Between Humor and Solitude

Chapter 3: Hidden Pain

Chapter 3: Hidden Pain

Qiu Ze’s life continued as busy as ever, with architectural designs and project coordination taking up most of his time. He still tried to keep in touch with Lin Xiao, but her coldness and avoidance were making him increasingly frustrated. Every time they met, Lin Xiao remained distant, her words few and brief, her gaze always calm, like a deep pool that seemed impossible to break.

Though Qiu Ze still appeared lighthearted and humorous on the surface, he gradually realized that his feelings for Lin Xiao were far more complicated than he had initially expected. He began to sense the hidden pain within her during every encounter. The pain wasn’t just in her words, but in the fleeting confusion and loneliness that occasionally flickered in her eyes.

One late night, Qiu Ze and Lin Xiao ran into each other outside a small café in an alley. It was lightly raining, and the streetlights cast mottled shadows in the rain. Qiu Ze had just come out of a client gathering, feeling a bit heavy-hearted, and happened to encounter Lin Xiao smoking alone. She was wearing a black trench coat, her face devoid of expression as she silently stared at the cigarette in her hand, her eyes hollow and deep.

Qiu Ze hesitated for a moment, then walked up to her, speaking softly, “What are you doing here so late?”

Lin Xiao didn’t respond immediately. After a brief silence, she finally looked up at him, her expression still indifferent. “Aren’t you here for the same reason?”

Qiu Ze gave a bitter smile and stood beside her, suddenly feeling like a bystander in her world. The silence between them was filled with the sound of raindrops hitting the ground, and the air seemed to grow heavier.

“I’ve often wondered if I could be like you, to maintain such calmness and independence,” Qiu Ze sighed. “But I’ve realized I can’t. Every time I try to let go, there’s always a voice inside me telling me to keep going.”

Lin Xiao turned her face toward him, her gaze sharp. “You speak as if it’s easy. You have no idea what my life is like.”

Qiu Ze froze for a moment. Lin Xiao’s voice wasn’t angry, but it carried a hidden pain that made his heart ache. “I’m not trying to disturb you,” he said. “I just want to understand you better, understand your inner world, why you always reject others, even me.”

Lin Xiao didn’t answer. Instead, she crushed the cigarette underfoot, staring down at the tiny ember fading away. Her expression grew more complex, as if countless words were building up inside her, but she couldn’t bring herself to say them.

Suddenly, she spoke in a low, distant voice, “You want to know why I reject you? The truth is, I’m not afraid that you won’t understand me. I’m afraid you’ll suddenly realize that I’m just someone who’s been hurt, and that pain might never heal.”

Qiu Ze was stunned by her words. A surge of indescribable emotions welled up in his heart. He looked at Lin Xiao’s profile, and in that moment, the cool and resilient woman seemed to have shattered a little, revealing a vulnerability no one had ever seen.

“You…” Qiu Ze’s voice trembled. “What exactly have you been through?”

Lin Xiao gently shook her head. “You’ll never understand. The past is like something locked in a drawer. Though it’s always there, I don’t want to touch it again.”

Qiu Ze gazed into her eyes, suddenly feeling an overwhelming sense of helplessness. He realized that he had touched the deepest pain within Lin Xiao, but this pain seemed like an impenetrable wall, keeping them from getting any closer.

“Have you ever had similar pain?” Lin Xiao suddenly turned to face him, her eyes deep and challenging. “Have you ever had someone or something you wanted to let go of, but just couldn’t?”

Qiu Ze didn’t answer immediately, instead falling into a brief silence. Indeed, he had painful memories—failures and helplessness from the past that always seemed to follow him. Those memories often left him feeling lost, even causing him to sink into self-doubt during quiet nights.

But he knew that while their pains might be similar, they were not the same. Lin Xiao’s pain seemed deeper and more difficult to heal, while he perhaps had not yet fully let go of the person or situation that once caused him so much pain.

“I…” Qiu Ze finally spoke, his voice low. “I don’t know how to say it. I know you’ve been hurt deeply, but I also believe that you have the strength to stand up again. You’re not alone—I’m here, and I’m willing to stay by your side.”

Lin Xiao didn’t respond. She simply turned away and walked off. Her figure appeared particularly solitary in the rain, but in that moment, Qiu Ze felt a sense of unwavering determination rise within him. He knew that he might never fully understand her, but he was willing—willing to walk with her through those dark times that words could not describe.

That night, the rain stopped, and the city’s bustle continued as usual. But Qiu Ze suddenly understood—Lin Xiao’s world was not just her paintings and her cold exterior; there were those unspeakable pains hidden within. And perhaps, he could become part of her healing, even though that road would be far more difficult than he had imagined.