Chapter 54 : Postoperative Dilemma
1415 Words
*** It was getting difficult for me to go through the things that happened to Abhinu. I still couldn’t believe that Abhinu hid these things from me. Why did he hide the fact about his dad being alive? I could have asked Amy Didi's help with it. He may be thinking that this way he was protecting me but he didn’t realize that the day I find out about this, it would hurt me even more. Why did you hide this from me Abhinu? ***
9th April 1994
It has been 3 weeks since uncle convinced me or to tell you the truth uncle forced me to have the surgery. I had to let dad know what they were planning to do, but we both know that he cannot help me anyway. He told me to stay strong and not let their bullying bring my morale down.
I learned from Aamaya di that Abhishek dada has been in constant touch with aunty and keeps asking about my progress. Ever since the surgery, I had been bedridden and everyone has been taking pretty good care of me. They would get my food to my bed. Aunty would always be beside my bed. The only thing that would disgust me was the fact that I had to wear diapers at all times as if I was a baby. What was strange was that I never changed the diapers myself. Every night after I go off to sleep, someone would get those changed for me. This may feel strange but the past few months everything was strange for me, so wearing a diaper doesn’t feel strange at all. I would wonder what the surgery was all about, but no one would tell me anything. Sometimes my sweet spot stings a lot. I guess they must have done the surgery around it that’s why it hurts. Today the doctor came over to our house. He told uncle that the wound has healed up and that I don’t need to wear the diapers anymore. Rahat kaka came over and helped removed it. The doctor gave me an injection and a few minutes later I felt asleep.
10th April 1994
By the time I was awake, I found a piece of note left on the bed. It was written there that I should freshen up and put on the Red Dress placed on the bed and come to the hall. They have a surprise for me.
I used to be excited at the mere mention of the word surprises, but nowadays the word holds a whole new different meaning for me. My heartbeat drops at the mere mention of the word. The surprises have started taking a darker turn and the only significance of the word is that I would be soon humiliated or tortured in some innovative way on the pretext of surprise.
I got off the bed and went to the washroom to freshen myself up. I stood Infront of the commode, lifted the skirt to pee, and suddenly felt as if I cannot find my sweet spot. I looked down and found that I don’t have it anymore. I finally understood the reasons for my pains.
I was so angry and humiliated that I didn’t know how to react anymore. I stepped out of the room to the hall and saw uncle, aunty, and my 3 sisters sitting there. Without thinking about the consequence, I shouted ‘WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME… WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS…?
Uncle came close to me caught hold of my left hand and twisted it with such force that it started to hurt. I wailed in pain and then he replied ‘NO ONE TALKS BACK AT ME… NOT NOW NOT EVER… IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT, I DON’T CARE… IF YOU HAVE TO STAY IN THIS HOUSE YOU WILL HAVE TO TRANSFORM INTO THE GIRL I WANT YOU TO BE... NOT ONLY BY WEARING FEMALE ATTIRE BUT ALSO AGREE TO ALL THE PHYSICAL CHANGES WE ARE GOING TO DO TO YOUR BODY… AND LIVE BY OUR RULES… NO ONE COMES BETWEEN ME AND MY 400 THOUSAND DOLLARS…’ he let go of my hands and then continued ‘LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING… THE LAST TIME SOMEONE TALKED BACK AT ME… I GOT THEM KILLED AND I MADE SURE THEIR ELDER SON LIVED 4 YEARS OF HIS LIFE AS A GIRL…’
He told me to get back to my room and think about it. He also said that the sooner I accept the fact that I am a girl, and forget that I was Abhinu in my past life, I can have a better life, but if I still keep pestering about my past, he will make my life more miserable than it already is.
Dejected by this sudden turn of events, I began to walk towards my room, However, he stopped me, and he gave me a small vial of liquid and there was something inside it. He told me that it was the p***s that the doctor had got surgically removed and then placed it in the vial of a solution to preserve it for me.
I went back to my room, locked the door from inside, and stepped into the washroom. I wanted to kill myself... I don't want to live anymore... I placed the bottle on the floor, took off all my clothes, and every time I touch the missing part in my body, and then look at the vial, all I could feel was be disgusted with myself. I finally closed my eyes and began to cry. After some time I stood up, switched on the projector, and called up dad. I had to show him what they did to me. He looked sad but somehow with a heavy heart, he said "think of your mom, think about me, think of Monika" please close your eyes and as I closed my eyes he said ‘Honey you are our strong Abhinu… Please don’t let this incident break your fighting spirit… we are always watching over you and we want you to wait for the day when one of the people that man has wronged with comes and gives him his just dues. It’s only a matter of time and trusts me, the day I find a way to escape his clutches, I am coming after him and his son. Please stay strong for my sake..."
Dad's words gave me hope and the courage to get back on my feet and hold on and resist giving up. It renewed my instinct for survival, There are people in my life to whom I mattered and whose encouraging words are enough to bring me from the brink of death. Even though I don’t have my sweet spot anymore, or I have to sit and pee for the rest of my life… but in my heart, I am still Abhinu and no amount of surgery could change that. I decided to keep the vial in my locker and to remind me of this miserable day. I decided to take a bath and then put on the red dress and came out of the room.
*** Oh my God... what the hell. I remember after we shifted to Purulia, Abhinu told me about a surgery, however, when I asked him about the detail, he was too embarrassed to tell me about it. Oh my god… that man really performed this surgery to transform Abhinu into a trans girl.
I cannot really understand how disgusted Abhinu might have felt that day when he found out that he is not a boy anymore. I was happy that he stayed strong all these years with the hope of being free one day. It came in late but better than never.
I bet he thinks that I loathe him when I will know about this, but as a human being Mother Mary will not forgive me if I leave him at this juncture of life only because he is no more the man a girl wants. I promised Mother Mary I will always stand by his side, and I will always keep my promice.
What was it about the 400 thousand dollars he is talking about?
How can turning his own sister’s son into a sissy be someone’s ambition? ***
TO BE CONTINUED...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- Writer
