Signed, Sealed... Stuck

“Take some time off work, so you can bounce back stronger. Mentally.” The room is silent as my boss shuffles papers around her perch at the top of the conference table. I’d just delivered a speech on an upcoming potential I thought we could take advantage of at the early stages, but she clearly didn’t like it – seeing as she’d basically implied I was a mental person who shouldn’t be in her business. Chris, my work buddy, tugs on my flared skirt, and I can feel him begging me to just accept and get this whole ordeal over with. Not wanting to be that annoying employee, I smile and sit, keeping my eyes on my laptop and away from the smirking faces I know would be aimed my way. “As always, Ms. Bianca, you truly care for the wellbeing of us all at Hallbrose services and we all thank you for that.” Chris fakes a cough, the words ‘laying it on too thick’ filtering in for a bit before the swooshing of embarrassment makes a sound cloud around me. The rest of the meeting goes on for too long and after giving the obligatory laughs at the end of Ms. Bianca ‘fun’ speech, I rush out of the board room, grab my things from my desk and hightail it out of my office building. My phone chimes just as the elevator doors leading to the basement parking lot opens up. ‘Still want to hang for dinner?’ My lips stretch wide into a grin as I take in the accompanying photo my best friend, Rafael had sent. He’s at work, a silicon model of himself beside him as he strangles himself with his model’s tie. I zoom into the picture of the silicone model, hating the fact that I immediately notice how the model couldn’t really catch Rafael’s beauty. Shaking my head against those unwanted thoughts, I swipe out of our message thread and get into my car. The drive to my apartment is calm and I’m once again shocked at how Rafael can always uplift my mood. I’d expected my drive back from the office to be filled with me berating Ms. Bianca to my boyfriend. Just as the thought pops into my head, I remember to call him about my plans with Rafael but it goes to voicemail. I’m in a hurry once I get into my apartment building, seeing as Rafael had sent in more messages informing me of my designated chore of the night – hunting for a special sauce we only get from a*****e an hour away. My ears latch onto a thumping beat from the hallway and it becomes apparent as I draw closer to my apartment that the loud music is coming from inside. Mrs. Judith, the single mother of five pulls open her door and shoots me a scalding look, as she bounces the crying red skinned baby on her hip. “I don’t want to know what you and James are celebrating, but if another of my child wakes up because of the noise, I’m calling the police.” She shuts the door in my face, hard, and I have to reconcile the person who’d just spoken to me with the always smiling woman and willing to help mother. I’m frowning hard as I unlock the door to the apartment. I yell out James’ name, not surprised when he doesn’t reply with how loud he’s set the music to. I shuffle deeper into the apartment, heading to the stereo set and turning it off. My brows furrow when a low thumping sound still fills the apartment and I check to make sure that the speaker isn’t broken or connected to another device instead. “Oh God. James. Baby.” A high keening sound follows the breathy words and I turn slowly towards our bedroom, the door shut tight. I walk slowly towards the shut door, hoping desperately that what is now obviously true, somehow turns out to be a misunderstanding. “Ophelia would get home any second now. Tell me you’re close.” A grunt follows his sentence and then a breathy laugh, “I’m sorry.” I push open the door, not wanting to hear more and sound swirls around my ears as I take in the scene before me. James is cheating on me? Is that Zara? His closest friend at work and the woman he’d assured me didn’t have a thing for him? The confirmation of who the woman is sends me into a frenzy and I scream as I launch at them, watching as they both jerk their heads towards me and then scramble out of reach. James is trying to put his pants on as he dances on the other side of the bed, trying to evade my swinging arms. I let the pillow I didn’t even realize I’d picked up soar, till it hits Zara in the face. “Ophelia, that’s enough. You just hurt her.” The look on James face as he says this ends me. He looks truly concerned for her as he pulls her face into his palms, running a hand over her forehead and pushing her hair back. Why do I always end up being the unloved one? Something slackens within me as I watch him worry over her. My anger dissipates till I’m left staring at the both of them with a sickening feeling of void and emptiness. “Get out of my apartment, James. I’m going out for a smoke and I don’t want to see you here by the time I come back.” “I thought you quit some –“ He keeps quiet when Zara grips his arm and they both watch me leave. My phone rings just as I step out of the apartment and I let it ring on, not wanting to speak with Rafael or even be around anyone. If there’s one thing I know, no one can know that James and I just broke up, especially not Rafael. He’ll try to reignite things between us once again. And with my track record of failed relationships, I won’t let anything come between our friendship. Not even a love that I suspect only he can give me.