15 - The Unspoken Truth

5285 Words
Every person has a weakness. The strongest, the bravest and the happiest have breaking points - no one is simply invincible. At times, they crumble to the ground and become nothing but worthless rubble until they find the strength to pick up the first broken piece and start rebuilding themselves. Lia had a terrible tendency to fake strength and while in the early stages of their friendship, Kensi could tell. There was something in those eyes that gave the younger girl's cover away. Despite the widest, brightest grins lingering in those lips, Lia's brown orbs glimmer in a way that spoke otherwise and reach out to Kensi's heart. And the truth of the matter is, Lia is still hurting and Kensi knew. It was only the second time in almost four months that Lia ever allowed grief to bend her. There was a possibility that she could not contain the immense pain anymore, and it was slowly taking control of her conscious mind. Regardless, it was bittersweet for Kensi. Her girlfriend was finally coming to terms with the loss of her childhood friend and begin moving on - but at the same time, Lia was hurting. There was an apparent disappointment lurking within Kensi, considering their date and the over-all good day had to end in her girlfriend's tears. However, she ultimately realized that there is reason behind every tragedy and Lia's tears was necessary to be able to move forward. Heartbeats were strong and rapid as panic settled over the three who were left standing frozen, stunned. Each beat echoed through their bodies as if they were a hollowed out log and blood surging through every vein with such force. Kensi's mouth was instantly dry as she attempted to comprehend the situation. She knew she had to do something, and she had to do it fast. Adrenaline was quick to simmer through her body and she was fidgeting in her place, connecting her wide, horrified green eyes with the Caseys worried orbs. Chest heaving, she gulped hard to rid of the obstruction in her throat that was quickly strangling her. "Is it...is it okay if I follow her?" "Of course, honey." Eric was quick to answer, urgency coated every syllable of his words. "Please make sure she's okay." The incessant nodding of Kensi's head crossed out the need to speak. Without another word, she dropped her things and bolted up the stairs -launching her body to the direction of her girlfriend's room. The high she was experiencing was blocking out her conscious mind that had been nagging her, telling her anxiety was coming back, full force. For the time being, all she had swirling in her head was the thought of finding her girlfriend. Barging through the door, widening the small c***k, green eyes searched the minimalist space for the younger girl and immediately found her rummaging through her closet cabinet. Lia was mildly trembling and miserably sniffling, as sobs harrowed her entire body. Kensi's heart instantly broke, pleading the world for the ability to take all the pain away. "Lia," Kensi timidly cooed as anxiety ransacked every bit of her composure. Her chest rose and fell rapidly as she coped with the abrupt physical exertion, halting to her girlfriend's side. "Where are you going?" "Running." Lia retorted shakily in a small, nasally voice laced with despair that never once grazed Kensi's ears. It was too guarded, too foreign which taunted the older girl. Despite the hesitation, Kensi muttered firmly. "You're staying." The brown-eyed girl could only shake her head, never ceasing as the desperation seeped through her voice. She perilously implored, "I can't. Please, Kensi. I can't." Lia was creating a pile of clothes directly to her back and halted when she found the pair she was looking for. She was grabbing onto the hem of her shirt when Kensi wrapped her arms around her girlfriend - steadying her as her entire body grimaced with every pitiful sound and tremor she felt from her Lia's shoulders. The younger girl was quick to reciprocate, clinging onto Kensi for dear life as she buried her face by the girl's collar bone and soaking her girlfriend's shirt. They were on the same spot as they were on the first time Lia had went off on Kensi after the latter curiously asked about the former seeing Duke's grave. It evidently struck a sensitive chord. Kensi could not but dissect the two instances and realized that a hug had sufficed in the past. However, standing there with Lia showing no sign of calming down, the green-eyed girl was left to wonder. What if she depleted every option to soothe her girlfriend and there was nothing else she could do? "Baby, look at me." Kensi willed herself out of her despondent thoughts, setting her hands on her girlfriend's cheeks a couple of minutes later. Her voice was soft and never demanding. Kensi would be lying if she said she wasn't bracing for a complete and utter breakdown one way or another. She had tried to prepare herself for the impending downfall of the girl she loves but she was certain that nothing could get her ready with every single instance that her gaze was set on her girlfriend's shape. Gently, she coaxed Lia to pull away until her emerald orbs could take in the younger girl's grief ravaged features. The suspense built up, and each beat hit harder than the last with nerves taking over Kensi's body until they were far enough for her to see the damage. Kensi felt choked up, just by the sight of her girlfriend. A thin layer of sweat crowded Lia's face with strands of air haphazardly strewn all over. Her cheeks and nose were flushed -lips were swollen with the bottom partially jutted out. A deep frown lingered and was seemingly irremovable. Her heavily beating heart was beaten, pounded until each strike slowly pulverized. Reluctant as she was, Kensi forced herself to look into those bloodshot brown eyes for her suspicions to be proven right. If under normal circumstances, brightness was winning, in that moment, the darkness had claimed Lia. Kensi was crushed and every fiber of life within her was shaken - distraught as her chest tightened. Her battered heart took the direct blow and was frantically pumping blood to provide her now-clammy hands with blood. She was convinced Lia didn't deserve such agony. Shaky pale hands carefully brushed the stray strands of hair and subsequently wiping as much of the moisture away albeit the continued stream from Lia's eyes. Setting them over the younger girl's cheeks once more, Kensi leaned in to plant a tender kiss on her girlfriend's forehead as she shut her eyes tightly - praying for her own composure. "Do you want to lie down?" Kensi whispered as she pulled back and received a slight nod with words being an unavailable option to Lia. Bending over, Kensi slung one arm behind her girlfriend's back and the other behind her knees. She lifted Lia with ease and carefully laid her down on the queen sized bed. When the green-eyed girl laid to Lia's left, the younger girl was quick to throw her arms around her girlfriend, holding tightly while she buried her face on the girl's chest. It wasn't how they always cuddled, but it was familiar nonetheless, except, roles had been reversed. For at least three weeks at the start of summer, it was Kensi who latched her arms around Lia in wake of Duke's passing. "You're okay." Kensi repeatedly mumbled with every ounce of love she could congregate. "I'm here. I'm right here, baby." Kensi stroked her girlfriend's back soothingly while her right arm strapped around the girl's lower back with her hand gripping her hip. She occasionally planted kisses on the crown of Lia's head. The seconds were agonizingly long and Kensi felt as though they had laid there for an eternity until her girlfriend's sobbing slowly turned into hushed whimpers. She allowed at least five more minutes until she finally spoke once more. "Hey." Kensi breathed, blindly tucking her girlfriend's hair behind her ear and then setting her hand over her damp cheek. "Talk to me." "Bananas." Lia choked out in a much hoarser voice, scratching her throat. The simple word confirmed Kensi's suspicions. She had witness the horror that struck the brown-eyed girl's features as soon as she was faced with the fruit. "You used to love them so much." Kensi commented in a hushed tone, the softness in it fought against Lia's agony. Lia nodded ever so lightly in agreement. She sighed heavily, expelling as much tension from her tired body to be able to speak more than a word. "He ate them all the time, salvaging all the potassium he could get." An audible shaky yet deep breath soon ensued which prompted Kensi to hold her tighter. Lia was digging through a memory that caused more pain than simple nostalgia. "He would dig through a fruit mix for them and I had to eat the rest. It was his life support as he would call it. And he always thought I don't eat enough because of my shape. He wanted to fatten me up." Kensi could only hum, taken aback by the intimate fact that she already knew. Being reminded of the two's dynamic had always been refreshing but everything changed when half of the duo perished all too suddenly. After that, it had just been a reminder that sprinkled anxiety over everyone who knew Lia and Duke, especially with the girl's incessant denial that had been biting her since. "Lia," Kensi pierced through the stillness and Lia slightly lifted her head, propping herself up on an elbow to meet those worried eyes. "No more running away, okay? Run to me." She traced the bridge of the younger girl's nose who scrunched it up adorably while admiring the beauty behind those tears. "Please run to me. You know I will drop everything to be there for you." She implored, desperate for an approval. Lia slowly inched upward to share the pillow Kensi's head was on and laid on her side with green-eyed girl following suit. The corner of her Lia's lips slowly tugged to paint a small yet genuine smile as she brushed her knuckles against her girlfriend's jaw. A moment had passed and Lia was looking at the girl before her intently -admiring every aspect of her face, etching them in her memories. "You know, before you, I never thought beautiful girls could have even more beautiful hearts." Lia professed sincerely, earning a sweet, broad grin on those plump lips she loves kissing. "Sometimes I wonder if you're real. You're more ethereal than anything, Kensi Lancaster. I cannot fathom how you exist in this world and I could only wish everyone had their own version of you." She proceeded to trace Kensi's bare arm with the tips of her fingers to once again make sure the green-eyed girl was real. The movement made her girlfriend shudder as Lia's fingers left burning trails that made goose bumps erupt. Kensi shook her head in both disbelief and disagreement. It was simply not possible for someone to be so sad, so broken and quickly revert back to throwing flattering words her way. However, the older girl found a flaw in her girlfriend's statement. To Kensi, Lia only had to look in the mirror to find that rare girl she was speaking about. "It's such a tragedy that you can't see how beautiful you are." Kensi spoke, more to herself than her girlfriend who was blushing harder than she was amid those dried up tears. Soon, her emerald irises found Lia's luscious lips and suddenly, there was only one thing on her mind. "Kiss me." Lia immediately scooted closer with a satisfied grin on her lips, reaching to hold her girlfriend by the nape of her neck. Kensi set her left hand on Lia's lower back, bringing their bodies as close as possible. Their lips could not connect sooner and both relished in the electrifying high that sparked as soon as they made contact. It was the same feeling that stole their breaths, leaving them craving for oxygen. The kiss was delicate and each movement exuded of their love for each other. "What's that?" Lia breathily queried as her eyes fluttered open upon releasing her girlfriend's upper lip. Her brown orbs were trained towards another rose with its glorious blue velvety petals laid out on her left bed side table. Kensi laid on her back and reached for the flower, twirling it in her thumb and index finger. Her heart barely had a break from their gentle yet passionate kiss and her pulse had spiked up once again as her nerves came back to haunt her. Kensi was not certain as to how Lia would react to her final cheesy yet affectionate gesture for the day. "It's the rose that completes three." The green-eyed girl timidly began, tucking her lower lip in between her teeth momentarily as her gaze wandered elsewhere before proceeding. "I wanted you to see it right before you close your eyes to remind you that I love you." "I love you, babe." Lia professed as she let out a contented sigh. Her eyes glistened with tenderness and never left Kensi's until she accepted the flower, tracing each petal as they follow a circular path to form the majestic blue rose. "You just had to remind me how amazing you are for the umpteenth time today." Lifting her gaze twinkled with mischief, she smirked which made Kensi's brows stitch together in confusion and scrutiny. "This definitely has turned into a competition." "Shut up!" Kensi playfully chastised with a shake of the head. She reached to nudge Lia - sending the girl back slightly with a giggle that warmed Kensi's heart. "Just allow me show how much I love my girlfriend without challenging my girlfriend." "Not a chance." Lia stuck her tongue out immaturely.” I love my girlfriend, too." She shrugged in a feigned indifference, pursing her lips. "Even though she's kinda annoying." Lia began laughing as Kensi narrowed her green orbs at her. The grin that formed over those full lips that Lia loves widened significantly until Kensi was cackling along with her girlfriend. Prior to Duke's demise, the two would enjoy immature giggling for the most idiotic reason. One of them would burst into laughter and would cause a ripple effect on the other. If Kensi were to answer which one of those reasons was the most childish, the ordinary animal excrement Lia found on the side of the road. All the laughter was ceased when the Twentieth Century Fox intro cut through their happy noise. It was Lia's phone, the notifications ringtone she set for Landon, Ice and Trevor which always caused Kensi much anxiety. Each time Lia heeded to the call, her jealousy spikes up, even before their relationship. Kensi had never really been comfortable with the thought of the younger girl around various people that she could touch, hug or kiss, those strangers could take advantage of her, too. However, to Lia, that tone meant an escape from reality. She loves Kensi, but with her, Lia is forced to feel her pain and everything that tormented her heart that night was enough for her. Lia instantly fished for her phone lodged within her back pocket and laid on her back, typing her pass code. Kensi had already been staring at the ceiling, huffing in annoyance with her interlaced hands set on her belly. "Casey, party tonight at Fletcher's! He's expecting us!" read the message from Landon Phillips. "You're not going." Kensi muttered dryly before Lia could type a reply, not bothering to glance at her girlfriend. She became austere, firm and Lia's hope for a breather quickly vanished. "It's Monday. There's always something to do on a Monday. Why do you think people hate it more than just because it comes after Sunday?" She continued, furrowing her brows as she lifted her hand, flinging it everywhere as she explained and dropping it limply, bouncing slightly against the mattress. "You don't understand." Lia's heart was lodged within her throat, aware that saying no to her girlfriend was the hardest. Setting the rose on the opposite bedside table, she hurriedly sat up and swung her leg over the other side of the girl and hovered above her, frowning deeply. "He needs me. He's not as lucky as the rest of us, babe. He's feeling left out." She reasoned with the most conviction despite not buying it herself. "I do, understand, babe. But I need you to stay here and focus on yourself." Kensi countered as she momentarily glanced Lia, matching her girlfriend's pleading look. She was quick to avert Lia's gaze, cursing herself at her dwindling resolve. "You and I can't pretend what just happened didn't happen." She cupped her face with both her hands, expelling an annoyed huff. "Baby, please?" The younger girl begged, elongating the pronunciation of the word. Growing incredibly desperate, she urgently thought of things to offer as bargain. "Look, y-you can...you can come and-and keep an eye on me. N-No kissing on the lips or those areas you told me not to. No long hugs. No nothing. I promise, babe. Just please say yes." Dropping her hands to her sides once more, Kensi fought the urge to roll her eyes as she glanced up at her girlfriend with a flagrant unimpressed expression. "No drinking." "Done!" Lia immediately agreed, her eyes sparkling with a hopefulness. "What else do you want me to do? I'll do anything! Please, baby?" Groaning, Kensi finally relented. "Fine! We're ditching when I say so." "Yes, boss!" Lia huffed in amusement, muttering under her breath. "Tyranny." However, the humor did not reach Kensi's skin, never getting the chance to penetrate through the girl's funny bones. Lia's wingman duties had always bothered the green-eyed girl. She was aware that Lia's picking up girls for her friends was an escape from bigger problems, even before the beginning of summer that year. The problem would be exacerbated tenfold if Lia had to bail from their time together to be at her boys' aid. Kensi was frustrated that her girlfriend couldn't just flat out say it and then maybe she could think of a way to help her out of it, to finally move past everything together. But she couldn't force Lia to. She couldn't just push someone up the stairs if they're not ready to take the next step, they'd stumble and maybe fall to their faces. "Don't make me ask you to choose between being Birdgirl and being my girlfriend." Kensi threatened, no hint of humor in her voice and features. Panicking, Lia descended to lay her entire body on top of her girlfriend's and settled her head on Kensi's chest as she clung for her life. She could hear how hard and how rapid her pulse struck, reflecting Kensi's exasperation. Her own pulse beat in a similar fashion but was fueled with perturbation. The fact that the older girl never slung her arms around her bothered Lia into rethinking her choices. As terror lingered on Lia's skin, she felt as though her body temperature had dropped as Kensi's warmed up. "No, don't! Baby, I'm sorry. I was only kidding, Kensi." She mumbled, rambling in a timid, child-like voice. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please don't be mad. We can stay if you want." Lia knew she would choose Kensi over the boys - she would choose her over everything. However, she was not willing to lose another familiar just yet, especially the ones that are associated with her late best friend. She was not certain if she would still be able to fake being okay after that. Kensi didn't budge. Her arms remained lying on her sides and Lia was bracing for the time that Kensi would push her off. However, the green-eyed girl was grinning from ear to ear. There had always been an irrevocable adorable factor within Lia's being and Kensi never quite developed an immunity to it. Her heart was swelling while their positioned revved her it up as if it was racing against the fastest cars in the world. "I love you." Came Lia's last resort despite the three-word phrase being the first on top of her head. She was not willing to gamble everything until she knew it was safe to, that it would be fruitful. Eyes welled with tears at the thought of inflicting pain upon her favorite girl. Ending Lia's terror, Kensi reached for the girl's sides, brushing her hands over Lia's clothed skin until her arms were folded across the back. The gesture quelled the younger girl's worries, who sank deeper against her girlfriend's body in pure bliss. With a deep sigh, Kensi spoke. "I'm not mad. I'm just worried about you." Lia shook her head as she inhaled a shaky breath, burying her face deep in Kensi's chest and inhaling the girl's scent. "Don't be. Besides, I told you -I have you. You're always here for me." "Yeah, I am and again, I need you to remember that. But I can't help being worried about you, especially after tonight." Kensi carefully confessed, wishing it'd convey her unspoken concerns. She tightened her grip around her girlfriend's torso, bracing for another outburst that didn't came. Lia was only glad she was in good terms with her girlfriend. She silently celebrated their peace, contentedly smiling to herself as she shifted in her place to find a more comfortable spot. "And I love you, too, babe." Kensi muttered, a couple of long minutes later, planting a delicate kiss on her girlfriend head. "You better." Lia playfully shot, chuckling softly. They stayed glued to each other as the silence engulfed them. Both their wild minds jumped through realms, submitting themselves to their quiet musings of the things that devastate their bliss. It was different and Lia could feel it. It may have been a little too late for a realization to dawn on her but she finally figured it was time to learn to say no, maybe not for herself but for Kensi. The green-eyed girl deserved that much. Lia would be damned if she let anything get in the way of the beautiful things that they have. "I think I want to stay in and cuddle with you." Lia declared sluggishly with the events of the day finally catching up to her on a physical level. Her eyes continued to flutter as she fought a valiant battle against the mystical Sandman who had sprinkled her with enough dust. "Please stay tonight. I don't want to sleep alone." Kensi lovingly stroked her girlfriend's back, knowing exactly what she had to do. "You don't have to. I'm right here." A warmth exploded within Kensi's chest, causing her heart to flutter. That had been the first time Lia decided to stay and never left hours after Kensi had fallen asleep. The green-eyed girl was grateful for the night albeit her girlfriend's breakdown. There had been progress and she appreciated the smallest steps if they mean Lia was going to be alright. Congregating every ounce of strength she had left, Lia lifted her torso to peer at the girl beneath with heavy lids. Kensi looked up at her with amused, curious eyes and a slight smirk. Lia crawled up slightly, just enough to be able to lower her head and connect their lips, instantly melting into the breathtaking kiss. Soon, Lia lost her battle against sleep. She had cuddled up to her girlfriend, tangling their legs together and wrapping her arms around her tightly. Kensi was and always have been her strength but that night, Kensi easily became her personal nirvana which traced a satisfied grin across her lips upon drifting off into unconsciousness. It was only a little over six in the evening and Kensi found it exceptionally challenging to fall sleep. She was a little envious of her girlfriend but was reluctant to spend the extra couple of hours sleeping. Having been left to entertain herself, Kensi reached for her phone in her own back pocket, remembering a conversation she had forgotten about. It was Ice's text message from two hours prior and Kensi was won over by her curiosity. She set the phone by her girlfriend's shoulder as she gripped it with both hands. The message read, "I never thought I would say this but I liked it better when you called me Jaron. I got your back, Lancaster!" Kensi grinned as she recalled the hideous, manhood depleting nickname she had awarded the boy. "Sorry. Something came up. But thanks for everything! And Jaron is too plain for ya. Haha! Where are you guys? Are you going to Mark's?" The reply came quick and Kensi was left to wonder how Ice had managed to type his rather long message that fast. "Yeah, no problem. I don't know where Trev is but I'm at Diana's. We're studying and it's hell! She won't let me kiss her until we finish and it's almost seven and I have to go home! Who does that? I can't believe I'm complaining to you. What about you and Casey? You two make an awesome wingman 'couple'. You were great at the pre-wing back at the house. I think my brother needs to get laid." The green-eyed girl had to bite her lips and cup her mouth with her left hand just to contain her laughter. Her emerald orbs were sealed tightly, a futile attempt at psyching herself out of the laughing gas that was poisoning her and braced for her girlfriend stirring awake. Imagining Ice in a desperate situation seemed to have been more amusing than pitiful. Fortunately, Lia was sleeping soundly. "Haha! If you hurt sweet Diana, you're in deep trouble, Icicle Popsicle. We're not going. Lia fell asleep." Kensi typed, still biting down on her lips as a lopsided grin took shape. Amid her laughter and sheer hilarity, Kensi could still feel the clutches of guilt tugging at her gut. Ice is a good guy despite all the juvenile display of arrogance which Kensi wasn't quite open to. She hated how carefree he was and most of them were stuck to wallow in the pain. Apart from that, he was simply a nuisance to her. There was never a point in her annoyance that she figured his light would be an asset. Everyone didn't have to brood over their problems and Ice may have just been what they needed. Her only consolation was the fact that she had not burned bridges before any sort of chance for redemption ever occurred. Ice's next text message came ten minutes later, having been stuck with his persistent study buddy with an imposed set of rules that the boy was not quite keen on following. "Noted. And stop that! I'm Jaron, remember? You're not? Dude! I should call little bro. So, did you ask Casey yet? And don't even pretend you don't know what I'm talking about!" Chuckling softly, Kensi decided to purposely ignore his question and decided on concluding the night. The thought of the boy racking his mind over his unanswered question proved to be more amusing than anything. "Good night, Icicle Popsicle! We'll make it up to Landon. Lia's my priority." It was another swift response as if the boy had nothing better to do. Kensi could only imagine the agony the boy had to endure knowing she would have loved to burst out laughing in his face. "I will let you sleep for now. For now. But I get it. You chose well, Lancaster! Good night! Take care of our Casey." He commended, which was immensely appreciated by the green-eyed girl - solidifying the thought that her decision to give the boy a chance was the best possible scenario. "I know." Kensi whispered, peering down on the still sleeping Lia. She dropped her phone somewhere on the bed and gave the girl a light squeeze as she planted a lingering kiss on the crown of her head. "Good night, girlfriend. I'm glad you chose well, too." Kensi wasn't counting on it, but her promise of making it up Landon was tested on that Thursday evening of the same week when all three boys were present. Ice had been raving about the party while Trevor, being Trevor, merely laughed everything off. Landon was perceivably tensed since that Monday and none of them knew why. The group had repeatedly apologized to the boy for leaving him to fend for himself but nothing seemed to be working. Kensi had set the same rules and Lia was careful of the things that flew out of her mouth then. The younger girl was determined to prevent any sort of petty arguments considering she had never quite coped well with the thought of Kensi being angry and the wrath being aimed at her. Through the four years of their friendship, disagreements were rare and Lia would like to keep it that way. At nine, bellies filled to the brim thanks to Renee, the couple were walking up to some basketball varsity gaped front door, much to Kensi's dismay. They were both dressed in tight-fitting jeans -a loose black tank with the American flag in white for Lia with her black bra slightly visible and tattoos on full display while Kensi opted for a simple plaid button down. With Lia leading the way, they sauntered through the threshold with hands tightly interlocked, mostly on Lia's end to reassure her apprehensive girlfriend. They had made a quick stop at the Lancaster's to collect Kensi's clothes and things for school for the next day should they decided to stay in the Caseys. Mike and Jo didn't need much convincing considering the entire Lancaster clan adores Lia. The main concern was plucking the younger girl out of the house. A surge of the distinct combination of scents immediately barraged towards their nostrils to which Kensi scrunched her nose up in pure disgust. The unimaginable putrid stench of wet socks and soiled jerseys could be easily picked out among the strong aroma of alcohol, penetrating smoke from cigarettes and fragrances worn by the abundant number of teenagers swarming the place plus certain scents that Kensi could not quite distinguish but reluctant to find out. Kensi was sure her clothes would reek. Landon was quick to spot Lia immediately, widely grinning as he approached the younger girl with the other two boys in tow. His night was looking up with the presence of their beloved Birdgirl. "Casey!" He excitedly called out, lifting his free hand with his right having to hold a solo cup. "There you are!" "The gang's all here!" Trevor announced with much enthusiasm, beaming his prized smile that exposed his glaringly bright teeth. Ice's signature smug smirk instantaneously crawled to his lips when he found Lia's hand interlocked with a familiar pale one. Just a step more and there she was, Kensi Lancaster, looking exceptionally vexed. Her brows were stitched together and the bridge of her nose were crumpled as her tightly sealed lips were down-turned. While his brother was thoroughly enjoying the discovery, Landon's grin vanished with a snap of a finger. His heart plummeted down painfully, caught in the twisting knots of his belly. "And Kensi." Landon muttered solemnly, his voice dripping with such disdain that Trevor and Ice were immediately sending him questioning looks. "Just the girl I'm looking for." Ice chimed in quickly, too eager to grill the green-eyed girl about the date he had helped set up.
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