Letters to Mr. Genius

Chapter 40

Chapter 40

Terrence

Days are passing and Znela is still fighting, yun nga lang matigas parin siya sa desisyon niyang wag sundin ang Mommy niya. I never left her nor look away from her, sa lahat ng oras na nandito kami sa hospital, ni minsan hindi ko inalis ang tingin ko sa kanya.

The woman I love gets more weak as the days passed, she couldn't eat and sometimes she can't even drink, I give her, her medicines and never fail to remind her that I am always here, beside her. Tulog siya, mahimbing pero makikita mo ang bakas ng paghihirap at sakit na nararamdaman niya sa mukha niya.

She's thin, she's pale, yung labi niya nanunuyo na, yung kamay niya minsan malamig, minsan mainit. Yung buhok niya na dating napakaganda ngayon parang nakikisabay sa estado ng kalusugan niya, unti-unti na ring nawawalan ng buhay.

I can't stop myself from crying everytime I see her. Everytime I look at her face, her pale and thin face na sobrang layo na kumpara noon. I love Znela, I love her so much not because she's pretty, she's intelligent but because, b-because I just love her.

Walang araw ang pinagsisihan ko, walang desisyon ang gusto kong bawiin, ang hiling ko lang, a-ang hiling ko lang ay gumaling siya at bumalik sa dati.

It was a quiet afternoon ng nakatulog siya matapos uminom ng gamot. Pumasok ang isang Doctor, he smiled at me, kilala ko siya, kilala niya ako.

"Doc." Bati ko sa kanya, I stood up pero tinapik niya ang balikat ko, he is old pero kitang kita parin sa itsura niya kung gaano siya kagaling na Doctor. "Your brother talked to me, lumapit siya kay Gelo para kausapin ako."

"My brother is always there to support me." Sagot ko na lang sa kanya, being the head and the owner of the hospital, it's a big thing para bisitahin pa niya kami dito ni Znela.

"Dr. Cruz, baka nakakaabala na kami sa inyo." He shook his head saka lumapit kay Znela, kinuha niya ang pulso nito saka hinaplos ang noo. I saw how he looked at her saka malungkot na tumingin sa akin.

"Terrence, I know that it is obvious to you." Sabi niya sa akin.

"Yes T-Tito..." sagot ko saka yumuko "P-Pero wala akong magawa para makumbinsi siya na magpa-opera..."

"You know the risks but all you have to do is to look on better side..." lumapit siya saka hinawakan ang balikat ko. "I can still remember the day when your brother almost lost his wife." I looked away, oo, ako rin, malinaw pa sa ala-ala ko ang mga araw na iyon

"He begged and kneeled in front of our best surgeon. Doon ko lang siya nakitang ganun and knowing Toffer as a very close friend of my only son, it was big minus to his pride."

Tinignan ko siya at hindi nagsalita "My point is, there are things you need to sacrifice in order to accumulate things that is coming your way." He tapped my shoulder saka bahagyang ngumiti

"Znela here is afraid and I know you are too but being afraid will just make it worst. I know that you are doing most of the sacrifices but that's the role of the stronger ones, you have to fight for the people you care, you love."

"Kung alam ko lang kung-"

"Alam mo..." pagpuputol niya sa sinasabi ko "Alam kong alam mo kung paano siya mapapa-payag, Terrence, you know your girl well and I'm sure you can save her." He then again, tapped my shoulder pero bago pa siya lumabas ng pinto nagsalita siya ulit.

"Terrence with her condition, alam nating lahat na hindi siya tatagal kung patuloy pa ang pagtanggi niya sa medications na binibigay sa kanya. Save her, save her just like what your brother did for his wife..."

-------

Two nurses assisted me habang nililinisan si Znela. I fed her saka binasahan ng isang novel na naiwan ni Sam nung huling bisita niya dito. Zee insisted na basahin ko ang binabasa ni Sam and I did, she was listening to me the whole time hanggang sa makatulog siya.

Tumayo ako saka hinila ang comforter at saglit na ngumiti, she ate a lot today compared noong mga nakaraang araw pero ilang beses din siyang nagsuka. Hininaan ko ang air-conditioning unit saka binuksan ang may pinto sa may veranda ng kwarto namin. I looked down, maraming pasyente ang naka-wheel chair habang ginagala nila sa may garden ng hospital.

I looked back at Zee saka saglit na ngumiti. I want to take her there; I want to see her smile again.

I took a bath, sinamantala ko ang pagkakahimbing ni Zee. I stood under the shower saka napatingin sa harap ng salamin. I saw face, my tired face. I breathe out as I saw my growing facial hair. I must admit, it was the hardest months, days for us. For b-both of us.

K-Kung pwede ko lang kunin ang sakit ni Znela matagal ko ng ginawa. K-Kung pwede lang ako na lang ang makaramdam ng bawat sakit, bawat kirot, bawat pagsumpong ng potanginang sakit niya, ginawa ko na! K-Kung pwede lang, k-kung pwede lang.

I don't want to see her crying, shouting because of the tremendous pain she is having every f*****g day! Nagagalit ako, nagagalit ako sa sarili ko dahil bukod sa tumayo sa tabi niya wala na akong magawa para mabawasan ang sakit. Ang kirot. Sometimes, s-sometimes I just want to walk away dahil hindi ko na kayang makita siya na ganun pero h-hindi, alam kong h-hindi yun ang tama.

Lumabas ako ng CR at paglabas ko doon ko nakita si Ate Maria, she smiled at me and hugged me tightly, pumikit ako saka siya mahigpit na niyakap rin, hindi ko mapigilan ang maluha kahit kaunti sa tuwing yayakapin niya ako. I feel tired pero hindi ako pwedeng sumuko.

"Terrence..." she cupped my face "I want you to go out and accompany Rio." Rio then smiled at me habang nakatayo sa tabi ni Znela na tulog pa

"You know I can't, Zee needs me..." sagot ko, she smiled and shook her head

"I'm here, ako muna ang magbabantay sa kanya. Please, please go out..." pakiusap niya sa akin. Huminga ako ng malalim at tumango. "Wag kang mag-alala, hindi ko siya papabayaan..."

It's been days since the last time I saw Zee's parents, ayaw niyang makita sila at nirespeto nila iyon, yun na rin kasi ang sabi ng Doctor, we can't stress her a lot. Rio clinged on my arm kaya I looked down at tinignan siya. She smiled at me "I'm worried about you Tito..." mahina niyang sabi, ginulo ko ang buhok niya.

"You don't have to..." sagot ko naman.

Rio told me na samahan siya sa store. She was wearing her casual clothes and she didn't bother to hide her face kaya pinagkaguluhan siya ng mga tao. Niyaya niya ako sa harap ng jewelry shop, doon naka-display ang jewelry collections ng VC na nilabas five months ago under her name. She was smiling habang nakayuko at tumitingin ng gusto.

"Bakit gusto mo yan?" tanong ko, umiling siya saka tinuro ang isang white gold ring. It was simply designed with heart and infinity sign but it is beautiful, elegantly beautiful.

I looked away matapos maalala si Zee, gising na kaya siya? Kumain na? Uminom na ng gamot?

I was about to get my phone and call Ate when Rio speak up.

"It's for Ate Znela..." I heard her say. Napatingin ako sa kanya "I want you to give it to her..." dugtong pa niya. Inabot niya ang maliit na box para doon saka personal na naglagay ng singsing sa loob "Tito, we all know how much you love her and you both deserve to be happy. Why don't you promise your love to her? Malay mo that's the only way para gumaling siya, y-you know, miracle things do happen, sometimes..." she encouraged me.

Ginulo ko ang buhok niya saka siya niyakap. She smiled at me "And shempre it's obvious na, na I want to call her Tita kasi I know that you love her a lot, like a lot..." sabi pa niya, I smiled at her.

"Thank you..." sabi ko.

"And wait, I asked them to put T and Z on that ring, thank me later!" pahabol pa niyang sabi. I laughed.

-------

Pagbalik namin ng hospital nadatnan ko ang nakangiting si Zee, my lips automatically curled up after I saw her smiling again. Sabay silang lumingon ni Ate, lumapit ako sa kanya saka siya hinalikan sa noo. "How are you?" I asked her and she smiled at me

"I'm good, I feel better..." mahina niyang sagot pero sapat na para mapagaan ang loob ko kahit papaano.

"You want to take some stroll?" I asked her, she smiled again.

"Sure..."

Binuhat ko siya saka dahan-dahang sinakay sa wheelchair. Ate and Rio walked with us hanggang sa makarating kami sa baba ng garden. Nilapit ko siya sa mga bulaklak, doon niya pilit na inaabot ang isa, lumapit ako at pumitas para sa kanya.

"T-Thank you..." mahina niyang sabi, I smiled at her.

Unti unti mang nagbabago ang katawan niya, ang mukha niya pero alam ko, kitang kita ko, ramdam na ramdam ko na andyan pa rin at kahit kailan hindi mawawala ang Znela na minahal ko. I took a deep breath saka nagsimulang magsalita sa harap niya.

"I have something to tell you..." simula ko, tumango siya habang inaanoy ang bulaklak "I still clearly remember the first day we've met. It was when transferred school here and I saw you in our class...." Akala ko hindi siya sasagot pero umiling siya.

"Hindi yun ang una Terrence..." sagot niya sa akin "I saw you before you saw me..." sagot niya sa akin "I saw you stepping out of your car, tinapunan mo ako ng tingin but it was not that long. If my memory is right, that was the day when your Ate took you to the school to take the entrance examination..."

"And you had a crush na on me back then?" I teased her, mahina siyang tumawa.

"Sige na, may sasabihin ka pa di ba?" pag-iiba niya ng usapan. I smiled and looked down a bit pero sinalubong ko rin agad ang mga tingin niya.

"I bullied everyone in school but there's a certain person who is my favorite..." pagsasabi ko

"I think I know her..." sagot naman niya saka ngumiti

"You know her, a lot..." sagot ko "I like seeing her cry, I like seeing her shouting, I like seeing her mad but there are instances that made me realized na mas magugustuhan ko pala na makita siyang ngumiti, tumawa, sumaya..." Znela looked at me and I held her hand "Some things made me realized na mas sasaya pala ako kung makikita ko na masaya rin siya. Na mas gagaan pala ang pakiramdam ko kung makikita ko siyang tumawa, ngumiti, humalakhak...."

"Terrence..."

"I love you..." sagot ko sa kanya "I love you so much Znela and I want you to know that I will never leave you, alone..." I bit my lower lip matapos biglang maluha ang mga mata ko "Lahat ng pagsubok na nararanasan natin ngayon, lahat ng hirap, lahat ng sakit, gusto kong kalimutan muna natin ito, kahit ngayon lang..."

"Terrence..."

"Znela, mahal na mahal kita kaya lagi mong tandaan na kahit kailan hindi ka mag-iisa. Ikaw lang at wala ng iba pang babae ang pumasok sa isip ko o kahit sa puso ko. Ikaw lang ang gusto kong makasama habang buhay, ikaw lang at wala ng iba..."

"M-Mahal na mahal din kita Terrence..." hindi na rin niya napigilan ang pag-iyak matapos sumagot sa akin

"I want to make a promise, in front of you, in front of everyone na nandito ngayon..." Ate and Rio was standing on our side, hindi kalayuan, may mga nurses din na nakatingin sa amin.

"I promise to love you unconditionally, I promise that my love will be unending and unchanging..." lumuhod ako at doon siya napaluha ng mas matindi, I smiled and took the ring box out of my pocket.

"Znela, I want to apply to be your forever loving partner that will stay with you for the rest of your life, please hire me..."

Mabilis siyang tumango saka hinawakan ako sa magkabilang pisngi "T-Terrence..." iyak niya "Oo naman, o-over-qualified kana nga eh!" pagbibiro niya, doon tumawa ang mga tao sa paligid namin, I happily put the ring on her finger saka mabilis siyang hinalikan.

Nilapit ko ang noo ko sa noo niya saka bumulong "Fight with me, kakayanin natin ito na magkasama..."