Birdgirl

Lia inhaled, trapping the air inside her lungs for as long as she could before releasing it in a sigh. Her gaze befell on the darkened world of silhouettes and shadows where the distant glow of the city beamed up and against the clouds but the light never reflected down to the ground. The breeze that caressed her skin was a relief from the humid atmosphere and by taking a deep breath, she hoped air would make her feel lighter. But it didn’t. It had been a long couple of months and she was exhausted. Summer came and went, and the plans she’d set in stone in her junior year were pulverized, erased by the hammer of fate. But every single day, without fail, she would sit on the back porch steps, and marvel at the borderless space where birds were free to glide in the skies, the kind of freedom she wished upon her tormented heart. Where the world was vast and the weight she lugged in her chest was an insignificant speck. Where the line was open and she could connect with him. At the reminder, she glanced at the small ink that traced the side of her wrist. It was an infinity symbol, a feather sat gracefully in the crux while the words life and love sat on the curvature on either side. It was a common tattoo, the artist warned her, one that shouldn’t bear much meaning but it did. It had been three months since but she could remember it like it was yesterday. - "Why do you like eagles so much?" Lia asked the boy next to her, curiosity scrunching up her nose. After months of trying, Duke had finally convinced her to get a tattoo with him and that was how they found themselves sitting on a couch, albums of illustrations and samples on their laps. Excitement ran wild in his pale blue eyes, a breathtaking image of a clear blue sky with an eclipse in the middle. It was a miracle how he’d found the strength to stay still. It wasn’t the first time she asked him the question. Often, she would tease him about the plastic toy that hung on his rear view mirror, the one she gave him as a gag gift, but it was the first time Duke would ever give her a real answer. "They symbolize a lot of things, Casey." Duke started, a faraway look in his eyes. "They're the kings of the skies and they represent shrewdness, strength and bravery. Even immortality. I’d like to think I’ll live on even after I die." The weight of his words struck, alerting her consciousness to what felt like a foretelling of a foreboding future. Gone were the days when he’d say ‘they’re cool,’ his a short, evasive answer and Lia still wondered what changed his mind. He had wisdom way beyond his short eighteen years but youth overflowed in his childish grin and unabashed laugh, and she looked up to him with wonder in her eyes, a big brother she never had. “Why are you talking about death?” She stared at him, scrunched up features and earned a loud laugh because that was Duke, too, he loved to laugh. “You asked!” Lia shrugged him off and fixated her yes on the thick booklet, back to the picture she’d unknowingly gone back to every single time she peeled another page. Soon enough, they were called to sit on leather chairs that were side by side. A woman with a striking pair of gray eyes greeted her. Her head was shaved, her ears adorned with a daunting number of earrings and her arm crawled with intricate tattoos – a ferocious dragon in black and red filled her upper arm, its body winding down as its tail sat by her wrist where a cherry blossom tree sprouted, its branches spreading wide. “I’m Adriana. Your dad told me you’d be here.” She appealed to familiarity to help appease Lia but all she got was a vigorous nod. “Ready?" “Yeah,” Came Lia’s short clipped answer. "Where do you want it?" Lia pointed to the side of her wrist and Adriana maneuvered her arm around until she was satisfied with the placement. She adhered the stencil on her skin and smiled at Lia. She grabbed one of the intimidating tattoo guns and pressed a button as if revving it up. “Do you want some numbing cream?” “I’m fine.” Lia insisted despite feeling lightheaded at the little whirring noise. The nervous anticipation of the unknown was tormenting her body and she just wanted it to be done and over with. “Okay. Tell me to stop and we’ll take short breaks, okay?” “Okay.” In less than an hour, Adriana was done. Lia was surprised at how well she took the relentless prick of needles and she could tell Adriana was, too. She thanked the woman with a hug and sat back on the couch as she waited for Duke. She admired the enflamed skin, following the lines of her new tattoo as an image of a green-eyed girl surfaced in her mind. “Look, Casey!” Duke furrowed his brows when Lia jerked, staring at him as if she’d been caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to. “You okay?” “I’m great.” She forced a grin but to no avail, he could see right through her. “So, what did you get?” She grabbed his wrist before he could even say a word and inspected the pattern beneath the inside of his elbow. It was an eagle with its wings spread out, soaring above a compass. "I should have known. Why that, though?" "A compass for direction." He explained without missing a beat, almost as if he was expecting the question. "When my soul embarks on the journey after it had abandoned my body, I would love to soar to the heavens. One day, I'll get an entire wing from my back to my arm. That would look cool." “Don’t talk like that, Duke.” Lia scolded. His excitement was not reciprocated after the tough year he’d had battling a rare genetic disorder that affected his kidneys. Bartter’s syndrome, Duke’s mother had told her. The hospital visits had increased in frequency and despite fear and trepidation, Lia went with him to every single one and held his hand through it all. She hated that he laughed like his condition wasn’t grave and she hated that she couldn’t even force him back when he pushed him out of frustration. Instead, it was her who was sent back and he had to grab onto her arm to keep her from falling over. He lifted her wrist and tilted his head, getting a better look at her tattoo. "Why a feather though? Life? Love?" “I got this for you, didn't I?" She grumbled her answer, knowing he would just brush her attempts at talking about his condition off. "The feather because of your stupid eagle affinity. ‘Life’ because I've known you my entire life and ‘love’ because I've been helping you idiots fool girls.” She explained with such feigned contempt but the hostile tone was received with a widening grin on Duke’s lips. “I helped you win Mackenzie Lancaster. I mean, come on. I’m like a cupid but I fly with my bike, not wings." “Of course.” He agreed despite the sarcastic undulation of his voice. He slung am arm over her shoulders and led her to the door. “It’s actually love because you love me. Don’t worry ‘cause I love you, too, and you’re the compass of my life.” - Lia wished she could be as unafraid and unashamed in his professions of love as he was, she wished she told him how much she loved him at least one more time. But there’s a reason why regret comes last. No one ever thinks about the last chance they’re given, the same chance they never take. “Lia! Ice is here!” The sound of her father’s voice pierced through the cloud of her reverie, and with a parting gaze, Lia pushed herself up. She found Eric in the kitchen, drinking a cup of coffee. He was still wearing the clothes he wore to work, the sleeves of his flannel folded halfway up his forearms enough to expose the edges of the full sleeves of ink that were the sole reasons Lia was even allowed to get one at seventeen. He’d never regretted bragging about his first tattoo, the one he got when he was fourteen, than the day his daughter asked him if he could have one, too. Eric would have asked what she was doing outside in the dark but the question would not leave his tongue. She was definitely her father’s daughter, frugal in their words but generous in their affections. She took a good look at Eric, finding the clutches of time marking lines all over his face. His hair was longer, greyer. She chanced a glance at his eyes, finding the same worries, the same fears she’d seen for the past three months shrouding the once glistening brown that looked a lot like hers. Before the start of summer, they barely saw each other but he’d been home as much as she could since, trying to make himself available for his only child but his silent offers had never been taken. “Where’s Mom?” “Taking a shower.” He appraised her, searching for hesitation and fear but found none. What he saw was the pieces of his grief-stricken girl with the cracks she filled with determination – to move forward, to look perfectly fine. “Is your appointment tonight?” “Yeah. I’ll go after the party.” Lia retorted, catching the insinuation. “Could you tell Mom I left?” “Sure. Be careful, okay?” “I will.” He put the coffee down and open his arms, coaxing his daughter into a hug. That was one of the things that changed about him. He would hold Lia every chance he got and he held her with the fear he might lose her in the next second. If he couldn’t, he’d reach to pat her on the shoulder or her head. He would elongate the little conversations they had as they pass by each other in the house and he’d find every excuse to take his daughter out on bike rides. They would talk but they would dance around the core of the change like moths around the flame but neither would get burned. Because while Lia wore pain in her eyes, she wouldn’t dare let it eclipse her words. And the mask she used to hind behind had embedded itself on her skin. She found Ice waiting for her at the front porch, leaning against the pillar, helmets by his feet. Dirty blond tresses tumbled down like savage waves up to his chin. His hands were shoved in his front pockets, his gaze set on the house next to the Caseys, heavy with longing. In the midst of her excitement to finally see him after three months, she felt an odd sense of trepidation. She feared he’d look at her with pity and treat her like rare porcelain. Because the last thing she needed was another shift that would threaten the normalcy of her imperfect world. But Ice had different plans because he was the kind of friend Lia needed. At the sound of the door closing, the boy swiveled facing her with that child-like smile of his, the youthful glow tinged with an air of playful arrogance. “What’s up, Birdgirl?” The golden flecks in his hazel eyes glistened with mischief. He used the apt nickname, knowing the conquest they were about to face that night, the very one he, his brother, Landon and their friend, Trevor coined as a personalized version of ‘wingman’ but she was a hero in their eyes in more ways than one. “Miss me?” “Hi, Ice.” She walked up to him, pushing herself on her toes to wrap her arms around his neck as his looped around her torso. She unconsciously clung to him tighter to match the tautness in her chest as her own eyes looked on to the house next door. The boy in her arms suddenly transformed into someone else in her mind and in her heart but he smelled different, felt different. She could sense tears brewing behind her eyelids, and she held on to him until she could blink them away. And he let her. But she had no idea he was fighting tears of his own. - The humid atmosphere of the room clung to her like another layer of skin. It reeked of sweat and stale beer, saturated with juvenile excitement. A song droned on in the background, some summer hit she can’t be bothered to recall. It wasn’t like she could hear much of it, not with the buzz of conversation floating around her. As she expected, she was met with unabashed curiosity, some regarding her with pity, others some sort of nervous anticipation like they expected her to break down. But Ice was right there, receiving the same treatment and they’d both dealt with it chins held high. That had been more than half an hour ago, the crowd of teenagers they’d been elbowing to get to the kitchen seemed to have gotten over the novelty of seeing them since the end of the school year. At the moment, she was stuck playing beer pong, trying to win the game for Ice. And the prize, a date. Birdgirl duties, he’d said, even if they’d originally been in that packed house with barely enough space to move around for Trevor. A crowd had gathered around them, around the dining table, some two dozen kids from Palm Grove High. From the sets of ten, she and Ice still had seven while their opponents had one left. They weren’t beer pong and waste paper basketball champions for nothing after all. But for the life of her, Lia didn’t understand why her friend liked that girl, Paula. The warm hue of her eyes beamed like winter, her gaze a frigid storm. She walked with arrogant superiority lifting her chin and every step she took, she was staking a claim on the ground beneath the soles of her feet. Her academically brilliant mind wasted on colorful insults sitting at the back of her throat, scathing bullets ready to fire from her glossy, strawberry-flavored lips. Lia was not blind, though. Paula’s physical appearance was enough marketing for teenage boys to be at her feet, waiting for her beck and call. Seven inches over five feet, her long hair and long legs could do that for her. But beauty fades. Human skin wilts like autumn leaves, and with a rotten heart like hers, she was bound to lose her appeal. Lia didn’t understand but since she was that kind of friend, she was going to win it for Ice. “Give me that!” Paula snatched the ball from her friend, a brunette slightly shorter than her. Lia watched the yellow ping pong ball between Paula’s fingers like a hawk, her brown eyes following its trajectory as it made its merry way to their end of the table, where it missed by a long shot, landing on the ground by Lia’s feet. “Ooh!” The crowd hissed as Paula muttered a curse heavy with contempt and bursting with frustration. Her cheeks were tinted red and her eyes fiery pits. In silence, Lia was taking pleasure in watching her lose. Paula always got what she wanted. It was refreshing to see her crumble with defeat. Ice handed Lia a white ping pong ball, beaming a grin curved by the promise of victory. He was too excited and he feared his aim wouldn’t be as precise. Meanwhile, his partner was as cool as a cucumber, unaffected as she accepted it from him. She rolled the ping pong ball between her fingers, her gaze locked on the last cup at the opposite end of the table and if she paid attention, she should have noticed how the kids around her watched with baited breaths, never uttering a word as if they were watching a championship. "You got this, Casey." Ice dug his thumbs onto her sweat-riddled skin, poking out from the loose tank top she wore and moving them in swift circles. She chuckled at his antics, raising her brows as if to ask him if he was done. He backed away, holding his hands up in surrender. It was time. Beer pong should not have been that big of a deal. But the novelty of it hasn't worn off. Lia could pinpoint the very night she started to cling to it, the parties, the loud music, the cheap beer and the ephemeral high that abandoned her the second she stepped away from it. She was reminded why she kept coming back the second the ping pong ball crashed into the cup at the other end of the table, the last bit of peace until the small room erupted in cheers save for Paula and her friend, who was assaulted with blame. Lia realized she needed some place louder to overshadow the ruckus in her head, and she inhaled it all with wild abandon. She embraced the celebration like a long-lost friend, her skin thrumming with excitement. She turned to Ice, wearing victory in her smile and the faintest touch of alcohol in her glassy brown eyes. They both leaped in the air, their chests colliding. Duke would hate to see her like that. But Duke didn’t belong there. The knowledge that the drink in her hand was often soda wouldn’t have appeased him. "We still got it." Remnants of his laughter clung to his voice as Ice snatched a water bottle from the cooler in the kitchen, where they’d ran off to after Ice told Paula he would pick her up on Friday. He twisted it open and handed it to Lia before retrieving one for himself, both taking generous gulps until they emptied them. “That was sick!” Trevor elbowed Ice on his side, laughing along with his friends. His pearly whites stood out amidst the rich dark shade of his skin, a sight Lia needed to reestablish normalcy, and normal meant Trevor offering the world his sweetest smile. He towered over the pair, taller than Ice by four inches and Lia an inch over a foot. He’d watched them from the sidelines, cheering with every ball that landed in their opponents’ cup but he couldn’t keep his gaze from the front door. He’d made sure he had an unobstructed view of it. The object of his affections had not entered the party and he’d called multiple friends, asking them to confirm that she was definitely showing up. And after a long agonizing wait, she was there. "Heads up, Birdgirl." Overcame with nerves, he repeatedly nudged his friend until she followed his line of vision, where two girls just entered the house arm in arm. The commotion led Ice to take a peek himself, nodding his approval. "Which one is it?" Lia asked, narrowing her eyes to take a closer look at the pair. She knew them from school, one an underclassman and the other from their year, and coincidentally, she knew them through a friend. "Hook up? Relationship? I’m telling you now, Trev, I can’t help you on the hook up front. I have to look out for my ladies." Lia discouraged such an arrangement, refusing to even help her friends if their intentions were to play with hearts or use bodies for their own pleasure. She didn’t care what they did on their own but where she was involved, everyone mattered, even the girls that could potentially break her friends’ hearts. She studied the two girls with rapt attention, while pretending to be in a more riveting conversation with her exceptionally tall friend. She was pleased to find them make their way to the kitchen, which made approaching the pair easier. "The blond. Amber. You know her." Trevor looked elsewhere as he scratched the back of his neck, ignoring Ice laugh at his discomfort. "I’d never ask if it was just for fun, Birdgirl." “Why couldn’t we pursue her at school tomorrow?” “There’s a fireworks show at the marina tonight, I wanted to take her there. And I may also need your bike because it’s nice out and you know, she might enjoy it.” He reasoned, slowly dissolving into a sheepish mess. “It’d be an explosive first date. Pun intended.” To Lia’s credit, she didn’t comment on it. "Before I potentially embarrass myself for the millionth time, this is what I know," Lia said as she freed her brunette mane from the ponytail and ran a hand through and stirring it by the top of her head, creating volume. "Amber likes football players. I don’t want you getting your hopes up but her exes have all been part of the football team." At the mention of the sport, they heard Ice obnoxiously clear his throat to draw attention to him, a football player. "We know you're not one but you can always talk to her about how you like the sport." She explained as she articulated her seemingly flawless plan, blatantly ignoring Ice. "You're friends with Ice, use him. Think about those stories he talks about, the close calls, the strategies. But that’s just the beginning. Making her like you is up to you as a person and not what sport you play." Trevor nodded in understanding as he swallowed the lump building in his throat. He was hoping the action would drown his nerves down along with it but to no avail. He cupped his face with his hand and dragged it down, and the second he could, he took a deep breath as he mustered some courage. There was a different version of Trevor Washington in the court, the strong-willed fighter who never backed down. But when it came to pursuing girls, Lia had to step in. He was confused at how calm Lia was, she’d never shown a shred of worries in the past, oblivious to the fact that beneath the composed and tranquil blanket hid concern. The veil that had masked her fright was strong yet she was determined to keep her demeanor intact. He gazed at Amber, who had just accepted a cup of beer from her companion. Panic swam in his eyes, his stomach twisted in knots as he saw a guy approaching them. He frantically nudged his friend with his elbow, coaxing her to go do something. "Your move, Birdgirl." "Fix your shirt." Lia pushed herself off the counter she’d been leaning on and fished her keys from her pocket to exchange with his. It was like a police operation to them. They had to be on alert in case nuisance vultures or hyenas come to prey on the lion's target. They had to be careful not to scare the marks off by their boldness while avoiding being too careful and be beaten to the punch by another valiant hero. Lia’s friends had wild imaginations. She stalked towards Amber, pushing through the small crowd that gathered around them, racing against the boy whose gaze was set on Amber. She deliberately nudged him away by the shoulder, sending him the nastiest glare as he looked to see who had bumped into him. He scoffed, shaking his head with disdain but he left after seeing that Lia was not backing down. "Amber?" Lia said, her voice high pitched to convey faux surprise at bumping into the girl, pleased to find relief flood her features at the sight of her. "I didn't know you were here." "Lia!" Amber grinned, she returned the eagerness and soon pulled her in an embrace. She hesitated for a moment, deciding whether to ask her question or not. “How’ve you been?” “I’m good!” She retorted, her smile never wavering despite the dagger that sank in her heart. "I’m so glad you’re here! Janiah's actually with some friends and I don't really know them. I’ve been telling Janiah I should just go home. Maybe you can come with me." Amber gestured towards her friend, who was on the phone, her free hand covering her other ear. Perfect. Change of plans. "I actually just came by to say goodbye. I have to be home in half an hour." She grimaced to show her remorse and let the disappointment sink in Amber’s body before she offered a solution. "My friend's actually thinking about just ditching the place, taking my bike out for a stroll and going to see the fireworks show at the marina." “Who?” “Trevor. Trevor Washington." Lia slightly c****d her head to her anxious friend who had been staring at them the entire time. The collar of his shirt already collar folded neatly, beaming a timid smile at Amber. "He's in the basketball varsity team, plays center. Do you know him?" There was a glint of excitement in Amber's eyes and Lia was more than relieved she didn't have to do some serious lying and story formulating. When she had to, she was convinced she was just technically exaggerating and not necessarily lying. With a nod, she beckoned Trevor over as Ice looked at her, mouth hanging open and head shaking in disbelief. A sudden surge of confidence moved Trevor’s feet one at a time while Amber looked at him, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I gotta run." Lia told Amber and left without waiting for a reply, venturing back to Ice before her exit. That was not the first time Lia let her friends borrow her bike but threats were abundant so as not to worry Eric. Her father bought her the Harley Davidson V-Rod Night Rod Special on her sixteenth birthday, when his wife deemed her responsible enough to drive it. If it was up to Eric, Lia would have had one the second she was tall enough to reach the ground while sitting on it. She was a daddy’s girl and he spoiled her rotten. “I have to go. Do you have a ride home?” “Yeah, Landon’s coming.” Ice sobered up at the question. He wasn’t aware that Lia was leaving earlier than planned and trepidation was quick to claim him. “Where are you going?” “Dad wanted me home early. School starts tomorrow.” The lie flowed like an unobstructed stream but Lia couldn’t feel guilt for it. The moment she made it out of the house, the fear she had been suppressing surfaced, rushing in like a violent wave that sent chills throughout her body. It managed to perk her minute arm hair up as her soft skin erupted in goose bumps. She slid in Trevor's silver Camry and held her left wrist up to check the time. It was only a quarter after eight in the evening and she was pleased to find she had time to spare before her appointment. Lia was scared, terrified even. But she had been waiting too long for it and she could not wait any longer. She glanced up to the cloud-sheltered starry night. This is for you