Midnight thoughts

Flower grows mid spring

The guy, the guy I was watching from afar I suddenly met him again, I met him twice but the feeling is like the first time.

I want to run towards him, I want to know him, I want to befriend him, but the thing is I was scared I was scared that he finds me crazy or weirdo, and also I don't know where to start. Talking to someone that I really don't know is weird of course, and in the first place I'm not good at talking, it's like putting myself into the biggest shame of my life.

Upon looking at him, he suddenly stop for a moment and started to look towards me, his looking at me, s**t what would I do? what is he thinking about me? do I look unpleasant? all of the voices around my head suddenly stop when he started walking again like he didn't give a damn, yeah what would I expect no one feels my presence, no one sees me I was just like nothing, I can't compare myself to shadows or even in the wind because, wind you can't see it, but you can feel it in shadow, you can't feel it, but you can see it that's the difference between me and those things.

Well, I guess studying is the only thing that I have, studying is the only thing that I'm good at. I hope I'm like them I'm getting envious day by day, because why not? they have the things that I don't have, they had a family well, at least I have a guardian but of course, they can't live with me they had also a family they need to look after their kids, that's why I suggested living alone because the house that my parent bought and the things inside of it is the only thing that I have to preserve their presence and memories.

I walked with my head down, "thinking what kind of life is this" It sucks, it really sucks.

As time goes by, the guy that I want to see, the guy behind the reason why I want to wake up and be excited every morning is like a ghost, the last time that I saw him is not good but I'm still hoping to see him again.

"you had a weird hobby, don't you?" A voice of an angel it was a little bit masculine and you could still hear a young voice it was like a masculine type and young voice combined, it was too calming I was too stunned to speak, I can't respond or even move, I was stiff.

"Hey, are you zoning out? again?" it's him, his talking to me. and suddenly he laughs, he laughs so suddenly, he laughs like he heard a joke, a joke with a good punch on it.

I don't know but I felt so disappointed about what he did, I know that I judge him but even other people will find it so odd when the person who's talking to you suddenly laughs without any context you will find it weird and rude.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to laugh but it was funny how your face looks like you're in a really shocked" When I heard it, I just hung my head down in front of him, and there it is, there it is he pointed out that I'm someone who's the best person to make fun of, I shouldn't fall to him, I shouldn't think about him in the first place, now I know what kind of person he is it's time to moved on because that's the only thing I can do to make my self better.

When he finished laughing at me, and everything in just a snap everything put down into serious mode. No one starts to talk, and no one dares at this moment it was a lot of pressure and at every moment of it, it was like something was holding your neck and the grip becomes strong and hard every second that makes you suffocate.

I walked out, I don't want to be in that kind of situation, I can't breathe.

*****************************************

I was sitting in the cafeteria of our school when I felt someone sitting next to me, so I looked at it, it was him again.

"What?" the question that I was holding a few hours ago.

"You know what, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh or something" he says, looking straight into my soul and digging into my core.

I don't know what happened, but there's something in his green-coloured eye, it was innocent and young and ignorant. It's here again the butterflies, no this can't be, do I still like him?

"You know what, I never see you with someone or so-called friends I just see you alone"

"Introvert thing" I say

"Why don't you befriend someone" I gaze at him, how could I be friends with someone if they don't want me?

"But it's nice to have a friend" he smiles, I looked at him and our eyes met he looked so gorgeous.

"Maybe, someday we don't know what the future holds" He nodded and I said my goodbyes

That's it, that's the first time there's someone talked to me with curiosity, that's the first time that there's someone talked to me without judgement and throwing painful words.

"Wow" are the only words that I can say. Maybe he's not like the other, maybe his different.

I walked towards my classroom and I couldn't stop smiling, I looked outside the window the sun was so shiny and hot and birds are flying in the sky and the air was gentle and not humid it was perfect for delicate skin, the world is nice, beautiful and perfect, it just that it becomes awful and ugly because on how other people treat it.

Upon looking outside there's something in me that reminds me of how beautiful the world in romantic shows or movies the cold air, how leaves falling down, how children play, it was perfect, that's the perfect view for us, but in reality, it's different, when you're young you're lucky to see the world perfect because there's someone out there that they don't have time to enjoy their childhood and when they grow older they want to see how the world being perfect and easy for a child who's being in a state of the word "ignorant", enjoy your childhood without ruining your future.