The BAREN Wife

RING

I COVERED MY mouth when I saw the romantic set-up in the middle of an open view hill along with the trees. It was elegant and simple, yet showering with romantic ambiance. On the center of the hill, where the lights lead me is Rancel. Standing alone on his longsleeve and black slacks. Ang dibdib ko ay sobrang lakas ng tambol habang naglalakad papunta sa gawi niya. It may be dark a bit but the lights are perfectly illuminating on my spot and to him.

May ideya na ako sa nangyayari. Sa bawat hakbang ko ay tila ba alam ko na kung saan ito papunta kung kaya ang kaba at tuwa ay hindi na maipaliwanag. My palm went down on my neck when I reached him, he took my hand and gently pulled me near him.

“I hate you,” bulong ko at pinipigilan na ang umiyak.

“Sorry.” He looked regretful and hugged me tightly. “Busy for this. Sorry.”

He kissed my forehead and chuckled when I started crying. Hindi dahil naging abala siya o kung ano. Kundi dahil dito sa ginawa niya ngayon.

He didn’t say a word and we stayed that way. But suddenly the lights behind us turned on, a few words leading to a question that already crossed my mind. Mas napahagulhol ako sa kanyang dibdib. He tapped my cheek and try to wiped my tears pero sumubsob lang ako sa dibdib niya dahilan para mapahalakhak ito.

“Oh, baby… are you going to cry all night? This is just a proposal, hindi pa ‘to kasal.” Pagbibiro niya at naramdaman ko ang paghalik niya sa ulo ko.

That was the best night that ever happened to me. It was supposed to be an intimate celebration of his birthday. ang sabi niya ay aalis kaming dalawa at kakain sa labas. But he proposed to me, right in front of my parents, friends, and his family. Sobrang saya ko. Sobra sobra…

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

NAPATITIG AKO sa singsing na hawak ko. Kumikinang at mamahaling bato. Hinaplos ko iyun at hindi ko alam na magbabago pala ang pakiramdam ko ngayong babalikan ko ang alaala ng gabing iyun. For me it was the best. Walang makakahigit.

But now… I realized that it was not. Things can easily change. And emotions can intensify. Kaya palang higitan iyun ng panibagong emosyon. Kaya palang makaramdam ng mas matinding saya sa naramdaman ko noon.

Was it because of what happened? Nabawasan ba ang saya ko dahil sa lamat na nangyari sa relasyon namin? Naapektuhan ba ang magagandang alaala namin dahil sa nakamamatay na sakit na naranasan ko? Baka. O baka nasilaw lang ako sa nararamdaman kong pagmamahal kaya para sa akin lahat ay espesyal at nakakapanghina sa sobrang sarap sa pakiramdam. Because if I was not so in love back then, I’ll treat those moments as common to someone who is in a relationship. Pero kapag mahal mo talaga, parang nagiging mahika ang lahat.

“Iyan ba ang balak mong kunin?”

I felt him behind me so I immediately put back the ring in the box.

“Nope.” Umiling ako.

“You sure?” he asked in a serious tone.

Hinarap ko siya at nginitian. I touched his jaw and it moved firmly. Pero isang haplos ko lang ay nawala ang pagkakaunot ng nuo niya at lamig sa titig.

“Oo naman.” Tumawa ako. “I’ll sell this so we can put this on for charity.”

He licked his lower lip.

“If you want to cry… I’m here.”

Nasaktan ako sa sinabi niya. Hindi dahil sa akin, kundi para sa kanya. I don't want him to doubt. I don't want him to think that I am not genuine. Sobra sobra akong nagmahal noon. At kung magmamahal ako ulit, mas sobra at mas matindi ko siyang mamahalin. Because that's what he deserves... and that's what I feel for him.

“I am done crying.” I tiptoed to reach his lips. “Wala akong pinagsisisihan sa mga nangyari. At sa ating dalawa. Wala.” I want to convince him. But that's not how love works. Mararamdaman iyun, hindi kailangang pilitin.

Ang sumama siya sa akin dito. Ang tulungan ako sa pagkuha ng iilang gamit ko. Ang presensya niya. Malaking tulong sa akin. It must be tough for him to do this. And he has been so brave throughout. At sa huli, narito pa rin siya. Malakas at matapang. Standing and... guarding me.