The BAREN Wife

MAGAZINE

HAVING AKKI in our lives was like only a temporary solution to our problems. Pero hindi ko maipagkakaila na mas naging masaya sa bahay sa pagdating ng aming alaga. Hindi ko nga alam kung maikokonsidera kong problema itong nangyayari sa amin ni Rancel maski alam kong maayos naman kami kahit papaano.

“Sorry, I missed dinner.” Niyakap ako ni Rancel mula sa likod. Habang nasa barindilya ako nakatayo, sa mismong balkonahe. Hindi pa siya nakakapagpalit ng damit dahil kakarating lang, alas onse y media na ng gabi nung siya ay makarating. “The fashion magazine company wants me to work with them.”

Gulat akong napaharap sa kanya at hindi napigilan ang tuwa. I know he has been working, so hard lately. Alam ko rin ang sakripsiyo niya pagdating sa pangarap nito hindi lang bilang photographer, kundi mapabilang sa isang magazine corporations.

“What do you mean work for them? For an event?”

I don’t mind if he is working hard. Dahil gusto niya naman iyun at hindi naman siya nagkukulang sa akin. He never fails to make me feel how much he loves me. It’s okay for me because this is his dream. At sobra akong matutuwa.

His lips twisted into a playful smile.

“I’ll close my studio. I’ll be working in their company with a six-year contract.”

I gasped and covered my mouth. Agad kong pinulupot ang braso ko sa kanyang leeg at masaya siyang niyakap. He chuckled and lifted me a bit before he embraced me tightly.

“Can you believe it?” he whispered in astonishment.

“I’m happy, Rancel. I am really happy for you.” Mangiyak ngiyak kong sambit at hinalikan siya sa pinsgi.

“Ako din… things are happening the way I want. Maybe because my lucky charm is here.”

Banayad akong napapikit at humiwalay sa yakap tsaka siya tinitigan sa mga mata.

“Let’s do a medical procedure, Cams,” seryoso niyang sambit dahilan para matigilan ako. “I want a baby,” he uttered, showing all his honesty.

There is no roam for me to get mad or question it. Natutuwa ako ngayon na mas nagiging mapagpahayag na siya dahil alam kong nahihirapan rin siyang balansihin ang sitwasyon at aking nararamdaman.

“I want that too…” pagsang-ayon ko.

He swallowed hard and nodded his head.

I WENT VARIOUS medical procedures, unang subok namin ay IVF or in vitro fertilization. Weeks until months after the procedure occurred. Maraming ginawa sa katawan ko upang maging successful iyun. Maraming bawal, marami rin akong naramdaman na sakit. But I saw hope in it, and I saw the sparks from Rancel’s eyes when the embryo was successfully transferred inside me.

“I got the result of the blood test to know if it was successful or not.” Ngumiti ang Doktora sa akin. Wala si Rancel, he was in Singapore for work. I was scheduled today kaya kahit gusto niyang sumama at makibalita ay abala ito.

Napayuko at huminga ng malalim. Hanggang sa naramdaman ko ang paghawak sa palad ko sa akin ng Doctor. Umangat ang tingin ko sa kanya at isang iling ang kanyang ginawa bago ako matamlay na ngitian.

“We can try again if you want… you’ll get your period in a week and if you have an unusual bleeding just call me, Cami.” She casually addresses me, dahil halos araw-araw na kung magkita kami at sumubok ng iba’t ibang paraan para rito. That makes our relationship closer and more comfortable to each other. “I’m so sorry.”

Hindi ako makaimik. The procedure was not easy, the preparation. Everything was exhausting. For me to try again, the expense and the expectations… was not the problem. But the emotional damage it brings for the hope we thought that is finally given to us.

TULALA AKONG naglalakad at sinasabayan si Aubrey na abala sa pag-check ng magazines. She handed me the magazine that seems to be becoming popular right now.

“This was from Rancel’s team, right?”

Tumango ako at tinignan ang magazine. It was about lifestyle and modeling luxurious products.

“Look at this woman. This is Siv’s fiancee.” Tinuro niya ang babae. Marami sila roon, mukhang mga alta at galing sa prominenting pamilya. Pero isa lang ang pinagtuunan ko ng pansin, ang babae ni Siv na hindi ko pa nakikilala pero marami na akong naririnig na negatibo patungkol dito.

“She is pretty,” komento ko. Totoo iyun.

The woman has a small face that is near almost perfect proportions. Sa kanilang lahat, siya ang pinakapayat. Pero nababagay naman ang maliit niyang mukha sa katawan nito.

“She is,” Aubs smirked and left me to go to the counter.

Nauna na akong lumabas at hinintay na lamang si Aubs sa labas. Hindi nagtagal ay gumawi na ito sa aking kinaroroonan at nagtungo kami sa kanyang sasakyan.

“Thanks for the help. Wala kasing magdadrive, hindi pa ako ganun kasanay magmaneho. Natatakot pa rin ako.” I laughed it out.

“Bakit? Nasaan ba ngayon si Rancel?” she asked curiously and glanced at me.

Galing pa lang akong ospital. Galing pa lang ako sa Doctor at hindi ko pa nasasabi kay Rancel ang balita.

“Nasa Singapore pa, bukas ang uwi.”

Naramdaman ko ang pagbagal ng pagmamaneho ni Aubrey at paulit-ulit na pagbaling nito sa akin. Hanggang sa tinignan ko na rin siya ng may pagtataka.

“Totoo?” she asked, a bit shocked.

“Bakit?” nagpakawala ako ng halakhak. “Oo, lagi yun may overseas trip dahil sa trabaho niya.”

Saglit itong natahimik at napabuntong hininga.

“I could be mistaken, but Rancel was here yesterday. Are you sure he is still in Singapore?” Napanguso akong bumaling sa daan. “Nabanggit lang sa akin ng cousin niya… you know, his cousin is courting me. So…” She shrugged her shoulders.

Kumunot ang nuo ko at napabuntong hininga ng malalim.

“Eh, bukas pa ang uwi nun. Baka nagkamali lang yung pinsan niya.”

“Baka nga.” She smiled at me and shrugged it off like it was not that important at all. Pero para sa akin, hindi iyun agad umalis sa aking isipan.

Kung nakauwi na siya kahapon pa, then he is here for two days na? Impossible! Edi sana umuwi siya sa bahay. His cousin must be mistaken.