MY IDENTITY

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FOUR

Weeks later, my voice became clear. I could speak to people coming to see me. Still no words from my best friend. Day by day, my walking step improved, I could move here and there. Finally, the nurse remove the bandage on my body except my face which has been a huge deal for me.

"What's happening to me? Why is my face not healing? Why? Why?" I cried collapsing on the floor, dad kneel beside me, he felt sad too.

"Darling, you'll be fine okay" dad said reassuring and petting me but I wasn't buying the lies.

"No dad, I don't think I'll ever be fine, people are laughing at me already" I broke down in tears again, fear envelope me and my whole body shivers.

My dad remain mute, perhaps lost for word, all he could do was pat me and sing my favorite song till I was calm again.

Mum stood there silently, arms crossed over her chest while tears streamed down.

Month later, I got discharged from the hospital, although my body was still healing, but my face was disfigured.

I lost my self esteem, my confidence, my will to live, my purpose became dead to me.

I became the shadow of myself.

Everyday I wake up to a terrible nightmare, sweating profusely and gasping for breath. Life became meaningless to me. I hate to see any mirror or shiny glass that reflect myself. Because of these, I developed anxiety and stress disorder and the doctor advise my parent to take away any form of mirror in the house in order to make me feel safe which I knew I wasn't safe. I became scared of fire and darkness. The kitchen was like a forbidden place for me.

Therefore, i chose to eat in the first sitting room and often sleep there because the television is always switched on and it is spacious. School activities continue without me, my friends were busy writing the final examination WAEC while I was stuck in my room with my face bandage.

Day by day, my condition continue to Deteriorate and I became suicidal. On many occasions, I attempted suicide but I was saved one way or the other.

"Please Hannah stop hurting yourself" my mother said as she break down in tears already tired just as I am.

"Mum, I wasn't born this way, there's got to be a solution." I lamented

Dad rubbed his forehead looking frustrated.

"Listen Hannah, the doctor said there is a solution which is a plastic surgery...but..."

"Then let's go for it dad" I reply sharply with a ting of excitement.

"Hannah that surgery will cost us a fortune, I mean millions of naira will be used for the surgery." He said emphasizing on the amount of money.

Without remorse I retorted in anger "and so! Am I supposed to live like this forever?"

"Come on hans, that's not the way to talk to your dad" my mum rebuked me.

"It's okay honey, she is right" dad said while I hissed.

"Hannah, give us more time to think about it." Dad said.

The following week, the doctor recommend a special therapist for me as regard to my case believing that I'm traumatized by the accident.

Day by day, doctor Jessica would come with her assistant to help me massage my friction hand.

Then she would motivate me and talk about people who lost their lives during fire accident.

(PRESENT DAY)

"Hello Hannah" Bode greeted me smiling sheepishly as I stood fixated on the railing stairs. He is a course mate of mine but we have never had any conversation until now. Although we often greet each other when ever we cross path.

"Hi" I reply feeling giddy but supressed tinging sensation building up in me.

"Huh do you wanna grab lunch with me… After the second lecture?" He said with excitement shown on his round chubby face.

I stand stiffed, looked completely speechless, my heart beat faster than usual and my shaft face redden. This is a guy who is known for being a geek and nerd in our computer science department. His grade are perfect and I'm sure he will graduate with distinction. I like his charisma attitude and the fact that he is super brilliant and smart just as I am.

"Hannah?"

"Huh" I regain composure and clear my throat. "Hmm...sure I'd love to".

Surprise sparked in his expression.

"Really? Okay let's meet outside as soon as the lecture is over."

"Okay bye" I said leaving him standing, while my feet felt mumbled as I walk briskly, I never expected Bode of all people would ask me out.

Two hours later after the second lecture, I stall for some minute in hope that by the time I get to the exit he would be there waiting for me just as the actors in the movie do. I felt happy because a good guy is asking me out.

Indeed, he was waiting just as I wished.

"Hello" I said awkwardly.

"Hey Hannah"

"Hi Bode"

"Here you are, lets go." He reply holding my hand, his touch spark my heart in a million ways I could not describe, I felt a ting of butterfly in my tummy. My joy knew no bound. Other students watched as we walk holding hands.

We got to the cafeteria, a big shop painted in white and red. A coca cola billboard was hanged above the shop with the owner's name scrambled in it.

The place was crowded with students buying food, some were busy talking and laughing hard and some were vibing to the hiphop song playing in the cafeteria. Other people stick glue to their phones smiling to whatever was producing the joy in them while they calmly sip from the beverage bottle in front of them.

Bode adjusted the white plastic chair for me to seat down, that moment was like a dream to me. I felt like a princess.

He also took his seat facing me and I was so shy to look him in the eye. I stylishly punch on my phone looking for nothing in particular to do, waiting for him to pour his mind.

"What would you like to eat?" He asked calmly. His voice was soothing to my hearing.

"Anything" I reply almost in a whisper.

"Okay, I'll be right back"

"Hmm" I answered nodding.

A minute later, he was back with a tray of two plates of food and two bottles of fanta.

My tummy was already dancing for joy at the sight of the food, watching him serve the food was good, felt like a princess again. I rated him fifty percent for those gesture he display in less than an hour.

"Dig in" he said and I followed suit.

Excitement had filled my stomach and I was unable to finish the food.

"I hope you are enjoying the food?" He asked with a mouth full of chunk.

Feeling slightly embarrassed, I simply nod.

Awhile later, I felt satisfied and filled from drinking the fanta. Relaxing my back to the white plastic chair I sat down on.

"Did you enjoy the food?" He asked again as he opened the bottle of fanta to sip.

What more can I say, I'd be lying if I say I didn't enjoy every moment along with the food. "Sure I do" releasing a small laugh.

"Good"

"Thank you" I appreciate him.

He chuckled, "for what oo"

And I smiled "for all of these" gesturing to the almost empty plate in front of us.

"Oh it's nothing" he answered. With a clear interest he asked. "So hu..m tell me about you."

I giggled and shy feeling more embarrassed. I had to cover my face with the scarf on my head while I breath in and out just as my therapist would always tell me to do when ever I feel anxious.

"What would you like to know about me?"

He grimaced. "Anything. Just a bit here and there."

I smiled and nodded firmly. "Okay sir."

I began talking and talking until I felt like somehow free and comfortable and he listens with interest asking me other questions. It was a nice conversation.

"What about you?" I asked as soon as i was done talking about me.

He suppress a smile "okay, Bode is from osun state, I am the first son with two younger siblings. My favorite food is yam and egg, I'm die hard fan of Manchester city club, a lover of books, love developing code and operating computer and I am falling for you."

"Hmm what an interesting person"

"You'd say" And we roar out laughing.

He paid for the food and we left the place offering to escort me to the hostel gate where we exchange contact and baded each other a farewell.