Professor C (camren)

16 - Jauregui (Part One)

Lauren was passionately relieved.

She let out the biggest sigh a human being could breathe out; drawing it deep from within her belly and huffing it out with great force. For the first time, sighing felt sweet. She was severely gratified to release some of her greatest frustrations out into the world - to let it drift carelessly with the wind while her lighter body was propelled backwards, landing on the driver's side of her parked car.

Eyes contently closed, she tipped her chin up to the dark clouds that have been dusting the surface of the earth with majestic spectacles. A smiled traced her lips and she relished in the tranquility that enveloped her as she calmly filled her lungs with the burning cold air.

It was snowing when Lauren woke up that day. And since regaining consciousness, her heart shook with nerves as it steadily descended down to her foot. Getting up and getting ready was a tumultuous process as her anxious mind braced for the lowest probability of having to remain as Sean's wife. It was rather ridiculous but no assumption would be too farfetched or too stupid for the dreadful and petrified.

Lauren never stopped to worry until she heard the speech that meant her legal connection to Sean had been severed.

"Welcome back, Jauregui." Dinah announced proudly, accentuating the surname that had been greatly missed. Her grin was the widest, showing off her pearly whites and revealing the dimple atop her cheek bone.

That's right. Lauren Jauregui is back and it felt nothing short of glorious.

Jauregui.

Hearing it articulated had never been as gratifying, which gave Lauren a new appreciation for her family name.

As of a couple of minutes prior, Lauren had just been released from every metaphorical b*****e that prevented her from seeking and attaining absolute bliss, being anchored by a name that wasn't hers. She is finally free from the lies and deceit of her marriage that may have tortured her ex-husband more when considering the details of their brief relationship.

There was a conflicting feeling riddling Lauren's throat and chest that she never foresaw. She may not have outwardly expressed it but when Sean decided to file for annulment, Lauren was hopeful that eradicating her title as wife would mean she could have her second chance with Camila. And while she was in deep bliss and respite, she felt like she was facing a dead-end when it came to the professor.

But for now, Lauren was happy.

"Thanks, Dinah." Lauren breathed out, voice drizzled with such contentment; still quite overwhelmed by the judge's decision.

"Come here." Dinah joyfully coaxed, opening her arms to invite Lauren in, who immediately complied and pressed her body against her friend's. "I feel the sudden need to hug you. It's like I haven't seen you in a long time and I just missed you. But I'm really, really cold, too."

The pair giggled like children, fully immersed in jovial celebration but they could not avoid huffing contently if they tried.

Everything seemed unreal when they both assessed the journey that led them there, hugging in that parking lot behind a dreary city courthouse of concrete and stone that they never wanted to set foot in any time soon.

There was an apparent disbelief to come to terms with the reality that Lauren had arrived the finish line of the tumultuous process of her annulment. She was choked up to find that all of her efforts, her time, emotional and mental stress were not in vain. Lauren felt significantly lighter that if she were ever to let go, she would float down gracefully like a feather.

And in all of it, Lauren was grateful she had a friend in Dinah even when all she ever wanted right then was to run to Camila.

"I'm so happy for you, Lauren." Dinah choked her words out; also overwhelmed by the great news she'd been yearning to hear for her friend.

It was exhausting to see Lauren sad and she was definitely ready to see her smile beam brightly again. Gently, Dinah pulled back but made sure to hold onto Lauren's upper arms to keep both of them steady,

"Let's go have lunch and celebrate! But mostly because I'm really hungry and breakfast was dissolved during that smarty pants proceeding."

"Yeah, of course!" Lauren agreed immediately, untangling herself from Dinah to fish her phone out of her front pocket with a single intention. She raised the device up and wagged it slightly. "I just have to call Ida first and tell her about it. She wanted to know for the door."

"What door?" Dinah curiously narrowed her eyes.

"You'll see." Lauren smirked knowingly and shook her head as if to deny Dinah of the details.

Lauren was about to unlock her phone and search for her coworker's contact details when she had an odd inkling, compelling her to look up. At 28, Lauren knew that life had little surprises but they aren't always the fun kind. Just as Lauren lifted her gaze, Sean Tremaine and his lawyer passed by, giving her a glimpse of the gentle and wonderful person beneath his sharp looks - the part of him that Lauren once knew and the very fragment of him that Lauren...broke.

Sean exposed a timid smile for once and raised his hand to softly wave, which Lauren was oddly ready to reciprocate. His gray eyes were placid instead of the driven and determined look it contorted into when his frustrations would get to him; frustrations that were fueled by Lauren Jauregui.

Sean had been glancing his ex-wife's way through the entire hearing. Even while standing outside the courtroom, waiting for their schedule, his expressions were that of longing.

"I'm sorry for saying this but..." Dinah began, wary of the volume of her voice. She yanked Lauren a little closer just because it was more convenient than her leaning forward. "He's hot."

Lauren could not help but laugh at her friend's antics. She should have seen it coming considering it was so like Dinah to drop crass comments like that. It was so refreshing to concede to the fact that Sean Tremaine is one beautiful creature and associate it with a positive feeling, even laughing about it.

"Yeah, I can accept that." She nodded, still smiling in amusement.

"I don't date my friends' garbage though." Dinah rolled her eyes in a display of feigned irritation. Reaching up, she flipped strands of her hair back with an attitude. "Such a shame."

"It may need a little getting used to but I'm not stopping you if you find something good in him."

Needless to say, Dinah was stunned. She did not just hear Lauren practically give her a blessing despite her laughing about. Her jaw dropped as her brown eyes bulged out of their sockets; one little push and they would fall off.

Dinah was speechless and she had nothing to properly respond to that conversation; not even a careless comment. Instead, she harshly grabbed Lauren's shoulders and forcefully spun her around, so the green-eyed brunette could face her car.

"Okay, girl, I get that you're hungry, too. You're starting to get a little delirious. Let's just go." Dinah grumbled, not waiting for a response from a laughing Lauren. She rounded the car, yelling her next words. "You can call Ida at the restaurant."

-

Dinah wanted to be adventurous in the culinary world; venturing to palates previously unknown to her taste buds.

And so, for their early lunch, Lauren brought her friend to a Japanese restaurant she frequented, which Dinah sampled that Saturday prior to going out to the pub. There, they were greeted by a hostess wearing a red kimono and the widest of smiles, who bowed respectfully. And in the most awkward manner, Dinah mirrored the gesture while Lauren muttered a "hello" while desperately trying to yank her friend upright.

But of course, it was too late.

The hostess merely smiled despite the apparent struggle to keep a laugh from bursting out. And before it could, she graciously asked the pair if they were waiting on other guests or if they made reservations. Evidently, Lauren took the reins from there while Dinah held her protests and mild confusion with a giggle after receiving a glare from those intimidating green eyes.

Not long after, the same lady brought them inside the dim-lit restaurant that was partially filled with individuals in formal business attire with the exception of students. Upon Lauren's request, she led them to a corner far away from the crowd, towards one of the black-tinted table, which was pressed up against a traditional paneled wall called shōji and introduced them to a male server bearing a sweating pitcher of water.

Dinah's attention was lured by the restaurant's interior while she gradually took her peacoat off. Her gaze went from the matching red leather-padded seats, the exposed wooden beams to the spherical paper lanterns with cherry blossom printed on them that hovered above. The ambience was completed with Japanese folk music much to Dinah's delight.

She was swimming in an illusion that she was definitely in Japan.

Lauren was pleased to find amazement flickering in Dinah's darker eyes and still, it wasn't her only goal for their lunch date. She had every intention of paying for everything to Dinah's heart's content. But in that case, her stomach's content.

They were aiming to celebrate Lauren's new marital status. It might as well be a celebration.

Upon seated, the hostess courteously set menu cards in front of Lauren and then Dinah and wished the pair a wonderful meal prior to excusing herself. The server soon followed, very carefully pouring water onto the awaiting goblets and subsequently informing the pair of his return to take their orders.

"Coming to Indiana was the greatest idea." Dinah muttered through a grin upon thanking the server. She took her gloves off, eyes trained towards the opened page of main courses.

Lauren was in the middle of getting rid of her leather jacket when Dinah spoke. She hurriedly strewed it over her scarf and purse perched atop the unoccupied seat to her right to zero her attention in on her unaffected friend. She was taken aback by Dinah's obviously meaningful words that for a moment, she forgot that her hand was still airborne atop her pile of belongings while her brows lowered, intrigued.

"What aren't you telling me?" Lauren asked a bit too apprehensively, jaw slacking after orating the last word.

Lauren wasn't too sure if she was ready to learn of Dinah's real purposes when she decided to pack her bags and board a plane to Lafayette. Early on, she had an inkling that it was mostly because of her despite Camila's disappearance. Naturally, Camila's best friend would want to reconnect after almost a decade but that couldn't have been all.

And while Lauren anxiously waited for an answer, her pulse provided a beat to which her knees bounced. But why did she suddenly feel attacked?

Dinah sighed, smiling sympathetically. Somehow, her expressions looked as if she had been caught in her scheming ways and she could have been a little guiltier. And instead of finding culpability, Lauren found Dinah more defeated than anything and the longer she stared at the consoling smile, the more Lauren became uncomfortable.

"I said I wanted to be there for you when you...you know..." Dinah genuinely albeit reluctantly expressed, setting her hand on the table in the hopes of Lauren grabbing onto it. "And when you told me about the progress of your annulment, I wanted to be there during hearings but I couldn't get out of my job sooner. I can't imagine what you're going through but I know that it's tough. I wanted you to know how you didn't have to be alone in this. And...I wanted to be there...in case you needed someone."

"I did." Lauren nodded incessantly, hoping to buy time to find her voice. She was choked up and incredibly moved by her friend's gesture but somehow began to pity herself and her situation, which led her to connect her hand with Dinah's. "Thank you again, Dinah. I will never forget this."

"We're friends, Lauren. Don't worry about it." Dinah offered her a brighter grin as her eyes glimmered with her utmost care for Lauren.

Dinah figured that the tension brought about by the annulment was enough stress for one day. They would still have time to dig deeper into Lauren's tumultuous years following the end of her and Camila's relationship, and Dinah decided she wanted the psychologist to have fun for now.

She squeezed Lauren's hand once and retracted hers to grip the menu but immediately put it down, crumpling her face up in her frustrations.

"Do you know what to order? Because I'm so lost. I just want that dumpling you ordered last time and I want to try some other stuff, too."

"I got it." Lauren chuckled, huffing out in relief as she realized she had just averted a possible emotional conversation with Dinah's help. She raised her arm up, flailing it enough to catch the server's attention with several dishes in mind.

Lauren ordered a menagerie of items ranging from rolls, dumplings to noodles with names that Dinah refuses to remember, claiming that she will eventually forget and will definitely jumble everything up. To Lauren's amusement, her friend had managed to shoot several questions at the helpful server, making faces that were a little childish until Dinah suddenly frowned, looking to Lauren for help.

The server suggested to leave their menus to allow Dinah to go over them and promised to return with their food in 15 minutes.

Needless to say, his suggestion was highly appreciated.

Dinah had the best intentions and when she refocused her attention towards the pictures and inscriptions before her, she was giving Lauren breathing space. She spent several minutes cursing the huge disparity between the Japanese and English language but drooled over the corresponding scrumptious images that were next to the names of the dishes.

Dinah was minding her own increasingly tedious business and more interesting topics were practically taunting her with Lauren's slightest movements. She wanted to respect Lauren's right to her privacy and instead of asking questions that were hanging on the tip of her tongue, she absentmindedly flicked through pages.

She had the best intentions; Dinah definitely did. She did not, however, assess her curiosity better. Dinah never once considered how wild and untamable inquisitiveness is and she had underestimated it to a point that mere interest had transformed into being carelessly nosy.

"So, how long was it?" Face ashen, Dinah's horrified eyes made an appearance upon realizing what she had just asked, abruptly closing the thin leather bound book. She shrunk in her seat, thinking of ways to remedy the situation. "I mean...if-if you don't mind...talking about it."

"The annulment? No, I really don't mind. I've been updating you through the whole thing anyway." Lauren reasoned ardently, hoping to appease her mortified friend. She casually reached for the glass of water and took a tiny sip, drenching the suddenly dried up crevice of her mouth. "But, yeah, over a year - one year and over two months to be exact."

"Wow...that long." Dinah pensively breathed, speaking mostly to herself. Somehow, the long process didn't make sense to her but another more important matter prodded her attention. There was no way of stopping it this time as the momentum had been increased. "Before I get this mixed up; let me get this straight. It was him, who filed for the annulment after he cheated, right?"

"Yeah...it frustrated him that I still didn't let him touch me after getting married and then knowing I'm not a virgin."

"Is it because he has a p***s? Or was there something wrong with him?" She skeptically lowered her chin, looking at Lauren as if her friend was denying any involvement in a heinous crime. "You hooked up with people back in college..."

For a moment, Lauren hesitated to answer and was beginning to regret ever reassuring Dinah that it was okay to pry into details of her past while they were in a public place. Then again, she knew from both her professional opinion and personal experience that talking about it would be therapeutic.

Dinah is one of the very few people she trusted; might as well open up to her.

And Lauren was hopeful that through sharing, her healing would begin.

"They were all girls, though. Brunettes...with brown eyes..." Lauren stammered as she brushed a frustrated hand through her tresses; averting not just Dinah's smirk but the overall haughty expression she wore. She was utterly embarrassed that she was beginning to be slightly irritated but fought to maintain her composure. "I know, Dinah; Camila." She acknowledged reluctantly; beginning to feel the familiar devastation she was trying to escape.

The mention of her wanton frolics throughout her second and third year in college elicited a devastating blush to cloud Lauren's face that even her ears stung with heat. There was a significant part of her that wanted to erase memories and remnants of her college life altogether; concluding that those years were never kind to her anyway.

Of course, she forgot to look into the lessons she learned the hard way. But they were lessons anyway.

But when Camila left, it was as if the world abandoned Lauren.

She was so distraught and lost that forming bonds with new people became challenging and she chose to isolate herself in her dorm room. It seemed to have been the best way to cope with the overwhelming agony of heartbreak and guilt, which would nag her and remind her that it was all her fault; that if she tried hard enough, that if she gave what was left of her meager soul, Camila would still be physically with her even if she only possessed a speck of her time and affection.

None of that would matter because Lauren would be sure that Camila was safe. She would still be distant, but she'd be safe.

But when the silence became too loud and the deafening ringing would crawl in her skin, it pushed Lauren into committing most of her time going to parties for momentary amnesia-inducing alcohol and meaningless physical connection with various girls she thought would appease her longing. And every single morning, she would cry because she wasn't any closer to getting over her ex-girlfriend than she was just sitting in her room.

And being in college gave Lauren every excuse to forget her morals.

It got to the point where Lauren almost failed required courses and worried professors began to offer their professional services for free given her stellar performance on her freshman year. It was an insult that most of them, even her classmates, could easily deduce that Lauren's downfall was because Camila left. And yet, no one understood just how vast and devastating Camila's absence was.

And as recently revealed, Camila was acing classes as revenge while Lauren was flunking as she desperately tried to regain her old self.

Sitting right there, in that restaurant, Laruen was drenched with nostalgic sorrow that she wished to never feel again.

Love is probably one of the most beautiful things in the world but when it fails, it's the most excruciating.

"Milo looks like you somehow; her bearing, her clothing. She even has green eyes and Camila got with her." Dinah tried in the hopes of pacifying the tension that was brought about by Lauren reliving her past, which was partially her fault. "I know they're lighter but come on, Lauren. You two were both in a bad place and were only hoping to get over a love that nobody thought would end. I guess you guys were just trying to forget the other while remembering them at the same time because you guys never really wanted to let go. And that's confusing but I understand. It would have been a problem if you guys were fine after everything. I worried so much but I would have been worrying more then."

Lauren nodded, having difficulty formulating words upon comprehending what Dinah was getting at. She had never looked at it that way before considering she had always found Milo obnoxious and oddly hospitable. It was only then that she contemplated on Milo's character and aura, even recalling the way she dressed.

Without her jealousy in the way, which was the root cause of her prejudice, Lauren saw Milo in a different light.

And unfortunately, minus the sense of imprudence, the lack of maturity and responsibility holding her down, they were almost the same people. Because at one point, Lauren was like Milo. However, even the younger version of the green-eyed brunette was saved from a phase of releasing tactless comments, which Milo is still very inclined to do so.

At least, Lauren is a little more polished and poised than Camila's other ex-girlfriend.

"I genuinely started to fall for this girl in my senior year and I thought we had something." All too suddenly, Lauren solemnly shared.

She was wistfully and absentmindedly staring at the impressive calligraphy embossed on the leather cover. Her brooding temperament and the sudden resurfacing of her voice surprised Dinah, who was eager to listen on. The Polynesian had lost interest in the menu - pushing it to the side, and immediately devoted all her attention to her Lauren and what she was about to say. She was also mindful about searching for the best way to console Lauren should it become unbearable.

Lauren figured that talking about her past would still be the same experience whether she immediately dealt with it or put it off another day. It would still be the same embarrassment and bitterness, but the most significant difference would be that she'd be free of its burdens sooner.

There was a commotion in her chest that harassed her throat and drew moisture away from her mouth. It was getting harder to breathe and her trepidation delayed the process to the point that Lauren almost backed away. Almost.

Taking a deep breath, Lauren worked on moistening her lips and reached for her goblet once more. Gulping down, she looked up to meet Dinah's gaze.

It was time.

"Her name was Roxanne and she helped me turn my life around. She started to hang around my room for a couple of weeks, just to make sure I don't pick up beer and make sure I ate enough. I was gaining weight from it – the beer, I mean and it wasn't the healthy kind. She stayed with me at night when I couldn't sleep and helped me with my classes until she just asked me out on a date." Lauren shrugged and for a brief moment, her face lit up and her lips traced a soft smile.

"I said yes even if I had reservations. It turned out to be one of my better decisions all throughout college. We dated around five months and I was very loyal to her. We were happy and that was the happiest I had ever been in a couple of years. I really tried and by then, missing Camila wasn't as hard even if I was still worried about her. Roxanne was so sweet and I was so sure that falling in love with her was a fast process. I just knew that I'd just suddenly feel that I have given her my heart and I was actually looking forward to it because for once, when I looked at my future, it didn't seem like a drab. And my heart was the only thing that she didn't have."

Lauren's face dropped upon realizing that she was at the ending of her brief fairytale as Roxanne's princess. Bowing her head down, Dinah found Lauren's shoulders raise as the brunette raggedly filled her lungs with oxygen.

And when she finally spoke, Dinah could feel her friend's agony prickle at her skin and seep into her remorseful heart.

"But with feelings tucked inside us – hidden from the world, I had no way in telling that she was going through something, too. Even if I could read people, she had the power, the decision to let me see things and keep others from me. One day, she told me she didn't love me and just like me, she tried. I understood her completely but she made me hopeful, something that I needed for a really long time, only to let me down when I was in too deep.

"But she wanted to get over her ex-girlfriend, too and that entire conversation just reminded me of what I was going through with Camila – of the fact that whatever held me back in those five months was linked to her. Because, in some twisted way, changing what your heart feels isn't as easy as changing an opinion." Lauren bit her trembling lip and shook her head for reasons that included, denying her tears from gliding down her cheeks. Her vision was easily obstructed by a thin layer of moisture while the sudden itch around her eyes was the advent of their descent." She continued in a rickety voice that only got worse as she persistently tried to speak.

"But in a way, being hung up on Camila was my saving grace. I didn't fall apart when Roxanne and I broke up. What she said that day just stuck to me. She told me she would fight for her ex and win her back but if she couldn't, she will try to be happy for her, and I thought, why don't I do that, too? It ultimately made me decide to come up here after I called Sinu. Camila would only really call them once in a couple of months without really knowing if she was fine, or at least, thriving. It's a little funny how they didn't like me back in high school and when Camila and I went to college, I was the person they ran to when it came to her. Her parents were worried and they couldn't just leave their jobs while I had just graduated with no plans beyond college."

"So, you left Philadelphia instead." Dinah slowly concluded Lauren's words, which earned her a timid nod and a sniffle that stung like a hornet.

"My only intention was just to make sure Camila was okay. At least, that's what I told myself. For a month, while I had some money, besides eating and sleeping, all I did was look for her. I looked everywhere; libraries, bookstores, schools, even small cafés. I called so many places all over the state asking if they knew her or have heard of her name but nothing came out of it. I went as far as Illinois, Michigan, Ohio and Kentucky. And still, nothing..." Lauren scoffed, beating a sob to the punch but was not successful in blinking her tears away. Her pride had been scraped, much like the droplet left wet remnants in its wake, tracing her soft skin. She desperately wiped at her cheek, inhaling a ragged sniffle; stubbornly refusing to bawl her eyes out. "I eventually took it as a personal offence that I couldn't even find her."

As Dinah watched Lauren crumble, she figured that there was so little left that could torture her heart further. And somehow, she was aware that the worst was imminent.

Unfortunately, she was right. When Lauren squeaked out a pitiful, quivering voice, she, too, began to fall apart as her eyes prickled with her own tears.

"I worked at the local hospital in human resources because if I didn't, I would have been broke and it would have been harder to find Camila if I was on the streets, begging for food. Her parents wanted to give me some money but I refused. But even then, it was the same challenge. I still couldn't find her.

"I wanted to convince myself to be hopeful but after three years, you just feel it wither. I started to worry about my own life, my own future and because I was so miserable, I tried to go out and socialize but I kept myself from indulging again. And after I practically overlooked all of his discreet signs, Sean finally admitted he had feelings for me.

"I was still looking for Camila but I asked Sinu and Alejandro what they thought of me possibly dating and they weren't against it seeing as Camila and I had broken up. And because I dated Gavin in high school, I figured I could swing either way and even if I haven't even gone out with a guy in almost a decade or even touched one, I was going to try. Because...what if my happiness was with him?

"So, I took up Sean's invites to go out with a couple of our work friends and he would stick by me all through the night. Months later, he asked me on dates that were just me and him and by mid-January, two years ago, we made it official." Lauren swallowed thickly, overwhelmed by her own overriding words. "He was so happy, Dinah and I-"

Lauren's voice faltered as she coughed a quiet sob. Her tears barraged out of her glossed eyes, freefalling down to her lap. The reality of her past situation with Sean dawned on her. She could remember having a good laugh while talking to Dinah about her one-sided relationship in the past, but right there, she began to feel the repercussions of her choices which was targeting her bruising conscience.

And while she was recounting her most memorable days, a new perspective would arise; one that had the opportunity to bloom without prejudice – the kind that had been given time to mature. Unfortunately, what fruits of her open mind felt awful.

Lauren finally realized she was being selfish and she was horribly unfair to the man.

Mindful of the fact that they were both in a public establishment, Lauren was aware that she was exposing her darkest side, the corner where the light could not penetrate. While she felt quite ashamed, she could not help but acknowledge that by speaking, she was freeing herself of the burden with Dinah's aid.

And as for her physical state, despite the struggle to breathe, the tightness in her chest was slowly letting up. She was grateful to whoever swayed her to only put on some waterproof mascara and lipstick for the proceeding considering that if it wasn't the case, she would look like a literal wreck. But while her emotions were all over the place, Lauren was stripped of her impressive eloquence. Her coherence had gone in all sort of place but she could not bring herself to actually care. With whatever jumbled words and sentences she could come up with, she was able to express her feelings to Dinah and at the time, it was all that mattered.

"You don't have to continue, Lauren." Blinking her tears away, Dinah cooed softly, reaching to encapsulate Lauren's much smaller hand in hers; a tangible reassurance that she felt Lauren needed to feel. She hoped her gesture would tell Lauren that it was okay to unload everything right then and there and that it was also perfectly acceptable if she chose to stop. "If it's too much, don't. I don't want you suffering because of this. I understand, okay?"

And as Dinah expected, despite begging the gods for another kind of response, Lauren shook her head. Among every adjective to describe Lauren, stubborn would be among those at the top of the list, along with determined and strong-willed. It was no surprise that she chose to continue baring most of her demons for her own peace of mind.

Lauren took Dinah by surprise when she bravely lifted her gaze to see Dinah's worried eyes despite wisps of dark brown hair sticking to her face amidst the great turmoil riddling her expression. An apparent insecurity tempted her to conceal her bloodshot orbs and tear-stained cheeks but she was going to be brave for herself, for Dinah and for the people who still thought highly of her. She reached up to brush her hand through her thick locks, embracing vulnerability and submitting to judgement, and worked on regaining enough composure to keep her voice from faltering. And because of that, she took another sip of water.

"I was really going to commit to Sean. I was determined to make everything change because he genuinely loved me, unlike Roxanne. I mean, I'd be stupid not to try. He's a real-life version of a prince charming; very handsome, successful and kind-hearted. He respected my decision to not do it while we weren't married and he would not touch me below the waist because my phony excuse was that I felt he was for me and I wanted to do everything right. And I didn't have the decency to at least, be good to him; to respect him. And what did I do? I...I w-was drunk on our wedding day.

"I desperately wanted to fall in love again...but after what happened with Camila and Roxanne, it took me a while to come around. Those things just make you a little cautious, you know. It makes you trust less and less, and you just assume everyone is like them. And I guess...I just wasn't completely over Camila and I was still hoping to find her and we could pick up where we left off. And even with so little that I gave him, he tried and tried to show me just how much he loved me that I started to feel guilty.

"It was like a week into our second month as a married couple when I finally felt that I wanted to give myself to him – to finally be his wife. I even thought of marrying him again, in a church, this time with my family and...you guys. But then, I found out from his friend, who could not lie for him anymore, that he slept with someone on our wedding night after he stormed off not just because I wouldn't do it but because I kicked him, and he had practically been cheating on me since. He was rarely home but I didn't think much of it at the time because he's a doctor; he's busy. I just didn't know he was banging an intern.

"But, god, I frustrated him so much that the soft-spoken gentleman I knew just disappeared one day. He just became a persistently demanding, affection-deprived man. He turned into a monster and honestly, Dinah, I don't blame him because it was my fault. I led him on and made him suffer through it, too. And I didn't tell him that I knew about everything or that I wanted to try until he just filed for the annulment."

Lauren's shoulders jerked as sobs racked her body. Her ragged breaths were not just apparent in the way her chest heaved but also with her audible and intermittent huffs that were beyond her control now. Her face was drenched in tears and Dinah was already handing her the entire paper towel dispenser while wiping at the area beneath her own eyes.

Dinah desperately wanted to move to Lauren's side. But she felt as though her friend wouldn't want to be consoled with the way she was deflecting any sort of comfort, even with Dinah's meager words. Without much choice, Dinah remained quiet and waited patiently for Lauren to reconstruct her bearings beginning with carefully dabbing a napkin all over her face.

"It's embarrassing to admit how I was only married for two months." Lauren sniffled, looking down on the mascara-stained paper. "I value marriage so much and I never wanted to be married more than once. And here I am, finally at the finish line of my first one. I thought I was better than this."

"It's okay, Lauren. I know it doesn't seem like it to you but it's okay. I promise you." Dinah meekly reassured her; hopelessly wishing that Lauren would listen to her this time.

If she could, she could have climbed atop the small table to get to Lauren but didn't. Instead, she reached for Lauren's hand once more but this time, she enveloped it between both of hers. She held Lauren's pained gaze no matter how much it hurt her, acknowledging the fact that her friend was in dire need of encouragement.

Dinah was offended, really and her entire body was protesting the fact that Lauren was seeing herself as the culprit, the only person responsible for all the hurt and suffering.

"I can't imagine how much it hurts and I'm sorry you had to go through it. And I'm even sorrier I wasn't there but you can't just look back and look at it as just your sole mistake. Roxanne was a b***h who led you on and sure, you led Sean on. But as far as I'm concerned, you were trying to get better. And even if you didn't love him, you never cheated on him. Please don't blame it all on you." She implored, willing her own tears from spilling. She needed to see Lauren clearly and if she cried, her voice would waver and it was necessary that Lauren could comprehend her critical words.

"And, god, Lauren. You're one of the most wonderful, most kind people I know. You're so selfless and so beautiful. No egotistic s**t would go above and beyond to be there for these students who aren't even your friends. You care enough to help them through their personal problems while you're quietly hurting. You take care of their kids, of Pebble, for crying out loud." Dinah ardently reasoned, squeezing Lauren's hand with every crucial reason she shared. "There will still be a lot of problems you will face but I promise you, you'll have me from here on out. You only have to come to me if I'm not already there. Do you understand?"

Lauren nodded, whispering out a timid yes that Dinah barely heard. In all of Lauren's predicaments, the fact that nobody was there for Lauren frustrated Dinah. Sure, they lost contact with Camila, but Lauren did a pretty great job at isolating herself.

Dinah was aware of Lauren's tendencies to keep to herself. Even when she was practically spilling her teething troubles, she averted speaking of her greatest distress and misfortune, Camila Cabello. It was the most important piece of the puzzle but Dinah understood why Lauren chose to be quiet about it, for now.

No one spoke for a moment but Dinah had to release Lauren's hand to allow the brunette to fix herself. A part of her thought Lauren would excuse herself and head to the bathroom but Lauren stayed. She did pick up a compact mirror from her purse despite dreading to see her disheveled face that she was ready to fix with some make up.

When she was finished, only the color of her eyes and partially swollen lips were the only indication that she cried. Apart from those, she looked renewed because her chest felt lighter and even if she couldn't decipher it yet, she was significantly happier.

With enough audacity to speak once again, to joke, Lauren pushed her inhibitions away and proceeded to tuck her things back in her purse. Her lips formed a gratified smile to acknowledge Dinah once more. Lauren decided to be brave and figured it was good to revert back to the original subject, which was her annulment.

"So, yeah, college was different." She shrugged, recalling the biggest reason for the disparity between her post-secondary experience and her failed marriage. "I could just leave them whenever I wanted to and everything was a legit one-time thing. I didn't have to stay with them and sleep in the same bed. And I was drunk...ish."

"Drunk...ish...kinda like Saturday?" Dinah shot, the concern in her eyes instantly dissipated to make way for her typical playful gaze.

Lauren was horrified. Chills exploded up her spine and prickled her clammy hands. All dejected conversation had been concluded with that one implication that definitely did not possess any sort of substance. Lauren was too sure that Dinah had retired to sleep before she and Camila even made any plans. She knew with great conviction that she most definitely tucked Dinah in, making her question her level of lucidity then.

In her distress, she did not once question if Dinah really was awake while she was expressing how skilled Camila was between her legs. Lauren did doubt her own memory, though because something did happen that night that Lauren could not share.

"What did you and Mila do?" Dinah prodded with narrowed eyes, smirking devilishly.

"We...um...we w-watched a movie...and drank brandy." She stammered upon clearing her throat, dropping her gaze to the menu as if she found something far more interesting than talking to Dinah. "And then we slept in different rooms."

Dinah retreated back to her seat's back rest, humming inquisitively as she contemplated on her next question – the ones that had been plaguing her for days, which she could not quite raise to Camila. Between the two exes, Lauren seemed more stable.

However, Lauren began to worry that Dinah's silence meant that her friend was not buying her vague answers - that she knew something transpired in the late hours of the night.

"But your room and Mila's room were locked last Sunday."

"Yeah, because I sleep naked and I don't want Elf or you grown kids to come snooping in." Lauren snapped sassily, silently grateful for the opportunity that Dinah had given her. Because...she does sleep naked and it makes sense that she didn't want anyone to walk in on her exposed. "Even without people around, I lock my bedroom door?"

"Makes sense." Dinah nodded to accept Lauren's answer but wasn't quite ready to back down yet. "But if you were naked...it'd be easier for Mila to...you know, then."

Lauren could only narrow her eyes to hide the guilt riddling them. She chose not to speak with the knowledge that she would definitely not make sense while scrambling to come up with excuses. She feared repeating words, stuttering them and making her seem like a broken vinyl record – a lying, guilty one at that.

"I'm kidding." Dinah chuckled, waving her hand to brush off the apparent tension emanating from Lauren. "I would assume Mila got laid though because she has just been pleasant this week. She has not yelled at Luca yet, even Elf's nanny has been spared from the glare. She hates that chick." She let out a laugh, remembering their oddly peaceful situation in the Clausnitzer estate.

"There's a thing called m**********n, Dinah. Besides, she's married. She could freely f**k her husband."

Lauren's "vulgar" words rendered Dinah slack-jawed with the Polynesian's features painted with mock offense. Lauren waited with baited breath as she anticipated what Dinah would say next. Lauren wasn't quite sure if she could say anything more to divert the conversation into something as casual as how their day went.

Lauren could only wish that Great Aunt Patty had not informed Dinah of the lack of intimacy in Luca and Camila's marriage. And even without Patty in the mix, Dinah could have picked everything out just by spending a day with the couple.

"I will never get used to how blunt you turned out to be." Dinah released an unbridled laugh. The only noise that the rest of the restaurant could hear from their table. "You were blunt in high school. You're just worse now."

Freed from her worries, Lauren laughed along with Dinah, craftily sighing in absolute respite. She decided she was more relieved to find Dinah clueless than hearing that she was finally a single woman once again. She concluded that being the subject of the conversation before Dinah's careless jabs was worse than facing the judge and her ex-husband in court.

Minutes shy of the 15-minute mark, their server made an appearance, bearing a large tray of the pair's meal. Dinah made sure to commend the young man, informing him of how hungry she was. True to her words, her gaze never faltered; staring at the dumplings dreamily.

"Eat up, Dinah." Lauren coaxed through a laugh. She regarded the server, who smiled at them while continuously moving plates upon plates to their table. "He won't think you're rude."

Without another word, Dinah happily grabbed a fork, foregoing the chopsticks and stabbed it on a piece of dumpling.

-

That afternoon, Lauren was back in her office, getting ready to meet one of the faculty with a tenure track appointment upon hiring. She was going to interview Professor Hubert Mueller, a jolly, old man in his 60's, who possesses a Doctor of Engineering and two Master's degrees. Prof. Mueller has been employed exclusively in Lafayette Community College for 11 years followed by his part-time stints in several other colleges while simultaneously running his own construction firm.

It wasn't necessarily an interview. It was more of the psychologist's appraisal; Lauren's professional opinion on whether or not the candidates would be an asset in terms of the institution's long-term goals. Apart from those blatantly written on their résumés, they needed some sort of a psychological and behavioral evaluation. With most everyone coming to Lauren to express their grievances, she had better knowledge of their tendencies - if their teaching methods are effective and whether they get along with the other members of the faculty or not. Most importantly, if they were bound to exploit their permanent residency or not.

Those details, Lauren endorses to the panel of other instructors and officials of the college, who will ultimately decide if the candidate will be awarded the permanent position.

"Prof. Mueller." Smiling, Lauren stood up to properly acknowledge the dashing gentleman with gray hair, offering her hand to shake his. "How are you, sir?"

"I am doing, well, Miss Lauren. How about yourself?" Professor Mueller chuckled, vigorously jolting Lauren's hand as if he was salvaging the last contents of his salt shaker.

"I've been good. Thank you, professor." Lauren retracted her hand and extended it towards the chairs by her desk. "Please, have a seat."

"Oh, thank you." He expressed gratefully, pressing both hands against his chest and successively lifted a hand to push his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "You know, old folk. We need to rest the knees."

"You don't look a day over 50, sir." Lauren insisted with a small chuckle, sauntering over to her own seat, leaving a significantly impressed professor behind.

"I didn't know young women could swoon me."

Lauren personally thought Prof. Mueller deserved the tenure. If not, he would make a great addition to the officials of the college as vice-chairman. She was certain that the man would effectively represent not just the faculty but also the student body, who all seem to adore him. Prof. Mueller is level-headed and sensibly offers his overwhelmingly impressive opinions. He is experienced in his field of work and is a genuine person and friend to many of his colleagues. Apart from that, the man has published numerous books as a product of his research, and lengthy and prolific professional experiences.

"So," Lauren huffed as she adjusted in her seat, dragging it closer to her desk. "You were informed of the reason for your visit to my office, right?"

"Yes, Miss Lauren. The tenure, am I correct?"

"Yes, professor." She lifted her left arm to check the time, taking note of her guest's class schedules. "And I understand you have a class in 40 minutes. So, we will make this quick. Shall we get started?"

"Sure. But start with the hard ones." Prof. Mueller jested, unbuttoning his coat to be more comfortable in his seat.

"I don't think there are hard questions, sir." Lauren reasoned despite comprehending the lighthearted tone. She leaned towards the table, clasping her hands together as she mustered her best serious tone. "We're going to see if a marriage between you and the college will last a working-lifetime. A panel will look into your credentials while I focus on something more-"

"More psychological competence." He finished for her, earning raised brows from Lauren.

"I would commend you on your observation, professor but you already know that." Lauren grinned, shaking her head in amusement. She cleared her throat, hoping to begin the more serious conversation that was the intention of the professor's presence in her office. "I would first like to ask about what will change should the tenure be awarded to you, professor?"

"Well, I don't think there will be much change apart from my platform." He answered truthfully, inquisitively looking up as he reached to scratch at his stubble beneath his jaw. He then shrugged, glancing at Lauren. "I will most definitely have the same opinions but I may have a responsibility to raise the concerns that most of my colleagues cannot in the fear of losing their jobs. Some employees would rather have the reassurance that they could keep their means to feed their families or sustain their quality of living despite grievances that will probably never surface and reach the ears of those who could make a change."

Lauren was quite impressed with Prof. Mueller's answer despite expecting nothing less. There was a reason why he was well-loved but for it to be reaffirmed by the sincerest of words, Lauren was just about ready to write a recommendation letter.

"Speaking of change, professor, there are concerns that those who are awarded tenure are given too much freedom. Without fearing for consequences, some could abuse their power or simply display an apparent lack in motivation which would lead to the decline in teaching and student learning."

"I understand that, Miss Lauren and I may sound like an egocentric tool – excuse my language." He began but paused enough for Lauren to give her protests but the younger woman simply nodded for him to continue.

"I have been teaching in this institution for more than a decade when I could be out in the field, earning inconceivable riches with the company I handed over to my son. I have been employed in reputable universities but I chose to stay here. More importantly, I am meticulous and no matter how tedious the job is and the time it takes me to complete it, I give the same effort to ensure its quality. I do not think I am just an effective instructor, I believe I'm efficient.

"And if I were to provide a more rational answer than those, I don't think I'll be able to. But, with utmost confidence and sincerity, I can tell you how much I genuinely care about this place and love the individuals I work with. These people are like my family and you know, when it comes to family, you want the best for them.

Lauren could not help but think of Camila. The economist is a young prodigy and would be both an advantage and a disadvantage for the institution should she be awarded tenure. Apart from her intellectual prowess, she would be a catalyst for radical change that their meager community college may not be ready for.

"I don't think I have more questions, professor." Lauren calmly stated when all she wanted to do was rise to her feet and offer the gentleman an applause. "Thank you."

-

For Camila's birthday, the Clausnitzers decided on venturing on a week-long getaway to the beautiful beaches of Punta Cana in the Dominican Republic, which wasn't technically a week. The family, including Luca's parents, his Great Aunt Patty and Dinah Jane Hansen, took off that Friday night and were expected to return the following Thursday morning.

Despite Dinah's protests, she was overpowered by Luca and Elf's desperate pleas and well, the daunting years that she was not allowed the opportunity to spend celebrating Camila's birthday with her. There wasn't any sort of need for jostling as Dinah didn't quite enjoy the cold Indiana weather. After consulting with Lauren repeatedly, she welcomed the brief escape to her version of paradise.

Lauren snagged an invite but graciously declined given her responsibilities. Besides, there was something twisted about spending her ex-girlfriend's birthday with her family. And the Clausnitzers adored her.

That Saturday, Lauren met with Ida and a worker from a company the latter had phoned for the major remodeling being done in her office. Walls weren't being torn down and furniture weren't being replaced but it was a little detail that made a major change.

While waiting for the job to be done, the pair was safely nestled within the Lauren's office, sipping coffee that Lauren bought for them. They kept themselves busy giggling about Ida's Almost Daily Chronicles that Lauren will never admit that she had missed. Ida definitely had a multitude of duties given that she was the chairman's secretary but the woman always found time to scrutinize the people she worked with including Lauren and her favorite member of the faculty, Professor C.

The word "favorite" could be taken either way.

"You know the latest gossip?" Ida's eyes widened in amazement, practically lunging towards a chuckling Lauren and over the jumbled desk that separated them. The sudden movement not just sent her glasses to the tip of her nose, it almost toppled her to-go cup over, prompting her to send it away to a safer distance.

"Honey, you have to calm down." Lauren playfully scolded, shaking her head in disapproval, which didn't hinder Ida's enthusiasm.

"No, I can't because get this, Professor C is loosening up." Face gaping, Ida paused just enough to let her frantic words settle in. It was quite amazing, considering she ceased in her own accord despite the seething zeal within her. "You know what she did last week? She smiled at me! She smiled, Miss Lauren! She never smiles." Her expressions morphed into that of perplexity as she intently gazed into Lauren's face as if she'd find the answer there, only to narrow her eyes at the very end. "Is it because of you?"

Lauren should have probably seen it coming but she didn't. She was so caught up in her annulment proceeding that she had forgotten that Ida had developed a dislike for Camila after some unpleasant run-ins with the economist. That recipe would guarantee a spot in Ida's headlines and Lauren carelessly overlooked that little detail.

Her mouth steadily dried up into a shriveled mess while her pulse rattled her bones. Ida had just unknowingly apprehended a victim of love, who was gripping on her paper cup tightly as if it would be the weapon that could save her life.

And in reality, Lauren could spill her seething coffee on Ida's face and she could just make a run for it.

But that would be cruel, not to mention immature. And Lauren Jauregui is a grown woman.

"No." Lauren responded hastily, creating a suspicion to flourish in Ida and she didn't want that. "She has an old friend in town. You know what those do. You meet a friend and all you do is relive those golden days." She reasoned with as much conviction she could muster, and thankfully, Ida bought it.

"Speaking of friend, yeah, I've seen her around. That tall girl seems to know you, though."

"Oh, yeah." Lauren nodded, confirming Ida's meek insinuation. She took a sip of her vanilla latte and ran her tongue over her lips, taking her time to provide the best answer. "The three of us went to the same high school. Well, just senior year for me."

"Why didn't you tell me?" The tone in Ida's voice made Lauren cringe. She was ostensibly offended to find that the psychologist may not have trusted her enough with the information.

"Up until we met in January, Professor C and I weren't really on...speaking terms." Lauren stammered, twisting and turning the cup in her hands and swallowed thickly. Somehow, that little conversation had turned into an interrogation. "I thought bridges have been burned because we were practically strangers when we met again. I wasn't even sure if she would acknowledge me, you know? Apart from our jobs, I thought we wouldn't have anything linking us."

Ida's furrowed brows gradually unstitched only to climb up to her hairline as she began to worry about Lauren. Something about the way the psychologist's face dropped caused a discomfort to arise in her. Ida realized that even if they were friends, there were still details in their lives may never come up in their conversations, especially if they were sensitive subjects.

And knowing Lauren, the psychologist was bound to keep things to herself.

Ida did consider the fact that she goes to Lauren each time to merely gossip and share some shallow chit-chat about the undertakings along the halls of the community college. It would make her less trustworthy as she would freely and maybe, insensitively run her mouth.

Regardless, Ida is loyal to Lauren and she may pry so much but she knew her boundaries.

"How come?" She dejectedly mumbled, frowning.

"Things happened years ago." Lauren set her cup on her desk and reached to brush her hand through her hair. She slumped her shoulders down and flashed a pathetic tight lip smile Ida's way. "The kind that I wish I could have prevented so that I wouldn't spend years and years thinking of what could have been. At the time, you just think it was the right thing to do to preserve yourself and then when you realized you could still fight through, fate decides you're too late, even if it was just a day."

"It's better now, yeah?" Ida prodded gently, not quite sure how to respond should Lauren give her a negative. When Lauren nodded, she let out a sigh as a smile crept up on her lips. "Good. I'm glad."

Lauren returned the gesture, quietly grateful that Ida pushed the brake pedal before she had to ask for her privacy or explode with rage. She was not willing to lose an ally who had been one of the few things that gave her life in Lafayette a little normalcy.

"How much do I owe him?" Lauren asked upon remembering that she and Ida had not discussed the bill. "I'm so glad it could be done quickly." She was about to reach for her purse when Ida's voice stopped her.

"Don't worry about it, Miss Lauren. You know I have been waiting for this for a year." Ida grinned, nudging her brows cheekily.

"No, Ida. I can't let you pay for it. Is the college paying?"

The chairman's secretary merely smiled, ignoring Lauren and leaving her slack-jawed despite the commotion going on whirling in those troubled green eyes. She reached for her cup and took a sip casually as if Lauren had not just asked her a question.

Lauren could only shake her head and smile at Ida. It was one of the things she loved about her friend, her thoughtfulness.

"Thank you, Ida. Really. Thank you." Lauren expressed as she looked at her friend in relative disbelief. She chuckled when she found Ida flash her a smirk and all Lauren could think about was her gratitude for the woman and that necessity to repay the favor. "Hey, do you want to go grab some lunch after? My treat."

"Oh, you bet!"