Rage

There was a part of me that wanted nothing more than to take off this bright yellow dress, put on my pajamas and rewatch Pretty Little Liars. But I had to do this. I promised I would try for him. I looked over at the framed photo on my desk. A picture of my boyfriend Noah and I sat there, Noah freaking Grant. The most popular guy at Allen Prep was my boyfriend. If Jessica had never pushed me to ask him out, I wouldn't be here getting ready to go to his annual summer party. This year we will be starting the senior year as a couple. Maybe even going to the same college. Stop; you're getting ahead of yourself. You just started dating him. I gave the yellow flowy dress a second look and decided to keep it on because I knew Noah would like it. I flat ironed my hair and put it into two braids. I didn't have the right products to do it properly, and there was no way my foster parents would buy me anything I needed. I put on a pair of white sandals, grabbed my purse, and walked out the door. "Where the f**k are you going?" Mike, my foster dad, grumbled. He doesn't even look at me as he sits in front of the tv, stuffing his face full of a half-frozen tv dinner with several cans of beer around him. He had a beer belly, balding hair, and pale skin with dirt all over his hands. He worked at the factory in town, just like everyone else in this town. He used to shower a few times a day to get the dirt off but eventually gave up. "Out," I said, opening and closing the door behind me. He doesn't care if I leave or not. He wanted to make sure I didn't run away again. If I do, the checks stop coming. Jane, his wife, is working the third shift at the hospital. She's nice enough, and by nice, I mean she makes sure I eat daily. Noah was leaning against his car. He's smoking a cigarette but puts it out once he sees me coming. I wished he'd stop smoking. I've asked him to, but he's refused. At least he's considerate enough to stop when he's around me. He dropped the cigarette on the ground, and I quickly picked it up and threw it in the little trash can in his car. I see him shaking his head and giving me that beautiful smile of his. I get butterflies every time. Hell, I get them when he's even in the same room with me. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me. "I missed you," he muttered in my ear. "I missed you." "Are you ready for tonight?" I nodded. "Don't be nervous. Everything will be okay. I've got you, remember?" "I trust you." A pained expression crossed his face, but it was gone a second later, and his smile was back. He opened the door for me, and I slid in. He closed my door and went to the driver's side, and started the car. We drove away from my house and towards his house. It's depressing to see how much his neighborhood differs from mine. The change is immediate. From corner stores and liquor stores on every block turns into libraries and high-end grocery stores. When I got the scholarship to Allen Prep, this was all a huge culture shock. Sometimes it still is. We got to his house, two stories high, with a basketball court and pool. The party was bigger than I imagined; either I didn't pay enough attention at school, or half of these people didn't go to Allen. Noah walked over and opened the door for me, and I stepped out into the hot California air. "I thought you said it would only be kids from school?" "And a little more." We walked hand and hand inside his house. A few people were passed out on his lawn, and he didn't glance twice at them. We walked through the crowd of students from our school and people I'd never seen before. The people from our school glared at me when they thought Noah wasn't looking as we walked by. A lot of them believed I got a free pass. Because working my ass off all of middle and some of high school didn't do it for me. I know that part of the reason they accepted me was because of my back story. Two parents that didn't want her were bounced from foster home to foster home. But I didn't care if my history was the only reason I got in. I'm going to one of the top high schools in the world. Allen could open up so many doors for me that no other high school could. So using a sense of confidence I didn't know was there, I held my head high and kept walking. "Is Randall here?" I asked. "They're all here, but I've told them to leave you alone." "Like they'll listen." Randall, Scott, and Avery are Noah's best friends and the biggest fans of the 'I hate Lillian Thompson' fan club. They've been bullying me since the moment I walked in the doors of Allen Prep. It wasn't until Noah, and I became a couple that they left me alone. Sometimes. Noah made it clear to everyone, including his friends, that I was off limits. Unlike Randall, Scott, and Avery, whose faces went from laughing to glaring as Noah and I sat together in the empty seat around them. Noah pulled me into his lap, holding me tight and kissing my ear. I leaned into him, and it felt as if the whole world quieted down, and it was only us at this moment. He was my everything. I looked over at the guys, who looked disgusted that I was even in their presence. I'll never understand what I ever did to them. Since the moment I came here, I've kept to myself and focused on school. The only explanation I could come up with is they hate me the same reason the rest of the student body at Allen did. But sometimes, by how they looked at me, it felt like more. "What's the plan tonight?" Noah asked. "Chill, and then the main event," Jacob answered while sipping on a bottle of beer. "Everything all ready?"  "Yep," Scott answered. "What's the main event?" I asked. "Just something happening later on. I nodded and didn't ask for further explanation. "How about we go up to my room?" Noah suggested. I smiled and nodded. I got up and let him lead me to his bedroom. He had stuck me in a few times. When we walked into his bedroom, I was transported back to the night he took my virginity. It was only a few months ago, but it felt like yesterday. From what I've watched in movies and read in books, I expected it to be a quick wham bam, thank you, ma'am. I should have known Noah Grant didn't do anything fast or small. He treated me like a princess, whispering sweet nothings in my ear and praising me for taking him so well. The pain was nothing I could imagine, but the moment was everything I wanted and more. Noah closed the door behind us. He walked over to me, pulling one of my straps down and kissing my shoulder. We made our way to the bed. I expected him to grab a condom, but he got on his knees and put my legs over his shoulders and his head between my legs. He wasted no time and sucked on my slit while fingering me. He was devouring me as I lifted my hips, not getting enough of his skillful tongue. It didn't take me long to come, and when I did, like always, it was euphoric. "Do you want me to do anything?" I asked as I caught my breath. He shook his head. I pulled him closer to me. I could feel and see how hard he was in his jeans. "Are you sure?" "Yeah." He wasn't looking at me. "Do you want to go dance?" I asked. "Sure, babe." We walked back downstairs, and I felt my anxiety creep up. Noah made the DJ play a slow song and ignored the people who groaned. He pulled me in his arms, and we swayed together. I was shocked as a Glimpse Of Us by Joji started to play. When I asked for the dance, I expected it to be me grinding on him, not a slow dance. He held me tight as if he wanted to cherish this moment. "Are you okay?" I lifted my head to look up at him. "Yeah." "You seem off." He shook his head. "It's nothing." He put a hand on the back of my head and lightly pressed me back to his chest. When the song was over, we danced to two more songs before I got tired. "Can you take me home?" He looked over at his friends, who were all still sitting in the same place. He and Scott seemed to have some silent bro conversion, and he looked back at me and nodded. We walked to his car, but before we could get in, he pulled me in his arms and kissed me. This kiss didn't feel like any kiss we'd had before. When he kissed me, he kissed me as if it was the last time. He gripped the sides of my face moving his thumbs across my cheeks before letting go. "I love you." He said, shocking me. I looked up at him, stunned, but without missing a beat, I said it back. He opened my door for me, and I got inside. It took him a few seconds longer than usual to get in, but when he did, I didn't question it. I was being paranoid. That's why he was acting weird. He must have been nervous to say he loved me. "Do you mind if we stop for food real quick?" He asked. "Sure." He was gripping the steering wheel tighter than usual. He pulled into a fast food driveway and ordered. I didn't get anything. I don't think my stomach could handle it. My nerves were so bad I was doing my best not to s**t myself. Once Noah got his food, I expected him to drive off, but instead, he parked and ate it. It was the slowest eating I have ever seen. We stayed there for at least thirty minutes before he started the car again, and we left. "I had a great time tonight," I said. We were a few blocks from my house, and he hadn't said a word. "I'm glad." Despite the anxiety, tonight was better than I expected. I had everything I could wish for. A best friend, a boyfriend, and going to a great school. For the first time in my life, I had someone who loved me. It wasn't perfect, but it was close enough. Noah was my everything. I held his hand as he drove with the other. As we turned toward my street, I saw fire trucks and an ambulance; as we got closer, I saw that they were at my house. We reached the place where neighbors had come outside to watch as the house I had called my home for the last few years burned to the ground. When Noah stopped the car, I rushed and ran toward the house. "Miss, you can't go in there!" A firefighter yelled. "That's my house!" "You're Lillian Thompson?" A police officer approached me. "Yeah." He reached to his side and grabbed a pair of handcuffs. In just a second, my life changed forever. The cop put the handcuffs on me while reading my rights. I would later go to the police station to find out that I was convicted of arson and murder. My foster father was in the house when it burned down. As the officer led me to a nearby police car, I saw Noah was still there, but he wasn't alone. Scott, Randall, and Avery were all standing with him, smiling at me. Only Noah wasn't smiling; he didn't seem to have any emotion as he watched me being put into the car. He didn't do anything, just stared at me. At that moment, I had the most significant realization of my life. Noah didn't love me. He never did. I didn't need any explanation; the look on their faces was enough. They did this to me. Why? What did I ever do to them? Several emotions ran through me. Heartbreak. Misery and a feeling I never thought I could possibly have. Rage.