Sophia's Freedom

Chapter 52 : Journal : Helpless

*** It was getting difficult for me to go through the things that happened to Abhinu. I still couldn’t believe that Abhinu hid these things from me. He may be thinking that this way he was protecting me but he didn’t realize that the day I find out about this, it would hurt me even more. Why did you hide this from me Abhinu? 

I really wished I could tell him once that "Freedom should never come at a price..." freedom is a birthright and everyone in the world should have this right. It should never be taken away from anyone. Gosh, I really wish someone should knock some sense into their thick skulls. ***

                                                    18th February 1994

I don't feel like writing the journals anymore, but I promised dad that I would keep writing no matter what, and that's what I will do. I will not let him down. I learned about a secret that turned my world upside down. Today morning I woke up to the sound of my Alarm clock. As I opened my eyes to turn off the alarm, I saw Abhishek dada sleeping in my bed next to me. I was surprised to see him and hugged him. He reciprocated back and as I was about to get off the bed, he caught hold of my arms and pulled me in his arms. He wanted me to be in his arms for some time.

He asked me if I am alright and that he is sorry about whatever happened on the night of Darika's birthday. I replied to him that it's fine and I don't blame them for anything, and out of excitement, I told him that dad is alive and then the truth was out. He picked up a gift which was lying on the table and said it was for me. He wanted to give it to me on my birthday but back then he felt I was not in the right mind, so he felt that today might be the right time to give me the gift. As I was about to take it, he wanted me to kiss him which I complied by kissing him on his cheek. As I opened the gift, I found that it was some sort of an electronic device. He told me that it was a microprojector. He asked me to get the cell phone which he gave to me and connected the cell phone to the device and turned it on. He said that there is a surprise for me.  He dialed a number from the phone and then turned on the microprojector.

What I saw on the screen, shook the earth beneath me. It was a video of my dad. He was probably locked up in some room and by the looks of it, things felt like he was in a bad shape. I was about to say something when Abhishek dada told me to keep quiet and then he pressed a number on the phone, and that very moment, I saw dad stood up and came close to the camera.

He brought the phone close to him and began to talk to dad. He asked dad to take a close look at me and what I am wearing and then he told him that if dad would have stayed away from his business, I would not be suffering this way and then he disconnected the feed.

The moment he disconnected the call, I got mad and punched him. I caught hold of his collar and gave a blow directly on his face. As I was about to punch him again, he caught hold of my arm and twisted it, and then pushed me on the bed. I tried to adjust myself but he proved stronger and before I could react, He picked up the red dupatta which was placed on the chair and tied my hands behind my back and then he picked me up and made me sit on the bed and then said that they have locked dad up and wants me to remember that if I want my dad to be live, I will have to listen to every demand the members of the family orders me to and in due course of time if I behave like a good girl, they will even let me have the life Aarohi had.

He wanted me to think about it and left the room. He kept coming to the room, during breakfast, lunch, and dinner and would treat me with his own hands. He didn't let go of my hands the whole day until I finally succumbed to his demand and agreed that if I stay with them dressed up as a girl they will not harm my dad, I will listen to every demand.

Abhishek dada finally let me go, and then promised me, that If I keep my word, he will let me wear a male attire once a day every 3 months under his supervision, and also he would set up the projector in my room and whenever I feel like talking to dad I just have to turn on the projector and talk to dad over the phone.

He finally gave me a box and told me that there is a dress and asked me to put that on tomorrow. The members of the family have something to discuss and he wants me to know about it.  

                                                    19th February 1994

I hate everyone. This is what I want to say. I just wish I could climb on top of the terrace and jump from there to the hard ground. Maybe that way my misery will be over. Thankfully Abhishek dada slept in another room and I was all alone the whole night. The only thing that I kept thinking was about my dad and how I would be the one to keep him safe. I couldn't sleep the whole night. I could only see the helpless face of my dad and the words he said "Honey don't be scared... it's only a matter of time... Papa will come to get you very soon"

I finally got off the bed and opened the box Abhishek dada got for me. It had a beautiful sky blue colored frock and some jewelry. Since the day I ran away from this place, I have not been wearing any of the pieces of ornaments but now I guess I have no choice but to put them on. I placed the ornaments that I have decided to wear on the bed, placed the dress next to it, and then I took out the white wedge boots on the bed as well and went to take a bath. After I was ready, putting on the dress, the ornaments, and the shoes I stepped out to help aunty with the breakfast. Right after breakfast, They called me to come to the hall as they have some important things to discuss with me.

Uncle stated that the family was considering not letting me be dressed as a girl, but after what happened after the night of Darika's birthday, they have decided that my retribution is that, I should continue as a girl. It was nothing new since it was expected. Abhishek dada already told me about it last night. He continued that because of what I had done, everyone should set up 2 rules which should only be specific to that particular person and the elders of the house should decide whether it is suitable for me or not. The exception was if one elder agrees to the suggestion it will be a rule.

It started with Darika, who suggested that I should start addressing her and Garima as didi and shouldn't be considered equal to them so the sofa and the dining table should be out of bounds for me. Aunty made a modification that it will only be applicable when the 2 of them are around and not at any other times.

After that Garima was asked to make her suggestion. She went to a corner with Darika and whispered something and then 2 minutes later she suggested that every morning, instead of wishing her and Darika good morning, I should kiss their feet and ensure that my lipstick mark should be visible on their feet when they woke up. Doing this would ensure that my voice would not hamper their sleep.

Aunty and Abhishek dada objected to it, but for some reason, uncle was ok with it and they gave the go-ahead and the second rule was t*****e than a rule for me. She suggested that they should tattoo the word "Daughter of a Traitor" on my back. Both uncle and Abhishek dada agreed to it.

Finally, Aamaya di was asked what she wants and she suggested that she only wants one thing. If all the 3 siblings order me something at the same time, the eldest will have priority over me and that the other 2 members will have to do their own chores, for some reason, all the elders agreed to it.

Uncle asked her if she wants to add something else and she was adamant that this is what she wants. Finally, Abhishek dada said now there are some things that he wants everyone to know. My room is out of bounds for Darika and Garima and if they have to enter my room, they will have to take permission from him, he further added that there is a projector in my room and no one is allowed to touch that.

After that Uncle took over and then said that day before yesterday aunty and he had a discussion about relocating to Purulia and he feels that it is the right decision. 2 weeks from now, I will have to undergo a surgery, and post that there will be christening ceremony. I was surprised what uncle said next. He said that exactly 53 days from now, I will have to marry Abhishek dada and post that all these rules will no longer be applicable to me anymore and they can relocate to Purulia.

Uncle further added that until the christening ceremony they will call me Geeta. Abhinu is a boys name and I don't deserve that name.

After this discussion, they asked me to get back to my room and that in the evening someone will come to imprint the tattoo in me. I requested them not to tattoo it but everyone turned a deaf ear to me.

Will sadness in my heart, I began to walk back into my room and decided to turn on the projector, and began to talk to my dad.

                                                                  TO BE CONTINUED...

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