Between Love and the Abyss

4

Jordan lowered his eyes, thoughtful. “Mia, I don’t want to give you false hope. I care about you a lot, but my life is complicated right now. I have goals to reach, priorities…”

Mia felt her heart tighten even more. It was always the same story. She was once again the one who wanted to believe in a future the other person couldn’t even see. Why did it hurt so much?

***

A few days later, in the solitude of her apartment, Mia found herself reflecting on that conversation. She kept replaying Jordan’s words in her head. Why did she always want to hold onto illusions? Deep down, she knew Jordan wouldn’t offer her the happiness she longed for, yet something inside her pushed her to hold on regardless.

She opened her journal and began to write, trying to make sense of her feelings.

*What if I gave it all up... What’s the point in fighting for an illusion, for something you know you can never reach? Everyone whispers it: it’s going nowhere. What am I thinking? I think I never had a chance. In this cold and windy night, where my thoughts drift away, I feel miserable, even guilty for daring to believe in happiness, as if I don’t deserve it. I try to hold back my tears, but they grow heavier with every word I type, as if this text I’m writing is a confession I can’t bear to say out loud.

Mia... maybe this pain is deserved, maybe it’s all you deserve. It would be better to let go now, before you get too attached, before the suffering deepens. Leave before you start missing him, before the absence becomes unbearable, before the fear of being too much eats you alive.

But... I fear it’s already too late.*

Mia closed her journal, tears finally flowing freely. Too late, indeed. She knew she was already too deeply attached to Jordan, despite all the signs telling her to turn back. But maybe there was no turning back anymore.

Mia turned in her bed, unable to find sleep. Her thoughts kept returning to Arthur, to everything she had endured with him, everything she had put up with. Why couldn’t she completely let go of him? She had finally cut ties, yet his shadow still seemed to haunt every corner of her life.

She thought back to all the surprises she had planned for him, all the love she had given, naïvely, hoping it would be enough to change something. She remembered their first anniversary, how she had spent days planning the perfect evening. She had decorated her apartment, cooked his favorite dish, and even booked a weekend trip to a small town he loved. She wanted him to feel loved, to understand that she was willing to do anything for him. But nothing was ever enough for Arthur.

He hadn’t even shown up that night. A lame excuse, a last-minute appointment, and she had spent the evening alone, waiting for a message that never came. She had hoped it would be different, but it was always the same story with him. Always disappointments, always lies. And despite it all, she had stayed.

Another memory resurfaced—Valentine’s Day. She had planned yet another surprise, hoping this time she’d catch his attention. But he had cheated on her, once again. That night, instead of celebrating their love, she had discovered messages on his phone. Messages he hadn’t even bothered to hide. It was as if he openly mocked her, certain she would forgive him once more, that she would still be there, waiting. And she had.

Mia felt her stomach knot as she thought of all those lost moments, all the time she had wasted trying to make someone happy, someone who didn’t even respect her. She had ignored the warnings from her friends, from her own intuition, clinging to this illusion of love.

Arthur still hadn’t understood that it was over. He insisted, again and again, sending messages, calling at odd hours, begging to see her. He swore he had changed. But Mia knew the truth now—his apologies were just empty words, desperate attempts to maintain his hold over her.

Of course, he didn’t know about Jordan. If he found out, he would become even more insistent, more manipulative. Arthur had never been able to stand losing something, especially if the loss wasn’t on his own terms. Mia knew him too well to think he would give up easily.

But Jordan, he knew everything. She had told him everything, afraid he might find out the truth later and leave her. The night she confessed it all, her heart had pounded so hard she thought he might hear it in her words. She had laid it all bare: the manipulation, the lies, the betrayals from Arthur. How she had lost herself in that toxic relationship, believing each time that things would change.

She had seen hesitation in Jordan’s eyes, for a moment. He hadn’t said anything right away, simply listening. Mia had been afraid, afraid he would reject her, decide she was too damaged, too complicated. She was already preparing herself to see him walk away, to choose simplicity over facing the ghosts of her past with her.

But instead, Jordan had done something she hadn’t expected. He stayed.

***

“Mia, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” His words had been simple, but they had felt like a balm on her wounded heart. She hadn’t cried that night, but she had wanted to. It was as if, for the first time, someone chose to stay, not because there was something to gain, but because they saw her for who she really was, with her flaws, her scars, and her imperfections.

Since that moment, she had felt a shift within herself, a new glimmer of hope she hadn’t known in a long time. Jordan didn’t try to fix her, didn’t promise to save her, but he was there. And for Mia, that was enough.

However, she knew the situation remained fragile. Arthur was never far. All it would take was one word, one message, for everything to unravel again. She wondered how long she could resist the temptation to reply, to see him one last time. But she knew it would lead to nothing. That vicious cycle would only start again, and this time, she risked losing much more than her self-respect.

***

That night, as Mia thought back on all of this, her phone buzzed once more. A message from Arthur, using an unknown number.

“I’m sorry, Mia. I know I messed up, but I’ve changed. Just give me a chance to prove I’m better now. Please, don’t shut me out. I miss you.

The same words, the same promises, she thought as she gripped her phone tightly. She had heard it all before, dozens of times, and yet, part of her wanted to believe that this time, it was different. But she knew it was just an illusion. Arthur would never change.

She deleted the message without replying, her heart heavy but resolute. Jordan had given her the strength to resist, the strength to choose herself this time. And that’s what she had to do, even if the temptation to fall back into her past was sometimes overwhelming.

But for now, she had Jordan. He was there, like a friend, but at least that was a good start.