A Love To Die For

Chapter 4

I wake up to the sound of beeping. The noise is terribly loud and annoying to my ears, making my already sore head ache even more. My eyes feel heavy and I struggle to lift my lids. I blink rapidly from the blinding lights that are directly above me. My whole body aches and I groan in protest. I’m confused as to why I am in a hospital, but then it all comes rushing back to me. The flash of brown fur, the car spinning, the streetlights zooming past my window, and worst of all, Bobby’s terrified screams. Bobby! Ignoring the pain that is pulsing through my body, I sit up and look around frantically. I was hoping Bobby would be here with me, but I am in a room alone. I begin to panic and the beeping of the machine next to my bed becomes more frantic. The door swings open and my hopes are destroyed when I see that it’s not Bobby coming to see me, not even my parents. It’s a nurse who seems too captivated by her clipboard to even notice that I am awake. She finally looks at me when she reaches my bed, gasping in surprise when she sees me sitting up.

“You’re awake. How are you feeling?” She asks.

“Like crap! Where’s Bobby? Where’s my brother?”

“Hang on, sweetie. Your parents are just outside, I’ll go tell them that you’re awake, okay?”

I stare at her blankly. Why wouldn’t she answer my question? Maybe Bobby had to go to a different wing, the paediatric wing perhaps? Yeah, that has to be it, he’s only 10 after all. I lay back on my pillow, trying to dull the pain in my back and neck. Waiting for my parents, I relive the moments leading up to the crash. I can’t believe this actually happened; on the day I received my licence too. I wasn’t driving fast, only around the block where we live. I have driven down those streets more times than I can count. What kind of animal was it that jumped out in front of us? I definitely hit it, maybe it was killed, and my parents can tell me what it was.

The doors open once more, and both of my parents walk in. It looks like they haven’t slept in days and I can tell that they have been crying. I immediately being to panic again.

“Mom, Dad, what’s wrong? Where’s Bobby?” I ask, my voice hoarse and my eyes wide.

They sit on the chairs next to my bed and my Dad takes my Mom’s hand in his before he looks at me. He has definitely been crying. It’s not something that I have seen my Dad do many times, so it’s obvious now that he has been, a lot.

“Nina, Bobby…” He begins.

“Dad? Please no.”

“I’m sorry, but Bobby didn’t make it.” He weeps.

He begins crying so hard that his whole body shakes. My Mom holds him, her own tears taking her over. I stare at them both in shock; this can’t be happening. My little brother cannot be gone, it just can’t be. Why would I survive if he didn’t? My ears begin to ring, and the room begins to spin. I feel like I am going to throw up, I feel like I can’t breathe. The sound of Bobby’s screams fill my head and I scream along with them. This has to be a nightmare. I scream and scream until my voice breaks, only then do my cries of agony become silent hiccups. I cannot take this pain; it’s too much. I curl up on my bed and allow my tears to fall freely. My parents remain at my side, still crying themselves. I want to disappear. I don’t want to be in a world where Bobby doesn’t exist. He was the only good thing I had, the only true love I had. I cry for so long that the afternoon becomes evening. I grieve for my brother until I am taken away by sleep, my body worn out from its injuries and the emotional pain.

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When I wake again, it’s dark outside. My head is pounding even harder than before, but I can blame that on all of the crying I had done. My throat is dry, and I need some water. I turn around and sit up, surprised to see my Mom still sitting in the chair next to my bed. Her eyes are closed, but I can’t tell if she’s asleep or not. I reach for the water on my bedside locker and chug a whole glass.

“Mom.” I whisper.

Her eyes open slowly, and she stares at me with an expression I cannot decipher.

“Where’s Dad?” I ask.

“He’s making some calls, organising things for Bobby’s funeral.”

“Mom, I’m so sorry.” I weep.

“What were you thinking, Nina? Why would you take a 10 year old out in the car with you?”

“Mom, I... I’m sorry. My licence had arrived, and Bobby just wanted to go for a little drive. I didn’t think anything could happen just going around the block!”

“Well something did happen. I thought you had more sense than that, Nina.”

Although I blame myself for this, I am still in disbelief that my Mom would scold me now. She loved Bobby more than me, but is she not at all glad that I survived? Does she not have it in her heart to forgive her daughter for making such a big mistake?

“What kind of animal was it?” I ask.

“What?”

“The animal? An animal jumped out in front of us, that’s why we crashed.”

“There was no animal, Nina.”

“Mom, there was definitely an animal, I swear.”

“I know you’re probably wracked with guilt right now, Nina, but stop trying to find someone else to blame.” Shouts my Mom, just as my Dad comes back into the room.

“What’s going on here?” He asks, not looking too impressed by our argument.

“Dad, there was an animal, it jumped in front of the car, that’s why I swerved. Did you hear about an animal being found?”

“No.”

I roll my eyes and turn back around in my bed. What the hell is going on? There was definitely an animal. I will never forget that flash of brown fur. It was large, a deer maybe? Surely a dead or injured deer would have been noticed though? I close my eyes and take deep breaths of frustration. I feel like I’m going crazy.

“Let’s go, June. Nina needs some more rest, and so do we. There’s nothing more we can do tonight.” Says my Dad.

“Fine.”

“We’ll come back tomorrow, Nina. Will you be OK?”

“I’ll be fine, Dad.”

As soon as I hear the door closing, I begin to sob again. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to go on with life now. I’ll be living in a home where I am unloved, and probably unwanted. I don’t even have my best friend or boyfriend anymore. There’s nothing else left. I wish I could swap places with Bobby. He was so loved and made everyone happier by just being around. He deserved to live more than me, so why am I alive?  

Despite the pain I am in, and the hunger I am feeling, I will myself to fall asleep. If I can’t have Bobby here, I pray that he will come to me in my dreams. I would give anything to see him again, even if it’s not real. I would dream my life away if it meant that Bobby would be in it.

“I’m so sorry, Bobby.” I cry out loud. “I love you so much.”