense of feeling that we had met before, under different circumstance. That was the feeling and myself. I felt it connect with me on a much deeper level that was almost exhilaratingly exhausting.

I began to feel tired, come to think about it I was tired. Accepting that was like opening floodgates, my body slacked only to be held upright by whatever it was the held onto me, preventing me from getting closer to the bleeding man. My eyes, drooped, keeping them open became a struggle, a battle. My vision in and out of focus until complete darkness, I had given in but this time it was different, different to all the other times I had given in. There was no worry, no fear for the first time ever giving in was completely safe and secure.

~

I woke. This time in a different room, different bed. A quick analysis of the room had me bolting for the door, but to be stopped before I could even get out of the bed. I was pinned on my back against the bed, in a cocoon of soft Egyptian cotton. Theo hovered above me, keeping in place with his vice like grip.

Theo.

I froze starring into his eyes, taking him in, the curve of his nose, the angle of his cheekbones, how his eyes shined brightly something I've never noticed in him. There was something different about him. Starring at him now I realised but then again there was something completely off about myself too.

It hit me all at once, I shoved Theo across the room with strength I had never known of and watched him crash into the flat screen TV mounted on the wall and fall to the ground gave me a sense of satisfaction. The wall was in crumbles, debris covered the floor, the brick wall dented and deformed. I watched him slowly get up dusting himself off, he watched me closely never taking his eyes of me, analysed me calculating what could possibly be my next move.

How could I forget? I stood slowly, standing in front of him, starring him down. How could he? How could he do what he did to me? The memory was coming back, I remember the moment after he so promisingly said he'd let me go, he told me to let go and foolishly I trusted, believed him. It came back to me the lucid state that I was in, the darkness and the screaming and the shouting and the beeping machines and the deafening tone of the flat line and the prodding and the poking and the pain. I remember it all.

It was like a distant dream, hazy. Like it was a life time ago.

I slowly walked up to him so I was face to face as I starred him down. "How dare you?" I asked looking into the eyes of my childhood best friend I watch his face contort into pain as his head whipped to the side, the impact of my palm greeting his cheek echoed in the quiet room, no doubt others across the estate heard.

"How could you do this to me?" I screamed, my voice no longer level and cold; emotion seeped into ever word I uttered. "You don't love me, you have no right!" I paced the room, thinking, my thoughts incoherent, jumping from one issue to another. I stopped dead in my track spinning around to glare at him. He now stood face to face with me.

"Never," I began starring at him sharply, my hysteria was still there but I had managed to get my voice out levelled but the cold harsh tone was impossible to get rid of. "-never have I ever, in all the time I had known what you are, have I asked you if it was possible to change to become like you, never had I questioned you about that, never have I asked you to change me. Do you know why? Because I didn't want to become like you. All I ever did ask of you was to love me, love me more than a friend but-but you couldn't do that but for some twisted reason you could do this! You had no right whatsoever to do this! The sheer audacity in you do this is mind-boggling, especially when you made it clear that you cannot love me. This is a heinous crime you have committed. I am going to spend forever in my own hell, I don't want to live forever, I had accepted my death and that in the end I would meet Death and I would've met him graciously as I part ways with this world. But you had to go change all of that."

I stepped closer to him closing the space between us, but not much as there were a few feet of space in between us. "Every time I bared my heart out to you, you crushed it and destroyed it over and over again. Then you pull s**t like this especially after you lost all rights. I found love. I was to get married. I need to get back!"

"Your wedding date was three days ago." He spoke for the first time since my change. His voice different it called out to me it took everything in me remain where I stood holding firmly onto my anger as I ignored the desire to melt under his melodic tone.

"No, it can't be..What's the date?" I asked softly I could not believe it I had missed my wedding, I had left the man I love hanging.

Theo remained silent.

"What is the date?" I demanded enunciate each and every word.

"It's the eighteenth."

"No," I mumbled. "It can't be." I shook my head in disbelief. "I need to go back, I need to explain to him, I need to apologise to him." I was becoming hysteric. "I have to go back. You need to take me back. I was supposed to be married. I have to leave now," I said turning heading towards the door but Theo was faster he was blocking the door. "You have to take me back home." I said, he shook his head seeing as he wouldn't budge I went to attack him but he grabbed a hold of my harms holding me at an arms length.

He shook his head. "You're not going anywhere!"

"Why not?"

"You're a newly turned vampire!

"So, I will control myself."

"You nearly killed my servants. You would've went on a bloodlust educed feeding spree."

"That's one blunder I got this under control, now move."

"No." He remained defiant.

I shrugged out of his hold moving back into the room.

"You will take me home."

"You're never going home."

"I have a life, a fiancé who's no doubt going out of his mind. I need to get back."

"You're not leaving the estate. You couldn't control yourself a few hours a go what makes you think you'll be fine out there? I can't have you going wild with blood thirst. You are to remain here."

I paused, he had a point I couldn't control myself, all I wanted to do was to drain that man until there was no blood left in him. "Fine." I tried to walk past him but he wouldn't let me. "Moved," I snarled.

He watched me carefully, before he spoke. "You are to not leave this estate. Do you understand?"

I did not appreciate his tone, condescending, belittling-it pissed me off.

"I have a family out there and I will see them, you will not keep me here. I have a fiancé waiting-"

"Here's a bit of advice," he cut me off. "Forget them, you're first and foremost a vampire."

"Do you think I'm not aware of what I am?" I glared at him before turning to face the floor length window looking out it, into the darkness. "One way or the other I will leave this room so I suggest you move out the way."

He shook his head.

"Fine," I said with a shrug. "Don't move, I'll jump out this window one way or another I'm sure I'll survive."

He looked at me with a look that said you wouldn't dare.

I sent him a look that said try me. "After all I am what I am. You made me this." I finished eyeing the window once more. It wasn't much of an fall I was pretty sure I would be fine.

"Gen," he said with a sigh. "I'm not confining you to this room, you're free to go anywhere you wish to go."

Sending him a glare, I walked passed him. "Listen carefully," I said over my shoulder. "Theodore this is a heinous crime you have committed against me for which I will never forgive you, for which you will pay."

I promptly exited the room leaving him standing in the middle of his bedroom, I had no idea where I was, what I was exactly or how I was going to survive or where to even go to-if not to get rid of-at least tame this wretched monster inside of me. But there was one thing I knew I was hungry and I had to feed.