EVERYTHING, GAY.

Suddenly, I saw this beautiful creature of a man and I just couldn’t stop staring at him – I felt like I was under a spell! I got off the train when he did and followed him for a while, but then stopped and went back to catch my train again. By chance the following day. We exchanged a bit of small talk about connecting trains and he also gave me his name… As soon as I got home, I searched up his name and connected with him on f*******:. I sent him a DM asking him out for a coffee, and he said ‘yes’! From that day on, and for the remainder of my internship, we’d meet outside, every day, for lunch. I knew he was gay, but I made it clear to him that I wasn’t (back then I was still deep in the closet). Funnily enough, his response to this wasThis one time after work he invited me to his atelier, backstage in the local museum. As soon as we closed the door, I felt this intense chemistry between us immediately! I let him kıss me and he went down on me… I started moaning quite loudly, which made him giggle. He asked me to keep the noise down so as not to alert anyone outside…the whole thing turned me on! When we finished, I realized this is just the beginning of something really special. Two days later he invited me to his home, which turned into a long magical afternoon session, which became my first time; I was so enchanted by him that I gave him my virtue and loved every single minute of it!It was at High School. I was 17 years old. He was a Danish handball player, big arms, pretty face, perfect skin, and with the most alluring green eyes I’ve ever seen! We were sitting on a white wooden bench on top of a small hill by the fjord, contemplating the beauty of the city, Vejle, a small town in southern Denmark. We chatted for a while and out of the blue, he looked at me and askedI continued looking into those irresistible green eyes, dumbfounded. Then he leaned in, slowly moving his lips to mine and we kıssed. It was incredible! It was not only my first kıss but also the first time I fell in love. I just didn’t want the moment to ever end. But it did, and in the most idyllic and beautiful way – as we were staring at each other with fascination and excitement, small drops of cold water started to fall from the sky! This moment really changed me from within. It made me realize that love does not have a gender, compassion does not have a religion, and character does not have a race. And for the first time in my life, I felt like the luckiest guy to be gay!When I was 15 years old, I lived in a penthouse with my family that had a small hidden door to the elevator room and across all the cables and machinery, you could go out to the main roof of the building. Whenever I felt annoyed or sad I went out without anyone noticing, to lay down on the sloping roof of the 14-story high building! It was crazy, I know. One day after school, I came home with my best friend who was also going to stay the night. We went out onto the roof without anyone noticing and leaned back on the roof tiles, gazing at the stars and talking about our frustrations as rebellious children. Sneakily we approached our hands, touching each other little by little but without interrupting the conversation. Then we held hands, we looked into each other's eyes and after a long time looking at each other he asked me: “what if we kıss?” I just looked into his eyes, closed them, and let our lips do the rest. We kıssed so passionately that I still remember the taste of it. We ended up doing a bit more than a kıss until we realized how dangerous it was to be out there moving on the roof tiles, so we went down to my room and slept together, never letting go of each other, all night long.Ever since I was a young teen, I became aware that I was different from other boys and never had any success with dating girls. When I finally accepted that I was gay at age 16, I wanted to preserve my first kıss for someone special. I was terrified of intimacy and always delayed throwing myself out there to date someone of the same gender. I was 19 when I finally plucked up the courage to meet someone who I had started chatting with online. From the photos he sent me, he looked gorgeous – perfect mid-length hair, beautiful brown eyes, and a dreamy face. Our first meeting was a flowing and easy conversation and everything was going so well. I was lost in his beauty. When it was time to leave, he asked me if he could kıss me – I still remember my heart racing so fast that it wanted to explode. But I agreed and the first kıss was just a peck as I really didn't know what to do. The second attempt went a bit better as I relaxed my lips and left my mouth slightly open. I felt his tongue, and shivers went up through my whole body. I was convinced this was the perfect man. The following day I was beaming! I was the happiest guy on earth. I was texting him messages of how happy he made me. He didn't reply. I waited and waited… and that my dears, was the first time I got ghosted, right after my first kıss, before I even knew people could actually do such a thing. The first kıss I preserved for so long for that special someone, went to My first kıss with another boy is something that I’ll never forget. At the time I was 16 and up until that point in my life, I was always the chubby nerd who got bullied a lot. My social skills were non-existent, let alone my dating life. In those years I couldn’t wait to graduate, leave my hometown, and start a new life in Medellin, located just 2 hours away by car. The gay scene of Medellin was far more lively and accepted compared to where I lived. It was a place where I could finally be myself whilst keeping my gay secret far away from my family. However, until I could leave, I was stuck back home in my conservative and religious Colombian small town! But one day, this delivery boy about my age came with a package for my mother. Our eyes met, and a spark just ignited itself. Next thing I know, he started to ask people about me. The next time he came to deliver a package to our house, he handed me, with a smirk, a small note with his phone number written on it! We started to go out a lot. The more we chatted, the more we found we had in common. The exciting tension between us kept growing until it became unbearable! So one day, we decided to hang out by the river. This was something which we'd often do with friends so we both knew it wouldn't raise any suspicions with our families. We found a private spot to leave our stuff then went into the river. We played around, wrestled, and laughed a lot. Finally, after looking into each other’s eyes for a while, with my heart racing and finding it hard to remain calm, I leaned over to him. We kıssed. It was sweet, awkward, passionate, private, all at once. I still remember avoiding coming out of the water to hide my visible b***r from him. That kıss confirmed to me at the time, who I was, and who I am today! Sadly, that day my brother’s friends were camping near the river, saw the whole thing and told our families. So, all hell broke loose for both of us, but that’s another story. My first gay experience was not the most pleasant love story. I was 18 and he was much older, living a double life – married, with kids, and a pregnant wife. He was also the owner of a bar – a bar that I stumbled into with my university friends on a night out back home in Puerto Ordaz (my home city in Venezuela). He took an immediate liking to me and kept offering me cocktails all night long – which I was only too happy to accept! I was amazed with his charm and flirtatious nature. Eventually, after all my friends had left, he offered to drive me home. By this stage of the evening, I was pretty drunk! However, instead of taking me home, he drove us to a motel and beckoned me to go inside with him. I remember feeling scared, but at the same time, curious and excited to be with another man. I also didn’t want to lose face or appear naïve in front of him. I don’t really remember what exactly happened between us or how far we went as I was pretty drunk, but I eventually made it back home in one piece, and never saw him again! With hindsight, as exciting as this was, I don’t feel too proud of this experience because drinking was the main reason I went inside that motel with a complete stranger. Whereas he knew exactly what he was doing and had pretty much planned it. The night could easily have taken a more sinister turn and put my life in danger! So, my lesson from this story is that it is good to enjoy yourself, but young people should be super cautious, especially when heavy drinking is involved. Stay with your friends, and don’t disappear with random strangers!I went to an all-boys boarding school, a place burgeoning with post-pubescent hormones. On an overnight military cadet field trip, we were assigned a buddy and had to take turns to do a patrol walk in our pairs of the perimeter of the camp in the middle of the night. I didn’t know my buddy well, but he was cute and had a bit of a ‘bad-boy’ reputation. We spent most of the hour in silence until he suddenly asked if I wanted to share a smoke, which we did. On our way back, I asked him if I stunk of smoke, I was paranoid. He looked at me and went in for a deep kıss, what must’ve only been a minute, but felt like an eternity. “No, you can’t tell,” he said, just as the next two lads came to relieve us. Neither of us could sleep after, so discovered more of each other in the bathroom. The funny thing is that we got caught, by a Sixth-former, who must’ve been half asleep. On smelling the smoke on us, he assumed we’d been smoking and ordered us back to bed. Back at school, our friendship certainly bloomed, until he got suspended for having drinks on campus and his parents decided that he was to change school. Last I heard, he is married with a family now; but then, so are many of the guys I discovered at school.I have been hooking up with boys for as long as I can remember. From elementary school playing manhunt with the kids in my neighborhood to high school with the closet cases at sleepovers when everyone went to bed. I never fully equated it to being gay though. I thought if I tried hard enough, I could be straight. Once I got to college I was proven otherwise when my first real experience with a guy occurred. It was the night of my 21st birthday and I was hanging out with this kid I barely knew. I was completely infatuated by him! The emotions I felt were something I’d never experienced before in my life. Later that night we went back to my college house where I was living with 6 other straight men. I remember spending hours just laying in bed with him talking about life. It was crazy to me how comfortable it felt. All my anxieties and insecurities just melted away. It felt like I could breathe for the first time in my 21 years of existence! As bad as that relationship turned out, I was grateful for that first experience with him. It made me realize who I was as a person, which made feel truly content for the first time. That was the first night I met Jeff! From that moment on, everything in my life made complete sense.