Pregnant with the Bad Boy

62

I did not even know if he was at home, probably not, he worked safely, as I of course had no idea what it was nowadays because he had stopped all the places I had seen him.

“Snap out it Jennifer...” I was just on my way there when I saw the door to his apartment open and I held my breath as I waited for him to come out when my heart turned to stone when a woman stepped out, she looked good , she had reddish brown curly hair and was made up with jewellery that looked flashy in my eyes and a short coat that revealed the long legs that could make any man turn after her.

I followed her gaze as she turned down the stairs and I looked jealously at his new girlfriend who looked so confident, like she owned the whole world and more.

I stared at her leather-clad hands after the ring my mother had told me about and sank down in the seat, no wonder he did not want to leave her, she was beautiful in a way I would never be.

I kept blinking, I would cry, no doubt, I had been so sure he would choose me when we were together, but now that I saw her, I wasn’t feeling that confident anymore.

She did not see me, or she did not even look at me, I would say more as she walked quickly past in the long boots that made her look even more attractive. I was so f*****g stupid; this was just like Lorraine.

I don’t know why, but I opened the car door and followed her pathetic as I was, Dylan got to be with whoever he wanted, I had told him literally that I couldn’t be with him but still I followed his girlfriend like a crazy pursuer in-between the houses when she turned off at the corner and I went quickly after, not knowing why when I panicked when she stood around the corner and stared at me who knew I had followed her and I tried to walk past her when she stopped me with a cold voice that sounded like ice in a blender.

“Okay I know you're following me, so what is it? Do I owe money, or have I slept with your boyfriend?” I stared shocked at her bold questions when I wanted to shout that yes, she was f*****g with my boyfriend… but he wasn’t… he was hers… I swallowed and thought to go from there as she looked cold at me still before her familiar light grey eyes began to see me and she looked like she recognized me all of a sudden like I had met her before.

“Wait, you're Dylan's girl, right?” She broke out in a happy smile, and I looked confused at her rapid emotional storm that had passed when she looked at me from head to toe and nodded to herself where I stood completely confused about what she had said, I was not his girl, she was.

“So…” I started talking when she ignored listening and laughed like she had come up with something funny suddenly and I just blinked when she confidently looked at me with her sharp grey eyes.

“I've seen you briefly, not because they do you justice, you look prettier in reality… or it's because you’re not sleeping…” she laughed when I tried to digest everything she had said, I was Dylan's girl, and he had pictures off me… when I am sleeping ?!” I must have looked annoyed when she held out her hand before I even had time to think about who she like she were not his girl.

“I’m Marnie, I'm Dylan's older sister… if you can believe that.” she winked with her eye like I were joining the joke and I shook her hand nervously as she smiled like everything was fine and we had met before.

“Jennifer…” I said my name shy when she laughed delighted like she already knew, I smiled now when her laugh was contagious, she was full of life, she reminded me of Mandy which made me like her without thinking about it.

“I know, God he's keeps rambling about you all the time, even worse since he found out you were pregnant.” She rolled her eyes like it was not something she was surprised by, that Dylan had only known about it since last night.

“He does?” I smiled stupidly without being able to stop myself, it felt good that I was not the only one who was obsessed on my part when she nodded solemnly as it was general information.

“All the time, you have to forgive me, but I think I’m going to vomit if I hear your name again from his mouth, my God if he is so f*****g in love with you he may well show it instead of hiding…” she smiled like she knew something I did not know.

Of course she did, Dylan had told her that she was his opposite and I could do nothing but agree as I got the feeling that Marnie took for granted that the world would give her everything she pointed at and Dylan fought for everything he had and refused help from anyone.

“He was really pissed at you when he saw that you were with children, I mean I get it, he is not easy to be around, always so grumpy and serious all the time.

she made a face and I laughed, she was absolutely incredible, she had told me more about what he had been doing lately in a few minutes than what Dylan would say in several days.

“I know…” I smiled secretly when she nodded understandingly as she knew exactly what I was thinking and sighed.

“I was on my way to the salon they have down here, my nails need to be polished up, she looked begging at me to go with her when I thought I might as well do it, I did not want to go home, and Marnie was a perfect source of information about Dylan that I could only have dreamed of.

“Sure.” I started walking with her down the street and before we had time she had told us about three boyfriends and an ex-husband whom she still visited even though he had a new wife, in short, she was like Dylan said, she was a free soul.

“but I'm so glad he met you anyway, I mean after all that with Lorraine when he was a teenager, my God, it's just that it crushes a… right?” She was talking about Dylan and Lorraine now, like I knew anything about that.

I stopped and she looked at me for a few seconds before slapping her hand in front of her mouth dramatically as she was in a soap opera.

“God, you don’t know? Did he never tell you he was dating Lorraine? When they were teenagers, she said yes and then when they were going to get married, then she found another older guy who she married… for money…” Marnie's face was divided, she would have done the same thing but still pissed that Lorraine had taken advantage of her brother's heart.

“No…. I know nothing about it…” I smiled faintly, she probably thought I was the i***t of the world who had just swallowed everything with him, never asked him more than he wanted me to know, I had been quite busy with myself too of course but still.

“Oh, Dylan is an i***t, he looks good, but he's an idiot.” She laughed now when I followed, I liked her, she was like him, said as it was but more forward, like she could not be silent like she even wanted to be.

“Fortunate for him that he is handsome then…” I laughed when she put her hand on me as we had known each other all our lives and I let her do it, I wanted to know everything she could say about him.

We went through the doors and she talked about herself again with the girl who did her nails when I half listened to what she said and smiled absently when I watched how they painted my nails in purple, I liked it, it felt good to sit here and listen to Marnie's chatter, she filled in everything I did not say when they put glitter on my nails on the advice of Marnie who continued to talk to my delight, I waved my hands and looked away towards Marnie who held up her own shocking red, they looked almost dangerous on her long fingernails compared to my short ones when she looked happy and when we had to pay she stopped me and pulled up a card with a male name on it and I raised my eyebrows in surprise, she knew how to get around in world even though it may not have been completely morally correct.

“My ex-husband, he can pay.” She winked at me when I laughed and let her do it, I would not complain if she wanted to pay, I still thought to start saving money, if I were to live alone, I would need every penny to survive later, I did not intend to survive on my parents as they thought they could tell me what to do.

“I heard you were going to have a girl, I'm so jealous, I have two boys and they're just a lot of trouble.” She laughed and I saw the quick look of sadness that she missed them, so I assumed they were with her ex-husband.

“Yes, it's true…” I smiled proudly now, I was glad I did not hide it anymore, it felt good to share with the world how happy I actually was about this, how strange it had been like when I had children.

“Oh, you must love to buy all the pink little things right now?” It sparkled in her big grey eyes, I looked at her in surprise, I had not bought a single thing yet, Dad had bought the crib but that was it.

“Actually, I have not bought anything… yet…” I added the word when I did not want her to think that I was not happy to have a baby with her younger brother when she looked at me excessively shocked again.

“My God Jennifer, we have to fix that!!” She dragged me along the street without me even having a chance to protest and dragged me into a small clothing store that was here.

I looked around, I was not used to being outside at all, I realized, and I did not know what to choose when I looked at the cute little baby clothes that hung there. it felt weird when Marnie held up a floral dress that looked like it would be on a doll before she shook her head and hung it back to my delight.

“When is you due date?” She was looking at another dress when I stared at her, she was the first one who really seemed interested in when the baby would be born, I knew that mom and dad were too, of course, but they were busy with theirs, and all this with Levi took away all the joy with me it felt like.

“The beginning of May…” I smiled genuinely when she put down the dress and pulled out a set with pink and white on it, it was the cutest thing I have seen, and I did not even like pink as it had small cats print on it.

“it's so cute.” I looked at the suit, it was so heavenly small, it felt completely unreal that there were even creatures so small in this world.

“Can I buy it for you? I really want to give my first niece something.” She did not even wait for my answer when she left and paid when I was left without knowing what to do, but I felt a lump in my throat, when I realized that I had not even tried to do something like this, at all.

I had just walked around and been depressed over life and not seen that I had anything completely different to live for no matter how it went with Dylan. I blinked discreetly when she came back and gave me the bag as it was the simplest thing in the world.

I smiled sincerely at her face, I was grateful in a way I could not understand myself that she cared about me and seemed really interested of the child instead of just seeing her as something that would put my life on hold, ruin it and had the wrong father.

I clasped my hands as she looked at me strangely and before I could say anything she put her beautiful hand on me and looked warmly at me with her light grey eyes.

“it's okay, I cried my eyes out with my first one, it's not easy, you know nothing and are more scared than you wanted to admit…” she smiled understandingly when I sobbed and she took my arm and led me out of the store again and out on the street, I looked gratefully at her through the tears, I did not understand why Dylan had wanted to hide her, she was absolutely wonderful.

“Thank you, Marnie…. really.” I said the words sincerely and she smiled wider at me and took my arm like we had known each other for several years, and not an hour as it really was.

“No worries sweetheart, I know what a knucklehead you are having that baby with, I would have also cried over that.

she laughed and I could not do anything but laugh with her, it felt liberating to hear someone talking about him without them hating him or being jealous, I realized that I had only met resistance since we met, from all sides, not wonder that we always fought against the world.

“I'm so glad you followed me, I would not have met you otherwise, Dylan is so terribly afraid to show you to the world, he is afraid you will disappear just because you see other people. She snorted like it was not exactly so it had been when I blinked at her truths that just kept coming, I had no idea who he was hanging out with, where he even works nowadays, and we would have a kid together.

It hurt me to know he did not want to show me to his friends, or his family, was he ashamed of me? or because I was pregnant? I just couldn’t put it together; he was the one who wanted to get married quickly and have kids… so why was he so reluctant to let me meet his relatives and friends?

“I mean like right now, he is with those loser friends from high school out at the bar that is by his place, where he works.” she kept talking when I stopped completely. Where was he? she must have seen that I looked pissed and just looked at me sadly and sighed.

“I'm sorry, I talk too much I know about it, but you seem like a good girl, not like the usual type he goes after…” she smiled sadly again when I looked at her hopeless, she had given me so much so short time, even the truth.

“Thank Marnie.” I pulled her to me and hugged her like we had known each other for several years and she hugged back before she released me and smiled kindly before she started to walk away from me and made signs with her hands that she would hear from me, I smiled, I really wanted that.

I turned around, Dylan was at one of those f*****g bars where he had worked, what the hell was he doing there? and how much of our time together had really been jobs? Maybe he had just said it to f**k Lorraine in peace before he came back and f****d me!? I angrily clasped my hands, I was glad we were not together, because this would have crushed me otherwise, how he let me down in all the f*****g ways he could. I sighed; would I go there? Make him take responsibility? I looked down at the bag in my hand, the first gesture of warmth towards me, towards her… I was crying now, why hadn’t Dylan not done something like that? instead he was sitting at a bar and was probably getting drunk right now.

She had said they were from high school, and I prayed to God that Lorraine was not there… if she was, I would be so f*****g angry at him, more than I already was when I walked quickly through the streets back to Dylan's apartment and put the bag in the car before I went straight to the bar where he had had s*x with me the first time.

I stood outside for a while, it was the middle of the day, and it might have been locked when I tested the door and stepped into the dark room, it looked different in here one last time.

It was empty except at the bottom where they sat five, six people, drinking at noon, I could smell it from long distances when I went in slowly, they had not seen me until when I saw him.

he sat there and drinking beer and laughing, I breathed out tired, Marnie had shown me so much more about him that he had hidden from me that I wished he had wanted to tell himself, he said he loved me, but he treated me like s**t, just like before, just that it this time it was a hell of a hundred times worse for me.

I went closer when I saw Lorraine there, she was not sitting next to Dylan, but she had seen me and quickly pushed him from there she was sitting when I looked at him disappointed. I was so f*****g tired of being disappointed at him at this point that I did not know if I should just turn around and go my way without saying anything as he got up quickly and walked towards me, his friends were the who had been popular at school, I recognized every single one of them as they stared at me as surprised as he seemed to be.

“Jen… what are you doing here?” he looked surprised like he was really stunned, and I looked at him angrily, I just wanted to scream right now because he had hidden everything from me, the engagement and his friends.

“I met your sister.” I said the words lightly even though my voice trembled with anger, and he looked scared when he knew she had said things to me he had never intended to let me know.

“f*****g Marnie…” he looked angry, like it was her fault he lied, again.

I drew my arms crossed answer my chest, I was so tired of him, we had just gotten together, so last night and here he sat and drank during the day, with the same people he had been with since school when he could be with me was it only, I thought in my head.

“She was nice, I liked her.” I smiled faintly at his anger as he stood and swore like everything was someone else's fault but his own.

I do not know why but I was not even angry anymore. I was just disappointed in myself, I should have understood that it was something he had not told me, as usual.

“She should learn to shut up about things she has nothing to do with…” he said the words dully and he sounded like himself again, like the one I was arguing with every day, who only saw what he wanted and took it.

I watched amused on his angry face that tensed while his friends looked confused, they knew who I was but not why I was here, Dylan had probably made sure.

“Like you were engaged to Lorraine and she dumped you for some rich bastard?” I looked at how she sat there and just looked pale in the face from seeing me, like I was her worst nightmare that had walked in the doors, I ignored her just as much back as she had done to me in church that f*****g day, she and Dylan ruined us.

His face got stiffer, and I saw how the alcohol he had poured in made him angry faster when I just looked resignedly at his face twisted in anger and made his eyes get colder already now when he suddenly sighed like the anger ran out of him and said tired.

“Okay… I should have said that… but what does it matter now? It was several years ago…” his eyes showed that he was hurt that I had taken it up and I laughed, he claimed that I was the one who was weak of us, but it was he who stood and longed for an ex who sat a meter from him. but I could not care, we were not together and after Grant I had a certain understanding that he would always feel something for her whether I wanted it or not.

“No, no it does not matter anymore, you are right… you can f**k whoever you want as far as I’m concern.” I said the words chilly in the same way he always did to me when he understood what I meant, that I would not give us another chance, not after all Marnie had told me, that he could have said himself and I would have forgiven him for it without hesitating, or at least tried to do so.

He moaned loudly like he was tired of hearing me be jealous, like he was here had not given me a reason to be.

“Just stop yapping for once about Lorraine, I'm not f*****g her, how many times do I have to say it!” his voice had increased for every word and I wanted to laugh, it did not matter if he did it or not, I did not trust him at all.

“But you did, before me, and you hung out with her in front of the church.” I chackled at his face had darkened, and I saw that Lorraine looked at us suspiciously, they did not hear what we said as for once I would not have screamed, and he would not have been pissed.

“I have said sorry, what more do you want me to do? I can’t change what I did… “His voice was really sad when he looked at me with his beautiful eyes that beamed longing for me.

I sighed, I could not even fight, I just wanted him not to hide all the f*****g things from me, whether he thought he would be sorry for it.

“How about you let start letting me be a part of your life for real and not just when it suits you? I meant his friends when his eyes had softened a little and he sighed like he knew he had done wrong, and it made me a little calmer even though I still did not like that Lorraine was here and that I had more or less pushed myself into his life.

He nodded as he understood what I meant and put one arm around my waist and pulled me to him and I let him do it to Lorraine's black eyes, but I did not care, I would give him another chance, for our daughter's sake.