Sophia's Freedom

Chapter 48 : Letter from Sam

I continued reading the remaining pages to douse my curiosity. I wish I was there to make sure he was alright, but I guess fate has something else in store for me. God!!! I really blame myself now for not being there to protect him that day.

How can I call myself his best friend when I was not even there to protect his modesty? I really wished Abhinu would have mentioned the names of the remaining boys in the journal or have mentioned to me about this incident, I would have taught those boys a lesson they are never gonna forget. 

I would have shown them how bullying is done. At least I was happy that Darika and Garima got the taste of bullying Abhinu every single day till the rest of their miserable life.

                                                          13th February 1994

There was a surprise for me today. Remember, I mentioned meeting the handsome-looking boy Daniel, the other day. Today when I was cleaning my room, I found an envelope with a neatly folded piece of paper inside. The paper has a mobile number +91 9683724721 with a note on it. It was a letter from Sam which Daniel dada might have left for me. It was one of the most beautiful letters ever written to me.

I had a very high fever for the past 3 days because of the thrashing by Harsh, his friends, and my sisters, the other day. I was not in a condition to write anything. I feel better today after aunty gave me some medicines which helped me with the pain. I really don’t think that I can forget the ordeal that happened to me on Garima's birthday. Aunty told me to take a rest today because she didn't want me to fall sick again. 

The memories of that horrible experience kept haunting me so much that I was unable to sleep. Whenever I try to close my eyes, memories of Soham's devilish acts and Aamaya di's shoe stamping on my face interrupt my privacy and disturb my own values.

I reminded aunty that tomorrow is Monday which meant that I can wear boys clothes, to which she replied that she had a word with Abhishek dada and Uncle and they said that they meant the 21st of February and not the 14th of February. i tried to reason with her but she said that Abhishek dada promised me that it would be next Monday but he never specified the date.

I really felt as if they had backstabbed me. Abhishek dada lied to me. I finally understood, they have no intentions of letting me get back to my regular self. I have become a piece of entertainment for them. 

I finally decided that I had enough of it and understood that if I stay here anymore, I would be killed by their deliberate offensive acts to shame me or I will have to kill myself one day to fear the worse. I decided to run away and never come back to this God-forsaken place. Aamaya di, Darika, and Garima were off to school. Aunty came to my room and told me that she is going out to the bank and that she might get late while returning. I waited for her to leave and then rushed to Aamaya di's room, picked up one of her trouser dungarees, and put it on. I kept a few of my clothes and some shoes in a bag. I took all my savings from the piggy bank which was probably enough for me to run away to Purulia and stay forever at my mom's house. I am finally free.

*** Wow!!! I remember Sam. She was one of our good friends. She was an introvert and really had difficulties making friends but Abhinu and Aarohi really helped her get over her issues and to be confident in life. I remember she constantly tried to find excuses to be friendly with us. We had spent a lot of wonderful times together, but destiny probably had other plans for her, and she left for heavenly abode early in life. She was one of the sweetest and lovely persons we knew.***

I flipped over the page to read the next entry and to my surprise, it appeared like some sort of a letter. I guessed this to be the letter Abhinu mentioned in the journal.

My Dear Abhinu,

I don't really know how to begin this one-sided conversation but let me start off by saying that I am fully aware that nothing could ever blossom between us. I am not sure that you will ever see or read this letter lest my brother, O'contrare to his nature, decides to help me and deliver this letter to you.

There must be a million thoughts wandering through your mind right now. Believe me, I am very nervous about writing to you too. There are a lot of insecure thoughts plaguing my mind. First, of which is, do you even recognize or remember me. Will you be offended by what I am about to reveal? 

The most harrowing might-be the outcome which frightens me is being ignored or ridiculed by you for this. But my heart which truly believes in you and adores you for being a true gentleman is assured of your compassion and understanding.

If truth be told, we have nothing but basketball in common between us. I have observed your interaction with your friends and understood that you are a very outgoing and loyal friend. I, on the other hand, have always found it difficult to hold on to friends because of my reticent nature. I am a loner and aloof person. You did make a few attempts to approach me, but I guess I was not able to let go of my timid nature, I could not hold on to you and we drifted off in a very short time. Please forgive me for letting go of you so easily. But your kind gesture was strong enough to light a spark in me. I could not understand or put a name to my feeling back then.

I know your bond with Monika is eternal, but we both are very well privy to the eternal truth of not being able to choose the person we fall for. I know very well that you can never feel the same way or reciprocate in the same way. I am in peace with that. Loving someone doesn’t mean having them forever but it means being there for them always and when they need you. I am perfectly content by being a good friend to you. I want you to know that if ever you feel the need, you can always trust me, confide in me and you can count on my support in every step of your future.

I do know for certain that you are kind, generous and one of the most upstanding guys I have ever known. You are very dear to me and I couldn't bear to see you in pain. Just confiding in you as a friend, the day we were selected for the national team, I was in seventh heaven and interpreted this as divine intervention and some kind of signal from God encouraging my love for you. Don’t be alarmed, I soon came to terms with the reality and attained peace with my fate.

Maybe after school, we'll drift apart, talk less, and maybe never meet or see each other again. But I very desperately need to get this off my chest. Every moment I spent with you during the tournaments, it felt like my fantasy and wildest dreams of my prince charming moments with you were being realized. It was a sweet and generous gift of God, even though in my heart, I knew you were not mine. But pardon me for going off on a tangent. Whenever I'm around you, I just lose my train of thought.

I know that you do not feel the same. How does someone like you fall for someone like me who is practically invisible to everyone? It's not unheard of but I don’t know anything better than thinking that way. Maybe a lot of special someones would come into my life but right now I cannot imagine anyone infusing the same intensity and passion I FEEL for you.

Maybe this is all just simple attraction, or it could be just an infatuation, but I believe that my heart is testing and strengthening my endurance, to probe its impact on me when I'm head over heels for someone who doesn’t feel the same about me. I'm glad it was you who first introduced me to this wonderful feeling. I love you and will be there for you always.

Sincerely,

Your Secret Admirer

*** Wow… for once, to tell you the truth, I am pretty jealous of Sam. Considering that I love Abhinu from the core of my heart, it was slightly surprising for me to know about a passionate competitor like Sam. The content of the letter is enough to make one believe that she is really head over heels for Abhinu. I find it difficult to even imagine her condition if she has been alive today and has seen Abhinu in his existence as Sophia. She would have felt devastated. I flipped the page and there was another letter. This was written by Daniel dada. ***

My Dear Friend,

My dear sister never confided her feelings for you to me. Being extremely reserved she preferred to keep her secrets within and never found the courage to share these words of her inner turmoil with you or me. But for the happiness of her departed soul, I felt it best to share her feelings with you.

After she passed away, I found this letter and thought my sister deserved to have her feelings acknowledged. If you are truly the person, she described in her words, I know you will appreciate her feelings.

I remember the day we heard about your father’s death; I can’t describe how heartbroken Sam was. She kept crying the whole night and it was really getting difficult for me to console her. You might be trying to imagine her belief about losing a family, but what you don’t know is that I too have lost my family when I was just 14 years old. A friend of mine took care of me and then one fine day we found a little girl who was abandoned on the streets. She had no one and so we decided to raise her as our own sister.

She had only me, and my bhaiya Amell whom she could address as her guardian. We had only each other to support for the most part of our life. And then she is gone too.

Your sisters Darika and Garima have been spreading rumors in school that you have decided to transition into a transwoman and cited it as the reason for your untimely absence from school. Knowing what you meant to my sister, the tale seemed far-fetched and phony. So, I made up my mind to meet you, under the guise, in the birthday celebration and find out the truth myself.

Watching your shaky efforts of existence all my suspicions proved to be true and I could conclude without a doubt that you are not turning yourself into a transwoman but in reality, being forced to convert into one.

Your reply to my query about your attire that you are dressing up like Aarohi as you are missing her greatly also confirmed my judgment. The bruise marks on your hands established my qualms that you are being bashed physically too.

After Sam’s demise I do not have anyone in my life and the way she felt for you, makes me feel protective towards you. I feel a sense of responsibility and connection with you. Whatever happens, please remember that you can count on and approach me whenever you need any help.

Meanwhile, I promise you to do everything in my power to rescue you from the current ghastly state you are living in.

I hope you remember Sunaina, her mom came to meet me the other day. She will also help you in case you need any help from us.

Sincerely,

Daniel

9683724721

                                                     TO BE CONTINUED...

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