My Uncontrollably Feelings

Chapter 1 THEREESE "Expected na naman eh, siya pa din ang may pinaka mataas na grade." "She's very lucky, her parents is so supportive." "You're right. Maybe, she haves so many tutors." "It's not impossible." I sighed, they're right, I already expected it. I always been at the top, at ayaw kong bumaba, ayaw kong bumagsak. I need to stay at the top. I don't want to disappoint my parents, Specially to those people who supported me. Pero gusto ko ba tong ginagawa ko? Is this even my passion? There is so many things I want to do with my life that I can't able to do. My parents are so strict specially when it comes to my grades, until the time that they are already out of there limits. Hindi na nila nalaman na sumusobra na pala sila. I looked around the hallway, halos walang lumalapit sa akin, probably they are expecting that I am a rude girl? Well, I'm not. I'm just not a sociable person. But, I'm not an introvert. In fact I want to make friends, but I'm afraid they will just leave me. It's still lunch time. Ayaw ko munang pumunta sa Cafeteria, I'm still full. That's why I decided na pumunta sa rooftop. I find my peace there. I can do the thing I really wanted, I can do my passions without people judging me. Or, will they really judge me if I show my talent to them? But, this place is so refreshing. I can sang in peace. Yes, music is my passion. But my parents don't want me to pursue it. They want me to pursue the things that I don't like. I looked around the rooftop. Siguro nga ako lang ang pumupunta sa lugar na to, may maliit din na kwarto dito. Natatakot pumunta dito ang ibang student e kesyo daw hunted place. Parang ito na kasi talaga ang pinaka abandoned na lugar dito eh. I don't know why they called this haunted place e wala pa namang namantay dito. I like the view here, kita mo talaga ang boong campus, it was the tallest building in the University, it has seven floors. Sobrang happy ko nga last week, because you know, nagawa kong dalhin ang piano na binili ko dito. Mga isang buwan ko din ginawa ang plano kong paano ko ipasok dito ang piano ng walang iba na makaka alam. And I succed! Gumawa pa ako ng gulo that time, at ang punishment ko ay mag linis dito sa roof top. Pumasok ako sa maliit na room. Dala ko din ang mga notes ko. Pero hindi ako pumunta dito para mag linis, I'm here to make a recording about my new song composition. I still don't have a title for this song. I can think of that after. I started playing the piano, I sang the song while closing my eyes. Mas dama ko talaga ang kinakanta ko in this way. Nang tumunog ang alarm ko clock ko, bumaba na din ako. Fifteen minutes at magsisimula na din ang next subject namin. "Huyy!" "Hmm" Napa lingon ako nang may tumawag sa 'kin. My brows frowned, when I saw the new transferee. What's her name again? Lyzyl? Parang 'yon na nga. A big smile was planted on her face. She's beautiful, I can say. But, a little boyish. "Therese, right?" I nodded, but frowned again. I don't remember introducing myself to her. She cuckled upon seeing my reaction. "Wag ka nang mag taka, your name is all over the campus." I shrugged my shoulders, sabagay. "You're the new transferee, right?" she nodded, "Lyzyl?" "Buti naalala mo." I just shrugged again. "Wala bang vowel?" "Wala." Napasimangot siya. Kaya tumawa nalang ako ng mahina na mas lalong ikinasimangot niya. Habang nag hihintay sa teacher namin sa next subject, may ipinakita siya sa akin. A ticket. I give her a questioning look. "Para saan?" I mumbled. "This Saturday, may mga artista na pupunta. They'll be having a concert, sa SM. Punta tayo." Aya niya sa 'kin. Singers? If, yes, I would love too. Ang problema paano ko mapapapayag sila mommy. So sure na hindi pa ako nagpaalam hindi na ako papayagan. Sinenyasan ko siya na later, nang dumating na ang teacher namin. Tumango naman siya ay umayos na ng upo. My mind is so preoccupied about the thing kong paano ko mapapayag si mommy and daddy na sumama. Until, hindi ko na namalayan na tapos na pala ang klase namin. "So ano, are you coming with me?" I nodded. Bahala na si batman. "Anong concert ba 'yan? Sinong mga artista?" I asked out of curiosity. "Alam mo ba 'yun band na 'Until Beyond Yesterday'. Sila. I'm so excited nga eh, I'll be seeing Klairon in person na!" she blushed by just saying the name 'Klairon'. Mas lalo tuloy akong nagka interes na sumama. I'm a fan of UBY too. "You're a fan din!?" I asked in a wide eye. I just can't keep my excitement. She nodded, "Who's you bias?" she asked. I didn't think twice and answer his name, "Jervin." He's my bias, my first crush, my only idol. Charr. "That camera shy, guy." I can feel my cheeks heated up. Ugh! "Uyy, kinikilig!" We both laughed. I don't know, pero ang sarap sa pakiramdam magkaroon ng kaibigan. It's my first time. First time na maging magaan ang pakiramdam kasama ang isang tao. Ngayon ko pang siya nakilala, pero sobrang comfortable ko kasama siya. Though, I can't easily trust someone. I still love to have a friend. "I heard you already have a friend, what's her name?" mom asked. I bit my lower lip. I'm sure si tita Haram ang nag update kay mama about dito. She's a younger sister of my mother. And one of my subject teacher. "Yes, she's Lyzyl." I answered honestly. She seems not satisfied by my answer, I think she's asking for the surname. "I don't remember her surname." She just nodded. Sabay na kaming kumain tatlo. Pero sobrang tahimik nang lamesa. Ayaw na ayaw nilang may nag sasalita habang kumakain. "Mom," I don't know kong tama ba ang decision ko na magpaalam. Parang ayaw ko nang ituloy, tingin niya pa lang nanginginig na ang mga kalamnan ko. But, I'm already here. Wala ng bawian. "What?" taas kilay niyang tanang. Mariin kong nakagat ang aking labi, "Can I go to, uhmm... their concert?" mahina lang 'yun. Sakto lang na marinig nila. Natigil sila sa pagkain. I heard my dad sighed, and my mom looked at me like I'm a villain. Oh, yeah... what did I expect, anyway? Ofcourse they won't agree. "Errr, nevermind." I smiled bitterly. I never thought they'll ask me a follow up question about it, but to my surprise, "What concert?" dad asked. Halos malaglag ang kubyertos ko, good thing I managed to composed. "Sa UBY, dad... group band po sila." I answered. He slightly nodded, "Okay." Halos hindi ako makapaniwala sa sinabi ni mommy. Did she just say okay na pupunta ako sa concert!? I'm so thankful right now, they don't know how happy I am! "Really!?" "Yes, we heard, top 1 ka ngayon, and 99 ang average mo? We planned to give you a gift. A ticket for that concert, perhaps?" My chest was poundering. I don't know what to say. Did they realized that they are being so hard in me this past years? And, finally decided to be easy in me? ••• Kinabukasan. Maaga akong naka rating sa school. Unang sumalubong sa 'kin si Lyzyl, siya lang naman ang sasalubing sa 'kin. I don't have any other friends. "So ano? Pinayagan ka?" "Good morning." She pouted, when I answered her question a greeting. "Morning," she greeted back. "So, ano na?" "Yes, pinayagan ako." I answered. Nagtatalon pa siya sa saya, parang mas nasiyahan pa nga siya na makakasama ako. "Free ka this afternoon?" tanong niya. Tinignan ko naman ang 'Sched List' ko. Wala naman akong ibang gagawin pagkatapos ng class, pero kaylangan ko din umuwi ng maaga. Baka mag bago pa ang isip nila mommy kapag late akong uuwi. "After class, pero hindi pwedeng late akong uuwi." I answered. "May faculty meeting this afternoon, kaya walang klase." Aniya. "Hindi mo ba 'yun alam?" I shook my head, minsan hindi ko masiyang pinag tuonan nang pansin ang mga announcement. Sorry, my fault. "Sige, ano bang gagawin natin?" I curiously asked. Parang di naman kasi siya 'yung tipong pupunta lang sa mall para mag shopping. Hindi din naman siya party girl, ata? "Gagawa tayo ng banner, at saka bibili ng light stick, and yung new release album nila." She said, while her eyes glittered in excitement. I already have a light stick and a new release album. I told her. But, she just shrugged it off magpapasama nalang daw siya sa 'kin na bumili. Tapos sa bahay kami gagawa ng banner. I was about to protest. But, she already dismissed our conversation. Dumating na din ang teacher namin sa first period. Afternoon came. And, we decided na bumili na nang album and light stick niya. Malapit lang din ang mall na bibilhan namin, five minutes lang na sakayan, makakarating na kami du'n. When we arrived, agad na kami pumunta sa section kong saan may mga display ng album at light stick, kumuha na din ako ng mga new photo cards. "Ang sarap talaga maging fan girl!" She giggled. "Tapos gagastos ka ng napaka mahal, tas hindi ka mapapansin?" I continued na ikinasimangot niya. Natawa nalang ako sa reaksyon niya. Bumili pa nga siya mang photo cards ni Klairon. "Hinay-hinay, baka ma inlove ka... hindi ka sasaluin niyan." Natatawang saad ko. She pouted and then glared at me. "Malay mo," "Nakakasakit yang malay mo," I teased her. But, it hit me, too. I'm a big fan of Jervin, he was my first and current crush. Kunti nalang talaga, I'll fall. Pero isa lang ang nasa isip ko. Hindi pwede. Masasaktan lang ako. I smiled bitterly. "Huyy!!" "Baka ikaw ang mahulog diyan ha. Kanina ka pa naka tulala diyan," I was snapped into reality when Lyzyl called me. Nag bayad na kami sa mga pinamili namin. The we head straight to our house. "Yayamanin ka pala, Reese!" I shushed her again. For the thirteenth time. She's so loud, I'm afraid, baka nagpapahinga ang iba sa mga katulong namin. "Nasa second floor ang room ko, pero hantayin mo kuna ako diyan. Baka maligaw ka, marami kasing pasikot-sikot na daan." I told her, she just give me a salute. "Aye, aye, captain!" Pumunta muna ako sa kusina para kumuha ng snacks namin. She helped me carry the food nang makita niyang dala-dala ko ito. Nang maka pasok na kami sa kwarto ko, nagpa hinga muna kami sandali bago sinimulang gawin ang banner namin. Buti nalang complete na ang mga materials ko dito. Ipinakita ko din sa kaniya ang first edition na album ng UBY band. "Meron ka pala nito... sobrang mahal nito! Kaya nga itong last edition ang binili ko...." Para siyang naka hawak ng isang diyamante dahil sa reaksyon niya. "Pareho lang naman ang laman." I pouted. She even try to bargain with her new album with mine. But, I didn't agree. It was a limited edition at mahirap na itong hanapin. Almost all the people in the Philippines or even outside the country are fan girling or fan boying UBY. And their fandom name are Infinites. Yes, were infinite. They made us love them infinity. SATURDAY came, sinundo na ako ni Lyzyl. Pa humble din tong isang 'to eh. Mayaman din naman siya. Wala na sila mommy at daddy, kaya I just texted them na aalis na ako at baka gagabihin ako ng uwi. Mommy just replied take care, ni like zone lang din ako ni daddy na ikinasimangot ko. Nang maka rating kami sa venue, todo picture si Lyzyl sa paligid. She even took a candid photo of mine It was beautiful kaya I told them to sent those pic to me. Thirty minutes bago nag start ang concert. MC pa nga lang ang nag sasalota, pero halos naubos na ang boses ni Lyzyl sa kakasigaw. Nasa VIP kami naka upo. Kaya medyo maluwag. Mas lalong umingay ang paligid nang isa-isa nang lumabas ang limang member nang UBY. When it was his time to come out, all I can hear is my chest poundering. At parang nag slowmo ang paligid nang nakita ko siya. This is bad. I cussed. Halos ma baliw na ang mga tao sa paligid kakasigaw sa pangalan niya. But, I was stoned. Hindi ko maigalaw ang aking sarili, gusto kong mag wala. It's not the first time that I saw him personally. All our memories started flushing in my mind. I'm not sure if he still remembers me. We're just 6 or 7 years old that time. At sabi nila mas matalas ang memorya ng isang babae. I want to believe that he still remember me, but I was also doubting it. "Huyy!" "Iwasan mahulog. Ikaw na mismo nag sabi na walang sasalo sa 'yo diyan!" I was snapped into reality nang kinalabit ako ni Lyzyl. "Reese, gwapo nga nang bias mo! Bias wrecker ko na siya," natatawang saad niya. They started singing their first song. It was rock, sumabay na din ang iba sa pagkanta. Jervin Kyle Verdez is the main vocalist, Visual, and the Pianist. 19 years old, born on May 21, 2000. His height is 6'3. He was, well, different from all others. He was handsome, not perhaps in the conventional sense, but he had that appearance which could make him stand out in the crowd. He was tan skin. His unfathomable, gray eyes contrasted exceptionally with his tan toned face. His eyes were as deep and expressive, where you could get lost if you stared long enough. His face had that faraway look in it, which cannot be described in words. His smile, which reached up to his eyes and wrinkled them, flaunted his modesty and humility. Above all was his frame and his stature. He was not extremely muscular. Tell me, I'm being biased. But, for my eyes. He's the most handsome among them. But he's so good in his black messy hair, that almost covered his eyes. Klairon Mendez is the Main rapper, sub vocalist and the leader. 20 years old, he was born on December 27, 1999. His height is 6'4 He had a bristly cut and scythe-shaped eyebrows. His Roman nose and half-dome cheekbones sat above an oaken jaw. His wrestler's shoulders were part of his burly physique. His dark black eyes. His derring-do personality and bass voice were a big part of his ambitious character. He always wore nifty clothes and his spicy aroma was appealing. His handsome, no wonder Lyzyl liked him. Keenly Alliasgo is Lead Vocalis and the guitarist. He's 19 years old, and born on June 13, 2000. His height is 6'1. He had a devil-may-care outlook and a stellar smile. He has a Hazel hair that fit in his Hazel brown eyes, they were almond shaped. A dishy and a Titan's shoulders. His pointed nose, with defined cheekbones, a concrete jaw line. He had a calm sweet voice, which sent shivers to all his fans. Harvy Monticello is the Lead Rapper, Sub Rapper, and the drummer. He's 18 years old, born on December 07, 2001. His height is 6'3. He had vivacious personality a playboy type. But, who am I to judge him? I don't even know him personally. His twin pointed alps, as frosty as someone's attitude eyebrows that fits his big rounded Brown eyes. He had a pointed nose, and his pouted lips. His perfectly shaped jawline, fits his personality. Harry Alberts is the Main Vocalist, Center of the group, and the youngest. He's 17 years old, born on January 25, 2002. His height is 5'10. He had a deering-do outlook, that everyone wished to marry. His blond hair that perfectly suit in his Black yet gleam with delight eye. His thick eyebrows tinted and arched like rainbows. His hawkish nose that perfectly fits his almost pale skin tone. His body that ain't fully developed, maybe because he's still young. He's so cute, and almost 50 percent of there minor fans is he's the bias. He's the youngest, after all. "Reese, hindi muna tayo uuwi pagka tapos sa concert... huh!" Lyzyl announced. Pero nasa stage din ang mata. "Hmm." "Dadalo pa tayu sa fan signing!" Yeah, right... Good thing, nagpaalam ako ng mabuti. Dahil kong hindi, baka kong saan na ako pulutin pagka tapos nito. "May solo song sila each member, right?" I whispered in to Lyzyl's ears. She happily nodded. At parang doon nga siya mas excited. She faced me, "And, did you know, that each of their song will be dedicated to someone?" My wiggled in amusement. She didn't mention it earlier. "Hindi ka nakinig kanina, masiyado ka atang maraming iniisip at hindi mo narinig ng in-announce ng MC." She hissed then laugh. I just pouted. I wonder, kanina niya kay e dedicate ang song niya? Maybe, to his girlfriend. Wala pa mang confirmation tungkol du'n, pero baka totoo 'yun. I deeply breath while composing myself. Ayaw ko nang maalala pa ang mga nabgyari sa nakaraan. I want to burry it from the past. Masaya na ako ngayon. At least, I thought. The first to sing his solo is Klairon. All of his fans are shouting his name crazily, at isa na si Lyzyl sa kanila. "I will sing In This California King Bed. I will dedicate this song to someone's presence I've been longing for so long. But, just so sad, that even though sometimes we're so close to each other, it still seems we a thousand miles apart." I turned my gaze to Lyzyl to see her reaction. For some reason, that I can think of many scenarios. I see pain and longing in to her eyes. Maybe, because the guy he liked already longing for someone. Or, the song is relatable because Klairon is just a meter away from us, but it seems like they are a miles apart. Or else, their is much deeper about their story. I wonder, what it is. Parang nag bago nga ang mood niya, lalo na nong nasa chorus na si Klairon. I don't know if it's just my imagination, pero nuong tumingin ako pabalik sa stage ay naka tingin sa side namin si Klairon. It seems like they are staring at each other. And, then nagtama ang paningin namin, kaya agad siyang umiwas at tumingin sa malayo. Hmm, something doesn't feel okay here. I tapped Lyzyl's shoulder, "Hmm?" "Are you okay?" "Huh?" she's almost stuttering. I want to ask her some questions, but I just keep my mouth shut. "Ah... yeah, I'm fine.... CR lang ako." I just shrugged my shoulders when she walked away. Ang next na kumanta ay si Harvy. "Hello everyone, I'm Harvy. I'll sing Perfect by Ed Sheeran." The melody started, and then he spoke again, "This song is dedicated to childhood bestfriend. I know she's not here right now, but this song's for you." He then, pointed the camera and winked. Kinilig pa nga ako eh, sana all may childhood bestfriend na pag-dedicate-tan nang kanta. But, if you deduced his song. It's like he's inlove with his childhood bestfriend. Knowing that he said she, it's obviously a girl. I just relaxed and calmed myself. He's voice is so angelic, taliwas sa mga sinasabi ng iba na isa siyang playboy. Nag babase lang naman sila sa kaniyang appearance. After him. It's already his time to sing. Parang ayaw ko nang makinig, parang ang sakit. Haha! Ano kayang kakantahin niya? Kanino niya kaya e dedicate? I want to go home, naka balik na din si Lyzyl. I want to bid my good bye, at uuna na. But, what's the reason why I take courage to ask my parents about this? Isn't it him? Siya naman ang reason bakit nagkaroon ako ng confidence magpaalam diba?