Cinderellas' Deathly Beloved

__Rougedrien's POV__ "I don't love you anymore, Rouge..." Always the same, every dream, every godd*mn night! In all f*ck*ng sense I could hold onto. Almost driving me off my sanity. Always... Always seeing her in my dreams. It made me so sick that I hope for nightmares. Thought they say that it will never wake me up I think it's better than living at all. Even the those one hundred sleepless nights were both a relief and unbearable. A relief because it keeps me on my knees. Unbearable in a sense that every second was like a reminder of her. It's been five years yet it feels like yesterday, like a loss I was grieving. What loss? The half of my life. "Rouge, come on, just forget about her." Triumphere would often say as I sulk in one corner. I chose to keep quiet because I knew that it's still no use. How could I forget someone who ruined my life? Maybe it was because I hate her so much that she keeps on living, burdening every time I would try to lift my shoulders up. "Just go and have some fun with girls. And by fun, I mean sex." Clacesier would suggest. But every time I would see women, I will just remember that girl that broke me. In result, I could not trust any women anymore for all of them are going to betray me in the end. "Man, In patience, I envy you on waiting for her until now, but God knows she isn't coming back! It's too late, look for another woman." Drozell advised that didn't help at all. That would be useless, it's been five years and I'm still stuck here like stray in the corner like I used to be when she left me. I mean how could I when I was even wondering why I couldn't forget her. Trying to forget involves her, trying to see another woman involves her, trying to stop waiting for involves her. Everything that I do involves her. My whole world evolves around her. Always... Always waiting for a shadow, my system could go crazy every time I would see a resemblance of her, but every time I would only turn my head in dismay. She wasn't her. "I liked your spirit that's why I took you in but would you think first before you make any drastic move. What could happen if she's in front of you?" Icell asked me one day that almost snap me out of my dailynightmares. What would happen? There are so much possibilities. It could ruin me more, it could break me more, it could kill me more. Or... It could fix me, it could make me whole, it could make me feel alive. Whatever would happen if I see her again made me feel afraid. I don't know what is the side effects, she was like a drug that I am so afraid to take but too consumed too lose. So I resorted on killing, in that way I could ease all my frustrations. It was a great distraction. I felt relieved whenever I would hold a gun because it will never involve thinking of her. Every time I would take in investors and some of them would offer an arrange marriage for an emergence and partnership. I would always turn them for a reason. I owned an publishing company that no one would even thought that I was a part of an illegal group in secrecy.  Until a day came when an investor approached me. I would have declined the offer if weren't from the picture of her daughter that they showed me. I couldn't believe my eyes at all. I don't know what I should do at all. "I think that you're sick, Rouge." Maybe I am. "This is already an obsession, this isn't normal..." I don't really know. "I thought you're finally sane when you already accepted an arranged marriage but what the hell! Are you trying to kill yourself?" That's what I wanted. "What you're doing isn't right. You can't ever forget her if you marry someone that looks like your ex!" As long as it's not her. I hated how she controlled my life, and I will hate her until I die. That's what I believed... I closed my eyes and there was that nightmare again. The blue butterfly flew away from my direction. But I won't let it go away. I'll make d*mn sure that it will not leave me again! I could manipulate everything to make it come to me. It looks so free as it made its way towards my direction. So innocent and so fragile, but I grew tired of it running away. I caught it. But every time I would open my hand, it disappears. What would it take to catch it? Sometimes love can be an obsession that it could break the wings of a butterfly...