Audrey's strength

How it is possible

I was nervous they adored Jess I wanted made good impression of me. I was also really ashamed. Jess touched my blush with his thumb and smiled

" they like you already, be yourself and they will love you" His faith in me gave me courage. Jess sat close too me. Ann brought menu and Jess gave it back without looking.

"Ann I'm sure you already ready for us"

"sorry Jess but yes, Mark prepared your favorite soup and pasta" she had bigger blush than I ever.

"So we take it, don't worry Audrey it will be delicious"

"no doubts" Ann looked pleased when she left we started laughing.

"Jess tell me something about this place how u become so close with this sweet people" Moment I asked this questions I regret it. His eyes became distant and lost sparkle. My hand went to his.

"you don't have to answer, sorry for asking" our eyes met.

"I want to tell you. Audrey I took you here, I want you know me better. But this place is filled with memories, mostly with my brother in. I thought I'm ready. Give me second"

"take as much time as you need Sajna" I smailed to him

"who I deserve this name?"

"a song from great game" It was our thing. When one couldn't say words, could not find strength second didn't push, didn't wait just changed topic.

"can I get some words?"

"words yes but it's beautiful with music"

"I still would love to hear words"

"I quote my singing can kill" our laugh brought Ann to us.

"sorry for interrupt. I brought starter" she gave us plates and left.

"I'm still waiting for words" one day I will test his patience to me! I said to myself

"I don't remember all but it's start with

The river runs to you. Through desert, dust and you

The road that leads to you, As long as it is cruel. The rust and bones and trees and stones and truth.

It's just suits in my head."

"And Sajna sing it."

"this part sing a woman after sing a guy who call her Sajna."

"You like finding films, book, songs fitting to situations?"

"I don't do it on purpose. It just jump in my mind, I don't ask for it it just appears" I felt stupidly.

"I like it always makes me smile. Thank you Audrey, you shiny star for me" and blushed.

"what do you think about food?"

"I have no idea what's, but taste great."

"so why you don't eat?" asked Mark who brought us soup

"I will be honest. Jess surprised me and I'm very nervous and it shut my stomach and I really want fit in everything"

I knew why Jess liked be here. Whose people were super nice and their attention was real.

"eat beef and soup I will bring u smaller ration of pasta and u will have place for dessert"

"Mark hated me and my brother at first" Jess finally said something, I looked at him and in silence waited for the rest of story.

"We were riding a lot on his parking on skateboards. Ann saw we spend at this park a lot of time and invite us to eat something. They babysit us for years. My brother Todd felt in love in cooking. And Mark begun to teach us. He's father to me, love him more than my biological one. I wanted you to met them" I slide my chair closer to him. When I was in place he just tucked in my arms. I was holding him I saw Ann and Mark behind bar counter. They were worried but left it in my hands.

"Audrey"

"Yes"

"Sorry that I'm so f****d up"

"I could say the same. You not f****d up. Now calm down and let me eat this masterpiece" and his laugh came back, how I pleasured this sound.

When Ann heard this cheerful sound put her hands on face to cover tears and run to kitchen. They cared about him so much.

At the end Ann brought dessert. Hot Cake with ice creams and fruits. I was close to explode. But all was delicious. Jess checked time.

When we were saying goodbye Ann held me in her arms strong and way to long. They invited me to visit them wherever I want. I was so excited that I met them. It meant a lot for me. He meant a lot to me. We just met but it's was like thunder. Boom and you addicted, boom and you have to be close to someone who few days ago was totally stranger to you.

We went to car. Jess was a gentleman and came to open doors for me, but before trapped me between bmw and his body. Wrapped me with his arms to stole kiss from me.I tried be gentle but he made this kiss passionate. He explored my mouth with his tongue at the end bit my lower lip. When we finished he glue his forehead to mine.

"forgive me that I ruined this date" he mumbled

"It was perfect, I have nothing to forgive, P E R F E C T. You made this day so f*****g special."

Jess tried said something but I closed his mouth with my lips.

I had a friend, the boyfriend. Best boyfriend ever. He made me smile, he made me happy. Jess gave me a hope that my life can be different. Better.

"wait, last kiss with easy access" how could I said no to best boyfriend ever.

When I was changing shoes my uncle appeared us.

"why u guys look so elegant? Audrey I hope u don't want work in it? It would triple my income, but too dangerous kiddo"

"don't worry I'll change"

"great, but where were you? I deserve to know" all of our 3 started laughing. Jess was waiting for my answer he probably assumed I will hide it from Kevin.

"we were on a date" I said without any hesitant. I noticed smile under Jess nose, he still hadn't say a word still I felt my answer pleased him.

"My baby doll on a date... I will not use to it ever."

"A. About our yesterday conversation I wanted to talk. I don't know if I can brought it up now"

"You can" I answer with full confidence

"I said that You can live with me"

"Uncle let me interrupt. I asked but I've change my mind. I don't want be burden for u, I'm planning rent something" my uncle started to laugh I was sure I didn't said a joke.

"How good I know you. I was going to say, that I accept you're grown up and I wanted to offer you my flat I got in town. It's empty and lonely. Got 2 bedrooms so u can rent someone room and got some more money for it. Would you like to see it at Monday after school" I couldn't find right words and just hugged uncle strong.

When we reached building Jess kissed me and left to his locker, uncle lead me to mine to show me my cabin and gave me things I needed card reader, bag on my waist for cash and begged me not sell alcohol to teens. When he left I changed fast when I was ready to putted up my bandanas Emily entered.

"Oh my f*****g God! Who, Audrey!" f*****g bruises couldn't they vanished already. I hate talking about it.

"Life Ems, life" she got closer to look

"Did Kevin gave you their moisture?"

" he did" she helped me with wrists and neck, all fading proofs of my mother's love were hid.

"Audrey, I have to say something. I need clear things between us. I wanted to hate you for Jess, but you got something in you, some light that pulls me to you like moth. So first you need know what I promise I swear to you I do nothing to Jess, I was always just teasing him. So u don't have to hate me. Second if u like to know me better or need good listener I will be very happy"

"Thank you Ems" I felt ashamed never no one offered me a friendship.

"And I don't hate you" I added fast. And we both left to work.

I needed reorganize bar to be functional. Was in total mess. Nothing was close at hand.

'You look beautiful behind the bar'

I smiled to this message and looked around. Jess was on driver's parking which was opposite to my bar behind fence. It had small gateway so drivers didn't had to walk around whole racing space. When our gaze met he winked to me. I could only smile to him. We were after wonderful date,

After perfect day and still he didn't have enough of me. I didn't understand why he didn't said a word about my living plans for the second time. Because it didn't change nothing between us I didn't want think about it. I could look at this guy for hours but I had to work and so was he. I waved him and got back to work.

"You changed here everything in 15 minutes" my uncle laughed like crazy

"I made it functional, will be more effective"

"And I'm sure you have already more ideas for it"

"actually I do. I need here coffee machine and Jucier for fresh fruits. You got here a lot teen and not much to offer them"

"tomorrow u will have them. U should chose business for your college, you can organize things. Later I want tell you about few my ideas for this place hope you assess them"

"Sure Kev, but about college I dream about literature" I could lied that will think about because disappointment on my uncle face was heartbreaking. He had some right I liked organize things made them effective. But most I liked to write. I even get payed already. I was selling my short stories to reading apps. But till January still were a lot of time. I planned to make decisions after Christmas.

Races started at 7 so earlier came costumers mostly beer. I put on TV around bar. Everyone could see drivers and race from close. Before first run guys came for water. Jess and Bastien teased with me for what I didn't wish them good luck. It was nice evening. When guys went to cars Madeleine approached my bar.

"beer" she treated me as was her servent

"under 21 only nonalcoholic drinks" I tried act professional, but I was boiling inside.

"fine, give me.a coke"

I got it out of fridge but kept by me

"5 bucks" she up her phone I prepared

Reader after bank accept I gave her bottle. I tried avoid her, her eyes. Was focused on Jess who was driving away to start line. He winked me I did the same. I've noticed on screen that Jess said something to Bastien who soon appeared by my bar.

"Princess" Madeleine turned to him and put her hand on his arm

"yes handsome"

"I'm not talking to you. Audrey love I need something sweet, can take your smile" f*****g prince charming, but it worked. My nerves let go and I was smiling. I heard sound starting the race, Bas said its time for him and left I didn't left eyes of screen Jess overslept start and needed speed up but he repaired his mistake. Madeleine was still by the counter and played on my nerves. When she tried say something Emily came.

"Love I need you in VIP Machete can't make coffee and I'm so tired, when you finish here?"

I turn to fridge got her energy drink and sliced for her half orange.

"eat will weak you up a little"

"you are lifesaver"

"why u not on race?" I didn't want asked but it felt out of my mouth.

"I got few minutes to start next and when Jess race no one needs me" she didn't said it with sadness in voice more with relief. And second later she turned from bar and went to start next team of competitors.

"For f**k Madeleine what are you still doing by my bar, can you walk away and annoy someone else!" They all tried change my mood and I failed them.

"f**k OK I'm going" Thankfully she walked away. But she met Jess she tried hugged him but he was master of avoiding girls arms. He passed her and walked behind my bar to stole kiss from me.

"I won, kiss entitled me" he said with his beautiful smile. I couldn't resist this guy. At the beginning I was sure he is just a visitor in my loneliness. Now I begun to feel we can be together forever. I know we just met but it was so intense.

In his arms I forgot about Madeleine and her plans. In this moment I was sure no one ever will break what's between us. I know it was naive. But I thought I'm good on my own although I was drowning in my loneliness. His presence changed everything. He was shore.

In my life after accident never had such day full of good emotions. Jess waited till I finished and without asking he parked in my driveway and we went home. On porch I noticed newspaper I forgot take in the morning. I took it into my hands and freezed. She was here! How I knew? few words was marked she loved do it, ruined paper before anyone could read it.

"Audrey what's going on. Talk with me please you scare me." tears were falling I couldn't focus, I realized that I didn't saw Mr Johnson, did she hurt him. I took my eyes up

"Jess please run"

"Audrey I won't leave you, but you need tell me what's going on"

"She is here"

"your mom?" I nodded

"she might hurt guard, she may harm you. U need run, please go"

"Audrey don't ask me to leave you alone, we will menage it. Please calm down and tell me what to do" at this moment like in horrors my mother stood up and her posture appeared in guard booth, she looked like psycho killer, worse breakdown she ever had. She was in blood, probably of Mr Johnson's I started to pray for him.

"Jess in front is guard you need go for him I will try buy us as much time as possible."

he kissed my forehead and did what I asked for. When she heard door noise she turned to faced me.

"well, well, well my daughter coming home late at night. Without me u become a s**t, but mommy's home" she looked like monster, she was monster for me. She was barefoot and her feet was covered with blood.

"What have you done?" I yelled at her.

"You weren't home and he tried to stop me. Can you believe he tried stop me" It wasn't my mother voice it was demon or devil himself.

It was like only a minute with her when at backdoor Jess and two guards showed up. My mother up her hand. She was holding g*n. I didn't see it earlier. It was black small revolver. Guards stopped Jess who tried get to me.

"so u with him" she was curious.

"will he be sad when you die" she aimed g*n into my face. I was freezed. I needed to breathe in my head I heard my dad's voice 'what is most important to defeat opponent?' I felt strength I wasn't thinking I just acted. I did what practiced at self defense training. Kevin made me to participate in one 3 years ago. I grabbed g*n and just took it. I didn't finish. I unlocked g*n and pointed its barrel to her.

"If u b***h want kill u should know how. U wanna die, I can help you with it u f*****g monster. I hate you I wish it was you. I hate every day I spent with you. You ruined my childhood, my youth. You f*****g scumb you should be dead . You hear me die already" I was sure I will pull the trigger but Jess hand took g*n from mine. Jess secured it and took me in his arms. One guard catched my mother second went checked Mr Johnson. He was alive but wounded. Guard took g*n from Jess and ordered to take me to home.

We get straight to bedroom. He gave me time to deal with my anger. He got off my clothes and put on me t-shirt left me in b*a and laid me down in bed. I didn't protest. I was empty shell. Everything was fading, was blurred. I heard phone ring. Jess took it.

"It was Marry she is on her way here. Will help me. Ok? Audrey don't collapse inside. Come back and talk with me. I'm not leaving, I'm here for you. Audrey blink, let me see you hear me" I didn't I turned on my side and hid my head in pillow. But he didn't let me reject him and pulled me up into his arms. I must let him go. I felt I have to. I was a burden and he deserved better .

"Jess"

"Yes Audrey"

"I can't be with you. I don't want to drag you on the bottom with me, you deserve much more. You deserve best" I was in tears, I was saying him to leave while I couldn't let him go. I was holding him tight and he didn't listen to me.

"I'm not going anywhere. You are my best. Cry baby, cry a river if u have to, let it all out. I'm here, I'm here"

"do you understand now why I have to leave this place. Why I need be on my own?" I've been keeping questions about his opinion about my moving out for so long. Now couldn't stop words.

"I do Audrey and I'm envy you this strength. I would like have this courage as you have. I wanted live on my own for some time now. But I'm chicken. I do whatever my parents wants even they don't care much about me and they have no idea who I am. I didn't talked with my father I think for a year now but still need obey him, I'm coward."

"you not"

"you give me strength Audrey" he kissed my wet from tears lips.

"you salty" he cleaned my face got my hair from face and glued his head to mine.

"I will keep room free at uncle flat. Will wait for you" he smiled. His gaze was focused on me. His beautiful orbs was my gateway from all sorrows. I had no idea for how long we were sitting motionless just looking in each eyes. Stillness broke Marry.

"Your mother had been taken. At the doors are now 3 guards 1 in front and 2 at back. And your grandpa is on his way here. Jess maybe it will be better if you leave?" we didn't move. I just put my head on his shoulder.

"It's ok Marry, I'm not leaving." without this words Marry knew his decision. She hid our bags in wardrobe. She kissed me and him.

"will be good. You both safe. It's most important. Audrey I should be here."

"you would be dead Marry, she almost killed guard" It wasn't first time of such actions of my mother. Because of meds her sadness changed into rage. But earlier she just devastated hospitals now she run away and tried devastating my life.

With my grandpa came dr Madsen. They both entered my room without asking for permission. Madsen cleared his throat

"How do you feel Audrey?" he tried be gentle but I wasn't in good mood.

"And how do you think. For the second time my mother run from your hospital out. She almost killed guy who got two kids, she POINTED g*n TO MY Head. So tell me how should I feel. How you dare ask me"

"A. Look at me, not at them ok?" I nodded and didn't take my eyes from most beautiful orbs I ever seen.

"I see your friend got good influence on you. I will leave you now. My presence doesn't help at this moment" and thankfully he left. I was focused on Jess when my grandpa reminded us that he still was in the room.

"I want to take you to city with me"

"I'm not going"

"Audrey!" he got furious.

"Grandpa soon my 18 birthday are. I'm ready to be on my own. I'm done with taking commands. You may accept it and we can have contact or not and you will lose me same as you lost your son" I was cruel but didn't saw different path to deal with it.

"What do you mean by saying on my own?"

"I found flat I'm going to rent. I got job which I can easily combine with school. I need be away from her, from this house and it's demons" I was confident I knew that it was only one good solution.

"I can't stop you Audrey and I don't want to lose you. I will go now. But we see each tomorrow at 3." he sounded normal but his voice was full of emotions.

When he left Jess kissed me. I wasn't expecting this coming and started to laugh while his tongue was in my mouth.

"What?"

"You surprised me, I don't know with what I deserve this kiss"

"I don't need a reason to kiss you. I adore kissing you" and our lips met again. I made him stop for a moment.

"I adore way you kiss me" and I came back to his lips. This time we kissed like world was ending. During this sweet moment of pleasure I decided I do everything to put myself in one piece for him. To be worth him.

Jess showed in my life when I needed him the most. We both had traumatic life, both tried coup with it. Together we understood each without words. He was my cure and I was his. This moment of kissing meant for me more than any word, gesture. I found lifebuoy.

"Audrey it's late u need sleep"

"I'm ready just waiting for you" he giggled in the way I liked the most. Jess quickly took of his clothes and jumped under duvet. And again I was in his arms.

"Audrey?"

"yes?"

"I want falling to sleep and wake up by your side every f*****g day" and his lips was exploring my neck. It was strange feeling tickled but at the same time gave pleasure and chils. I didn't understand that's going on with my body.

"me too" I whispered.

I didn't slept well. I slept some time and next was awake, and with this circle sun erase. I tried got up but Jess stopped me with his arms.

"You need to let me go, I need pee"

He was on border reality and dream looked sweet. He let me go and felt sleep again.

I tried be as quiet as possible. I got shower dressed up. All the time Jess was sleeping. I sat on the edge of the bed and looked at him. I said it over and over but I adored watching him. He was sleeping so calm. His messy hair his long lashes slim nose and beautiful lips. His chest got still purple bruises.

"You staring" way he was waking up melted my heart. When he woke up fully looked at me with his perfect eyes. I noticed that there isn't a thing I don't like in him. I kissed his arm.

"Audrey you smell fresh, I thought you just woke up, how long I was sleeping"

"Jess why u panic? I took fast shower, it's early" and again kissed his arm.

"you look beautiful" I smiled Jess sat on bed and catched my lips with his. He took my face in his hands. And asked me to leave. wait what?

"why?"

He laughed

"Audrey I can't get up. I'm hiding erection under duvet. It's morning and you so beautiful. I need distraction." he layed his head on my shoulder felt ashamed. I felt blushing.

His hands traveled from top to down on my arms. I was playing with his hair.

"I will go, but you need let me" he kissed my shoulder and freed me. I got up and left the room.

We both forgot about Marry. She stayed or came in early morning. When I reached kitchen she was already preparing breakfast.

"Good morning" I said with my happy voice. She looked at me was sure I printed good mood. When she saw I'm really cheerful she hugged me.

"I need say thanks to Jess. U truly smiling"

I let myself out of her arms and made a coffee for her and me. We talked about nothing when Jess joined us. He came to me. I was sitting on stole by island. He kissed my hair above my ear and asked for coffee. Marry was observing every our move without comment. After breakfast she kissed us both and left.

"Jess, it won't be easy for us. I'm sure that will be a lot of questions. I need you to help me not explode with anger. But I'm sure yesterday my grandpa wasn't prepared but today he will be." With every word I was more and more nervous. I had in my head milion scripts what can happened. Jess had also fears because of his mother. He told me she tried be different after Todd's dead but slowly she was on path to be again demanding cold person. So we went for dinner in bad moods. We knew they will hurt us.

At restaurant my grandpa and Mrs Logan was waiting for us. First part of dinner went smoothly. I started belive that finally my granddad changed.

When we ordered dessert Jess father appeared. My grandpa showed waiter to prepare seat for him.

"I'm sorry for interrupting I was in neighborhood and my wife told me about meeting so I decided to join. For some time I didn't have opportunity to see my son. I'm Marvin Logan"

"Winston Monroe and my granddaughter Audrey"

"Monroe Industry? I put my offer to you. What a coincidence" I understood in that moment, that he wasn't here for Jess but for business. I was boiling. We all knew that.

"Well we get a lot of offers. This investment is hudge so everyone want participant. Every slice of income will be juicy but I work only with the best, I don't mixed personal life with work" I liked this attitude of my grandfather, Jess smirked. It made Marvin to focused on Jess. They started to argue but Jess couldn't truly stood up against his father. I didn't know what to do.

"you will apply for colleges I've send you end of topic" his father almost yelled.

I dropped my napkin on table.

"I lost my appetite" when I said it silent has come. Marvin looked at me, Jess had same eyes.

"she got bad influence on you, it's end of this relationship. You will stay here in the city. Enough."

I stood up, my grandpa put on table the money and we left. I was waiting for Jess, I believed in him.

He left restaurant after us and said only." I told you I'm coward" he tried touch me. I didn't let him. He opened his trunk I took my bag with clothes for work and he got back to his parents. My grandfather asked if it change my plans. I said no. He gave me a credit card

"I believe u will manage all by yourself. This is for emergency or to from time to time have fun. I won't control you. I believe in you and I'm impressed by your strength. This boy will regret his obey to doush father for rest of his life" I hugged him and let him left me alone.

I still got time before work to tried get my s**t together.

I did everything to not fall into pieces. He left me with head full of all what if, why, and dreams what could have been. He wanted wake up every day by my side. I wanted it. I catched him as my lifebouy and now I was drowning. I was falling into him now my heart was broken. As start fast as end fast.

While driving work I was wondering if he will came. But he didn't. My uncle lost great driver and boxer. I lost my boyfriend, my friend.

My pillow was full of his scent. I couldn't felt sleep without his hands without his breathe on my neck. I was furious. How could I use to him so fast, and now missed him so much.

On Monday after strange day at school, again I was alone, lonely and abandoned I went to see my new flat.

Uncle was waiting for me. Apartment was perfect. Starting with hall leading to cosy living room connected with kitchen. Behind couch were doors to two bedrooms with one common bathroom between them. Uncle gave me keys and I was ready to start moving.

"you will need help. I will ask Bastien to help you tomorrow"

"uncle?"

"yes kiddo?"

"why you don't ask?" I had tears in my eyes.

"I don't have to. He called me. I know everything. And I know you to good to not ask if you don't want to talk" he hugged me and whispered "He asked to keep eye on you for some time. I trust he will come back A. Give Jess time, and don't let sadness to get you"