Nineteen
1947 Words
Limp Bizkit- Behind Blue Eyes
No one said a word on the ride back to whoever's penthouse I'm staying in. Godrick decided that staying close was better. So now he lives in the penthouse next door. My memories are tearing me apart. It's feeding this anger in me and having Elijah this close makes it worse. So once again, I have around-the-clock supervision.
"Do you want to talk about what happened?"
I looked up at Godrick who is leaning on the door frame. He looks different without a suit on. He looks like the kind of guy you don't take home because it's obvious he's going to get you in trouble, maybe knock you up and leave. The bad boy glint is in his eyes is different to the one when he has obligations to take care of. That's funny, that's not something I remember from dad but I'm sure dad is who he got it from.
"Not really," I shrugged, finishing my homework.
"Elijah told me what you did,"
"So?" I asked looking up at him.
I knew he would. I had been really worked up. I didn't even think twice to do what I did. Seeing them together like that made all these memories play in my head and they made me lash out. I have no control over what is happening to me and it's frustrating the hell out of me. I should probably stay away from public areas for a while until I can get control over it.
"So, we're going to talk about it. Unless you have something equally f****d up to tell me," he pushed off the wall and started walking closer to the bed. I sighed shutting my binder and putting everything aside.
"Fine. What do you want to talk about?" I asked leaning back against the headboard. I don't want to talk, I want to try and pretend these things in my head aren't there.
"I've been where you are," he started, sitting down. He rested his elbows on his knees without looking over at me. "I was f*****g pissed for a long time. I still am but I've gotten better at controlling it,"
"Do you have the memory thing too?" I asked. He looked back at me and smiled.
"No, that's a trait reserved for some of the women on mom's side of the family. It's not something that's recorded in history because most of those who possess your power, don't make it through the transition,"
"Are you f*****g kidding me?" I asked standing up.
"No,"
"It was why you freaked out, isn't it? I'm going to die," great another thing to add to the list.
"You're not going to die. Those who have died didn't have what you have,"
"A f****d up chain of events called my life?" I asked turning to look at him. He laughed.
"No, i***t. You found your Makhai,"
"That's not a guarantee," I rolled my eyes, sitting down next to him. "I might still die,"
"You won't die. Even if I have to feed you myself. I'm not going to let you die. You're all I have left and I'll be even more damned if I let anything else happen to you,"
"If you feed me your blood we'll be bound to one another. If I die you die with me," I reminded him. I didn't know I knew that. He shrugged.
"You're all I have left," he repeated. "It's fair,"
"What about Analyse?" I asked. "You have her,"
"I don't. She's here because she knows you're important to me but aside from that, she's made it very clear where we both stand," his smirk turned into a sad smile. Hmm, unlike Silas, Godrick is very easy to read. His eyes give him away along with his unsilenced expressions. I rolled my eyes.
"Some king you are," I laughed. He growled at me his eyes sparkling blue.
"Excuse me?"
"You're the f*****g king of a vampire race, Godrick, and you want to act like a wounded puppy? Kings don't ask for permission they take counsel but you said it yourself it's your choice in the end. You have to start acting like a King, brother. I know father taught you how everything works,"
"So what? I go out there and I say what? I'm the king b***h and you'll have me?" we both started laughing.
"Maybe don't call her a b***h. That's a suggestion," I shrugged.
"It's not that easy. I'm not easy to get along with and she's a hand full,"
"Well yeah, the king is obviously a spoiled little s**t and the next queen likes to party. Don't get me started on the princess. She's a nut case," I rolled my eyes. He laughed.
"You said you had some things to tell me or was that just to get under Silas' skin,"
"No, I have a lot of things to tell you about yourself. For starters, you have one of these. Like I did," I said, scratching my back.
"What?" he asked looking at me. He slightly shook his head denying it.
"I have to figure out which one you were branded with to find it," I nodded.
"Why would I have been branded?" the memories of dad teaching me what my brother is capable of and what he might become swirled in my mind's eye as I looked into my brother's green eyes. "Spit it out,"
"You're powerful. Like we might bring forth the apocalypse and become the dominant species powerful maybe even bring the gods back powerful," I whispered. He sat back looking at me like I had lost my mind.
"What?"
"It's hard to explain. Dad didn't give me much but he did warn me about what you can do,"
"Some family we have, huh?" he placed his hand over mine.
"I don't want to die, Rick," I admitted. Our parents used to call him that. He smiled at his old nickname. He pulled me into him letting out a heavy sigh.
"You're not going to die. Fate can't be that cruel,"
"Dying isn't cruel, I think," I smiled.
"What do you mean?"
"When you die. That's it. There's no more pain. No more worries. It's over. All of it just fades away. We leave behind a memory. One that can make someone crumble to their knees one instant and make them smile the next. It's not cruel,"
"Mom used to say things like that," he whispered.
"Dad used to say them to me,"
We sat in silence for a bit until he got up and excused himself. I didn't know I was crying until the tear landed on my arm. I wiped it away and then wiped my face. My mind is clashing with the memories and information of then and the memories of me thinking I was human. My psych is fighting them both all while trying to accept them both. The world is easier and at the same time, it's a lot harder. I'm not smart enough or experienced enough to be two people. For now, I have to choose one. The most important and that's being there for Godrick.
"Your mind is going to be easy to convince, but in your heart. In your heart, you're going to know exactly what you are. Who you are and what you want to be. Don't let anyone tell you to be something you know you'll never be,"
My dad's words had been gibberish then. I remember laughing when he would look at me directly and speak. When he would put things in front of me and made me look at them. I can also remember Bruce doing the same. They both looked at me in the same manner. They both treated me alike.
I can't have Bruce and Cashmere in my life. Not while, I have things to do. I don't want them to distract me from what I have to do. The one thing my dad has asked me to do. I can make it up to them later. I may not belong to them in the manner I thought I did but they have become a part of me.
The part of me that doesn't want humanity to crash. The part of me that sees the world for the beautiful fairytale I had lived. The childhood they had given me. The opportunities they opened up for me. I basically spat on them on my way out. It was unfair of me to do that. To sever my ties with them as I did but there is work to do. For now, having them at a distance is what is best. Even if my mind is at war, for now, I have to settle with the top priorities. I just hope they forgive me when the time comes. If they don't, I can live with my decisions.
"Hey," Raven walked into my room. Like Sam, she probably knows no boundaries.
"Hey," I smiled at her. She rushed in like I had invited her in and jumped on my bed. The sudden movement is causing my head to feel like it's ready to explode.
"I have something to help with your ouchies," she declared.
"I've taken a few pain killers already," I smiled.
"This is different. It's something I got from my brother's greenhouse," she pulled out a small tray and a glass container.
"That's not what I think it is, is it?" I asked. She laughed.
"No," she did a little dance as she pulled a dry orange flower from inside the glass jar.
"Okay," I whispered as she put it inside of a grinder and then dumped out the shredded orange petals onto the tray.
"This is a California Poppy. To humans, it's just a cute little thing in their garden. For us, this poppy has healing properties. This is what I used in the insulin that helps boost insulin reproduction in diabetics. For us, it's more therapeutic. It helps with pain, thirst, and for elders, it treats vampire dementia. Your brother is my best friend and I'm not too fond of Ana because of the hell she's putting him through, but we all know that they're going to end up together eventually. So, I've been preparing for future offspring. Phantom females in particular,"
"You are seriously the weirdest and coolest person I have ever met. You're a genius Raven Sterling," I grinned.
"Thanks," she one shoulder shrugged bashfully.
"What do I do with this?" I asked pointing at the tiny pile of crushed poppy.
"You inhale deeply," she shrugged. She bunched it up together and lifted the tray up. "Ready?"
"On three?" I suggested.
"One, two, three," she lit the flower on fire.
Surprisingly, it sparked. This thing is flammable. I gathered the smoke together and brought it towards me. It's a foreign feeling to use my abilities but it's all very natural. I inhaled the entire thing instantly feeling a bit of a head rush. I exhaled when my lungs protested. My head swam for an instant and when everything calmed itself, the pain was gone. I looked up at her feeling a little groggy.
"Wow," I whispered, making her laughed.
"Right," she smiled. "Try and get some rest, sweetie. You deserve it after everything that's happened,"
The sound of her voice is different. It's closer to my mother's. I lied back and rested my head on the pile of pillows. I heard others walk into the room but it doesn't matter right now. What matters is that for the first time in a couple of days, my mind is quiet and I'm going to be able to get some sleep.
- Writer
