Between Love and the Abyss

3.

The return to the apartment was silent. Mia collapsed onto her bed, her phone still vibrating near her. She glanced at the screen. Ten missed calls, all from Arthur. A new message popped up just as she looked at it.

"Mia, I love you. Why are you ignoring me? We can start over, for real this time. I’m ready to change, I swear. Give me one last chance."

One last chance. Wasn't that always what he promised? Every time he got caught, every time he betrayed her, he’d come back with the same words, the same promise he never kept.

Mia stared at the screen, her heart racing. She knew that if she didn’t block him now, she would be pulled back into the vicious cycle again. But before she could react, an inner voice spoke up, louder than usual. The voice that told her it was time, that she deserved better. A moment of clarity. Mia took a deep breath, and with trembling hands, she opened the message. Her fingers tapped the screen, and in one second, Arthur’s contact was blocked.

She sat there, motionless, phone in hand. A mix of fear and relief washed over her. She had taken the first step to free herself from him, and this small victory, though terrifying, marked the beginning of her new life.

The day after meeting Jordan, Mia found herself at Eloise's place. They had planned to spend the day together to distract themselves, and Mia secretly hoped it would help her clear the mix of confusion and attraction she felt for Jordan. But very quickly, the conversation took an unexpected turn.

Eloise, in her usual blunt manner, mentioned a detail Mia had never known.

“You know that Jordan and Arthur are childhood friends, right?” she said nonchalantly, stirring spices in the kitchen.

Mia, surprised, felt her stomach tighten. She put her tea cup down on the table, trying to stay calm. How had she never known this? She thought she knew Jordan through their recent conversations, but he had never mentioned his connection to Arthur.

“No, I... I didn’t know,” Mia murmured, trying to hide the rising concern within her.

Eloise glanced at her, slightly furrowing her brow. “Really? But yeah, they’ve been friends forever. They grew up together, and even though Jordan is very different from Arthur, I think they share some similar ways of thinking.”

Mia’s heart sank at those words. Was she walking into a new relationship that would end the same way as her one with Arthur? Jordan seemed so different, so caring. But if he and Arthur had been close since childhood, who knew what they might have in common deep down?

Eloise continued, almost reading her thoughts. "I’m not saying Jordan is like Arthur. But you should be careful. Sometimes, the people closest to us end up influencing us without us even realizing it. Jordan has his own ambitions, you know that. Don’t get too caught up before you're sure of what he really wants, Mia. I wouldn’t want you to get hurt again."

Mia nodded, silent, a creeping fear taking root. Had she jumped too quickly into this new attraction? She remembered how Arthur had started—sweet, charming—before revealing his true intentions. And Jordan? Was he really so different? The connection she felt with him seemed genuine, but this revelation about his friendship with Arthur complicated everything.

***

That evening, when she returned home, Mia felt more lost than ever. The silence of her apartment enveloped her, broken only by the faint hum of her phone. Arthur hadn’t tried to contact her since she’d blocked him, but the shadow of his influence still lingered, deeply ingrained in her mind.

She grabbed her journal and began to write. The words poured out almost on their own, her thoughts flowing with an intensity she could no longer hold back.

*I think I’m getting attached... But I shouldn’t. I already know what he wants, what he expects from life, and he makes it so clear. I pretend to understand, I smile, but inside, my heart tightens a little more each time. Why not me? Don’t I deserve, too, that fragile happiness I can only brush against?*

*I wish I could find comfort in his gestures, in his words, but every time I think I’m getting closer to him, he pushes me away without even realizing it, pulling me back to where I don’t really exist.*

*He has other priorities, dreams that don’t include me. Is he blind? Doesn’t he see that I could be the one he’s looking for, the one he needs? I want to scream at him: "Don’t let me go, hold on to me!" I promise to become the one who can fill your silences, the one who can ease your doubts.*

*There’s only one thing I’d like to say to you someday: two words, seven letters...*

***

Mia abruptly closed her journal, her heart pounding. She couldn’t go on like this. Her attachment to Jordan was already becoming a silent obsession, a dull ache she had known too well with Arthur. And yet, despite this pain, she felt an almost irresistible urge to cling to him, to believe he would be different.

But Eloise's words echoed in her mind. What if Jordan, in the end, wasn’t so different from Arthur? What if she was falling back into the same traps, blinded by a false image?

The next day, Mia wandered through the streets, her mind in a relentless turmoil. She had to make a choice, one that would determine whether she would continue getting attached to Jordan or whether it was time to protect herself, to avoid letting history repeat itself. She sat down on a bench, the cool autumn wind playing through her hair as she once again delved into her thoughts.

*What if I gave up... What’s the point of fighting for an illusion, for something I know I can never truly have? Everyone whispers it: this will lead nowhere. What am I thinking? I think I never stood a chance. In this cold, windy street, where my thoughts are scattered, I feel miserable, even guilty for daring to believe in happiness, as if I don’t deserve it. I try to hold back my tears, but they grow heavier with every word I type, as if this text I’m writing is a confession I don’t dare say aloud.*

*Maybe this pain is deserved, maybe it’s all I’m meant for. It would be better to let go now, before I get too attached, before the pain gets worse. Leave before he starts to miss me, before the absence becomes unbearable, before the fear of being too much eats away at me. But... I’m afraid it’s already too late.*

Mia set her phone down beside her, her eyes fixed on the horizon. *Too late, indeed.* Despite all the warnings, all the rational reasons to pull away, she knew deep down she was already tied to Jordan. "The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of," they say, and Mia understood that now more than ever.

The next time she saw him, she would have to decide whether to protect herself or to dive headfirst once again into an uncertain relationship, full of promises and risks.

Mia spent the following days in a strange daze, trapped in her own thoughts. The weight of the truth Eloise had revealed tormented her constantly. Jordan and Arthur, childhood friends. It changed everything. Or maybe it didn’t. But a voice inside her kept telling her to be careful, that she was at risk of reliving the same mistakes, the same pain.

One afternoon, while wandering aimlessly through the city, her phone buzzed. It was a message from Jordan.

"Hey, are you free tonight? I’d like to see you."

Mia stood frozen for a moment, eyes fixed on the screen. Should she go? Every meeting with Jordan was a step deeper into the unknown, a mix of desire and fear. She felt herself getting more attached to him, but each time he was near, a doubt grew stronger within her.

She sighed and replied: "Okay, what time and where?"

***

A few hours later, she met him at a small, quiet restaurant, far from the bustle of the city. Jordan was already there, sitting at a table by the window, his gaze lost in thought. Mia took a deep breath before approaching.

He smiled as she arrived, a smile that should have reassured her but, that night, felt laced with mystery.

“I’m glad you came, Mia,” he said, pulling out a chair for her.

She sat in silence, observing Jordan’s confident gestures, so calm, so composed. Yet something was off. She could feel it, in the air, in his words that seemed more measured than usual. They talked about everything and nothing for a while, but Mia could no longer hold back her doubts.

"Jordan," she finally said, breaking the light rhythm of the conversation, "I know you and Arthur are childhood friends. Why didn’t you ever tell me?"

Jordan seemed surprised by her question. He set down his glass and looked her straight in the eye.

"It wasn’t exactly a secret," he replied calmly. "But I didn’t see why it was important. Arthur and I grew up together, yes. But that doesn’t mean I share his choices or his behavior."

Mia lowered her eyes, her heart pounding. Was that enough? Could she really trust Jordan, despite everything she knew? Arthur had managed to manipulate her so easily, making her believe in promises he’d never keep. How could she be sure Jordan wasn’t also a master of illusions?

"I know you're not like him," she finally said, though her voice betrayed her doubts. "It’s just... complicated for me. I’m afraid of getting attached to someone who could end up hurting me, like Arthur