When The Rain Falls

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Raquel washed her face, looking at herself in the mirror, and hated what she saw. Lines formed across her jowls where she smiled, and with the piercings gone her cheeks dimpled prettily. Her hair fell in waves, every color reflecting off of each strand. If she had seen her on the street, she never would have believed that this would be her reflection. That this would be who she would become. The sadness she felt now turned to fear and confusion. Sara was pregnant. Her baby was cut out of her, and possibly still alive. She was an aunt to an unknown child. Now, Raquel needed to go to Italy and find the child, change her identity, change her looks, change her life. Again.

She pulled out her phone and opened her banking app. She still had hundreds of thousands of dollars in one account, more in others, all ready to buy whatever she needed to once again change who she was, and investigate her dead sister and missing niece or nephew. Clearing out her father's bank accounts prior to running was the best idea that Sara had. Lauren was off out and about when she did it, on some lavish bender to grieve the death of Matteo, and Raquel had to convince Sara to let her have at least a few hundred grand to cover her as well. Sara begrudgingly did so, only after Raquel reminded her that she watched her husband's brains spatter against a wall, as well.

She remembered driving by her house with Sara, the new appearances in place, and the only home she had ever had being raided by Marcello's paid handymen. It was the last she saw of her house, and desperately she tried to forget it. With Matteo gone, she and Sara weren’t safe from whomever’s bullet pierced her father’s skull.

And now, with Sara gone, she was alone.

No time to cry about it. No time to dwell. Pulling out her suitcase, a knock on the door startled her from her thoughts. Staring at the door knob, she waited a moment before Jules' big booming voice was heard from the other side.

“Ay, Amelia! It’s me love. Open up.” He sounded rushed, worried. He pounded on the door again, frantically this time. Frowning, Raquel opened the door and gasped. Standing with Jules, Callen and Arya’s fiance, Jason, were beside the older man.

Immediately, she felt dread. Why would Jules bring muscle?

“Hi?” Raquel said quietly, her eyes passing from one man to the next. Jason looked worried and nostalgic, while Callen remained stoic, his only emotion being storm clouds flashing in his eyes.

“It’s over, lass.” Jules said softly, his voice sad. “Let us in. We need to speak.”

“Absolutely Jules, I understand.” Raquel nodded. “If you need the apartment I can leave in a few minutes-"

“He doesn’t need the apartment,” Callen spoke loudly. His voice was nearly a growl, and she inwardly flinched at the venom he spat in her direction. She looked at him, and his face contorted into a mix of fear and anger.

“Callen, why are you here?” Raquel gripped the handle of the door tightly. “And why is Jason with you?”

Jason cleared his throat. “Raquel, it’s over. We gotta talk, honey.”

Ice trickled down her spine, and she stared at Jason, not finding her voice. When she tried to speak, only a strangled cry escaped her throat. Jason’s face softened when he heard her, and he pushed Callen aside to stand next to Jules. He gazed down into her wide bright eyes and looked from one to the next, seemingly remembering them. “Raquel. It’s me. Anthony. Sara’s old friend. You were only like ten when we met, and I don’t go by my middle name anymore, but I remember you. We gotta talk. About you running away, and about Sara.”

“Oh my god.” She choked. Her hand went to her throat, then gripped the top of her shirt. “Tony. You got… tall.”

“You do remember me.” Jason nodded, smiling with relief. “Thank God for growth spurts, huh? Normally, I’m all for a touching reunion, but you gotta let us in. We gotta figure out how to keep what happened to Sara from happening to you.”

Shaking, Raquel stepped away from the door, allowing the three men on her doorstep to come inside. Callen came to her behind the other two men, giving her a long-lasting gaze before entering the threshold. Jules sat down on the sofa and crossed his legs, leaning his head against the back cushion, while Jason sat next to him, giving a space between him and the older man. Callen took the love seat. He stared up at Raquel with an unreadable expression. Carefully, he slowly pat the vacant cushion next to him, his eyes never leaving her face. When she shook her head softly, and went to retrieve a chair from the kitchen, he lost all the composure he had built up.

“Sit down, Raquel.” He spat her name like a curse.

“I’m fine sitting on the dining chair-"

“Stop patronizing and sit the f**k down!” Callen shouted the words, his voice booming. The walls rattled with his rage, and she was shaken to her core.

Carefully she sat next to him, keeping her body as far away from his as she could. She looked away from them, and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. She felt him move before she looked at him, and he caught her with his eyes and held her there.

“You lied to me.” Callen spoke first. His voice was reminiscent of a growl. “You are not who you told me you were.”

“That’s not what we’re here for, Callen.” Jason snapped at him. Frustrated, he ran his hands through his hair, and pressed his fingers on the bridge of his nose. “You can save your grievances for later. Right now we need to figure out how to keep her safe and find the baby.”

Callen turned and gave him an icy glare. “Safe to say she isn’t going to Italy.”

Raquel's eyes widened. She shook her head, staring at Callen. “No! I need to go, I have to find my sister's kid! That baby has no one Callen, no one but me.”

Callen gave her a mirthless smile, and then turned to Jason. “You want to tell her, or shall I?”

Clearing his throat, Jason pressed his fingers to his chin. “Ah, the baby, it has me too, Raquel.”

“How? Tony, there’s only so far your money can go-"

“The baby is mine, Rocky. Seven or eight months back, Sara and I- We had a night. Okay?” Jason blew a sharp breath from his lips. Shaking his head, he sighed. “It was the only time I ever stepped out on Arya. But we had been fighting and she didn’t want me anymore. I worked too much, whatever.”

Callen shrugged, unsurprised at the situation between his wife and her ex. It was the same jargon Arya had told him. “That’s Arya’s game. She wants the lifestyle, but not the work for it. The same blasted conversation she always had with me, and still does.”

He couldn’t avoid Raquel’s scoff at his side. Turning back to her, he said “I’m sorry, did you have something smart to say?”

Raquel returned his cold look, and said “Well. She was worth going back to, wasn’t she?”

Callen stared at her and said in a low voice, “At least I knew who she was, Amelia.”

“Can you two please shut up?” Jason barked at them both. “You’re acting like f*****g children when we should really be looking at the fact that Sara is dead, my kid is out there alone, and someone could possibly after Rocky?”

Groaning, Callen leaned back in his seat. “My apologies Jason, I haven’t forgotten about the little bastard.”

Raquel’s open hand connected with his face before he had time to react. Sputtering, he grabbed his cheek and turned to her with an unsurpassed anger. “The hell, woman?!

“Don’t you dare call my sister's child a bastard. That’s my niece or nephew.” Raquel snapped at him. “Don’t you dare speak ill will towards that baby.”

Callen turned away from her, his face darkening from pale to red. Jules hmph’d in his direction and folded his arms across his barrel chest. “Ya deserved tha’one Callen,” he said. “Yer feelings on this matter can wait.” He glanced at Jason and nodded for him to continue.

Jason looked relieved. “Thanks Jules. Anyways. The kid is mine. I found out about it a few months ago, but couldn’t find Sara again to at least try and convince her to let me have the baby.” He turned and looked at Raquel, then reached for her hands, grasping them tightly. “When I saw you walk into the ballroom, I was scared. Not because it was you, but because if it wasn’t you, I had zero chance. Zero. Now I know it’s you, Rocky, please, I’m desperate here. You’re my only hope. The closest thing I have to finding my baby.”

Raquel swallowed, and shook her head, pulling her hands back. “How? I never even knew she was pregnant.”

“But you’ve spoken to her. A lot. More than us. Please Raquel, this is my kid, my son or daughter, and they don’t have their mom anymore.” He looked at Callen, and back to her. “I need your help. I need to know where you are going to go in Italy to claim her body.”

Raquel swallowed, her throat raw. “Jason, If you want to come with me that’s fine-"

“No!” Callen shouted. The room turned their faces to him. With a fist clenched, he stared straight ahead and seethed. “You are not going to Italy.”

Raquel glared in his direction. He avoided her look, and her shoulders stiffened. “The audacity… I am going out there to find my sister’s kid. You can’t tell me what to do.”

“Going out there with a target on your arse, even with Jason’s arsenal, is f*****g suicide.” Callen snapped. Finally, he faced her, his face red and eyes narrowed. “Do you know how your sister died, Raquel?”

She stared at him, her face stoic, before shaking her head. Callen let out a short breath, and slowly shook his head.

“She wasn’t dead when the baby was cut out. She wasn’t even sedated. They slit her throat deep enough to cut her vocal cords, but not kill her. It was so she wouldn’t scream while they gutted her like a f*****g dog.” He leaned towards her, and snarled angrily. “They did it in that field, Raquel. They had no intention of letting her live.”

Raquel was shaking. Her breath came from her lips in quick spurts, and her fists clenched in her lap. “Did they say anything else?” She choked out, her throat closing.

Callen gave her a stone-cold look, and shook his head. “Only that she had that star with six points in her hand. Makes no sense considering you’re not exactly lighting a candle around Solstice.”

No one noticed the small crimson stains on Raquel’s knees, where her fists lay. Through gritted teeth, she whispered towards Callen, “The Star of David.” She slowly shook her head, disbelief flowing into her pale face. “Was it a necklace?” When he didn’t answer her quickly enough, she shouted “Callen, was it a f*****g necklace!?”

Jules looked down at her palms, and pressed his lips together tightly. “Raquel, darlin, you’re clawing y’self.”

She looked at Jules and gazed at her palms. Her nails had dug into her skin enough for one to pierce it. From the corner of her eye she saw Callen staring at her. His eyes, the color of the sea, were narrowed, and he turned in his seat to stare.

“Necklace, yes. It was a necklace.” He whispered. “Why did you ask if it was a-”

“I’m going to Italy.” Raquel interrupted him. “You can’t stop me.”

“I know, I’m coming with you.” Jason stood up. “Cancel your flight. We leave tomorrow. I got a personal plane. Callen, the girls and Arya are safe. I’ve got patrols at both Arya and your mom's places. But I would feel a whole lot better if you didn’t stay home tonight. I’ve got a guest house in Edinburgh. I can have a driver and patrols there too.”

“Ay. Me prodigal son can stay with me," Jules piped up. “Bit of a man's cave, but I always have room for ye.”

“No.” Raquel said. She looked up to see the surprise on Callen’s face when she spoke. “He should stay here. Of all of you, I’m closest to Breda distance wise. And I’d feel better with him here.”

Jason looked at her and tilted his head curiously. “Okay. I guess. He’ll be best here then. I know today was a lot to absorb. I’d rather you not be alone tonight either, even if it’s with him." He stood up and closed the space between them, wrapping his long, strong arms around her and pulling her into a hug. “I wish you had come to me when your dad died.”

Raquel pulled away. “ We didn’t know who we could trust.”

“I know, just, I wish I had made it known you could trust me.” Jason hugged her again. “God, Sara…” He sniffled. “I’m so sorry, Rocky. I’m so sorry.”

She heard his voice break, and felt her own emotions brim to the surface. “I know Jason.” She sniffled. “I know.”

Letting her go, he turned to the door. “Call me immediately if anything happens. Jules, we should leave them alone.”

Jules bid his farewells and followed the younger man out the door, leaving Callen and Raquel alone. Without a word, Raquel walked towards the linen closet and began pulling out an assortment of sheets and pillows, throwing them on the sofa behind her. Callen watched her, and she avoided his eyes, instead opting to kneel down by the fireplace. She threw two thick logs onto the grate, and pulled a lighter down to ignite them. Grabbing some paper, she lit an end, and shoved it into the nooks and crannies, using the long lighter to flame up the wood. He heard her soft chuckle, and watched her shake her head slowly, from side to side, before he spoke to her.

“What’s making y’laugh, Raquel?” He asked quietly.

She did not respond, instead she stood and waited for the fire to rise, and as soon as the flames cracked she closed the chain. Turning to the long sofa, she began making a makeshift bed, pulling pillows and a heavy weighted blanket over the cushions.

“The last time a fire was started, was the day Arya came back.” Raquel said softly, her voice husky. “I remember, because her clothes were drying by the flames.” She grabbed another pillow, and fluffed it. “I never made the connection before, but I never made a fire in a fireplace again.”

Burned. He burned. Raquel pulled the sheets over the sofa. “You don’t have to do that,” Callen said softly.

She finally turned and faced him, unblinking. “I am perfectly capable of making my own bed, Callen.”

He blinked, surprised. “I’m not taking the bedroom.”

“You can. I’m okay out here.”

“No. No, no I’m not going to do that.” Callen shook his head and walked towards the sofa, pulling the weighted blanket out of her hands. “Raquel, take the bed.”

“No.”

“You’d be more comfortable.”

“You sleep naked.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I can sleep perfectly fine on the sofa in the nude.”

“Yeah, well,” she cleared her throat. “I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

Callen paid her no mind and began unbuckling his belt and vest. “Me thinks we’re a bit passed that, aren’t we?”

Raquel moved away from the sofa and stared at it. “I guess so.”

“When were you going to tell me about all this?” He finally asked her.

“Never.” Raquel replied. “I was never going to tell you.”

“So you would have kept lying to me?” Callen threw his vest and belt on the smaller sofa, and stared at her. “If things didn’t happen the way they did, and we became serious, you would still have continued to lie to me?”

Raquel turned away from him and stared at the fireplace, watching the flames lick the bricks. “I wouldn’t have let it get that far, Callen.”

“I can’t believe this.” He said, more to himself than to her. “You’re lying.”

“I’ve been lying.”

“No.” Callen looked at her thoughtfully as he unbuttoned his shirt. “You’re lying to me now. You never would have let us go.”

Raquel looked at him then, her arms hugging herself. “I would have done what I needed to, Callen.”

“What would have happened if I asked you to marry me, Raquel?” He sat down and unlaced his shoe. “What would you have done?”

Raquel closed her eyes and turned back to the fire. “I’d have said no.”

“And you would have left me.”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t believe that for a f*****g second.” Callen pulled off his shoe and threw it aside. “You never would have left me. Left me girls. If you could, you’d have stayed Amelia Richards for our lifetime. You were happy with me. With Ainsley, and with Fiona. If I didn’t f**k it all up with Arya…”

“Yes, well.” Raquel cleared her throat. “It’s over now. It doesn’t matter.”

His other shoe made a loud thud as it hit the floor. He undid his pants and let them drop before kicking the clothing aside. “It matters Raquel. It matters that me girls were in danger. It matters that you hid this from me when I could have figured out a way to help you. It matters that when I asked you what you were running from, you lied and said nothing. It matters that I loved you, this person, this facade. It matters.”

She turned to him and stared at him, ignoring his mostly nude form, ignoring as he fisted the back of his undershirt and threw it with the rest of his clothing. “I figured you’d be more angry at this than, well, you seem.”

“Oh, I’m furious Raquel.” Callen pressed his palms on his hips, the light from the fireplace illuminating his sculpted body. “I’m furious that you lied to me. That you’re avoiding my eyes, pushing me off, that you’re not acknowledging that my daughter and wife had to run off in the middle of the night to a safe spot because they weren’t safe in a home I built that was meant to keep them safe.”

She turned away, and closed her eyes to keep her tears from falling. “I’m so sorry Callen. The last thing I ever wanted was to put the girls in danger.”

“I’m far from done, Raquel.” He said to her back. “I’m furious that I am here, in your apartment, trying to convince you to not go off to your death in search of a child you had no idea existed, because it’s f*****g suicide. People want to kill you, Raquel. Kill you.”

He stepped towards her, his body emanating a warmth that still made her feel cold.

“But you’re being a stubborn arse about it all and going on a wild goose chase.” Callen turned his back on her and stepped away, shaking his head in disbelief. “Did you think ahead, what if you find the baby? Where will you go? Where will you live? You’ve no idea where to begin, no idea where to start, and no idea how to even look for a child you’ve never seen.”

Raquel turned to him, and snapped “I know where to start, Callen!”

“Where? ITALY?” He scoffed, and the sound only made her more angry. “It’s an awfully big country, in case you don’t understand that. You’re off to basically commit suicide to find a newborn you don’t even know the gender of, with no leads. None. You’re putting yourself in danger, you’re going to end up in the same bloody f*****g ditch as Sara, all because of some hope that your sister's child lived as a premature infant after being torn from it’s womb!”

Her head fell, and she stayed quiet as he ranted. When he finally quieted down, he waited for her response.

“What now? No comeback in the lick of sense? No resolution to your madness? Am I being too reasonable for you?”

Raquel lifted her chin, and stared at his face. Her appearance made him feel uneasy and insecure. He tried to hide it under a stone-like exterior, but felt the sweat form on his back. “Say something Raquel. Say something. Tell me what it was worth putting my children, me mum, me wife, meself, all of us, in danger. Tell me why it was worth it.”

She looked at him, and slowly walked to stand directly in front of him. She lifted a finger, and drew it across his face, as if memorizing every line, texture, soft curve and sharp line. He took a sharp breath when she lifted her lips to his, and softly kissed him, the movement full of tenderness, feeling, fire and ice all at once. His arms came around her waist as he tilted his head to deepen their connection, when she suddenly pulled away, and leaned her forehead against his chest.

“Because of you.” She whispered against his skin. “Because you were worth it. You are worth it. I never fell in love before Callen. And I hate, with every ounce of my being, that it was with you.”

His arms wrapped tighter around her before he could stop himself. “Raquel, please-”

“I hate that I’m not Amelia Richards.” She said quietly. Her voice was slightly hitched, and he felt her back go rigid. “Amelia Richards had a hopeful future. Amelia Richards had a home. Amelia Richards was in love with the most surliest of cops, and even though he was a total f*****g bastard to her, she would have taken him back in a heart beat if he had said he wanted another chance.”

“God, Raquel,” Callen whispered into her hair. Her shoulders shook and she shook her head against his chest. “Please, stop saying that.”

“I hate that I’m not Amelia Richards. I hate that I’m not some spoiled brat trying to have an adventure. I hate running.” She pulled away, her arms still around his waist, and the tears fell from her eyes freely. “I hate that I loved you. Because you didn’t deserve this, Callen. You didn’t deserve this from me.”

Raquel pulled away, pushing his arms off of her. “I’m so sorry, Callen. I really wish I hadn’t seen you in that cafe. That day you yelled at that girl. Or the day you came back to apologize to the other one. I wish I had never worked with Jules.”

He swallowed the razor blade that sat in his throat before asking her, “Why?”

“Because I wish I had never met you.” She said quietly. “Because then, I would never had hurt you. I would rather have gone my entire lifetime without meeting you, without falling in love with you, without falling for the girls, than to have you here. Like this. Knowing what a truly horrible human being I am.”

“No,” Callen shook his head, and bit the inside of his lip. “You don’t mean that. You don’t mean to demean what we had this way.”

Raquel looked at the floor, and her shoulders sagged. “I’m tired, Callen. Tired. Jason wants to be out of here in a matter of hours. I need to be gone before you wake up. I need to rest.”

“Raquel-”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” She said quietly. Pulling the heavy door to the bedroom ajar, she let out shuddering breath, trying to regain any composure she had left. “Despite what it feels like, right now. I just want you to know. You were the best thing to ever happen to me, and I am so sorry I was the worst for you. If I could make it different, I would. But the ghosts that haunt me are vicious, and they want their pound of flesh, and I don’t want you to be the one to pay that price. Goodbye Callen.”

He stared at the door long after he heard it shut, stunned. He sat down on the ready-made sofa, and mentally begged her to come back out. He gave her a count to fifty before he realized that once again she had shut him out.

They didn’t sit well with him. Her apologies. None of that really mattered. What mattered were her last words.

Gooodbye, Callen.

Goodbye? No.

Shaking, he turned the knob and pushed the door open. He deserved more. He deserved better. She taught him that. She showed him that he deserved everything he was asking and more.

Of all the things she had taken from him, this parting would not be one of them.