Audrey's strength

Us?

When Audrey was under shower I put clothes on and went talk with my mother. She looked worried.

"How is she?"

"Audrey is trying to be OK, but who would be after such thing. Mom Audrey keeping everything inside. Please don't attack her with questions. I did a lot to make her morning cheerful so please let us not ruin it?" I asked my mom because Without it she would grab Audrey in hug and made her talking about feelings and emotions.

My mother said yes and tried say that it isn't way to get better, but Audrey appeared in the kitchen. She tried be casual but no matter what she wears looked classy and beautiful.

She forgot to cover her bruises which looked much better. It reminded me to go for medic cream.

While she had small conv with my mother who asked if she slept good I stepped to Audrey and started rub cream in her wrist.

"Who did it to you child?" I looked at my mom. I felt Audrey's shivers.

"mrs..." Audrey made pause and it made me smile. She didn't know our surname. I whispered to her ear Logan, she squeezed my hand in thank you guester.

"Mrs Logan you met my abuser yesterday, my mother has depression and this sickness isn't only sadness but also rage." Audrey's answer stuck us to the ground. Her voice was calm, but I knew it's a lot for her. I didn't say a word only put medicine on her neck. She upper her head, my mom left kitchen I was sure to cry. But fast came back with a book. She handed it to Audrey. Audrey sudden laugh offended my mom. For her this book was saver when we, when she, when we need it.

"Excuse me for sarcastic laugh. It's not from you"

"so why u laugh" asked my mother with her irritated voice.

"Mrs Logan I know every word in this book I am in this book. My mother wrote it"

"how? Impossible, author is here fully cured" my mom couldn't accept that woman who help her tried few days back killed own daughter.

"my mom wrote it when she felt better. But it didn't last long. My mom can't live without dad. After her first episode writing this was her cure. She not only wrote about fight with sickness but put on pages her memories. She changed our names but rest is pure truth." Audrey explained but her voice wasn't so confident this time.

" this book saved me, you know?"

" My mother's words helped many people. But wasn't enough to cure her. I don't think she will be normal soon or ever" this time Audrey wasn't able to stopped tears. I took her in my arms. My mom joined to hug.

"OK kids I need to go. Eat something guys. And if u prefer staying home you got my blessing." she left and I still held Audrey in my arms. And waited for her to cry in my shoulder all her sorrows and just from time to time shush her.

I didn't know how long it last. I felt her sadness I couldn't do nothing to comfort her.

"come on stop now and eat something"

"I'm not hungry but u should eat" she mumbled quietly.

"I will if you join me"

"You can be persuasive. I can't let you starve"

"good. Let's eat cereals." and I left her to took bowls out of cabin. She had habit to freeze in place. I prepared whole breakfast and she didn't move. Like with body was in my kitchen but her mind was f*****g far away. When I got closer she didn't noticed. I touched her to bring her back.

"Audrey, please eat" she listened. We didn't talk during breakfast and after left home.

Without asking me if I wanna drive she sat on passenger seat. I stood in disbelieve.

She looked at me.

"sorry u want me driving? I don't think I'm able to get us safe to school. So will you make me an honor and drive us school?" she asked with her beautiful smile. Her sad blue eyes and smile I was vulnerable.

It was sunny morning and warm although it was almost end of September. Ride with Audrey was quite. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable and focused on driving. I don't know how but I always felt her gaze on me.

"Yes?" I asked without taking eyes off the road.

"Thank you for all you did for me. No one took care of me as you."she blushed. Her shyness was sweet and addictive.

"I didn't do much, but thanks for appreciation"

We was on short road leading to school's parking lot. When some BMW limo got my way.

I pushed breaks pedal to the ground and cursed loud, that woke up Audrey.

"f**k it's my grandpa's driver. What he is doing here?" she asked. Driver opened his window and said to me to drive at parking and wait.

I obeyed and parked. We didn't left car. Audrey seemed nervous. And when I observed her someone knock to window on my side. It was gray hair guy with exact same blue eyes as Audrey's.

"Both out of the car" he gaved order. Audrey said she sorry for him. And to don't worry because she will handle it.

"papi! Hello" she tried sound cheerful. He hugged her but for a second didn't take his eyes from me.

"This is this young men You spend night with" his tone was judgmental.

"Yes Jess and his mom took care of me after my mother visits at yesterday's lunch" she lied about my mom presence. She tried hold him but he pushed Audrey away and marched straight to me.

"How old are you?" interrogation started. I didn't saw other way but answer his question. I felt I need for his acceptance.

"18"

"why it was you and your mom? Where was your father?"

" My parents are divorced"

In that moment Audrey tried interfere but we both said at the same time "it's OK."

"Your father cheated? Found younger?"

"No"

"So why they not together?"

"after by brother's death they was coping with grief differently. My father moved on while my mother didn't want to accept it. For our family sake they decided break up" saying this I wasn't looking at him but at Audrey who catched my hand and held it tight.

My story softened my interrogator.

"I'm sorry for your loss. I know perfectly how it is to lose a baby and I lost two. Excuse me for being hard for you but I have to know if I can trust you. Audrey is my precious granddaughter, my only hier" in his voice was solicitude. I didn't mind his questions, but like Audrey I hated talk about my drama. Her grandfather left me and got his attention on Audrey. We didn't let go our hands.

"I was at your principle office to checked demage your mother done and ask about your grades. Everything is satisfactory.

I'm in the city for some time hope on next Sunday I will find time for you. What do u say about early dinner with grandpa? We can invite your friend and his mom?"

"I will ask" she said quietly.

"great now I need go to work. And you must talk with Marry, she is angry at you, you hardly at home." he kissed her forehead and reached out to shake mine hand. After vanished.

Audrey hide herself in my chest and wrapped hands around my neck. She had to stood on her toes to lean her head on my shoulder. She was crying.

" I'm sorry I'm so so sorry for his behavior. I didn't understand why my dad didn't get along with him but now I do. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me and don't hate me." she was speaking fast through tears. I hugged her strong and hide my head in her neck.

" Let's go somewhere nice. You want to go to this steakhouse we were? Let's just go from here, ok?"I've asked.

" No to steakhouse. I will take you to my secret place. View helps forgot every sorrow" she sounded calm.

"Will you show me the way. I think I'm in better shape to drive than you, what do you think?"

"Let's go" she wanted free herself but I needed her in my arms little longer. She didn't protest.

When we got to car I felt as we were running from all sadness.

"Turn here left"

"where are you taking me? U Want to kill me and buried in this woods?"

"Shyy. It's hard to navigating while you distract me. Now slow down and turn right into this trees. In few moments u will see that I don't wanna kill you. U see this meadow. We will park here. After we need climb a little. And I hoped I will delight you with view."

Jess parked, we left car. He waited for directions while I opened trunk and got from it 2 bottles of water and blanket. Jess was laughing I knew what wanted to say. " always prepared ".

Walk wasn't Expedition on k2 but demand good condition. While I was breathless Jess looked like it was nothing. Few steps before our destination I've asked him to close eyes. He listened and I was leading him.

My secret place was flat top of the hill high enough to see all the surrounding forest and the town in which we lived.

"It's better at night" I whispered dissatisfied.

"No it's perfect. But we can be here as long as u want so we could compare day and night" he bubbled while was watching view.

As he said as we did, spend all day at this place. I had a lot of snacks in my pack. Jess had sandwiches from his mother. We was sitting, standing, lying down Jess even made a salto. We goofed around, talk about movies, music, books. We laugh a lot. Between talks I send SMS to Marry that I will be late at home and that she can go. When night came Jess sat under tree. And let me laid down my head on his lap. We were watching stars. Oh how I needed day like this. Away from all problems. With someone, with Jess. Perfect place, perfect company. I wanted stay on this hilltop forever. I was sure that Jess was enjoying it also.

"Are you tired?" he asked and broke perfect silent when I was lying on his laps and he was making circles on my arm with his gentle fingers.

"with what?" I've joked.

"answer me"

"if u asking if I'm sleepy than answer is a little bit. If you ask if I want to leave that answer is: I don't Wana go home. It's f*****g empty grave filled with only bad energy of my pathetic memories" I moved and turn away from him. I brought my knees up to my chest, Jess slipped in behind me. He spread his legs so I was in between and hugged me. His hold was tight. He pressed his head to my shoulder.

"why grave?" grrrr he ruined it. Ruined perfect day. But after my grandpa behavior I owned him answer at least on this question.

"after accident my mother decided to moved in old dads home. My grandpa sighn it to me. My mom took without any sentiment grandparents bedroom. And me. Me she didn't let me take my father's or his sister room. I was even not allowed to walk into them. She rebuild old office for my room. I hate it because is by living room. when she got episodes it's 24 hours t*****e. I need to listen her crying, drinking, yelling on couch. That's why I'm always prepared. Because last two months I mostly sleep here or in car. To avoid her. Worst daughter ever" I was speaking it fast crying. I couldn't catch breath. Jess was holding me and kissed my neck. I felt bad and good at the same time. Good because I blurted it out, bad because I charged it on Jess.

When I didn't stop crying he left me. I thought he abandoned me. But he just came to my front. He kneeled and took my face into his hands. I was afraid he will ask more, t*****e me like my mother did.

"it's not your duty to nurse your mother. So there is nothing wrong in fact you wanted be away. Don't call yourself bad daughter please. Second.

Do you want me to stay with you at your place? We can sleep in every room. Hour in one next other, your decision. Home is all yours and your mom away in hospital. So u can do what you want not what someone demand.

Third. If you don't feel strength to do it you can sleep at my house. But one more time please don't blame yourself for your mother sickness. You did nothing wrong" he was holding me, touching my back, my face, hair kissed my forehead. Did all he could to comfort me.

"I chose whole night at my dad's room" I heard his delightful laugh.

"ok Audrey we do it, now we need go, we got some climbing down to make"

He took my face into his hand wiped away the tears with his thumb and kissed my nose.

"ready to go?"

I was exhausted when we reached car. My condition was awful. When I was trying to catch air Jess packed our things to car. I was nervous about night at dad's room. Many what if occurred in my head.

But I wasn't alone.

We left car on driveway. When I looked at guard he said with smile "I see nothing, don't worry"

Jess took my hand while holding me opened door, looked at me and we were in. I gave him a tour. Showed him kitchen, living room. My room and found guts to go upstairs. First I show him my dad's sister room. On wall was hudge inscription "Audrey" it captured Jess attention.

"You named after your aunt?"

"Yes"

"Let's go to your new room" he grabbed my hips with both hands and brought me out the room. Doors to my dad's place was shut. I needed a moment to found courage to pass the threshold. Jess was patient. I felt his body so close to mine his warmth gave me strength to enter. I pushed doors large room with big window emerged. I spent in some time, but never thought about it as mine. I was always guest. Now it was different.

Jess sat on bed and show me to do the same. He put his arm around me and asked how I feel. He rested head on my shoulder and looked around. Jess was gentle with me. He was harsh to others but not to me. Earlier he said he likes me but I didn't know why. While I was thinking why he's so nice to me I noticed that my dad's room is in the same blue paint as Jess's. I decided brought it up.

"your room got the same color as this"

"that's mean I have something common with your dad. We both like blues" he said softly.

"I should go for small shopping. I don't have pack full of things like you"

"you don't have to" I stood up and went to my dad's wardrobe. I vanished inside and went back with new toothbrush, shampoo, fresh towels and t-shirt and shorts.

"prepared for everything" he smiled and took things from my hands.

"you can shower here, I will go downstairs and after we will eat something warm" I tried sound bossy.

"u wanna cook so late?"

"no way, will use microwave. I'm sure there is dinner ready at fridge" I laughed

"microwave kills taste of dish. After we shower I will heat it up" I could just accept it.

I never felt so thrilled at my house till this evening. I went to my bathroom with smile of my face. I never let no one close to me. Jess needed only few days to earn my full attention. I felt I could trust him. Wasn't ready to open myself but at that moment I was sure if confide only to Jess. My shower was long, with shaving my body. I decided put on silky pj-shorts and top with strips on shoulders. covered my sexy pj under large hoodie. And left room with prepared set of clothes for next day.

Jess was already in the kitchen. He looked great in my dad's black t-shirt.

"ready for late dinner?" he asked without taking eyes of me. I shaked my head in yes and sat on stool by the island. He opened fridge checked what we can have and put out 3 pots.

"where do you keep pots, need smaller we don't have to heat all"

"your left lower cabinet" I showed it with finger.

While he was turned to stove I prepared plates, glasses and cutlery. After I sat and watched him cooking. He looked so sexy. I was sure that it was only a thought but he approached to me

"I heard that" he said through his addictive laugh. I felt blush all over my body, thankfully he went back to food.

We ate, washed dishes and went to sleep. When I got under duvet took off hoodie. He jumped in place closer to wall and took off shirt. I felt blush, had all face red. He got closer to me slipped under duvet and looked at me with a smile. I decided hide my face with both my hands.

"it's just a body, same as your. It's just skin, you can touch it" he took my hand and put it on his torso.

"you feel, same skin as yours" he let me wander with my fingers on his monumental chest but after moment took mine hands in his and kissed it.

"time to sleep A." as always I obeyed him and layed on my right side. Jess got close to me. He put one his hand under my neck and with left arm closed me in his hug. He placed his head between my neck and shoulder.

I cherished a moment of this intimacy. But I decided ruin it. I just had to tell him one thing I tried said many times earlier today.

"Jess?" I whispered

"yes?"

"I need to say something"

"shoot"

"Jess I heard what you've told my grandfather" I found courage.

"I know" he answered without any emotions

"I just. I, I. f**k" I turned to faced him. I needed his dark brown eyes to find guts and said what need to be told. When we were face to face he held me strong and waited with patience for what I had to say.

"I assumed that as I don't like talk about my drama that you the same. I don't want you to think that I'm some empty girl for whom the most important is what song you listen in car. I just wanted in woods day without traumas" I needed to catched air. When I'm nervous I talk way to fast. He used this moment just to said again"I know"

"But if u want to talk about it, if need I'm here for you, I care for you" uff I did it. Jess took hair from my eyes kissed my forehead said again "I know" but after pause he added "I will someday I promise".

For some time we didn't move we watched into each eyes. We didn't need words. We made some kind of packt. I could stay like this forever.

"you need turn so we could sleep A."

"don't want to" I made grumpy face. He smiled and moved me.

"I can't sleep under your mesmerizing gaze" after a second we got back to position we were before I started talking. He hid head in my hairs.

"Jess?"

"yes"

"what are you doing on next Sunday between 2 pm till max 5 pm?"

"hmm me and my mom will be in the city on dinner with my friend and hers grandpa"

"really?"

"yes, now please sleep and don't move your hair tickle my face" he kissed my neck and we started falling to sleep.

I slept great zero nightmers. From dreams woke me up noise in the kitchen. I panicked. I loosed myself from Jess's grip and put on my hoodie. My nervous movement woke him up.

"what's going on A.?" he asked with sweet sleepy voice.

"Marry is in home I've panicked" before I felt sleep I promised myself never lie to Jess. He rolled over on bed took his t-shirt but after catched me and made me look in his eyes.

"Hey what are you afraid of? She might kill me? Will harm you. Why we panic?" I had no idea how he could have such soft voice sometimes.

"I have no idea why" I answered and hid my head between knees and chest. I couldn't stop laugh. Jess laughed too and put his arms around me. In that moment Marry entered room. She looked at us and waited for us to calm.

"you Jess" she asked.

"yes ma'am" he answered. I didn't put my head up but Jess wasn't stressed or embarrassed at all.

"Both of u breakfast in 20 minutes so chop chop" and she left.

Jess kissed my shoulder and whispered "it wasn't so bad" we got up. Jess went shower I gave him new dad's t-shirt and went downstairs to wash in my room. It was fast shower. Today I decided free my hair, again chosed to look casual I put delicate scarf around my neck and on t-shirt I wore a red sweater with long sleeves. My bruises was fading thanks to magic cream but still were easy to see.

===

Jess's Pov

I didn't know what to do. Audrey panic affected me. Or I was embarrassed. first time someone catched me in bed with woman. I decided keep mine's head. And after shower went down. Audrey was still in her room. I found courage and stepped to kitchen. But Marry asked only about Audrey's well-being. I tried to be useful but she told me no. At this moment Audrey joined us.

She sat beside me. Without thinking I put finger to checkout her neck.

"U remembered to rub cream?"

"yes, it's looks much better thanks to you"

Our conv caught Marry's attention. She didn't say a thing just observed us.

"Audrey have you talked with doctor Madsen?" She broke our moment. And asked question Audrey didn't want to answer. I saw her face changed. It wasn't sadness it was rage.

"I didn't and I will not. I don't f*****g care anymore how's she feel. I've lost 7 years to care her, trying to save her. What did I got in return. Marry she tried killed me! f*****g twice. Did anyone asked how I feel. f**k it Marry I'm done. You interest in this call him but don't make me do it. I don't give a dam. For me she is dead. You hear me DEAD" she was yelling Marry and I could do nothing. Audrey nervous was unstoppable she was speaking fast without one pause, dot, nothing. We had to wait till she finished. When she did I took her hand in mine.

"Audrey I think Marry didn't deserve it" she faced me. I saw her blue orbs in flames. I affected her with my calmness. We were looking each other eyes. She needed it. I saw how her look was changing. I stood up and walked to her without taking my gaze of her. I took her head in my hands and kissed her nose. "A. talk with Marry, please"

Trough tears sounded Marry's "Thank you Jess".

"Audrey I'm worry about you. I care about you kid. I've ask about your mother only to know how much time you have to heal, to be ready for her to comeback. Audrey please believe me" Marry got closer to Audrey. Tried touch her. But A. didn't let Marry. She stood and said "I'm not hungry" and went to her room.

"Jess please talk with her, she needs to eat, she needs to be at school, she needs to be ordinary teen. I can't get to her. I can't watch how she self-destructive is. Can you try help her?" and what I have been doing I wanted to ask. But I chose not to. I went to Audrey room. Doors was open but I knocked.

" A. It's me, I'm coming in" she was sitting on her bed with pillow between her arms.

"A. I have idea. Let's go kitchen like this conv didn't happen. We eat, leave and go to school. I can't stay today with you. I need go work. But I need to be sure u feel better. So please come. Audrey do you even listen to me, say something." I had to be gentle with her. I was so afraid she hurt herself.

" Give me moment, and we do as you said. About evening don't worry I got work in the evening" I didn't know how she was doing it. In one second she was in anger flames next acted like nothing happened. It's like she was putting bad feelings in small box and hide it deep in her. It wasn't good it was toxic. It was poisoning her. I decided to gave her as much as possible good moments to have something to catch before falling. We just met but she absorbed me. I couldn't think of anything else but her. With all her wounds she still was brightness in my sad life.

"I'm ready, let's go" she took my hand and we went for breakfast. Whole home smelled pancakes. We came into kitchen.

"Good morning Marry. Your pancakes smells delicious" I said like we saw each for first time today. Audrey and Marry were laughing. Marry gave us plates with pancakes, cream and fruits. After eating we went to car. Audrey sat in driver's seat. Smiled to me. "you need be spoil today" she said and I jumped on passenger seat. We got to school in silence. I needed books from locker so we split.

Audrey just nod and left to hers. She didn't know how closely to her was my locker. I liked it in her. She didn't pay attention who is who, who does what. Didn't listen to gossips. She was focused on what is important. I was ready for classes wanted walk in with her. But I got pissed when I noticed her happy conv with captain of schools futbol team. She is friend with this dumb prick I couldn't believe it. I decided broke this happy chit-chat. When he noticed me said goodbye to her and left. He saw me but Audrey didn't. It rebuild my good mood. I leaned my head and arm against the adjoining locker and waited. I was almost sure she will walk away. But before leaving she hesitated, looked around and with smile on her face said hi.

"His your friend?" I asked still pissed off.

"whom? Erwin?" it was so sweet

"Eric" I corrected her with smile

"s**t I teach him second year now and was sure he is Erwin" she giggled. And at this moment this prick wasn't important.

"You know anybody's name?" I asked with honest curiosity.

"yes yours" we were super close. Even at school without premeditation our hands wanted to touch our bodies wanted feel each. It was new for me. With her by my side nothing else matters. I pointed her few people and asked for names. She didn't know or mixed. Than I pointed a blond girl with long legs in very short skirt.

"she's Madeleine" she answered sure.

"I'm right?" I heard in her voice restlessness. So I lied

"I have no idea, need trust you in that." I knew that she was Madeleine. Because she approached me at the beginning of year and tried flirt with me. She wanted my cell to write down hers number. I rejected that offer. Audrey didn't has to know that. But I noticed that my answer pleased her.

While we were Immersed in ourselves Declan approached.

"What do you want Declan" I faced him. At that moment Audrey

completely ignore him and said to me.

"really? At this one I wasn't even close. I only assume it's on D letter."and she giggled sweet.

" U f*****g b***h ahaha" asshole couldn't finished I grabbed his neck and got him to wall. I wanted finished him. From rage brought me back Audrey's voice "please don't choke him" in that moment I realized why she ask that. I let his neck but put my finger to his head.

"try look at her, open your mouth to her and I will kill you. From now on u don't even think about her, u get me?" My friend was hurt and this, this prick tried gave her more worries I couldn't allowed that. Declan said I will and I let him go. Audrey touched me and put her arms around me while I was back too her. When I moved she loose a little her grip and I could have her in my arms. Second with her scent and I forgot what I was mad at. Bell cut our cuddling. We had some classes together I made Audrey to sat with me on back. She was ashamed but pleased with my willingness to be with her all the time. We both were disappointed with last bell. Audrey dropped me home. And I couldn't wait to see her again.