It's Not Easy

Moving back to the same place where everything ended up messy will not change anything. It's going to make everything messier than it was. I'm just a typical girl who about to make my life a confusion. It all started up like this when I moved to Chicago. I did not expect this to happen to my life. But it's not my fault, life brings us wherever it wanted us to be. There's nothing we can do to change this. The only thing we can do it to watch out for the path. Living Miami on it's own and moving to Chicago made me the luckiest girl. But things did not ended up the way I wanted it to be. I don't understand what was the cause of all of that and this but I felt alone after all of it happened. It all started like this when my own brother Mike Bruce started ignoring me at school. I didn't know what that was for so I kept on pretending to be not knowing him, but things got too serious. We did not talked at all in school that that's lead us apart during school hours. He started dating a girl named Emily Jane. She even started doing fun of me with his friends. I knew that I was not the prettiest girl in the school. No one is perfect. I do hate the idea of calling each other perfect. I do not take care of all of this. I came here to make my dreams come true. When I was at the age of six there was a babysitter who comes to look after me every afternoon. Mom and dad was too busy and they left Mike at my auntie's place. I doesn't like there at all. My aunt is kind of rude and her two kinds are monsters. My babysitter was not like other babysitters. She was the unadulterated one for me. The reason for that is because she doesn't spend her time on her phone, laying on our own couch and stealing stuffs from the fridge. She was just a regular girl who loves to do her duty as told. There was one precise day when it was really rainy. Mom and dad called us earlier to inform that they could not make it until ten, so me and my babysitter Emma Katharine we sat on my bedroom floor and shared our ambitions to each other. And that's when everything just came out. Emma told me that one day she wanted to move to a big country and be a superlative student to accept a scholarship to move on with her life. At first I did not understand what the meaning of a scholarship was. She explained to me that it was a price for hard work. Then she asked me my ambition. At that age I didn't have anything in my mind. So I build up a story and told her that I wanted to be a Youtuber like the rest of the world. But deep inside of me, for that small age, what Emma said made sense. It was really compared to the rest of the world. She had her own reason for saying that and it was really meaningful. That's why I was happy to move to Chicago. But now I do hate moving back again to that place especially moving to that school. "Syrah can you just hurry up it's getting late and dad's anger is about to pop up." Mom called out from downstairs. I could not respond. Everyone is just hurrying up to move and nobody realized that I'm left behind Tears one by one leak from my eyes. I could not believe that I was crying. This is the moment whereby a normal person would be happy, besides that proves that I'm not a normal person. I could not face myself in front of the people who hated me the most. There were no reasons for them to hate me. I wiped the tears from my face believing that there must be someone who likes me back in Chicago. The thing is that now I esteems Miami until my death and above no one believes me. They all think that Chicago is my home county which is not. Tears continued to disclosure. I wiped them away from my face and took the last glance of my room. It was the same way as I entered in it. The empty room have only it's windows facing towards the road whereby I sit next to them looking at the kids playing on the street. The walls are light pink --my favorite color since I was a little girl-- and the bare light rays makes it shine. The ceiling of the room was painted white and had a number of stars on it which reflects at night. When I can't sleep at night I used to look at them which makes me sleeps faster. I closed the door room. Then I completely wiped my tears. I don't want mom to know that I was crying in my room all this time. She doesn't like to see me crying and if she knew all about the stuff in Chicago she wouldn't move there again. I walked downstairs slowly listening to my foot stumping against the wooden stairs. Underneath it there's a small room were mom used to keep her stuffs like shoes and her heels. As I entered downstairs everything was cleared up and it was me who was left behind to get into the transport. I got out of the house and locked the door. The car ride to the airport was inaudible. Dad was busy taking with the driver, mom was also joining the talk, Mike was listening to music on his phone and I was glowering outside from the side. I felt like it was a déjà vu. A déjà vu which I'm going to hate until the end. The airport was crowded. We had a slight delinquent with checking the languages. But dad was able to manage it himself. So in that meantime I had to sit and waited for it to be deciphered. I could not believe that there was such an immense crowd. Maybe some are moving like the same way I'm moving or maybe some are moving for good. Like I moved from Chicago to Miami with a bright future ahead of them. As I entered the plane my heart thumped reckless. The smell of the plane seems confused to me and I do not like it that much. They kind of discus me sometimes. I took a seat next to my brother and my parents were just behind us. By looking at the perfect face of Mike I could say that he was really happy to move back. Of course nothing went wrong to Mike in Chicago. He had perfect friends who adored and obeyed him a lot and a wonderful rich and beautiful girlfriend who treasured him a lot. I felt exhausted sitting there wasting my brain's energy to think about the past which was a total nightmare. Past was the past. It's not going to change in any way unless a gunnies build a time machine to travel back and rearrange things. Nonetheless the future can be different if you know how to game it. I stood up from my sit to go to the bathroom to wash my face. Mike make the way for me to walk past him. It was hard to walk on the plane when it's still in the air and it felt scary. I walked past slowly holding the ends of the seats. "Where are you going sweetie." Mom asked removing the headphones after realizing that I was going somewhere. "Mom just to the bathroom." I told her and went on slowly. I washed my face with the cool water. Then I cleaned my face with a paper towel and opened the door slowly to get out But at that moment something strange happened. I saw a familiar face. I felt something raise in my body. Roughly like an electric current. She turned around. It was Bethany Marshall. The girl I hated the most in Chicago. The girl who made my high school life in Chicago suffer from loneliness and pain. "Wow what a nice surprise Syrah. Are you moving back to Miami?" She asked pretending to be nice. All I just wanted to do now was shout at her and say. "Yes I'm moving back. Happy now, you can make my life suck. Go and tell your little friends I'm back and start planning steps to make my life miserable." But I did not said that to her. Sometimes people say that if you ruined the first step of something your whole life is going to be ruined. I do not want that to happen to me and it was not pleasant to say that to a person who was pretending to be nice. "Yes indeed." I said to Bethany putting a fake British accent. "Everyone thought it would be nice moving back since this is the only place we all adored." That was a lie. But I could not tell the truth because I know I'm going to burst up like a broken pipe in front of a sleeping crowd and an immense queen of mean. "Okay I'll see you around." She said giving a fake smile which I hate a lot.I tried to return her the fake smile the same way she did but it was too late, she was gone by the time. I returned back to my seat hopping mom would ask what took you so long, nevertheless she was busy selecting songs. The plane was quite expect for a baby crying from a distance. It just annoys when I hear babies crying. But sometimes it feels endearing too. I felt so boring sitting doing nothing, when everyone is busy sleeping. So I took a magazine from the pocket in front of the seat and started scrolling threw the pages until I saw something interesting. HOW TO HAVE A GREAT SCHOOL YEAR. God this is not going to help at all. All of this are fake and people kept repeating the same nonsense over and over again. Even though these things kept on attracting people I usually ignore them but people who publish this stuff have a good taste in putting backgrounds to those stuffs which attracts readers. I read one of this in the school magazine. The points were useless and why would a person want to be an attraction seeker in the school. Just being popular doesn't do anything right. It makes things even worse, plus people nowadays doesn't look if you are caring or have a good heart. They just look if you are better enough to walk around with in front of a crowd. They just seek for popularity. Sometimes there's also a point of reading useless things. You can make it sound useful. That is if you know how to process it. Like once I read a notice which made no sense and confusing on the notice board at school. I talk to the sectary explaining that I don't understand that's on the notice born. She read it twice or maybe more and they fixed it. At least I was a winner for once and I was proud of myself even though others are not. I opened the window expecting to see white clouds. Instead I saw a familiar sight of a country. The Chicago which I saw years and years ago. Get ready Syrah. You can do this. I told myself. I'm not going bring myself down this time but I'm going to show the world that I'm capable of being myself. I remembered once dad told me that I was a strong girl and there is nothing I can't do if I give it a try. I took a warm breath and closed my eyes repeating that I'm strong and I can do anything. I felt a bit nervous at that moment. But that was because I'm not a coward anymore. I closed the window and sat back. I closed my eyes and though of all good memories which is going to make me happy from now on.