The Heart of A Pendragon

Big Sister

    Breakfast is served on a metal tray divided into five sections. The bottom left section holds the undercooked scrambled eggs, the bottom right section holds a scoop of sticky almost dry oatmeal, the top right, a scoop of peach cubes swimming in whatever it is canned peaches come in, and finally a piece of wheat toast. The top center of the tray has a carton of chocolate milk. In all honesty, this is actually the best breakfast I've had in years. 

    "I've gone through your transcripts, Lilianna Heart," the woman from last night waddled over to me with a stack of papers in her hands and a little girl following close behind. "You aren't in school anymore. Haven't been for a while," 

    "Is there a question in there?" I asked as I took a drink from my milk carton. She looked me over and smiled.

    "We have a program here. It's called the Big Sister Project. We assign one of the younger girls to you and you help them cope with the facility. You take her to school, you help her with chores, you become her big sister," 

    "I don't have a choice do I?" she smirked letting me know that I don't. "Alright," 

    "This is Paulie," she said motioning the little girl over to me. "She's a handful. Good luck," 

    I let out a laugh as she slowly got up and walked off as dramatically as she could. Paulie is small. Her ash-blonde curls are a mess. Her clothes look like she hasn't taken a shower in a while. Her shoes seem uncomfortable. The angry scowl on her face makes me smile. But the real beauty is in the mix-matched eyes staring back up at me. One light brown, seemingly red and one blue sardonyx. Like the universe decided one gem wasn't good enough for her. She's gorgeous. A strange familiarity washed over me as she leered up at me with all the anger she can muster.

    "What's your name?" I asked tucking a stray curl behind her ear. 

    "Catherine Pauline," she shrugged timidly. Her tone is a little louder than a whisper but just enough to make sure only I heard it.

    "Do you like people calling you Paulie?" 

She shook her head making her curls spring around.

    "I'm Cat," she introduced herself with a little more confidence.

    "Have you eaten breakfast, Cat?" she nodded. "Sit then. Let me finish and we'll see what we need to do today," 

    She took a seat in front of me and put her head down on the table without bothering the others. As I ate, the other girls kept glancing in our direction. At first, I thought it was maybe because I'm new here. Curious eyes. But when I took a closer look, they're looking at this little girl disapprovingly. She honestly doesn't look like she's a bad kid. She looks like a kid who needs a little reassurance. I think we've all been there. Particularly at this age. This isn't summer camp. No one here is better than the next person. Someone, somewhere decided that we weren't worth their time and failed us.

    I finished up and walked over to the trash bin to place the tray with all the other empty ones. When I looked back at her, I laughed. She's gone. Some of the other girls shook their heads as I walked over to the exit closest to me and went around to the one she's sneaking out of. She eyeballed me like a deer caught in headlights. 

    "Sorry," she squeaked, lowering her head. 

    "Don't be. What are your chores for today?" I asked her.

    She shrugged averting her gaze. I reached for her to guide her back to the lobby. She aggressively flinched away, raising her little arms up to protect her face. I looked around to see that some of the other girls are trying to hide their smiles. I took a knee down in front of her and lowered her arms as gently as possible. She watched skeptically and on the verge of tears. That same familiarity came over me again. I used to be scared of people like this when I was little. I keep my distance now more than ever.

    "Don't hit me," she whispered. 

    "I will never hit you," I promised. "Little princesses like you don't get hit and if they do. They hit back. Harder," 

    "I'm too small," she sniffled kicking her little leg out. 

    Her eyes are filled with unshed tears as she reached up to rub her arm. I can see the edge of a bruise on her tiny wrist. I gently pulled her sleeve up to see bruising along her forearm. She pulled her collar showing me the bruise around her neck. Someone had grabbed her hard.

    "Who did this to you?" I asked. She looked away. 

    I'm not going to get any kind of answer from her any time soon. It's gonna take some time for her to trust me if she ever does. I stood up offering her my hand. She hesitated before putting her tiny hand in mine. I walked over to the front desk and asked for a list of both our chores. All she has to do is sweep the ballroom which isn't that big for someone her age.

    I have to clean the restrooms. So while I did that, I watched her while she swept. No one bothered us as we cleaned. I took pictures once we were done, just in case those other girls decided to do something stupid. She shares a room with one of the other little girls her age. It's the only thing she answered when I tried to strike up a conversation with her. I ended up doing all the talking. That's a first for me. I usually can't get other people to shut up. Now I know how that feels.

    A lot of the girls here, I know from other foster homes, school, and meetings. I know for a fact that they're going to stay away from me. I come with a reputation and I'm a little proud of it. I took my backpack from my room and motioned Cat to follow me after locking the door again.

    "I didn't catch your name," I said knocking on the office door to see the older woman. 

    "Headmistress Khan," she answered without looking up at me. Her tone is harsh. Something I'm completely used to.

    "We're done with our chores," I informed her, making her glance up at me. I lifted my phone to show her. She waved us in and smiled as she flipped through the pictures. 

    "You got her to do her chores. Thank you," she nodded her head, handing me my phone back. 

    "I was wondering if we can go for a walk?" 

    "Do whatever you want. Come back with an escort and you'll be sleeping on the streets," she warned going back to her computer. 

    "Okay," I sang, pocketing my phone. 

    Cat followed close to me as I led us out. She took a deep breath as we walked down to the main street. I took her hand every time we crossed. It makes her little heart-shaped face turn pink. She'd pockets her hand in her little sweater but every time we come to an intersection, she'll take it back out for me to hold. Her skin is cold. Her pale cheeks are bright pink against this relentless wind. I know how to make her feel better.

    I opened the door to the clothing store across the street from the place I work and motioned her to go inside. She glared at me briefly before walking in. The girl greeted us as I guide us over to the kid's section. I reached down and picked her up, placing her on the counter. The girl from upfront came over to us and smiled. The way she gawked at Cat and then over at me is something I'm not used to. There's a sort of kindness in her eyes. It's warm and I swear she recognizes us.

    "What can I help you with?" she asked. I briefly glanced at her to see that her tag reads, Gab.

    "This is Cat," I informed her. "She needs new shoes that fit and some clothes," 

    "Okay, let's measure her. I'll be right back," the girl smiled at Cat before walking away. 

    "I don't have any monies," Cat whispered, glaring down at the beat-up shoes on her feet. 

    "Don't worry about that," I reassured her, reaching for them. 

    I took them off her feet to see her toes had been curled up. The edges along her toes are red and a bit swollen. Little blisters are starting to form over the already raw skin where her toes bend. The girl peered at me with pity as she came over to measure her feet. 

    "Can you stretch your toes for me, sweetie?" she asked Cat when I put her on the floor. Gab, wrote down the sizes for me and motioned me towards the clothes. 

    "What kind of shoes do you want? You can pick whatever ones you want," 

    "I like your shoes," she pointed down at my green Yo, Gabba Gabba vans. 

    "They're over there," the girl pointed at the other side of the store. I walked Cat over to the other end of the store and grabbed the size written down on the card Gab had given me. 

    "Try them on," I encouraged her, taking a pack of socks off the wall. I ripped it open and handed her a pair. 

    "What are these?" she asked taking them. 

    "Socks, you've never had socks?" I asked kneeling down in front of her. She shook her head. I put them on her feet. She giggled wiggling her toes. 

    "They're warm," she smiled. 

    "Yeah, try the shoes on now," she slipped them on looking up at me with a smile. "How do they fit?" 

    "They don't hurt," she whispered leaning into me. I made her stand up and made sure she had room in them. 

    She picked out a couple of colorful t-shirts, while I got her some jeans, sweatpants, sweaters,  PJs, and underwear. I also got her a pair of boots. I handed the girl at the front desk my debit card and thanked her for helping me. 

    "What do you want to do with these?" I asked holding her ugly shoes in front of her. She took them and threw them in the trash bin. 

    "Wise choice, princess," Gab grinned. 

    "Thanks, Gab." I smiled, taking the shopping bags off the counter. Gab's eyes lit up happily before she gave me a little bow. I swear this is the best service I have ever gotten. 

    A part of me lights up happily, as I watch Cat skip ahead of me without taking her eyes off her shoes. She kicks her little feet up, almost admiring them. I had gotten mine half price a few weeks ago at the centre in the city. Every time we come to an intersection she'd stop holding her hand out for me to take. She's adorable in her new green sweater. This might be the first time in a long time since someone has done something nice for her.

    "Can you do me a favor?" she whispered when we got back to Cyrilla. I bent down letting her lean into me. 

    "What?" I asked. 

    "Can you keep these in your room so they don't take em?" I looked at her and nodded knowing that feeling all too well. She's too cute and pure to feel so perilous to those around her. 

    We plodded back to my room. I pulled the last empty drawer out and told her that this is now her drawer. I took out some of her things and told her she needs to take a shower and change for bedtime. I took some of my things as well and we both headed over to the showers. It's an hour before lights out. She folded her things neatly once we were done and told me she was going to take them back to her room with her so she can wash them with the rest of her belongings. I nodded and walked her over to her room where two of the other little girls were waiting. Her hair is lighter than before. It's a pale blonde. So close to my own hair but with a light shade of gold in it. 

    "Where'd you steal your clothes from, Paulie?" one of the girls teased. 

    "You should brush your overbite, Doris. Your breath stinks," Cat shot back making me laugh. "Good night," 

    "Good night, Cat," I bowed before turning away. 

    "You never told me your name," she called after me. I stopped peaking back into the room. 

    "My name is Lilianna but you can call me, Lily. Only my friends do," 

She climbed into bed and covered herself. 

    "Night, Lily," 

    "Night, Cat," I said with a smile. The other girls didn't say a thing to her as I was walking away. 

    "Lilianna," I looked over to where the front office is. I don't have to see her in order to know who's calling me. I walked over to it to see the headmistress sitting where we had left her earlier. 

    "Yes?" 

    "Come in. Close the door behind you," she instructed. I walked in and shut the door. "Paulie has never responded to anyone before," 

    "She hasn't really said a word to me," I shrugged taking a seat when she motioned me to. 

    "I've gone over your file. Says here you're a fighter. You work in that computer place on the main street. You have a lot of spare time on your hands. You're not going to cause me trouble in the year you're here are you?" 

    "I don't look for trouble, headmistress Khan. It just kind of finds me," 

    "Yeah, you have that look. Tell you what. You can stay here as long as you want. Help me out with the girl. Make sure she goes to school, does her chores, and doesn't fight with the others. She's new here. Her parents died in an accident a couple of years ago. She was an only child with no other family members. She's been through hell and this is the closest she's gonna get to a new home. She has those eyes. Not a lot of people like to buy kids with imperfections. I know you know what that's like," 

    "Yeah," I sighed tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. 

    I had always gotten s**t for the lack of color in my hair and my skin. My skin has gotten a few shades darker since I was a kid from all the sunlight but my hair is going to stay the color it is. I do know what it's like to be imperfect. It is kind of our thing as orphans isn't it? 

    "So, we have a deal?" she asked. I nodded. 

    "Can she move into my room? Those other girls aren't very fond of her," 

    "Sure, I'll have her bed moved to your room while the two of you are away tomorrow," she nodded going back to the computer.

    "Do I need to bring you my schedule for the week from work?" I asked scratching the back of my head. 

    "I have it for this week. Your caseworker brought it in while you were away. I would like it if you bring it every week after that,"

"Yes ma'am," I nodded. She swatted the air in front of her motioning me out of her office. I guess when people ask me where I'm from, I have a response now.